A Simple Guide to Living in Bellingham

By • Jun 2nd, 2001 • Category: Features, Old stuff, Random

Bellingham, Washington might be the most retarded town ever. Basically a college ski town over an hour away from the nearest mountain, but its residents seem quite fond of it anyway. Where else can you not get drunk at a frat party (there are no frats) and then drive 1 hour and 15 minutes up a gnarly road to Mt. Baker?

So, if this sounds good to you, take note, because the following steps are not optional:

If you are even considering moving to Bellingham
****VERY IMPORTANT****
If you’re a guy start growing your hair
If you’re a girl try to meet a guy with scruffy hair

Step one: Buy a new ride. One of these will make you look the part.

1982-2001 Subaru of any kind except a Brat.
Any SUV of any kind except a Suzuki Samurai
Mountain Bike with all the gadgets

Step two: Go to rack Attack in Mt. Vernon and buy racks and every attachment they make and don’t forget the space saver.

Step three: Get one of the following for your new wheels.

1. Mt Baker Snowboard Shop sticker
2. W W U sticker. Even if you don’t go to school there.
3. New Oakley goggles hanging from your rear view mirror to match the Dragon sticker on the back window.
4. Don’t forget for extra bro/bra points throw Volcom sticker

Step four:
Talk about the following.

1. Donkey or Tex
2. Donkey and his new Von Zipper credit card.
3. Slam City Jam and how (enter big name pro) was a dick.
4. That square design thing and how you know what it is.
5. Bellingham park vs. Burlington park
6. Why Tex games is going to be in Omak this year.
7. How Andy and Weez are blowing things up at The Factory.
8. Fucking “Pit Park”
9. Subaru Wagons
10. If all else fails just comment on how Corvin was out of control and drunk, Tex has made additions to the track, the renovations at Baker this summer or how much better the predictions are for the winter next year.
11. Weez and how Ten Two got snatched up.

Step five:
Things to wear.

1. Da Kine backpack always!
2. Either A# Jeans or dark black denim.
3. Hoodies hoodies hoodies!
4. Brand new skate shoes that you chill in and keep your actual skate shoes in the trunk.
5. MBSS t-shirt/sweatshirt.
6. Volcom. The Stone rules B-town.
7. Only contested by Hurley on all the “I dress like I think chicks dig skaterboarders “ guys.
8. Modest Mouse, Del, and Incubus t-shirts also go over well.
9. Keep your season pass from Baker with in three feet of you at all
times.
10. SPIKED BELTS

Step six: Where to go and were to hang.

1. Bandito Burrito
2. The Factory
3. MBSS. Only if you can go in back and drink Coors with Gorge.
4. Haggens Haggens Haggens
5. Casa que Pasa
6. Any Thai restaurant
7. Cellophane Square
8. Pit Park last weekend
9. Mt. Baker parking lot any day, any time.

Step seven: If all else fails just talk loudly about how you were dropping a line on the arm and how it broke behind you.

-Nicholas

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