Mandatory Dew Tour Coverage

By • Aug 22nd, 2008 • Category: Features, Random


The flood gates opened and the crowds let loose.

The proud home of the Portland Trailblazers was flooded by a sea of neon green this afternoon. Orange Dew, Green Dew, Red Dew, Blue Dew, does anyone even drink Mountain Dew? I remember being a youngster, at Taco Bell, and my older and obviously wiser amigo informed me that Mountain Dew not only shrunk your balls but a main ingredient was urine. That information seemed real at the time, only now do I realize it wasn’t far from the truth.

I quickly noticed I was stationed in the shit, a hot and dirty scene where I could look ahead over the seas of young sugar blasted kiddies ready for anything with extreme in the title, even extreme lip balm and shoelaces. This was the AST Dew Tour, this was the kingdom of men like Ryan Sheckler, Jereme Rodgers, and Greg Lutzka.

Kids lost their minds, children should not consume so much Mountain Dew and Monster Energy drink under such blazing heat.

Even the adults were feeling the extreme vibes. This soldier did battle with some hot dog sponsored arm wrestling machine. It took every ounce of strength not to laugh in his face, but I kept my composure to document his victory. Childless adults who visited the Dew Tour were either media, industry, or awkward.

The festival area, full of sponsor booths supplied with weird adventures, free swag, and annoying announcers, built a dirt bike course for the tikes to try out. This little guy couldn’t make it down the hill in one piece. Watching this scene of confused teenage supervisor and balling little hellion was great. Crying bores me quickly though and eventually the mini stunt man got up.

The park was built to resemble “the streets”. I think it looks like the Ninja Turtle city.

Eventually the Skate park prelims got underway. All the boys were in action during practice, but many of the big names had a by to the finals. Koston, Jereme Rodgers, and Greg Lutzka were the riders I had my eye on during the comp. Koston ended up falling a bunch, but no one should be able to land what he was trying anyway. Rodgers came through with one of the biggest switch flips I’ve ever seen, but couldn’t put a full run together. Then there was Lutzka, who got third, and did it with style, swagger, and a one-footed nosegrind. Watch for him in the next Dew Tour article.

Rodgers is down for Yobeat so we are down for Sk8site.com, go and check that stuff out.

P-rod played around with his little brother in between practice runs for tomorrow’s final. Ryan Sheckler had his entire family with him, including his bff. Girls really like that guy, every time they announced his name it sounded as if a Japanese Monster Movie was playing in an IMAX. Those two will compete tomorrow in the final, and probably do pretty damn swell. You can find out about that stuff in the future when the next Dew Tour article is written.

Koston, enough said. www.theberrics.com

Back to today’s heats. Austen Seaholm is one progressive young man, go google him, myspace him, and write him thank you letters for being amazing. Tailslide frontside flip out, noseslide to backtail, the dude is on fire. Some kid named Christian Serika was the first in the heat to actually take a run without falling. His team manager wanted me to let you know he rides for Xbalm, go check out that stuff, apparently you can have extreme lip balm. Christian killed his first run with a massive indy for a banger, but his high flying ways ending in a broken board which lead to a messy second run crushing his dreams at beating the big boys. Batman made an appearance, or rather Chad Fernadez was wearing a blanket/cape while skating between runs. He really brought a sense of skateboarding to the contest. He ate shit all over both of his runs but kept trying the most creative tricks he could think of. Like acid drop onto handrails, rose bush gaps, and great slaps on the banks.

The contest came to a close after all of that. Tomorrow is the finals and the Mountain Dew circus will start again, and I’ll be there, covering the hot action, just for you. I heard rumors that Skate Vert, BMX Park, and BMX Dirt happened today as well, but I don’t listen to rumors so I didn’t go. Check back soon for more info on what happens in the coming contest days, Saturday nights rail jam, and maybe something exciting.

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Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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