YoBeat: Making Fun of Snowboarding Since 1997
What to Wear
By Andrew Hart • Dec 26th, 2008 • Category: Features, Random
Today, being a snowboarder is more difficult than it has ever been before. The dudes (and dudettes) keep getting more radical, the tricks keep getting gnarlier/goofier, salaries get bigger, energy drinks have more energy, lift tickets and gear are more expensive, and skateboarders are still cooler than snowboarders. I recently came upon perhaps the thorniest of snowboarding dilemmas–what to wear? Intending to put a notch on my 2008-2009 season belt, I excitedly threw open my closet and was quickly reduced to tears. While my shred wardrobe was fully stocked and fully functional, the colors, the fit, the brand, they were all wrong. These gloves are from two years ago; thrift store garments are for kids from the Midwest; logos on beanies are cool in Europe, but not in North America; neon green isn’t cool, but neon yellow is; this is a girls jacket. I was overwhelmed. Not wanting to be laughed off the hill by all the cool kids, I sat down and cruised the Internets for a little help.
First up, boots. Nobody really looks at your boots, so you can wear whatever you want and will most likely remain un-cool. Although I heard Nike is making boots, and Rome is making “I hate Nike boots” so maybe I’m wrong.
Pants: Slim or baggy? If I intend on doing any kind of nose or tail presses this year, I need some skinnies. But unless I want to be made fun of at every Northwest resort I go to, I can’t be wearing any “sissy pants.” And I don’t know enough obscure 60s psych-folk bands. Just as well, because I don’t like being hit on by bearded ski patrollers. But I can’t tell the difference between Lil’ Wayne and Weezy, so I can’t run ‘em loose either. Damn.
Jacket: Choosing a torso-cover is just as tricky. If I plan on snowboarding in the sun, I need a sweatshirt with a silly jersey or something. Wait, jerseys are played. Forget the sun then. The trendy coats all cost more than my car, so those are out. Thankfully, snowboarding has plenty of obnoxious all-over prints, tie-dyes, and other heinous jacket options to choose from. Again, damn.
Goggles: Goggles just got tough, all thanks to a certain California-based goggle company that will remain unnamed. All the cool kids have them. Actually, all the cool kids are supposed to have them, so if you aim to get anywhere in this shred game, you better get hip to the scene. Or did the mystery goggle company already max-out all of their coolness for the season? Could be. As snappy as they look, has their time of vogue come to pass? And they cost as much as my snowboard? Another dead end.
Hats: Hats are no longer cool. In their place, kids are wearing napkins or something.
I am none to thrilled about my options for snowboard apparel. Will it be thug/clown, or emaciated “I’d rather be on my fixie” vagabond? Hell, my wallet can’t handle either. I guess it will be another year in waders and my Seattle Seahawks puffy coat.
An artist rendering of the hippest snowboarder in 2009
Andrew Hart a perpetual intern.
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You’re COMPLETELY missing out on what snowboarding is REALLY all about. If you seriously think you need to “look cool” or “fit in” in to have fun snowboarding then you need a psychologist, not a snowboard. Keep searching for the real reason snowboarding is cool. You have a long way to go!
youre COMPLETELY missing out on what this article is REALLY all about. if you seriously think this is about the need to “look cool” or “fit in” to have fun in snowboarding then you need a sense of humor, not a comment box. keep searching for the real reason snowboarding isnt cool. You have a long way to go! dumbass
dklines, for taking this article so seriously… you have lowered my faith in humanity by 3%.
Jerk
Haha good stuff. I took out a second loan on my house to get my get up this year. Thats what snowboarding is about! Go unnamed goggle company!
mine too, but by 8%.
Hats aren’t cool anymore? Son of a bitch I just bought one!
And for the record Goggles out, frogskins in. That’s what the colorado kids keep hypin’
gloves are also not cool anymore.
…at least ‘functional’ gloves. Un-waterproof gloves are fine.
i fail on snowboard fashion… my pants are black 686 and my jacket is black Northface and my gloves are black REI… my beanie is grey… arg. i did order some pimp lookin smith goggles to replace my dragon goggles that got jacked in the bar
I miss Quimbola Man.
can i still hang my goggles from the rear view mirror on the ride home. “yes i just went to the mountains. didn’t you see the goggles?”
Estes’ Ghost, that is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time. I was just thinking that the other day. Quimbola Man bibs, Bamboo Curtain pullover (with like an 8″ drop tail and no hood) finished off with zebra stripe Fishpaw glove/mitt thingies! Fuck, I’m old…..
I love sammie I didnt know that was him he is so cute
Lil wayne is still going hard, nuthing changed, he still releases a crazy amount of songs! compare to other rappers.
I hate most people who snowboard. This article and most of the posts after only nullify my hate for the insecure
Petty people who inhabit the world of snowboarding. Go read a teen magazine ya gossip mongalers. Note. I have no clue on how to spell mongaler i dont even think its a word
What about gloves, theres some pretty cool ones around now.
As for goggles, i would always go for some Spy Apollo’s or maybe some Omega.
IMO what board you have is more important than the clothes you are wearing