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Best Week Ever: January 30, 2009
By Sarah Morrison • Jan 30th, 2009 • Category: Best Week Ever, Features“Babies are probably cheaper.”
-I am attempting to eat ice cream one evening, when I start shaking, pass out, and and hit my head of the kitchen floor. I wake up confused and disoriented. It gets worse the next day and even worse as the week goes on. I am tired, dizzy, and can’t think straight. My thought process and speech are slow. I can’t manage to even hold a conversation with anyone. The doctor is testing me for everything humanly possible to no avail. I text Olivia this update, “I hit my head and now I am not funny anymore. My life is like the plot of a shitty Adam Sandler movie. Awesome.”
-I am talking to Chase regarding my sudden unemployment. He assures me that everyone will eventually be fired and the country will fall into a depression worse than the great depression. I suggest we all live together in a farm commune type place in order to make it “fun.” We begin to figure out what all our roles will be on our depression farm. I suggest, “Melissa can take care of the cats.” Chase replies, “We will probably have to eat the cats :(”
-I misspelled country “cuntry.” I went to insert the letter “O”, when I found myself staring at the word and it’s utter creepiness. I stopped and showed it to Erika. She looks at it and remarked in disgust, “Cuntry would make a good name for a whorehouse.
-Melissa, Will, and I are sitting around watching the inauguration coverage. We get to the road to the white house bit. Obama and his fam are riding in a car. Occasionally they get out and do a brief waving walk around. Then they get back in the car. While Joe Biden and his wife are walking awkwardly behind the car, Melissa announces, “I guess Oprah is not as powerful as the president. But, she is definitely more powerful than the vice president.” She points at the TV screen and continues, “Oprah would be in that car! Actually you know what? Oprah probably is in that car!”
-We are watching some sort of Live Aid-esque inauguration concert. As Beyonce performs, we notice she keeps giving Obama these sex eye glances. It becomes almost uncomfortable at a point. Will announces, “She is going to be his Marilyn Monroe.”
-I have been wearing my glasses a lot lately. I take them off one night and announce, “I really need to ween off my glasses.” Will nods and replies, “Addiction to seeing is dangerous.”
-We are watching Will. I. Am do some improvisational rapping during the credits of some MTV show. I mention that it’s weird how the one guy and Fergie both went on to do well, but no one every saw that other dude from their band again. I honestly can’t think of the band’s name for a minute. I ask, “What was the name of the band they were in? Third Eye Blind?”
-We go to Marble Slab. It’s a Cold Stone Creamery type place where they mix candy and whatnot into your ice cream on a the counter. For some reason they had already washed the slab for the evening and refused to give me anything other that a cup of ice cream with a bunch of candy pored on top of it, ruining both my ice cream and my life. I complain while eating it. Upon finishing it I announce, “Well that was a waste of 1000 calories.”
-We see one of those ads for the Morning After Pill and it’s availability at pharmacies without a prescription. I wonder how much it costs and presume it is some ridiculous price. I add, “Babies are probably cheaper.”
-The reviews are in the and new blog is a hit. You know you want more so to go Act Like You Know now!
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I heart you.
You are kinda my hero.
It is a creepy word, I concur. Babies may be cheaper, but, celibacy is free. Don’t fok around..
Can I work on the cat farm too?
No it’s only like $75 dollars..okay I’m a whore and you got me I bought it
$75? Where the hell do you live where it’s $75? It’s $20 at Planned Parenthood in CA.
Not that I would know from experience or anything.
…
>_>
‘Depression Farms’ … I think it’s GREAT! I love the idea! Someone really needs to get on that. I mean the markets still falling, but, now it seems like it’s lost it’s edge. You know? The story line, it’s kinda like nobody’s really caring, much less noticing. I would like to suggest that people losing their jobs … HAVE BEEN FREED … While they’re at it… getting rid of all the shitty jobs … I mean really .. GO ALL OUT .. There’s so many shitty jobs … I want to declare, this whole.. recession/depression/(confession)/schmickter-flappen-session.. what it really is.. nothing .. yeah .. it’s nothing .. never was .. never will be .. you are now free .. there is no money .. and nobody gives a shit .. SO .. and you know why? I saw it on the ‘mice pace’ yeserday.. Did you catch it? That wierd ‘IHC’ thing?? Did you do that? Professional DOOM .. Exquisitely Displayed in beautiful illustrations of complete and total anihilation.. A lottery ticket for the chance to go live underground, or, in a space colony?? .. in 2012?? See?? Now that the show’s over .. we finaly get a chance to enjoy it .. Let me suggest this for .. say .. sometime next week .. Everybody.. stay home.. For the rest of your life .. Screw all the shitty jobs .. Fuck all the bills .. Fuck the money .. Give it ALL away .. plant a garden .. build a fire .. stick together .. and screw all the dumb shit .. Build a Depression Farm ..
That was the longest comment ever.
Ever.
> I mention that it’s weird how the one guy and Fergie both went on to do well, but no one every saw that other dude from their band again.
Which is worse? The guy whose name you don’t know who isn’t doing much post Black-eyed Peas, or the other guy whose name you don’t know that you entirely forgot existed? And no, I don’t know which is which (BTW: It’s Taboo and APL.DE.APL).
I’ve started seeking all above for this particular info. Thank goodness my partner and i found this at Bing.