Best Week Ever: February 6, 2009

By • Feb 6th, 2009 • Category: Features

“This is like Follow That Bird!”

-The vehicle I drive is standard. It is having some mechanical issues and my father is convinced they are all my fault. He begins explaining how fast I should be going to shift into each gear. I don’t really buy the whole thing and am attempting to wrap up the pointless conversation.  “So I shouldn’t be driving around in second and third gear all the time, anymore?” Alarmed, my father yells, “Sarah you should never be driving around in second gear!” I nod and reply, “Oh my god, I know. Totally.”

-Will and I go out to get  ice cream one evening. We had been instructed to get Melissa a sandwich on our way home. For some reason, every single sandwich type shop we find is closed. We keep driving and searching to no avail. As Will peels out of the tenth desolate sandwich shop parking lot, I excitedly announce, “This is like Follow That Bird!”

-I am in the car with Gina en route to some party. I can’t decide which earrings to wear. I hold up the two potential choices and ask, “Should I wear these ones or these door-knockers?” Gina rolls her eyes, “Those are both door-knockers.”

-Gina makes reference to a time last month when she was mildly depressed. I clarify, “Oh, that week you would just write cryptic things like I want to die on Ichat?” She laughs. She then adds, “I noticed a lot of people stopped following me on Twitter during that time. I shake my head, “I have no idea why.”

-Spencer walks over to where Dan and I are standing with a drink in hand. He takes a sip of it, makes a horrible face, and announces that his drink tastes like Gasoline. I hold up my beer, “That’s why I only drink beer. It almost never tastes like Gasoline!”

-We are watching an episode of Tyra about moms who snoop through their daughters stuff. They all claim to be convinced their daughters are trying to have babies and are looking for proof in their bedrooms. I turn to Erika, “What are they hoping to find? A drawer with a bunch of condoms and a hole puncher?”

-We see a coyote while walking to the car one night and freak out. I then attempt to tell a story about seeing a coyote standing in front of my door, at an old apartment a few years ago. I am detailing the scary creature’s appearance when Erika interrupts me, “That doesn’t even sound like a coyote. That sounds like a wolf. I freak out, “Holy shit I saw a wolf.” I correct myself, “Holy shit, I saw saw a wolf two years ago!”

-Erika and I are out at the Cheesecake factory. She makes reference to the song playing and seems shocked I don’t know it. I explain that I don’t really listen to music. She asks me what’s on my Ipod. I shrug, “Audiobooks.”

-I don’t eat meat. I am listing off appetizers that I like, trying to come up with something Erika would want to share with me. After the fourth attempt Erika interrupts me, “I am not really into vegetables unless they are covered in meat.”

-Gina and I are discussing The Real Housewives of Orange County. I apparently spoil the entire show by informing her that Gretchen’s husband dies. I add that I read he actually died in September. She gets all pissed off at me for ruining the entire show for her. I defend myself, “He had terminal cancer. Terminal. Anyone could tell you he was going to die.” She stays mad. I add, “Patrick Swayze is probably going to die too.” She waves her hands in the air, “Just stop now.”

-We all gather around the television Sunday evening to watch the much anticipated “For the Love of Ray J.” It was just as amazing as we had hoped. Girls were crying over their devastating love for Brandy’s little sex tape brother by the first commercial beak. Erika remarks, “These bitches brought their condoms and their whole punchers!”

-Don’t forget to read our new hilarious blog Act Like You Know. It can now be conveniently accessed at ActLikeYouKnow.net. It is constantly updated. So check back tons.

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