Great Depression Shreddin’

By Andrew Hart • Feb 19th, 2009 • Category: Features, Random

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Snowboarding is far from a low-income friendly activity. Between the costs of updating equipment several times each season, travel, lift tickets and candy, it is no surprise that snowboarding’s populous is comprised of white suburban-dwelling bourgeoisie. Youngsters are only able to make it up to the hill because of financial support of their exasperated parents. Parents who naively see snowboarding as a wholesome activity that Bobby and Suzy can do on the weekends. If only they could see their dear children as they sit in the back of the bus chugging cans of Busch Light stolen from mom and pop’s pantry.

And when Bobby and Suzy grow out of their parent’s pocket books and are forced to provide for themselves, snowboarding all but ceases to exist. This is known as the “Dude, I have a board and stuff, but I can’t afford a pass” syndrome. This is why snowboarding’s older guard consists of 1) weekend warriors, 2) retirees who only show up for the après, 3) pro snowboarders, and 4) the frugal.

Unless you can land double-lip-smacker-upside-down-twirls or are making six figures selling plastic-ware, we recommend you read up on some penny saving tips of how to make it on the lifts.

  1. Make friends with a professional snowboarder. Or, just make their acquaintance. Then position yourself near the Marketing office, and as they are about to walk in, stop the pro snowboarder and start gushing about how sick their video part is or how great their pro model rides. Keep the praise coming, so that you can piggyback your way into the Marketing office. Then, when the pro shred is getting their comped tickets, start rambling about how you were just going to go hike in the backcountry or something. The pro, not wanting to be upstaged, will insist that you are part of the crew and should also receive a comped ticket. Bingo.
  2. Pass is on other jacket. Looking innocent is key here. Stand tall and confident. When the liftie asks to see your pass, look down to where your pass should be. Look puzzled and desperate, and then smack your forehead and exclaim “I left my pass on my Tuesday jacket. Damn!” Your free ride isn’t in the bag yet, so look extra innocent by whimpering a bit or something.
  3. Stealth mode. This technique begins hours before you even get to the lift. First, you need to dress the part, i.e. a paycheck-receiving weekend warrior. This means your equipment—board to beanie—must be Burton. As you approach the lift, blend in by joining a party of similarly dressed goons. Strength in numbers. Hold yourself with aloofness, and glare at the liftie, daring them to ask for your pass. Remember, you buy Burton.
  4. Hike to mid-way lift. I haven’t done this one. It requires exercise. So if that is your thing…
  5. Just Go. (Yobeat’s Personal Favorite) Get in line, move forward, stop for nothing. If anyone asks, just keep moving and act like you are reaching for something. By the time the situation is resolved you are on the lift.

Go get ‘em kiddos. Remember, you are breaking the rules. So when you get caught, you didn’t read any of this stuff on a website. You had sketchy parents. Godspeed.

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Andrew Hart a perpetual intern.
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12 Responses »

  1. Matt on February 19th, 2009 at 3:23 am:

    Favorite requires headphones, works well with # 5.

    Huh? What’s that? Too busy listening to Motley Crue. . . .

  2. Thomas on February 19th, 2009 at 10:24 am:

    Chill in the parking lot, smoke butts, and force people leaving to hand over the goods.

  3. SD on February 19th, 2009 at 4:41 pm:

    Give the liftie: a hot chocolate, a snickers bar, or some nugs. They don’t get paid shit, so they’re always down…

  4. snake head on February 20th, 2009 at 2:42 am:

    How about your a pocket knife in the parking lot?

  5. Skin_Mf on February 20th, 2009 at 10:33 am:

    Don’t forget the cellphone technique. Just make sure it looks you’re on the phone when you pass the lifite. Most people won’t bother you. This also works in everyday life with people you don’t want to talk to.

  6. Kody on February 20th, 2009 at 2:16 pm:

    poach hard

  7. who cares on February 21st, 2009 at 3:28 am:

    we have for real cops at hyland checking tickets at the rope tow, and they will “arrest” you. cant go to the bottom when them cops are a poachin

  8. J on February 21st, 2009 at 5:00 pm:

    just get to a bowl lift and you’re golden to lap the upper hills for the day

  9. Me on February 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 pm:

    1. Scout the lifts - find the heshiest guy you know and flow him a nug.
    2. Clip. Half the pants/jackets these days have secret removable loops for just this purpose.
    3. No food on the hill. Free saltines plus free butter mixed with free honey = goodness. Or go all Otterstrom and mix free hot water with free ketchup. Instant tomato soup.
    4. Say you know Sarah Morrison.

  10. Seth on February 24th, 2009 at 3:11 pm:

    Wait near the ticket window, 70% of people throw their receipt away, watch for one and grab it out of the trash, go to the ticket window and say you lost your ticket, show receipt as proof that you bought a ticket already.

  11. Me on February 24th, 2009 at 11:04 pm:

    Seth - that works a lot better at the lift itself than at the window. The liftie won’t ask to see the credit card or some ID.

  12. Seth on February 25th, 2009 at 4:30 pm:

    Good point, I have pulled it off quite a few times, usually say my wallet is in my car at the bottom of the parking lot. There is a fair amount of BS that needs to be applied with any of this maneuvers.

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