Best Week Ever: April 17, 2009

By • Apr 17th, 2009 • Category: Features

“I don’t mean Geometry. I mean in terms of actual sadness.”

-Olivia is discussing either UPS or the USPS and is unclear which she is referring to until I ask her. I then sort of simply yet brilliantly suggest, “UPS and the USPS should just collab and call it a day.”

-Olivia informs me that my bedroom window screen is completely broken and lying on the ground outside. She is confused by the whole thing. I look awkwardly down at the ground and then back at her, “Me and Kelly broke it.” I continue, “We were plugging her Ice Cream Truck into my room.”

-I make a new friend this week named Matt Goias. I am whining about my boy problems in the car after meeting him the day prior. I am also being sort of needy and annoying. He opts to not attempt to improve my mood at all. He instead announces, “You are not a big deal Sarah. Wait let me correct that. You are a big deal in a five block radius of Hollywood and a one block radius of New York.” I shrug, “I presume in New York it’s the one block radius of the Missbehave office?” He smiles, “Yes, there.”

- En route to Vegas I get worked up about motorcycles driving in between cars in traffic. I decide to unleash my diatribe on Olivia and Matt. They fake listen. I then announce, “I am going to write a letter to my senator about it.” Olivia then asks me if I know who my senator is. I shrug, “He’s nice.”

-I am not a huge fan of bathing suits. But we end up in Vegas and therefore bathing suits are inevitable. I do not have a bathing suit with me. So we attempt to create a bathing suit out of one of my bra/bikini tops and an extra bikini bottom that Olivia has with her. I look at myself in the mirror and cringe. I put clothes on and we head to meet Matt. I mumble, “Olivia thinks I am pear shaped.” Olivia also suggests that I could in fact be tear-drop shaped. Matt confirms, “You are tear-drop shaped.” I look at him annoyed. He then adds, “I don’t mean Geometry. I mean actual in terms of actual sadness.”

-I relocate from the couch to the ground in front of the screened door at my home. I begin to light up a cigarette. Matt looks at me confused and eventually manages to inquire what I am doing exactly. I shrug and smile, “We don’t smoke in the house.” He looks down at me, nods his head and goes, “Of course.”

-Brooke informs me that the flight she is set to go on is overbooked. People are volunteering left and right to give up their seats. I agree that it seems like a good idea in this economy, with the recession and all. Brooke adds, “I blame the economy for everything now. It makes me feel less responsible for myself.” She then adds, “I blamed it for something really funny yesterday. I think it was something like cell phone service.”

-I have never made a Facebook event. So, I force someone to show me how to do so and I enthusiastically follow said instructions. Then Voila! My Yard-sale is a Facebook event! I start getting really into it. Watching people RSVP and the numbers going up. While, I don’t have any desire to have another “event” at my house, I DO enjoy the feeling of the Facebook bit. I begin to inform Olivia that I am going to start making fake Facebook events to boost my self esteem. She even helpfully suggests I hold my fake events as bars and such, to make it funnier.  I shake my head insisting I hold them at people’s houses. I nod brilliantly, mentally planning my first event at Gina’s. Olivia seems concerned that Gina’s level of internet intensity could in fact lead her to discovering said event.  I shake my head confidently, “I doubt it.”

-Sorry this was short. If you feel let-down attempt to enjoy my Twitter. It’s been a weird week. I am re-grouping :(

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