Hive Fives with Todd Richards- Dinosaurs!By Nick Lipton • May 8th, 2009 • Category: Features
Scientists have reported finding dino DNA in a fossil, much like the cinematic masterpiece “Jurassic Park.” As it turns out, Todd is a massive fan of all things dinosaur. You can almost feel the giddy little boy bursting out of the screen this week.
1) Scientists claimed to have found “dino blood” in a fossil, how does this effect your life?
Todd: Well first things first. Can we use it to clone them? Should we? Fuck it, dinosaurs are sweet even if they probably will eat babies.
2) If you could have any dinosaur as a pet which would you choose?
Todd: Oh man, these are the questions I have always wanted to be asked. Um, I’m going to go with the Siesmasaurus. He’s like the biggest n’ stuff. I would slide down his back like Fred Flintstone. Either that one or the Lickalotopus.
3) Would you get the Lickalotopus for your wife?
Todd: Dude, we are not dragging my wife into my Creeptaceous period.
Redo: 3) Do you think Raptors would become the new guard dogs? New super soldiers?
Todd: Like a reptilian pit bull? Like all the thugged out rappers have velociraptors as pets. “Yo dawg, dis be my saurus n’ shit, like its a pitbullarex n shit, mufukka bite cho head off foo!” No, raptors would be uncontrollable baby eaters. Look what happened to John Hammond on that island.
4) Who would get a dinosaur first, Shaun White, Ryan Sheckler, or Arnold Schwartzenegger?
Todd: Oh man, my head hurts from intense thinking. The fact that any of those guys have the funds to clone one as it is makes me jealous. Sheckler would get one first. He is way more urban. Like I could see Shaun getting like a baby mammoth cloned because he is in the cold all the time and they have reddish fur. But Rye guy would get like a T-rex as a puppy, then like bring it home and his mom says, “No way Ryan, you are not bringing that dinosaur into this house.” Then Ryan goes, “Come on mom, I always wanted a dinosaur.” and his mom will go “You are gone way to much who’s going to take care of it?” Sheckle me not will say, “Well when I’m gone my little brother will take care of him.” Then like two episodes later the fucking king of the dinosaurs will be like the size of a pony and fucking eat the whole family. Then Ryan will cry, again.
5) In our futuristic world, how could we improve dinosaurs?
Todd: How do you improve perfection. Think about it, if it wasn’t for that stupid asteroid, we internetting chimps would never have existed. Those lizard fuckers have like five times the life span on earth as man. Maybe like 10 times, I’m to lazy to google right now. Anyhow, I think just getting them to not eat anything smaller than them and housebreaking them would be the first things on the improvement list. I mean who wants to clean up a pile of steaming dino shit? Especially when Ryan Sheckler’s family is in there, not me.
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