High Fives with Todd Richards-America

By • Jul 3rd, 2009 • Category: Features

highfives_america1

Fire up the bbq, crack open a cold one, but don’t blow off your hand. It’s time to celebrate America’s independence. All across the United States, folks will be celebrating our independence in their own little way. Some will shout “Ammerrrca!” while others will blog up a small part of it. And almost everyone will drink. But what will Todd Richards be doing? Only one way to find out.

1) Best 4th of July memory?

Oh that’s easy, when I was like seven there was a big fire works display in Hyannis where my grandma lived. Half way through the display one of the bombs (‘cause there were no laws in the 1970’s, only suggestions) landed on the beach snack bar and it, well, blew up. That was awesome, because at that point in my life, my aspirations were to be bigger and to possibly blow things up with my mind.

2) Best way to blow stuff up?

That would have to be good old gas. Although I have read in the Anarchists Cook Book that fertilizer will do the job nicely as well. Coupled with a nice fuse and perhaps some dog shit, because no one wants to hear a loud bang followed by the furious pelting of steaming hot dog shit.

3) Do you have any firework inspired horror stories?

No, but there was a kid down the block from me, his name was Michael Neimela, he would blow up frogs n’ turtles. I don’t know if that was really in the spirit of celebrating the birthday of the USA.

4) How should people celebrate the 4th of July?

By killing commies, wait don’t kill anyone, that’s bad, make fun of commies and use a sparkler.

No making homemade explosives out of normal fireworks?

Um, not really. I used to light my Star Wars guys on fire though. That would simulate battle damage. Growing up in Mass we really didn’t have all the access to fireworks. You could go to New Hampshire and get them. I supposed if I did have access to them I would only have nubs because I can rarely light a fucking candle without burning myself.

5) What are the Richards’ doing for the 4th?

We are going down to the beach here in Encinitas. It’s usually like Havasu on the coast here on fourth of July so I will have the chance to show my kids how retarded people dance and try and swim. Usually it’s kind of a psycho industry bro-fest with all the people that you don’t want to see, and many of them without shirts on. I just try not to lose my kids in the sea of douche, and drink a Fresca.

Tagged as: , , , , ,
Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
Email this author | All posts by

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>