by Bryanna Woll

As winter approaches and dropping names changes places with dropping lines, it seems that the snowboard industry is on the verge of a terminology apocalypse. As long as you haven’t been hiding in the snow-sports section at the Sport Authority, it’s quite clear that differing board shapes are about as hot on the market this season as say a Tamagoshi or Hypercolor shirts in 1994. Now this is not to say board shape technology is a fad… or that anything in snowboarding might fall that way: step-in bindings, Sorel boots, the Dingo?  With the choice between camber, rocker, and even progressional rocker and camber, deciphering and understanding snowboards has become a bit of an educated sport.

Rather I’d like us to look at it like this:  Instead of having many companies making basically all the same product (that would be skateboarding), now we are inundated with options.  It’s like going from the Model T to drivers side airbags and power steering.  Options are good and they make snowboarding a lot more fun.  Still, as with any good marketing plan, it’s not as simple as it sounds.

The biggest fault in this whole movement  of camber versus rocker is the infinite yet confusing terminology for basically three different types of technology.  It’s like a stripper going by other occupational names: exotic dancer, professional entertainer, or Lindasy Lohan.  What I mean to say is either at the end of the day your board is flat or it’s not.

Let’s do a little role playing game.  You are an innocent, cash stacked customer looking to pick up snowboarding.  I’ll be the sales person.  Go:

You: I would like to buy a snowboard.  What do you have?

Me: Well, do you want Magnetraction, Banana, Flying V-Rocker, some Triple base technology, or maybe a Chili-dog continuous rocker?  Otherwise we’ve got traditional camber in a mid-wide with a set-back twin. Over here we’ve got V-rockers with I.C.S. but then you’ll probably need E.S.T. to get some A.I.R.!

So what do I propose to solve this ever spiraling state of mass confusion? When our market has reached such a specialized state, we can only do one thing.  Embrace our evolution as a sport and have fun. Tell the shop employee what you want to do and they’ll help you pick the board that will do it best.  But at the end of the day either you can ollie or you can’t because really these boards aren’t going to make you a better snowboarder alone.  That’s what we save Matador meat-snacks and Mona Vie for.