MILF’s: Split or Swallow
By Preston Strout • Oct 8th, 2009 • Category: 30s Thursday, Features
When I was younger I often found myself day dreaming about MILF’s (Mountains I’d Like to Freeride). As an inexperienced East Coaster, I pictured myself nervously hovering over those perfect peaks, dropping in on some nice natural hips and maybe even getting to ride a pristine backside. I knew that when my time finally came, I’d have to put all of my useless adolescent knowledge about riding boxes aside and let the MILF take control. The Mountains I’d Like to Freeride had been around a lot longer than me, and I knew they’d teach me a thing or two.
What I didn’t realize, however, was the great debate with the MILF’s on whether to split or swallow. Finding myself buy-curious about my equipment I wondered whether I’d buy into splitting or swallowing… After an awkward discussion with a shop employee (stemming from my occasionally misleading choice of words), I learned that different conditions call for different techniques and you may want a split board one day and a swallowtail the next. Makes sense…
Not having the funds to split, swallow and pay to ride my MILF’s, I needed a solution. Before committing to splitting or making the tough decision to swallow, I thought maybe I’d just practice on a Banana for a while and get the hang of this whole thing. Buying this versatile powder board allowed me to get down on the MILF’s, without spending a fortune. Plus I don’t have split and swallow skeletons collecting dust in my closet.
My 30+ year old advice to those of you trying to decide on whether to split or swallow this season: Demo both options until you definitively decide what’s right for you. If you want to stay healthy, maybe swallowing is a bad choice (as split-boards gives you greater cardio opportunities). In the meantime test out one of life’s greatest pleasures on a Banana. Until they invent a way to swallow a banana split-board, keep in mind that when you’re getting waist deep, it really doesn’t matter whether you split or swallow. Because in the end, the face shots are really all that matter.
Preston Strout over the hill. In a good way.
Email this author | All posts by Preston Strout
Loading ...
wow, you’re good.
that was a good one!
I love that, seemingly, the entire purpose of this article was to fire off innuendos at gattling-gun rates, and then basically not answer the question it asked. I mean, don’t get me wrong Preston, that was a wonderful piece of literature right there, but now I feel like I should be going to the free clinic to get checked for Humorous Innuendo Virus….
Now as far as the content of the article goes, I’m a huge fan of the ‘Nan. I’ve got the original T-Rice Banana Hammock (you know, the one that actually has REVERSE sidecut as opposed to the newer models with no sidecut) and I love it. I’m actually considering turning it into a Banana Split…
Wakeboarding or what? that crazy positive sidecut wohooo
Classy, Classic, and a Class act. Well played Mr. Bigs!
Preston, this is a great debate and something I’ve been thinking about a lot now that I’m out there “exploring” a little more.
I used to prefer the swallow but after going that whole distance (hiking) when it’s deep I get all tired and worked up with this nasty fluid in my lungs and can’t stop coughing. A split might be easier if you can learn how to drop to the knee for the shorter ones. But remember you’ve also got to take the time to put the skins on which doesn’t feel very natural as a 30 something snowboarder. Oh yeah, please remember to bring your peeps along for that extra bit of self confidence. It could be hairy too, so don’t forget the probe if there’s a search.
Let me know whenever you want to hit up the backside this winter.
wow that has glory written all over it
hands up
favorite 30thurs
ever!