Down With Brooke Geery!By Nick Lipton • Nov 30th, 2009 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Dear Al Gore,
Extreme Journalist Brooke Geery is a terrorist! Beaten down after a pathetic attempt to become a pro snowboader, Brooke has dedicated her life to cyber terrorism in the snowboarding industry. The woman uses her site, Yobeat.com, to expose the stupid actions of snowboard companies, create original content, and support riders who aren’t even super pros! This woman is a moral and economical nightmare for the established media. Constantly diverting attention away from print media, Brooke is creating more economic turmoil for her competition while simultaneously setting the bar higher and higher. She needs to lay off, let the rest of the industry catch up, and apply for an internship at one of the magazines. As the creator of the Internet and a formidable political voice, you Mr. Gore, must be able to ban her from the net, or possibly place a magnet in her forehead ensuring her internet use is corrupted.
Countless reasons point to why Brooke Geery needs to be killed, jailed, or given a magnet implant — but age, ability, taste, attitude, and ego are chief examples. To begin with, I should let you know I too work for Yobeat.com, and have had to write maliciously and in an un-caring manner while under Brooke’s grasp. What we are dealing with is an old woman, who is a sell out, a jerk, and unwilling to play by the rules. She has multiple cats, a mortgage, and a nine o’clock bedtime! No one capable of that combination should be allowed influence in such an industry. She is also a pain in the rump to work with. She is a mean name-caller who constantly nags and criticizes, and she thinks she’s special just because she’s old. If she is so special why isn’t she running the magazines? Why isn’t she working in a more economically sound industry? Why must she use her time to revolutionize snowboard media? More importantly though, Ms. Geery is the backbone of evil. She is the editor of the only wakeskating media source. If Brooke’s internet privileges are not taken away, wakeskating could gain cultural acceptance. If that day comes aggressive Heelie riders might feel special, which is the first sign of the apocalypse.
The above information alone should have a black-ops team crashing through her windows, but there’s more. Ms. Geery refuses to understand/accept changing cultures or new trends. If Brooke’s disdain towards girl-pant wearing, hipster-haircut having, manorexic dudes isn’t enough to expose her intolerant nature I don’t know what is. This intolerance will go on to lead to her use of non-green technologies, further progressing our global meltdown. For the love of god Al Gore, you need to get involved.
Brooke’s actions are forcing other media channels to borrow ideas, become boring, and lose their souls in an attempt to stay afloat. This woman listens to late ‘90s emo music and will stop at nothing to further her little “jihad” against snowboarding culture. So I plead to you Al Gore, if you aren’t too busy lecturing about global warming from your home (that uses 20 times the average electricity per year) then find the time to organize a bill, task force, or movement against Brooke Geery. Terrorism must be stopped, and Brooke Geery is snowboarding’s #1 foe.
P.S. Brooke Geery even claims to have invented the internet, so in other words, is calling you a fraud.
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