Twitter Facebook Vimeo Youtube Instagram

Down With Brooke Geery!

gnbg

Dear Al Gore,

Extreme Journalist Brooke Geery is a terrorist! Beaten down after a pathetic attempt to become a pro snowboader, Brooke has dedicated her life to cyber terrorism in the snowboarding industry. The woman uses her site, Yobeat.com, to expose the stupid actions of snowboard companies, create original content, and support riders who aren’t even super pros! This woman is a moral and economical nightmare for the established media. Constantly diverting attention away from print media, Brooke is creating more economic turmoil for her competition while simultaneously setting the bar higher and higher. She needs to lay off, let the rest of the industry catch up, and apply for an internship at one of the magazines. As the creator of the Internet and a formidable political voice, you Mr. Gore, must be able to ban her from the net, or possibly place a magnet in her forehead ensuring her internet use is corrupted.

Countless reasons point to why Brooke Geery needs to be killed, jailed, or given a magnet implant — but age, ability, taste, attitude, and ego are chief examples. To begin with, I should let you know I too work for Yobeat.com, and have had to write maliciously and in an un-caring manner while under Brooke’s grasp. What we are dealing with is an old woman, who is a sell out, a jerk, and unwilling to play by the rules. She has multiple cats, a mortgage, and a nine o’clock bedtime! No one capable of that combination should be allowed influence in such an industry. She is also a pain in the rump to work with. She is a mean name-caller who constantly nags and criticizes, and she thinks she’s special just because she’s old. If she is so special why isn’t she running the magazines? Why isn’t she working in a more economically sound industry? Why must she use her time to revolutionize snowboard media? More importantly though, Ms. Geery is the backbone of evil. She is the editor of the only wakeskating media source. If Brooke’s internet privileges are not taken away, wakeskating could gain cultural acceptance. If that day comes aggressive Heelie riders might feel special, which is the first sign of the apocalypse.

The above information alone should have a black-ops team crashing through her windows, but there’s more. Ms. Geery refuses to understand/accept changing cultures or new trends. If Brooke’s disdain towards girl-pant wearing, hipster-haircut having, manorexic dudes isn’t enough to expose her intolerant nature I don’t know what is. This intolerance will go on to lead to her use of non-green technologies, further progressing our global meltdown. For the love of god Al Gore, you need to get involved.

Brooke’s actions are forcing other media channels to borrow ideas, become boring, and lose their souls in an attempt to stay afloat. This woman listens to late ‘90s emo music and will stop at nothing to further her little “jihad” against snowboarding culture. So I plead to you Al Gore, if you aren’t too busy lecturing about global warming from your home (that uses 20 times the average electricity per year) then find the time to organize a bill, task force, or movement against Brooke Geery. Terrorism must be stopped, and Brooke Geery is snowboarding’s #1 foe.

Probably Fired,

Nick Lipton

P.S. Brooke Geery even claims to have invented the internet, so in other words, is calling you a fraud.

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
Email this author | All posts by

Similar posts

Comments (14)

  1. I have concerns regarding Brooke’s fashion sense.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  2. Brooke is the reason I hate Scrabble and will never play it. I’m in. I got a guy that has a guy who was a sniper in nam. Bet he would do it for $40. Or some meth. Let’s do this, Lipton.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  3. she probally even rides regular camber

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  4. did you not even mention the fact that she’s a girl! a girl who snowboards and writes?! what a joke right there.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  5. seems like you guys should go ahead and make out and get it over with.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  6. yeah and she always uses s.a.t. words even when she doesn’t need to. i hate that

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  7. you guys this brooke geery has influence on the snowboarding industry, that’s so darling

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  8. The unabashed tyranny of Ms. Geery is undeniable! She represents the true Axis of Evil and is probably in league with that blind shiek guy. I’ve heard rumor that she’s even in league with the Parkour/Todd Richards conspiracy!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  9. Brooke often says “Nobody cares who you are.” And I believe her. I blame her for my low self esteem.
    She is the Sith Lord of shred.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  10. Isn’t he a wake skate lesbian?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  11. Portland could use a good english speaking Taxi driver Lipton. I’d get your resume together.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  12. Hopefully Nick is fired! Brookes intolerance was the reason I started reading yobeat!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  13. Brooke,
    If you need someone to get punched in the face let me know. Z
    PS- I also agree with Scott
    PSS- I also think Scott already made out with you

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  14. The really scary thing is that she sits at her command center all day and watches yobeat’s traffic…she cyberstalks yobeat’s readership and debates whether she should message them via a creepy pop-up chat window.

    She is officially the final boss of the internet.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>


TOP