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A Mature Hump Day with Johnny “Lazz” Lazzareschi

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Johnny has a big mouth.

I still can’t picture Johnny “Lazz” Lazzareschi as anything other than a wound-up stick of a little kid. Time is a heartless beast though, and the lil fella’ is now a man sized 18 year old. This North Tahoe native has been perfecting his park game for years, and his new sense of manhood has lit a fire under his ass. Too old to claim kiddie status anymore Johnny plans to take his park skills into the streets and back country spots all winter. This young man wants to prove himself, and if the winter goes well this could be Johnny’s ticket to the big leagues. Now if he could just stop eating his boogers…

Yobeat: Are you an Am now? What’s your deal?

Johnny Lazz: I am the meaning of amateur.

Yobeat: Do any companies call you Am, or do they call you “the kid we give free shit to.”

Am if you gunna’ go there.

Yobeat: When did you turn 18? Are you out of high school?

May 5th, 2009. No more high school, big college boy now.

Yobeat: You’re a man now, have you purchased a pack of smokes yet?

Course, porn too.

Yobeat: What kind of porno did you buy?

Playboy, it was in some gas station on the way to Mammoth.

Yobeat: Have you bought any more?

No.

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Walking tall.    p. Robbie Sell

Yobeat: What are your favorite porn sites?

Youjizz is good. Red Tube, Brazzers, you know the basics, high quality.

Yobeat: Have you visited a gentlemen’s club?

Nope, take me.

Yobeat: You haven’t visited a juice bar in Reno yet?

I haven’t made time to get over there.

Yobeat: You have seen boobs though right?

Of course, my friend.

Yobeat: When did you first gaze upon a woman’s breasts?

Somewhere around 11 or 12. It was like a good glance at some titties. Some real titties.

Yobeat: Would you consider yourself an ass or breast kid?

Take dat booty all day. A girl with the good curves is my style.

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Johnny’s pal took this about three hours before sitting down for this interview.

Yobeat: Is there a rivalry between you and your sister (Iris Lazzareschi)?

No. Girls snowboarding? That’s another world.

Yobeat: You grew up on the contest circuit, correct?

Correct, I did do usGAYsa and a couple of other contests ‘cuz I was a lil kid and had this distant dream to become a “pro” at snowboarding. Now I look at snowboarding in a totally different way. Pro snowboarders don’t attract me to snowboarding. The crazy tricks don’t attract me to snowboarding. The booze, drugs and snowboard lifestyle doesn’t faze me any more. It’s the people I enjoy my time with, the snowboarding, and the chance to travel for free! And also the experiences, opportunities and new outlook on things.

Yobeat: You’ve graduated high school and become a legal adult. Why are you still living at home?

Rent free in Tahoe. Don’t make enough money to live somewhere else.

Yobeat: Do you bring girls back to your Dad’s house?

Oh hell ya’. It’s rad. I feel so bad, but it feels so good you know?

Yobeat: Is your Dad the “cool” dad? What makes him upset?

If he finds me smoking pot, but only if he finds me. Otherwise my Dad is the greatest. We have a friend relationship. I see my dad in myself all the time, it’s the coolest thing.

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Yep, Johnny’s got a Yobeat Promo Shot.

Yobeat: Were you popular in high school?

I went to a high school of 30. Six of them were Mexican girls with kids. I went one day a week, even two weeks sometimes. There is no social rating at the school I went to.

Yobeat: Why did your high school only have 30 kids?

It was an independent study school. The best type of school, I might add.

Yobeat: Teen mothers created 20% of your classmates, was that a good form of birth control?

No, well, ya’ maybe. Can’t hurt right?

Yobeat: How was the school’s sexual education program?

I had Sex Ed in middle school before I transferred to independent school.

Yobeat: So you’re saying you have no idea what you’re doing down there?

Down where?

Yobeat: How was Prom?

Great, I went with five babes. Didn’t get with any of them, but made out with a couple of them.

Yobeat: How many of them were Mexican mothers?

Zero Lipton, zero.

Yobeat: Did your status as a snowboarder help reel in this Prom night six-some?

I don’t think they know.

Yobeat: So how did you convince six girls to act as your arm candy?

You can’t pick up honeys just by riding snowboards well. You gotta have game. If you do get pussy for that, then awesome, but it still says you’re a pussy.

Yobeat: Dream vacation, who do you take, where do you go?

I would to to Rome, Italy with Forrest Bailey, Dylan Alito, Jye Kearney, my family, and you, ‘cuz you’re shady and I like shady.

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The hair, the nose, the eyes, take your pic.     p. Robbie Sell

Yobeat: You seem innocent, do you have any vices?

Picking my nose, I wipe them on the inside of my jeans so no one can see them, or I just eat them, that’s easy too.

Yobeat: When did you last eat a booger?

Probably like within the last five minutes.

Yobeat: Why is an 18-year-old eating boogers?

Blame it on my parents.

Yobeat: How many boogers do you consume daily?

Never enough.

Yobeat: Have you been caught eating boogers?

All the time. Enough with the boogers.

Yobeat: How do people react?

“EWWWWWW. Really? Did you really just eat that?”

Yobeat: Are you picky about what boogers you eat?

Yes.

Yobeat: What is the most delicious booger type?

The ones that are solid and gooey. I’m gunna’ get so much shit for this.

Yobeat: Who is your Hollywood crush?

Megan Fox.

Yobeat: Would you eat her boogers?

Yes, if she would eat mine.

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I might consider eating a booger before trying this.    p. Robbie Sell

Yobeat: You have won a lot rail jams haven’t you?

Yes

Yobeat: Can you handle street rails, or just park rails? Are you a wuss?

We will see this year. I’m gunna’ hit more hand rails this year then ever in my life, and I’m pumped.

Yobeat: Would you consider this your coming-out year?

Yes, I’m pushing myself, my sponsors are pushing me, and my friends are pushing me.

Yobeat: You don’t view contests as cheesy or uncool?

No, I look at it like, if you are down with contests and you sign up for them yourself, that’s fine, try your hardest at the contest. If you wear tight jeans in brisk weather and press 5-0’s on a street rail, go for it. You don’t have to get me, just get you! I know I like contests. I like hitting handrails. I like slashing. I like laughing.

Yobeat: You threw multiple hardway 270’s during last summer’s Pipe to Pipe series. Think you’ll be trying any on a real rail?

The streets may make a claim on me one day. I can do tricks in the park all day, but one thing I know is that the streets will fuck you up. Way more than you will fuck them up.

Yobeat: How much experience do you have with handrails and backcountry jumps?

Not much, one pow jump, and under seven good handrails.

Yobeat: As a HCSC camper you rap battled Scotty Arnold. Was that the best moment of your life?

I haven’t thought of that for so long. Well at that moment, I thought it was the best moment of my life, so yes.

Yobeat: Now what do you consider the best moment of your life?

Poaching the US Olympic half pipe.

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Johnny has all sorts of friends, this one is called Tim Windell.

Yobeat: You ride for Rome, does that mean you hate the establishment?

No, can’t go against the grain.

Yobeat: Did you ever visit the Tahoe Rome House when it was in full form?

Oh yeah, stayed for two weeks, my parents freaked.

Yobeat: How old were you?

I was 15, and it felt great to be there.

Yobeat: Could you even understand what was going on around you?

No, never, I was so young.

Yobeat: Can you recall any highlights from your two week stay?

I ran out of the closet when Dirty Joel Cline was stuffing some girl and I yelled at them. Casey Neefus drove into the ping pong table. We made a huge backyard park. There were bands in the garage, beers getting tossed, and trash everywhere.

Yobeat: You are known for being loud, does that ever get you into trouble?

I try to choose my words and volume wisely, and lately I haven’t gotten into any trouble from it.

Yobeat: Do random people ever confront you because they think you’re fucking with them?

Yeah sometimes, but I turn them around with my stoner charm.

Yobeat: Stoner charm?

Using the right words to fuck with people or to get out of something, lying basically. Did you just make me call myself a liar?

Yobeat: Sponsors?

Rome, Volcom, Electric, Celtek, Porters.

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (13)

  1. you wouldnt take me to italy….dude

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
  2. Johnny is my favorite person, and you will, johnny take will to Italy.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  3. Mark Johnny’s street rail count to 8. Today he switch back-lipped a 33 step handrail, after he lied to the security and said we were leaving.
    Atta boi.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  4. Haha, that was probably the best photo I have ever taken. I knew he was going to do something sick, so I really focused in with his point and click, it was tight. Johnny’s the man, one of the funnest friends to board with undeniably.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  5. I never knew about the boogers…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  6. johnny, LEAK ME

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  7. Boogers J. Lazz?!?! I never knew, guess we need to shred more! Killing it bro, killing it. Lots of love!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  8. your gross lazz, I like you but your gross.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  9. Lazz. Business man! Let’s go get more bangers!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  10. Yeah Lazz! The booger thing is gross though.. at least you don’t like the bloody ones.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  11. This right here Johnny, this is good stuff. Now you dont have to try to get random strangers(me) to buy you swishers in Incline. Haha.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  12. Lazz has the best cackle laugh in the world! I just wiped a booger on my car seat Lazz…you can eat it later if you want.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  13. Son, we need to talk about this interview, and YES I was frickin freakin over the ROME house!!!!!—DAD LAZZ
    PS–are you comin home for dinner tonite?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

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