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Dear Santa: A Letter from the Rumorator

rvrsantabig

Dear Santa,

I’m usually not into asking for much, apart from free stickers and maybe the occasional cigarette every 20 minutes, but these YoBeat wish lists are for the greater good. These are not things I need, they are things snowboarding needs. Sure I’ll benefit a little bit, but you know what they say, “A rising tide lifts all boats” or as you said last year when I saw you outside the mall, “If I keep the windows locked and up, everyone is getting high.” Though I don’t know if that is a fitting metaphor.  

Anyways here’s I could use this year:

  • Outerwear with fewer zany prints but stronger themes like cowboy, dog-sled racer, and sexy nurse.
  • Snowboarders to stop thinking they are skateboarders. Skateboarders to stop thinking they are rappers. YoBeat writers to stop thinking they are snowboarders.
  • Mandatory Crooked Cops and Japan Airs in all slopestyle events.
  • Hadar’s voice on my voice mail, just once.

scheme

  • A Forum Scheme 158 with those happy little trees and shit on it.
  • Snowboard producers to admit, “Yeah, we were just kidding with that reverse camber thing.”
  • Terrain parks by Santiago Calatrava and Frank Gehry
  • Snowboard Magazine: The Ad Issue.
  • Rules that enforce a strict separation between Snowboard clubs and Facebook groups.

  • One of those crazed new Yobeat shirts.
  • Acknowledgment from, like, 3 people who got the Calatrava and Gehry references.
  • The delivered promise of a good stoking-out and hooking-up
  • A remake of the video game Rampage. But instead of the lizard, the ape and the werewolf, it’s just Dan Brisse destroying everything.

Anyway Santa, I know times are tough but maybe you could pull some strings and come through on a couple of these for me. And maybe I could get a couple smokes too?

Thanks,
RvR

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Comments (8)

  1. reverse camber isn’t going anywhere, it actually works.

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  2. Calatrava + Gehry + an army of methed-out minions w/ snowcats and shovels = Human Javelin!

    Brain Farm are you guys taking notes?

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  3. I got the calatrava & gehry reference. pat me on the back. or, rather, pat yourself on the back. whatever.

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  4. Gehry is a genius, except his building in Seattle has gross colors.

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  5. i’m a milwaukee boy, i hear you on the Calatrava!

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  6. Spot on: “YoBeat writers to stop thinking they are snowboarders.” You caught me…

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  7. also…

    Chris, kudos on the portfolio!

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  8. let the reverse camber debate begin. i actually think i’m somehow old and deficient because i haven’t able to embrace the bandwagon that is reverse camber, rocker, v, banana, anti, etc.

    it’s fun and all like that fat chick (or ugly dood trying to be equal opportunity here) when you’re drunk, but it’s not going to get you any props….

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