Dear Santa: A Letter from the Rumorator
I’m usually not into asking for much, apart from free stickers and maybe the occasional cigarette every 20 minutes, but these YoBeat wish lists are for the greater good. These are not things I need, they are things snowboarding needs. Sure I’ll benefit a little bit, but you know what they say, “A rising tide lifts all boats” or as you said last year when I saw you outside the mall, “If I keep the windows locked and up, everyone is getting high.” Though I don’t know if that is a fitting metaphor.Â â€¨â€¨Anyways here’s I could use this year:
- Outerwear with fewer zany prints but stronger themes like cowboy, dog-sled racer, and sexy nurse.
- Snowboarders to stop thinking they are skateboarders. Skateboarders to stop thinking they are rappers. YoBeat writers to stop thinking they are snowboarders.
- Mandatory Crooked Cops and Japan Airs in all slopestyle events.
- Hadar’s voice on my voice mail, just once.
- A Forum Scheme 158 with those happy little trees and shit on it.
- Snowboard producers to admit, “Yeah, we were just kidding with that reverse camber thing.”
- Terrain parks by Santiago Calatrava and Frank Gehry
- Snowboard Magazine: The Ad Issue.
- Rules that enforce a strict separation between Snowboard clubs and Facebook groups.
- One of those crazed new Yobeat shirts.
- Acknowledgment from, like, 3 people who got the Calatrava and Gehry references.
- The delivered promise of a good stoking-out and hooking-up
- A remake of the video game Rampage. But instead of the lizard, the ape and the werewolf, it’s just Dan Brisse destroying everything.
Anyway Santa, I know times are tough but maybe you could pull some strings and come through on a couple of these for me. And maybe I could get a couple smokes too?