YoBeat: Making Fun of Snowboarding Since 1997

After an incredible Hump Day with Todd, it was decided Todd’s unique views on current events, toys, sex and life needed to be explored further. Since that fateful day Todd has sat down to answer five questions for the Yobeat audience to enjoy every Friday. Below are five of the better Q&A moments from the past year. WARNING: Nothing about this column should be considered nice, politically correct or technically accurate.

From Swine Flu Week

Why are Mexicans the only people dying from this pig virus?

Todd: Pretty sure it’s because Mexico City is pretty much a shit hole. I have been there and I think it’s safe to say that the U.S. of A and Mexico have different views on what is hygienic. For instance, shitting in the street, then washing your clothes in the shit runoff or watering your plants.

From North Korea Week

Do North Koreans know how behind the times their little country is?

Todd: Seeing as how watching anything but Kim Dong in his brown leisure suit on TV will get your skull fucked by a Commie’s red boot, I will go with no. Final answer.

When we celebrated America

2) Best way to blow stuff up?

That would have to be good old gas. Although I have read in the Anarchists Cook Book that fertilizer will do the job nicely as well. Coupled with a nice fuse and perhaps some dog shit, because no one wants to hear a loud bang followed by the furious pelting of steaming hot dog shit.

Thoughts on Mexican Drugs

5) If you were going to be killed and stuffed with drugs what drug would you prefer to be stuffed with?

Todd: Shit, maybe Viagra? No, maybe Penicillin. I don’t think that I would like to be stuffed with any drug, but I do think that if I was going to die and there was no way that I would pull out of the morbid nose dive that a heroin overdose would be the most glamorous. Like if I got brain cancer, throat cancer, breast cancer, and testicular cancer coupled with herpes I would want the giant warm fuzzy way out. But for reals, Mexico legalized drugs but can’t fucking get anything else together? Jesus Cristo, Vicodin and horse tranqs are going to be the rage in San Diego.

Cock Pits and Who Jumps Into Them

2. What would you fill your personal foam pit up with?

Oh man the personal foam pit? Well if it were up to me I would fill it with dildos and blow up dolls. It would be funny to watch people double cock, I mean cork into a sea of faux penis. Chicks would love to learn tricks at my foam pit. Some dudes that I know would be cannon balling into that shit nude. Either that or those fake foam rocks and bricks. Or sticks. What if I filled it with pubes? Called it a hair pit.

For more of these gems click the LINK!