Under Review: Nike Danny Kass Double Tongue BootsBy Jack Boyd • Jan 11th, 2010 • Category: Features, Latest, Reviews
Pretending is fun – just ask our federal government, they do it all the time. If pressed to pick one scenario in particular as a favorite, it’s nearly impossible because there are so many mind-blowing instances to choose from. But if you had the rifle they used to kill JFK to my head, I would have to go with 1969 – the year we made storybook history by blasting a couple of men into the land of make believe via a tiny tin spaceship. While there, they would eventually happen upon the moon and (thanks to the effects of slow motion) bounce around for a bit before loading up the ride and heading back to earth.
Being a paranoid enthusiast of all things conspiracy, I was extra specially excited to see the theme chosen for this season’s Danny Kass Double Tongue boot was that of space travel. I can distinctly remember a youthful nostalgia hitting me like a bag of bricks after viewing the first few leaked images of them. I was instantly transported back to my days as an exploratory lad – a time when I was much more ignorant but had way more fun. Back to an adolescent world where property rights, taxes and feelings of guilt for hurting other people’s feelings didn’t exist. It was a nice, if not short visit home.
I think it’s safe to say that aesthetically speaking, the boot is awesome. There’s plenty of details that’ll keep even the most novice of stoners entertained for a decent block of time, whether it be the moon’s lunar cycle stashed behind the left tongue or trying to decipher the alien looking language visible through the clear blue crystal sole. Of course most obvious is the removable American and Canadian flags that I’m assuming are an ode to either Danny’s heritage or his preference of biscuit. Long story short, if it’s attention to your water-resistant foot coverings you desire these are your doggies. One such example finds me sporting them after work on the bus ride home due to the twenty-some below wind-chill. I’m talking “aaaaaah shit, what is thems!” all around that shit-wagon. And if there is anyone whose fashion sense I trust, it’s that of my fellow public transients. Mainly due to the fact that they spend all their spare cash on clothes and accessories conceal the fact that they’re poor. Like it or not, these folk know legit when they see it.
Performance-wise, my biggest concern was that the tongue was going to be a real pain when it came to buckling in my heel strap, since it adds a little bulk up in those parts. In my instance this wasn’t the case but you just may want to bring your binders in with you during the courting ceremony to make sure they’re properly compatible. As you’ve probably gathered from your parent’s constant bickering, shitty one-sided relationships suck. For the most part the boot was good right out of the box –a good fit and not too stiff. The only discomfort I did experience was the combination of two things 1) the inner liner and upper lacing system’s mix of nylon laces and Velcro straps and 2) my old shitty back. The system, although unique and allowing for a good custom fitting, takes a hot minute to set up, whereas my poor ailing spinal cord only allows about 30 seconds worth of bending before the alarms sound and multiple stabbings break out back behind the old barn. But if you’re a young buck or fancy yourself a Patient Peter you should be all good – senior citizens and those with high intakes of fructose corn syrup, beware.
Two certainties – DK is a pretty tight dude and if there’s one thing Nike is good at it’s competing. So, an ode to the old space race era only seems logical if not just a sweet ass and creative idea. If anything hopefully it’ll re-spark an interest into NASA and our government’s shady inner-dealings. I mean really, who authorized the firing of a massive missile that blew the fuck out of the moon’s alien surface to look for water that may or may not have ever been there? I certainly don’t recall any sort of town hall meeting or opinion poll regarding that shit. For all we know the moon is made up of nothing more than Elmer’s school glue and paper machete – perhaps a father’s day gift constructed eons ago by Jesus for his old man.