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The Dangers of Snowboarding vs. Life

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According to the news, my mom, your mom and a panaphobics everywhere, snowboarding is a dangerous past time. Sure you could get hurt doing your raw air dog double backies and what not, but just living life is pretty damn dangerous too–just take a look:

Snowboarding

Problem Solution
Cold Fingers Get better gloves.
Sore feet Get better boots
Broken Wrist You won’t always be a beginner
On hill fights Same as life, cover your face
Messed up teeth Get a dentist
Frost Bite Bummer. Cut it off and dress warmer
Broken bone (minor) upper appendages: keep riding; lower appendages: quick recovery
Broken bone (major) Six weeks to 4 months of bummer time
Concussion Wear a helmet
Knee injury six months + surgery
Any other surgery Sweet pain meds
Serious head trauma Not awesome. Please get well soon
Testicular trauma Oh yeah, you’re connected. Avoid one footed rail slides
Avalanches Know the snow before you go

Life

Problem Solution
A minor ouchy Get over it
Cuts and scrapes Get over it
Fights Cover your face
Obesity Gross, early death, should have gone snowboarding
Broken Bones Chill for a bit
Gross rashes Ointment, but you might die
Disease Outlook not so good
Stabbing A badass, but slow way to die
Murder A bummer way to die
Plane Crash Quick death
House fire Horrible disfiiguration/death
Car crash Horrible disfiguration/death
Drowning Learn to swim, don’t be an idiot
Animal Attacks Don’t leave your house, or get a dog
Suicide Caused by your miserable life
STDs Your junk will fall off.

There you have it, you can die sitting in your living room or you can die trying a 180. Before you let another “expert” tell you what’s dangerous, what’s stupid, or what’s just plain insane, consider this. Let them know they could be hit by a car today, the earth could be incinerated by gamma rays flaying through space, Law and Order could come true, or their lazy, non-adventurous asses could just stroke out and become just another of humanity’s eyesores. So go snowboarding, having fun, and if you do get hurt, get well soon!

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (5)

  1. hell yeah. power to the shredders!!!!

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  2. “law and order could come true” that is fucking genius.

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  3. omfg sooooo funny

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