The Dangers of Snowboarding vs. Life
By Nick Lipton • Jan 23rd, 2010 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
According to the news, my mom, your mom and a panaphobics everywhere, snowboarding is a dangerous past time. Sure you could get hurt doing your raw air dog double backies and what not, but just living life is pretty damn dangerous too—just take a look:
|
Snowboarding
| Problem |
Solution |
| Cold Fingers |
Get better gloves. |
| Sore feet |
Get better boots |
| Broken Wrist |
You won’t always be a beginner |
| On hill fights |
Same as life, cover your face |
| Messed up teeth |
Get a dentist |
| Frost Bite |
Bummer. Cut it off and dress warmer |
| Broken bone (minor) |
upper appendages: keep riding; lower appendages: quick recovery |
| Broken bone (major) |
Six weeks to 4 months of bummer time |
| Concussion |
Wear a helmet |
| Knee injury |
six months + surgery |
| Any other surgery |
Sweet pain meds |
| Serious head trauma |
Not awesome. Please get well soon |
| Testicular trauma |
Oh yeah, you’re connected. Avoid one footed rail slides |
| Avalanches |
Know the snow before you go |
|
|
|
| Problem |
Solution |
| A minor ouchy |
Get over it |
| Cuts and scrapes |
Get over it |
| Fights |
Cover your face |
| Obesity |
Gross, early death, should have gone snowboarding |
| Broken Bones |
Chill for a bit |
| Gross rashes |
Ointment, but you might die |
| Disease |
Outlook not so good |
| Stabbing |
A badass, but slow way to die |
| Murder |
A bummer way to die |
| Plane Crash |
Quick death |
| House fire |
Horrible disfiiguration/death |
| Car crash |
Horrible disfiguration/death |
| Drowning |
Learn to swim, don’t be an idiot |
| Animal Attacks |
Don’t leave your house, or get a dog |
| Suicide |
Caused by your miserable life |
| STDs |
Your junk will fall off. |
|
There you have it, you can die sitting in your living room or you can die trying a 180. Before you let another “expert” tell you what’s dangerous, what’s stupid, or what’s just plain insane, consider this. Let them know they could be hit by a car today, the earth could be incinerated by gamma rays flaying through space, Law and Order could come true, or their lazy, non-adventurous asses could just stroke out and become just another of humanity’s eyesores. So go snowboarding, having fun, and if you do get hurt, get well soon!
Tagged as: Air Dog, Broken Wrist, Bump on my Penis, Danger, Panaphobia, snowboarding, STD
AMEN
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
hell yeah. power to the shredders!!!!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
dork
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“law and order could come true” that is fucking genius.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
omfg sooooo funny
Like or Dislike:
0 
0