MADE in MilwaukeeBy Gregory Frank • Feb 11th, 2010 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Where the shred gets MADE
Want to become a great snowboarder, win contests and impress your friends? It’s doable, but I don’t suggest calling in a “nationally known reality show” to turn you into a champ. However it seems that some girl, we are going to call Ashley B1, did just that to get her game on lock.
The whole premise of the show is that Ashley B1 lives in the outer suburbs of Milwaukee, but she wants to become pro-shred. So does she skip college and get her liftie on in Colorado? Nope she hooks up with some reality show that is going to turn her into an ace in 30 days. They had been flying her back and forth from CO and I had heard a rumor that dude from the Bachelorette was going to be coaching her. But I never saw him. Anyway the culmination of her short track to radness was a contest on her little, hometown hill, Mt Olympia. I’m pretty sure this place used to be a garbage dump.
Considering that the contest was being held at a tiny little hill they put on a good show. The excitement around the place was great. The park was a noble effort for a place that has never had a park, or even had anyone under the age of like 50 ride there. In fact, this is where I get all sentimental about snowboarding.
The place was packed with kids under 16. Most of them weren’t die-hard shred kids. They were out there to suck down Red Bulls, cop some MODA3 stickers, and ride. Their boards weren’t the most recent models; it seemed like the average boards were 4-5 years old. But all of these kids seemed stoked to by riding, and talking to the sponsors that came out, and just taking in snowboarding with friends. I’m going to take a minute to wipe a tear while you dwell on the fact that this is what snowboarding is supposed to be. Right? And nationally known reality TV show isn’t going to pick up on that.
Lights, camera, action.
The contest goes down and shockingly Ashley B1 is not the most solid rider. And it was clear she didn’t place. Sadly she wasn’t even out there riding with all the other kids throughout the day. She did a warm up lap or two and was then hustled back inside where she was sequestered by the film crew, until her runs were up. I suspect she was the only one in the place not having a good time.
But reality TV people lucked out because the girl who won, her name was Ashley B2. So they get their reality vision up in the announcer man’s face and said, “when you make the winning announcement we need you to say ‘first place goes to Ashley’ then pause for a few moments before you say her last name.” I can’t help but to imagine that they are going to run some editing-magic and make nationally known reality TV show watcher think that Ashley B1 got Mega-Made, despite her intermediate riding skills.
So I stuck around to see how shit went down, because the beers were cheap and the announcer man looked like he was going to punch nationally known reality TV show in the face. Seriously if you get a chance, watch the episode just for him. He does his pause, and the winner, Ashley B2 eventually gets to come up. However immediately afterwards nationally known reality TV show is recording this fake-ass cheering section for Ashley B1 who was not the winner. I can’t help but to think that nationally known reality TV show was just glad to done with this project.
Yay, you MADE it!
Ultimately I hope Ashley B1 learns to enjoy riding, and I hope her friends don’t come down on her too hard for letting the media fake-up the merits of her riding skills. As for nationally known reality TV show, I still can’t believe they haven’t figured that with snowboarding, and most everything really, all the rad leaves when they show up. Also they should bring back Dan Cortese.