Story Time with Uncle Russ Russ: New Zealand Part IIBy Russell Winfield • Mar 18th, 2011 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Part II of Uncle Russ Russ’s trip to New Zealand starts off as any Part II should, with Russ having just headed out to party, with a large group and yes, the liquor will be flowing. Things will break, people will hate and cocks will be made public. Sorry New Zealand. For Part I CLICK HERE.
We rolled into the party about 15 deep! I remember Jicky trying to do some sort of interview with his stupid little recorder. I was in the mood so I snatched it from him and tossed it into the woods. Jicky didn’t like that too much so he hit me with a left hook to the jaw. Nothin’! I didn’t even move accept to go get another drink.
When I got to the keg Mole was real upset because there was no more beer. He decided that he was going to roll the keg down the hill and right into town. The party was on top of a hill that emptied out right into the middle of town. That was the last I though of that until I was on my way back to the igloo to do some serious drinking and noticed the keg lodged in a parked car front window. Hmm, good work Mole.
Back at the igloo there was a new party tool out. The Boot. I don’t know why but the bartender really liked tequila. I don’t know if any of you have seen those big glass boots but they hold a lot of beer and there is a tech to drinkin’ them. If you don’t know the tech you will be wearing a lot of beer. I asked for him to fill me up with a boot, which he did, and he also added two tequila shots. It took me a minute but I did finish it.
At this point I was wasted and needed to take a leak. The bathroom was in the restaurant, which the igloo was attached too. When I got into the restaurant I noticed a huge Swiss yodel guy style horn that was as long as a 12-person dinner table. It was like it was pulling me to go and make noise! The only problem is that the table was filled with 12 people and the Horn was setup right down the middle of the dinner table with a chair at the end where somebody could sit and play it! After the first few Blows the homies came runnin’! Next thing I knew the whole Igloo had emptied out into the restaurant to watch me make an ass of my self and scare the pants off these poor tourists trying to enjoy their dinner..
After my performance I went back into the igloo and ordered a drink. The only bad thing about the igloo is that once it get crowded it is really tough to move around. So there I was pinned against the bar drinkin’ something. Oh crap I forgot to take a piss. Necessity is the rot of all invention. With nowhere to go I decided to make something up called Camo-Cock. Camo-Cock you say? Yup, it is what you do when you cant get to the bathroom or the line is too long. What you do I belly up to the bar, take your unit out and start talking with somebody or just pretend like you are ordering a drink. Now start pissin’ against the bar. It is very important that the bar is packed so that nobody can look down and notice. When you are done grab your drink and relocate to a dry spot at the bar!
Well that’s NZ for ya! Thanks for readin’. I wish I could let you in on more of the happenings but…