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Gingervitus: Peter Line’s Revenge

The name of my first two columns was a tribute to Peter Line, but I feel like I’ve messed with this guy enough so I changed it. One night, years ago when I first met Peter, I decided to pretend to be an avid snake-boarder and act like I had no idea who he was. More recently, I sent Peter a few questions regarding his opinion of snake-board companies moving into the snowboard market and putting snowboarders on their teams. Below is some sort of creative writing interpretation of the interview and the events of the night in question, in some sort of weird Peter Line-style avant-garde re-enactment. Some of this happened, most of it didn’t, all of it is awesome. Just thought I’d share. I was trying to poke a little bit of fun at Peter, but he masterfully turned this against me so that I would be the one blushing. Touché. Peter, touché. Respect your elders, especially the ones with a famous colon.

“Are you still mad at me?”

I looked up from my drink. A tall ginger girl stared down at me, “What?”

“Are you still mad at me?” she repeated.

I had no idea what she was talking about. Did I sleep with this girl at one time and forget?

“mad about what?”

“How did you listen to me talk about snake boards for so long that night?”

She took my pause as a chance to pull up a chair beside me. Her red hair brushed against my face as she scooted closer. She smelled of ripe cantaloupe and lavender, a combination of her shampoo and the gum she was chewing. I could just makeout her ample ▮▮▮▮▮▮ under her tight ▮▮▮▮▮▮, they ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮ with every scooch closer. I took a sip of my drink to hide my excitement.

“What do you think about snake boards/ swivel boards moving into the snowboard market and trying to get snowboarders on their teams?”

She said it again, ‘snake-boards’. The way she pronounces the ‘S’ gives me shivers. I couldn’t help but say the word aloud as she did. “Ssssssnake-boardssss,” The ‘S’s echoed through my head. “Ssssssnake-boardssss,” I repeated again. She was staring at me with her beautiful green doe-like eyes. Her mouth hung open, poised. ‘she wants me.’

“Were you tempted to try one after our conversation?”

She said ‘tempted’. “Yes I’m tempted to try ▮▮▮ out”

All, six feet of her stood up from her chair as she spit in my face.

“Are most people you meet ▮▮▮▮▮ than me?”

“ahhh… “

“Will I be seeing you at Hood this summer?”

I reached up and grabbed the gum stuck on cheek and put it in my mouth.

“Hmmm… cantaloupe, I was right.”

Make mine a double.
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Comments (10)

  1. okay what is a snake board

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  2. edited out words: breasts, T-shirt, bounced, you, nicer.

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  3. Snakeboarding is the fucking shit!!!! PETER LINE SHOULD TRY ONE!

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  4. that video is how skateboarders see snowboarders… damnit.

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  5. those are kinda cool looking, at least the ones with 4 wheels.

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  6. That is NOT a snakeboard in that video. Don’t ask me how I know these things…

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  7. @minnesotanice you retarded or something?

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  8. actually that is a snakeboard in that video and those things are sooooo retarded. funny that he was trying to bust a zeach grind though. that contraption is actually the resultant of a rollerblader wanting to skateboard but never quite figuring it out. might as well combine the two. Innovation at its finest. they really should just market these things as a skateboard infused rollerblade.

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  9. Hmm…
    Snakeboards seem… interesting.

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