The Real JP? Ain’t Nothing to Fuck WithBy Nick Lipton • Oct 7th, 2011 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Yobeat Headquarters – Requests have poured in begging for a report, analysis and good old fashion ribbing of a situation currently taking place in the snowboard world. We assume this task fell on our shoulders because other snow-journalists are too scared, wimpy or have their noses too far up the industry’s ass to publish things like, “The reason JP Walker does not have the respect or glory he feels entitled to is because of JP Walker.”
The situation is this. The sarcastic, spastic and light-hearted blog Harsh Zeach to Scorpion found an image of JP Zeaching his way into history. The post wasn’t the kindest obviously, but it did read, “The Boss Don”. Poking fun at JP’s trick choice, but not without showing an underlining respect to a man who helped create what we consider snowboarding. They did however post the photo below as well. Which, is obviously a joke, and at worst, a shy jab at a man who should be able to overlook, laugh off and not give a flying fuck about any of this. But of course, JP Walker had to prove what a joke he has become.
Here’s where the pot starts boiling. Utah filmer guy Roobs, who doesn’t matter, posted the photo, like he would any other day. JP Walker apparently saw this photo, freaked out due to insecurities, and decided to give Bode Merrill, the wrong guy, a lesson in “what’s up.” At this point JP Walker had made three mistakes. One, giving two shits what some stupid blog had to say. Two, never learning how to read (or he would have read Posted by ROOBS). And three, taking it upon himself to insult one of today’s best snowboarding talents (Bode Merrill). Which we can only surmise was his way of letting everyone know how super dope he is, how legendary he is and how totally secure he is personally and professionally.
The image above appeared on The Real JP?. Yes, JP Walker’s site is called The Real JP?. Obviously because he heard how cool the snowboard world thought Jeremy Jones was after creating The Real Jeremy Jones. Or, because JP Walker thought his icon chin, long blonde locks and legendary career wasn’t really differentiating himself from JP Tomich. Which is absolutely retarded. Although it’s possible it’s a deeper question, one from JP to JP, asking, “Am I the real JP?” This post was both JP Walker’s fourth and fifth mistakes. Four was showcasing how terrible he is at insults. Five was writing, “…-desperate-for-attention-flip???” As if three question marks wasn’t an obvious indicator that he should not post this, he spelled out the entire reason his respect among snowboarders has taken a 2008 like downturn. I think it’s safe to say, JP Walker is desperately trying to get our attention, or did I not mention The Real JP?
Harsh Zeach to Scorpion responded with a sincere post addressing that A) they felt bad and B) they were upset someone they admired, respected and once looked to for inspiration had such a sour reaction. They also photoshopped Yobeat’s old JP Walker photoshop job, to add a dash of humor. This should have cooled the water. JP Walker should have felt both respected, and as if he had “won.” But of course not, because that’s not how people who have to publicly declare themselves as the real version of themselves roll. In JP Walker’s case, he just had to keep fucking it up, are you surprised?
This was JP Walker’s response. The mistakes now stack so high the only conclusion we can come to is that JP Walker has lost touch with reality, he has no idea what is happening in snowboarding, he feels the need to insult those who are smaller and younger than himself, and he is confused. Here are some examples:
“???” -Three question marks should be reserved for drunk people and girls younger than 16.
“It’s very sad that you felt so threatened by a blog post…” – Yes JP Walker, it is very sad that one of snowboarding’s all time greats felt compelled to start this ridiculous bullshit because of a blog post. You truly showed them “what’s up”.
“Wake up and look in the mirror man.” – Please JP Walker, listen to your own advice. Put your arms down and stop shitting on your own legacy.
“You have a whole site dedicated to hating on people.” – JP Walker only has a career dedicated to hating on people.
“It’s just a sad attempt at getting your career going.” – On what planet is Bode Merrill “getting his career going”? Where we stand, it’s riders like Bode Merrill who are ending the careers of the JP Walker’s out there.
Maybe this is all a misunderstanding though. What if JP Walker has an amazing sense of humor, and did this to pal around with his snowboard brethren? What if Yobeat is all wrong about JP Walker? Could we have painted him the wrong color? For our integrity’s sake, we can not leave any question unturned. So, I, Nick Lipton, extend this offer to JP Walker. Give me an hour or so of your time. We’ll finally do the Hump Day we scheduled three Summers ago. The one you and The Real Jeremy Jones bailed on because a bar conversation the previous night had you nervous about what I would ask, how you would look and what impression the fans would take away. Please, step up to the plate, after all, a legend like yourself should have nothing to worry about right?
For Harsh Zeach to Scorpions latest response, check their blog HERE.
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