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The Real JP? Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With

Yobeat Headquarters – Requests have poured in begging for a report, analysis and good old fashion ribbing of a situation currently taking place in the snowboard world. We assume this task fell on our shoulders because  other snow-journalists are too scared, wimpy or have their noses too far up the industry’s ass to publish things like, “The reason JP Walker does not have the respect or glory he feels entitled to is because of JP Walker.”

The situation is this. The sarcastic, spastic and light-hearted blog Harsh Zeach to Scorpion found an image of JP Zeaching his way into history. The post wasn’t the kindest obviously, but it did read, “The Boss Don”. Poking fun at JP’s trick choice, but not without showing an underlining respect to a man who helped create what we consider snowboarding. They did however post the photo below as well. Which, is obviously a joke, and at worst, a shy jab at a man who should be able to overlook, laugh off and not give a flying fuck about any of this. But of course, JP Walker had to prove what a joke he has become.

Here’s where the pot starts boiling. Utah filmer guy Roobs, who doesn’t matter, posted the photo, like he would any other day. JP Walker apparently saw this photo, freaked out due to insecurities, and decided to give Bode Merrill, the wrong guy, a lesson in “what’s up.” At this point JP Walker had made three mistakes. One, giving two shits what some stupid blog had to say. Two, never learning how to read (or he would have read Posted by ROOBS). And three, taking it upon himself to insult one of today’s best snowboarding talents (Bode Merrill). Which we can only surmise was his way of letting everyone know how super dope he is, how legendary he is and how totally secure he is personally and professionally.

The image above appeared on The Real JP?. Yes, JP Walker’s site is called The Real JP?. Obviously because he heard how cool the snowboard world thought Jeremy Jones was after creating The Real Jeremy Jones. Or, because JP Walker thought his icon chin, long blonde locks and legendary career wasn’t really differentiating himself from JP Tomich. Which is absolutely retarded. Although it’s possible it’s a deeper question, one from JP to JP, asking, “Am I the real JP?” This post was both JP Walker’s fourth and fifth mistakes. Four was showcasing how terrible he is at insults. Five was writing, “…-desperate-for-attention-flip???” As if three question marks wasn’t an obvious indicator that he should not post this, he spelled out the entire reason his respect among snowboarders has taken a 2008 like downturn. I think it’s safe to say, JP Walker is desperately trying to get our attention, or did I not mention The Real JP?

Harsh Zeach to Scorpion responded with a sincere post addressing that A) they felt bad and B) they were upset someone they admired, respected and once looked to for inspiration had such a sour reaction. They also photoshopped Yobeat’s old JP Walker photoshop job, to add a dash of humor. This should have cooled the water.  JP Walker should have felt both respected, and as if he had “won.” But of course not, because that’s not how people who have to publicly declare themselves as the real version of themselves roll. In JP Walker’s case, he just had to keep fucking it up, are you surprised?

This was JP Walker’s response. The mistakes now stack so high the only conclusion we can come to is that JP Walker has lost touch with reality, he has no idea what is happening in snowboarding, he feels the need to insult those who are smaller and younger than himself, and he is confused. Here are some examples:

“???” -Three question marks should be reserved for drunk people and girls younger than 16.

“It’s very sad that you felt so threatened by a blog post…” – Yes JP Walker, it is very sad that one of snowboarding’s all time greats felt compelled to start this ridiculous bullshit because of a blog post. You truly showed them “what’s up”.

“Wake up and look in the mirror man.” – Please JP Walker, listen to your own advice. Put your arms down and stop shitting on your own legacy.

“You have a whole site dedicated to hating on people.” –  JP Walker only has a career dedicated to hating on people.

“It’s just a sad attempt at getting your career going.” – On what planet is Bode Merrill “getting his career going”? Where we stand, it’s riders like Bode Merrill who are ending the careers of the JP Walker’s out there.

Maybe this is all a misunderstanding though. What if JP Walker has an amazing sense of humor, and did this to pal around with his snowboard brethren? What if Yobeat is all wrong about JP Walker? Could we have painted him the wrong color? For our integrity’s sake, we can not leave any question unturned. So, I, Nick Lipton, extend this offer to JP Walker. Give me an hour or so of your time. We’ll finally do the Hump Day we scheduled three Summers ago. The one you and The Real Jeremy Jones bailed on because a bar conversation the previous night had you nervous about what I would ask, how you would look and what impression the fans would take away. Please, step up to the plate, after all, a legend like yourself should have nothing to worry about right?

For Harsh Zeach to Scorpions latest response, check their blog HERE.


Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (140)

  1. yobeat should stay out of this

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 16
  2. The dudes over at Harsh Zeach to Scorpion are invited to join us here at the FIS Committee, they can help us figure out who’s board slides are teh best.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 0
  3. too late

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  4. They should settle the argument with a boxing match, loser donates money to the charity of the winner’s choice. Then we can watch them beat the shit out of each other and it will still be for a good cause. Or skip the charity part and just fuck each other up.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  6. ruh roh.
    James Paul and Bode are both going to be at Buckmanns grand opening in a week.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  7. they should make up with the best way to show your love and sincere affection for someone… a murder suicide

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
  8. they should end all the shit with a game of s.k.a.t.e.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  9. Terrance for president

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 2
  10. I remember high school. Fuck lipton

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 6
  11. Snowboarding has its Charlie Sheen moment.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  12. this post is the most contradicting thing i’ve ever seen on this site haha why the hell did you take the time to put a huge high school drama story together for everyone to read and not give a shit about. This is like looking at a 16 year olds myspace from 5 years ago. Faggot. Making more drama by exploiting drama

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 3
  13. From small town Utah famous for mormons..after snowboarding fame turns into….uh son! CORN ROWS….white guy with CORN ROWS…..back to the beginning from small mormon town in Utah……I WEAR A COSTUME EVERY DAY SON…… IM GANGSTA….ALLIGATOR SEAT SON……but I TALK LIKE A SURFY MORMON SON…….goes on 6 year costume run(halloween is close)..SUN TANNING SON….career starts to fade off…SMOKE WEED SON(not really another costume) …….trust me IM REAL SON…not fake……TRICK OR TREAT SON……Best crew of of up and coming riders in the game make a joke….LOOSES MIND SON…starts trash talking like an asshole…looses even more fans as the light goes out on career….UH LATER SON……Bode’s about to go on a ten year run…sit back and watch SON!….. ……. YOU’RE OR DONE SON! REMEMBER YOU ARE FROM SMALL TOWN UTAH SON………HOW MUCH FOR THAT ALLIGATOR SEAT ON EBAY SON!!!!…….FUCK OUTTA HERE

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 5
  14. hahahah wow the guy above me obviously got his girlfriend stolen from him when she seen the don rollin on his gator skin sub woofin sled, how can you hate on that?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1
  15. basic bitches wear that shit so i don’t even botha.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  16. damnit. this has officially surpassed my edit post from last winter for amount of comments. no more tittle.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1
  17. jp- here’s the thing. you snowboard for a living, snowboarding is a recreational activity for most of the world. in the grand scheme of things you are much, much less important than a garbage man, a school custodian, or a reusable diaper washer because we actually need those people for our society to function. yes, you are less important than a shit scrubber. all pro snowboarders are less important than shit scrubbers. so quit acting like a bunch of egotistical pricks and remember that snowboarding is supposed to be for fun.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1
  18. am i the only one that’s confused by the fact that JP was saying that Bode’s an asshole for getting mad about a picture that he posted making fun of him, when this whole thing is because JP got mad about a picture that got posted making fun of him? i feel 25% dumber from this “beef”.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0
  19. I think JPs point was that Bode shouldn’t be getting butt hurt about getting a response since this is basically all that Harsh Zeach to Scorpion does in the first place (talk shit). If you can’t take it don’t dish it out sort of deal.

    It seems like JP is just responding to someone trying to call him out, I guess that makes him a punk… Personally I think it makes HZTC punks for doing it in the first place.

    On another note, I can’t wait until poser kids start yelling “ZEACH” from the chairlifts this winter. Thanks guys…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 3
  20. this is why the terrorists hate us.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
  21. I know this is too far down for anyone to read but I feel it needs to be said.
    Snowboarder kids dont give a shit about the past. I am 17 and I can say right now that the vast majority of us don’t. In every other sport the legends are remembered, but in snowboarding once you are gone, you are gone, left only in the heads of the aging shredders who seem like dinosaurs next to the seb toots and tyler flannagan’s of the world. When I was into Basketball I knew a shit ton about Magic Johnson, when I was into Baseball I knew all about Nolan Ryan, but when it comes to snowboarding, of which I know much more than I ever did Basketball or Baseball, I couldn’t tell you a thing about Craig Kelly and I could probably tell you one thing about Kevin Jones. Kids aren’t going to respect past legends in snowboarding now and maybe not fully ever because if they did a whole lot more people would be arguing for JP. He fucking invented modern snowboarding. You don’t hate on Rodney Mullen if he gets offended and overreacts to someone, Why? Because he invented half of the flip tricks that you most likely still can not do today. While I agree that he is a little out of line here, he isn’t called the don for nothing, remember that.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 22
  22. Actually, he is called the don because he spray tans, bleaches his hair, and drives a mercedes in a white sweatsuit.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
  23. spoken like a true dumbass shaquille

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 1

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 1
  25. I tried clicking the thumbs up on the fuck dubstep post but it didn’t work because apparently I already thumbs upped it?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 2
  26. shaquille oneil- first of all we are not jocks, please dont reference lame ass team sports in comparison to snowboarding. second, like you said, you’re “17” which by default means you are dumb. third, if you are only focusing on riders like seb toots, and tyler flanagan you are missing a huge part of snowboarding. lastly, if you are gonna be that ignorant about the “sport” you are involved in (meaning not knowing shit about today’s snowboarding or yesterdays)… please take a hike. beat it kook. JP was a legend and inovator with a big head years ago, although today with his reaction to HZTS his big head left him as the punchline to a joke.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1
  27. Everyone is gay

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  28. the only way to the real “top,” is to come down the mountain and hang out with everyone.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
  29. liptons a fuckin queer coffe boy

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  30. jp needs to not cut anymore rails apart either, just sayin..

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
  31. My guess is none of you even know JP and sure it seems like he may have overstepped his boundaries on this one, but if you look closely you’ll see he really is just sticking up for anyone who is being hated on. JP has had more video parts in top shelf videos than most snowboarders dream of. The problem these days is people who think they are actually contributing to snowboarding with something new, but they are just following everyone else before them. JP was an innovator for 6 years straight. Find me somebody who can claim that. Stop talking about his snowboarding because the fact is it is still sick. You have an issue with what he says..fine, you want to call him names and comment on his chin when you don’t even know him then it looks like you are the actual kook here and not him.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0
  32. Wow. That REALLY pisses me off. JP is a ********************* and Bode is Gucci!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1
  33. k, both dudes are (or were) killer shredders. cool.

    bode – pretty faggy – your harsh zeach blog is a testament to how UNCREATIVE you are. lets get off of how “creative” you are on your snowboard, and think about your blog. pretty fucking gay. bet you cant come up with anything original or creative.

    jp – have you seen the dons blog? its HIS blog, like doing shit and hanging out with people, not being a pasty fuck with a laptop tan (or lack thereof) taking screen shots of people at their worst moment. bode you have a crew of dudes whos sole job is to capture you at your BEST, and you spend your downtime taking screenshots of people at their worst. what a prick. neither of you guys are celebs, and bode i know this is hard to hear, but you just arent going to be a celeberty, even a ten year mega carrear is some flash in the pan shit in the scheme of things, and then what? maybe you should take some online classes or something

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 5
  34. Classless, amateur journalism. I’m not gonna say that nobody gives a fuck about this jp and molde berril debacle because there’s obviously a lot of comments here, but these tmz articles are what’s wrong with snowboarding these days. bunch of biased bullshit is what it is.

    and ^ zeachdon up here is right. jp’s blog is proper and legitimate compared to that crap bode is preaching. it’s all fun and games, yeah I know but it ain’t doing anything for your career. honestly that’s the kinda shit I’d expect on yobeat’s website.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1
  35. this may be off-topic and a month late. but why the fuck did jp walker even “compete” in the xgames real snow rail jam thing, if he was just going to 50/50 the easiest fucking down bar feature. shit just pissed me off that wasted at least 3 other turns… and suave and jj were actually trying to win shit was WHACK!!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0
  36. Take a seat all of you Clowns!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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