Thanksgiving and Snowboarding Through the AgesBy Nick Lipton • Nov 24th, 2011 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Thanksgiving and snowboarding, itâ€™s a relationship as unique, special and important as any other. Turkey day spans centuries, hell, itâ€™s older than snowboarding. Itâ€™s even older than America. Thatâ€™s why itâ€™s important that each and every one of you enjoy this feast of feasts. Maybe youâ€™re saying to yourself, â€œFuck this.â€ Well no, fuck you. Thanksgiving is when resorts open, so be thankful. Thanksgiving is about waiting and waiting and waiting until you go all out until it hurts, just like opening day. Thanksgiving is about excess in any and all realms of the imagination. Sort of like how youâ€™re going to break your wrist thinking youâ€™re the shit after a fall of snowboard videos. So sit-down and listen up, even the international crowd should get a load of this.
How to appropriately spend Thanksgiving according to age group:
This applies to all of you 18 or under. Youâ€™re in school, your Mom makes sure youâ€™re ok when youâ€™re sick, basically you donâ€™t know shit and if you do, youâ€™re busy hustling up some grub right now and not enjoying Daddyâ€™s free Wifi. So, this Thanksgiving try to get some boarding in, but if you canâ€™t, itâ€™s not your fault, Mom and Dad set the rules, after all.
*If you have a car get your ass to the hill.
Sure, youâ€™re on your own now. I mean, youâ€™ve got your own spot, you make your own rules. So what if Dad pays for it right? Wrong. Dad pays for everything, so the same rules apply to you as they do to your 16 year-old brother.
Oh, you didnâ€™t go to college? Then today is obviously spent one of two ways:
1) Serving food at the lodge, silently crying over Momâ€™s sweet texts.
2) Violently drunk, puking, stoned out of your mind, wondering where this â€œsecretâ€ trail leads.
Youâ€™ve finally entered into your own life. This can happen anytime after the college years. These days kids suck so much itâ€™s hard to figure out when we really get our own lives. Just look at how Occupy Wall Street turned out, obviously our parents were better at protesting. Moving on. So, what the hell do you want to do? Snowboard? Maybe, sort of expensive though right? Fuck it, letâ€™s go, weâ€™ll get dinner at Bradâ€™s girlfriendâ€™s house, I hear sheâ€™s cooking the full spread. Just make sure to bring something alcoholic.
Good news, you can do whatever you want. Thatâ€™s it, thatâ€™s all.
After the pounding headache your now elderly parents created for you, youâ€™ll get to deal with your bundle of joy yelling and bitching about wanting to go snowboarding. Youâ€™ll fondly remind yourself of how fun it was taking turns and landing phat tindyâ€™s. If this is you, just take the family snowboarding already, or, deal with the fact that your life is going to suck until you enter the grave.
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