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Other than painting walls at the new Yobeat HQ, and shamelessly promoting YOMERICA DIE CUT STICKERS, I have spent much of my powderless winter rummaging around ancient Indian burial Grounds for sacred snowboard relics. (It’s part of the internship). Days before the country got dumped on from coast to coast, I found a sacred document in the skull of a decaying Native American. Listed Below are the ancient commandments defining man’s place with powder.
I. Thou Shall trust the wise words of elders.
Many say that wisdom comes with age. Old people can lead you to some crazy shit on the mountain. Often times the youngsters get too anxious and end up choosing a stupid line. Take notes from those who know where they are going.
II. He who finds it shall drop first.
It’s common courtesy to let your guide get it first. If you are a noobie being lead to an amazing spot, don’t dare drop-in unless your guide tells you to take it. First tracks are a sacred thing.
III. Thou shall keep at least one homie in sight at all times.
The Expression “No friends on a powder day” is untrue unless you virtually have no one you enjoy snowboarding with, which might make you weird. Shredding pow with a friend is not only safer, but they serve as a witness to all the sick shit you are doing.
IV. Thou shalt not bitch.
Being with a Debbie-downer on a powder day blows. If your gear is malfunctioning, or you think you’re hurting a little bit too much, do everyone a favor and just go inside. The bottom line is, we all understand the situations that can be less-than-ideal on a powder day, but we really don’t need to hear a sob story about yours.
V. Thou shall take the singles line.
If the weekend crowds are killing the mood, split up and zip through the singles line, who knows, you might get to ride up with a snow bunny and shred away not-so-single.
VI. Thou shall point all Joeys in the wrong direction.
“DUDE, My company gave me free ski-blade rentals today, can you tell me where all the best powder runs are?”
If a Joey is hassling you on the lift about all your secret spots, do not hesitate to send him towards the nearest magic carpet.
VII. Thou shall refer to all awesome runs as “horrible” in the lift line.
Code word: “horrible” is a great way to tell your friends in the line how amazing a run was without drawing attention to yourself. The more worse you make the run sound, the better it actually is.
VIII. Thou shall not pee in an open powder field.
I would like to think of a man’s ability to pee in the woods as a privilege, not a right. For goodness sake, pee on a tree. There is nothing worse than tomahawking into a warm, yellow snow beard. Besides, pissing in the middle of a pristine powder field takes a deranged sort of person.
IX. Thou shall share all snacks.
If you have sustenance, it is your duty to hook your friend up with a piece. It can be tortuous watching one of your homies put back a granola bar without the thought of offering you any. If they deny you food and you get hurt, blame them.
X. Thou shall not boast to friends who could not shred.
Listening to you tell me how much it sucks that i couldn’t go reminds me of how much it sucks to be your friend. Did you learn nothing from the enlightening experience you just came back from? Don’t come home and rub it in.