Day in the Life of a Camp CounselorBy Darrah Reid • Sep 10th, 2012 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Words: Darrah Reid-McLean. Photos Greg Furey
They aren’t as badass as The Diggers. They don’t work in a hot, sweaty kitchen like the K-Unit. But give the counselors some credit. These pseudo-adults are responsible for making sure children have the most fun possible off-hill and are in charge of keeping them too busy to do all the shithead teenage things that shithead teenagers get up to these days. Like banging in the bathroom or shooting drugs in the parking lot. Anyway, if you’ve ever wanted to be a camp counselor settle in, this is a day in the life.
7AM – Wake up.
7:15AM – Get 8-15 teenagers out of bed. Most difficult part of the day.
7:20AM – Literally drag remaining teenagers out of their beds, throwing objects at them until they’re up.
7:25AM – Wrangle 8-15 teenagers to breakfast.
8:50AM – Lock up house, herd teenagers to meet their coaches for the day.
8:52AM – “I forgot my gloves/sunglasses/lunch/whatever,” slap face, unlock house.
8:55AM – Lock up house, run to meet rest of counselors.
9:30AM – Drive van up mountain. Reflect upon how you’re responsible for the lives of X amount of children. Play Juicy J so teenagers think you’re tight and shit.
10AM to 1:30PM – Boardinnnn! Stomp hella tricks bro. (If you’re someone else. If you’re me, provide entertainment for diggers with your scorpioning down the landing of the jump.)
1:30PM – Drive back down to camp, unlock all camper houses. Wander from house to house making sure none of the campers are doing any bullshit things they shouldn’t be doing.
3:30PM – Clean up after 8-15 miscreants. Take cold shower because all the hot water has been used. Momentarily hate life.
3:50pm – Discover teenage boy and girl making out. Kind of grossed out, make them stop by yelling and snapping between their faces junior high mixer style.
4PM – Meet with your campers! Give them heck if they’re late. Someone is always late.
4PM to 5:30PM – Activity time. Soccer (run aimlessly back and forth on the field), or skateboarding (try not to kill yourself learning to drop-in), or mountain biking (grip handle bars for dear life, and try not to get ejected from bicycle).
5:45PM – Overhear 16-year-old boys talk about how much ass they slay. Wonder why children are getting more action than you?
6:15pm – Discover boy and girl camper making out again in new location. Tell them to stop. Wash hands and feel sad.
7:15PM – Meet with your campers! Give them heck if they’re late. Same kid is late.
7:30PM – Discover camper peeing his pants for $50. Seriously consider doing it for $100 when offered. Decide it’s a bad idea — overdraft bank account hours later.
8PM – Walk upstairs to an extremely unpleasant smell in the kitchen. Learn that a camper has microwaved his wet snowboard socks.
8:30PM – Campers are congregated on the deck. Learn that they are watching people fall for the “poo dollar” prank. Tell them they are punks, and try not to laugh. Laugh inside for hours.
9PM – Curfew. Meet with campers! Talk about how awesome they are. Tell them why they shouldn’t grab tindy. If you have girl campers, gossip about boys, then try to encourage them to focus more on boarding, less on boarderboiizz.
11pm – Lights out.
11:30pm – Seriously, you fucking brats, it’s lights out.
Midnight – Fall asleep to the sounds of co-workers enjoying another fun-filled night in Govy. Sigh.