Thanksgiving: A Shred Story

By • Nov 22nd, 2012 • Category: Features, Latest, Random

The true Thanksgiving story is one that is not told by many. According to research conducted within my head, new “facts” would allow us at Yobeat to believe the Native Americans were snowboarders, and the Pilgrims, actually the first versions of what we now know as “skiers.” What follows is the true (made up) story of Thanksgiving:

The Native Americans were a humble people who lived off the land. At one with nature, they understood the most efficient way to travel downhill during winter.


When the Pilgrims arrived in America they were vastly unprepared to withstand the harsh Northeast Winter and many people died. One day, on the bottom of “ANGWUSNASOMTAQA cliff drop,” Squanto and his homie shredded straight into the camp. The Native Americans took pity on the white man, and helped them get back to their camp for supplies.

In many Native American dialects, “skis” translated roughly to “Rectal rim-licker.” Squanto and his homie laughed all the way back to camp about how ridiculous the two-plankers looked, for It was tradition to haze the two-plankers. When they got back to camp, the pilgrims took note of the way the Native Americans lived off the land. For a while, the two groups were friends. The Native American’s trusted the pilgrims enough to invite them to their giving thanks feast. A celebration of God’s gift of snow to this earth.

And so the first feast went, a celebration in hopes of bountiful powder . Then one greedy pilgrim thought differently.


And that’s how it went. After four hundred years, the Native American’s original love has come back to light with the exception of three Pilgrim-owned resorts. This Thanksgiving give thanks that snowboarding is back, and hopefully here to stay.

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11 thoughts on “Thanksgiving: A Shred Story

  1. col. forbin

    In many Native American dialects, “skis” translated roughly to “Rectal rim-licker.”
    lulz

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  2. johnjohn

    Haha bastards skiers really piss me off.. if they weren’t so cocky I wouldn’t mind but most of thèm think their the shit. Haha

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