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Real Snow 2013: The Lipton Report

Screen Shot 2013-01-08 at 12.27.48 PM

ESPN’s Real Snow is back with pretty much the same roster as last year, a video player that really hurts your eyes, the most embarrassing design work since the last Neff line and commercials for NFL shit, credit cards and more! All the good news aside, there are some dudes you all like trying to kill themselves on film for a cash purse and a mention during Shaun White’s winning X Games halfpipe run. Check out the videos, remember to remind yourself to vote at some point and read our reviews of each part as you wait weeks and weeks for the results!

Eero Ettala

Eero Ettala is so good it’s boring. He basically one ups every trick that stood out last year, does some other amazing stuff that’s bigger and smoother than should be possible and does it all with goggles strapped to his forehead. It’s like he got out of bed, got paid and went home.  It seriously doesn’t look like he tried at all. Watching this leaves you feeling icky inside.

Ethan Diess

Ol’ four-eyes, Ethan Deiss, has a sick intro. Then he does stuff that takes really thick thighs, like slamming between rails and brick walls like it’s what you’re supposed to do on a snowboard. Oh by the way, holy ollie ladies and gents. This part has more gaps then a whores smile, Burton should be stoked

Verdict: Ethan Deiss. Eero’s won enough shit this century.

Dan Brisse

Dan Brisse should fire his editor, that said, what the fuck is wrong with this guy. Every year he proves he’s the gnarliest dude ever, and every year he gets gnarlier. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this dude scares the living shit out of me.

Bode Merrill

Bode Merrill is one of the most talented men in snowboarding today, and the handplant halfway through this part will prove it. That said, prepare to have your mind blown by the last three shots of this part, including the rail drop that’s bigger than any cliff you’ve ever even considered hitting.

Verdict: Fuck it, one of them is bound to die by the Finals.

Jeremy Jones

Jeremy Jones is back again for some reason, but I’ve got to give it to him, he does keep doing different stuff. There’s a fence stall-bounce thing thats pretty rad, but a bunch of one-footers that I wish never happened.

Frank April

Frank April just happened all over my screen. I don’t know if it was the slow jams to the slow edit, or the fact that he’s a tech genius, but this ones pretty damn entertaining. Oh, and his banger is the coolest shit I’ve seen in a while. Get ready for Deja Vu, dudes.

Verdict: Frank April will take this round.

Louif Paradis

Louif Paradis is one of the best rail riders on earth. That’s a fact. What’s also true is that his 270s are disgusting in a good way. Check out the handplant slide a few times too. Everyone’s goal should be to learn how to do that this season.

Pat Moore

If you don’t like Pat Moore fuck you. Who will get him after Forum? Who knows (probably Burton). Anyway, the metal-loving bad boy risks his knees on every shot in this part and it’s awesome as usual. Pat Rules, that’s why he’s one of the biggest names in the game, the end.

Verdict: Pat Moore.

Go watch the actual videos here: http://xgames.espn.go.com/events/2013/aspen/real

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (35)

  1. I’m thinking Bode

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 3
  2. AIDS. Opps, I mean Ads.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
  3. Pat on a Volcolm board…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 0
  4. Thanks captain obvious.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 3
  5. jeremy jones part was almost as bad as that new jibberish episode

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 63 Thumb down 4
  6. I ASKED AND YOU DELIVERED. THANK YOU NICK.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2
  7. Pat was riding a Volcom board in a few shots of his edit, so i’m guessing that is his new sponser not burton. but you know that took actually watching the footage to see…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 6
  8. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 38
  9. THANK YOU MR LIPTONS THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2
  10. Nick Lipton def sucks farts would be cayked if he stopped writing reviews/talking shit. You should Yoskeet on Brooke Gearys hairy chest.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 1
  11. the screenshots of the videos got me good. well played yobeat

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0
  12. Louif Paradis

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 2
  13. haha, clicked on the photos thinkin they was vids

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0
  14. frank, louif, pat, or bode. fuck me, this is the most insane snowboarding i have ever seen

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
  15. am i the only one that cant figure out how to play the vids on the espn website?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1
  16. you bastards made me click the screenshot thinking it was a video

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1
  17. i spy a 2013 villain

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 6
  18. E-Man Anderson should win

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 39 Thumb down 2
  19. Luckly i found it ….just go espn then to the more sports tab then look for wnba keep going down to the rugby link and if you hit bassmaster then youve gone too far

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
  20. jeremy jones’ vid was actually a lot better than i thought it would be, but frank april stood out the most, hes just the best

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1
  21. challenge accepted

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  22. You were not harsh enough

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1
  23. Burton picked up a Forum rider long before they dropped Forum. That guys name is John Jackson. I suspect they won’t pick up another one. Although, Pat Moore would be as deserving as anybody. Then again, maybe Slash should pull him over.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2
  24. Am i the only one who got fooled by the pictures , thinking they were videos

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2
  25. Yo! Embed the freaking videos here so we can plan them you fuck nuts.

    FWIW I like the xgames design. Just as good as anywhere else.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 4
    • the videos are 72 hour exclusive on ESPN’s player. IF you want to watch Tide commercials, you’ll have to go there. We’ll embed the youtubes saturday when they’re available.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1
  26. Hey admin – Tide commercials = awesome. Whatever.

    I embedded the ESPN player on my blog… you can too. Cut and paste.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
    • Didn’t say we COULDN’T. Just that we won’t.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 3
  27. Franks got it

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0
  28. jeremy, you look tired bro…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0
  29. Sal Masakela’s balls

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
  30. Pat over louif? You must be half retarded Lipton.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1
  31. Yobeat is gay

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

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