FRIDAY 2/1

11:10 am: I am either awake, or this is allll a dream.

11:30 am: I am in a cab on the way to the convention center. Brooke calls me and asks where I am. I tell her I am not there yet and I am not getting a tattoo. She tells me she has never been so disappointed in me. I explain that permanently marking my body with something I haven’t thought about yet was not worth the only thing I would get out of it:  A grimace on Nick Lipton’s face when he sees i’ve marked myself  for life with something stupid. Not my style.

1:00 pm: First beer to go along with my first meeting of the day over at Airblaster. I love these guys.

Breakfast of champions.

2:50 pm: I sign a contract with Academy using a 6 foot tall pencil. I’m officially sponsed.

3:26 pm: This guy gets “ride” tattooed on his knuckles. Either he owns the company, or he lost one hell of a bet.

I thought this was Mitt Romney for a hot minute.

7:30 pm: We go to dinner and my insides feel like they are melting within my skin. My hands go completely numb and i have a cold sweat. I don’t tell anyone because I  don’t want to freak them out.

8:05 pm:  I order two shots of  whiskey and a club sandwich. This does the trick, and upon ingesting i feel human again.

9:00 pm: VIP bracelet to the Transworld awards. NOICE.

The day before this marquee had advertisements for a papa roach concert.

9:25 pm: The first 20 minutes of this award ceremony is nothing short of a GoPro ad. Everytime someone says GoPro, i drink. I think many people had this idea, for the “free beer” was gone within the hour.

9:30 pm: The GoPRo award is given. I pray that there is going to be an Oprah style giveaway and there is GoPros under all of our chairs. It is the only thing that would make sitting through this worth it.

9:35 pm: After investigating several chairs, I decide there will be no free GoPros.

 

VIP View
9:45 pm: Desiree Melancon wins best female video part and thanks everyone who’s dick she sucked. No really, she said that.

9:50 pm: They are about to announce the nominees for best online video series. I scream Toeside Terrors. Poulin slaps his forhead. One dude turns around, and says “Fuck ya, I love those.”

10:02 pm: The free beer is gone. Turns out it was just two kegs of PBR.

10:24 pm: Peter Line wins the legend award and equates his love of snowboarding to a Sandra bullock movie he saw in his hotel the night before. Before he can finish his speech he gets carried away by five chicks, only to run back to the microphone, and also thank everyone who’s dick he sucked.

1040 pm: Austin Smith and Danny Kass kiss on stage.

You are welcome.

11:30 pm: There is a line at the shag. I try and hop the fence. It does’t work.

12:02 am: To escape the line, a bunch of us get libations at Rock Bottom. “We’re at Rock bottom already and we have so much further to go.” – Ted Borland.

two jalapeños down the gullet and a “I don’t do we’ll with spices.” – Sam

1:43 am: Back at the shag after sucesfully hopping the fence my second go around.

2:10 am: A random drunk girl hits Enzo with a dial-up phone when she walks by.

2:15 am: I see a homeless dude, roll him a cigarette and give him a Yobeat lighter. Giving a homeless person Yobeat swag was an easy task, but i almost forgot about it. When i showed this photo to Brooke she said “That looks like a pretty clean cut bum.” Brooke, the man was as homeless as you are annoying.

Yobeat, Helping to kill bums since five seconds ago.

 2:30 am: Though I didn’t put the effort into crashing a quinceanera, I make it to this late night mexican restaurant where we drink tequila until about 3:30 am. Kind of close?

welp….

 3:33 am: The dudes who worked there liked us and hook us up with more of that #legalweed.

cheers!

4:00 am: The idea of finding my way back to the Ramada on East Colfax seems ridiculous. Booking a room at the Downtown Westin? WHY NOT!

SATURDAY 2/2

11:00 am: I find brooke and the others at the Rockmada. Brooke runs a red light on the way to the airport and nearly kills all of us. She blames it on us for distracting her. I obviously spoke too soon when i said, “Well, i survived SIA.”

1:45 pm: Denver Airport. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF COLORADO.

Jared Souney Photo

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