Stan and Oliver Go to Stupor Park: Day 4By Justin Leveille • May 9th, 2013 • Category: Event Coverage, Features, Latest, Random
Where Oliver and I left off, the night was young at a bar called Velvet. Shit got turnt the fuck up within the hour as a mass migration of dirty snowboards moved to The Star. It’s the grocery outlet bargain market of strip clubs and the produce was bruised, if you know what I’m saying. Today we got a little help from Darrah Reid.
Oliver: 11 pm: I’m already pretty much blacked out. We walked to Desiree’s house and a cute girl accidentally touched my butt. Boner ensues.
Oliver: Even more turnt up.. end up at the strip clurb somehow. I remember how much I dislike strip clurbs and decide the best plan of action is to try and get Darrah Reid into the most awkward scenario as possible.
Darrah: 1:00am Oliver places several dollar bills in front of me. Stripper boobs in my face. Uncomfortable but slightly turned on. Bogart explains his theory about why girls love chick on chick action but guys aren’t down for dudes on dudes. It’s all foggy
Justin: 1:15 am: An anonymous Rome team rider manages to plant his lips on a strippers nipples. A hearty bitch slap at first but then she was kind of down.
1:30 am: That chick needs chapstick for her vagina. My portland strip club snobbery is off the charts.
1:45 am: Riley asks me to spot him $40.
Oliver: 2 am: Danimals gives Justin and I a ride home. I have no idea how he knew where to go because I had the mental capacity of a jenkem influenced raccoon.
Justin: 9:00 am: I’m sleeping on a concrete floor of a garage. My body feels like it has been run over by a truck. visions of dirty strippers biting dollars off of my ear causes me to run to the bathroom and release a hearty portion of butt-paste.
Oliver: 10:59 am: I’m still pretty damn drunk and I feel obligated to get things done. I meet up with the celsius photographer as soon as possible but our mission is delayed by a solid half hour of me having beer shits.
Oliver: 11:45 am: Start giving the loon feature some switch straight-airs. I fall on my ass enough to think that I jostled a dookie out. After the quick poke and smell, I know I am legit.
Oliver: 11:49 am: Scott Stevens sighting! I hide and keep quiet because that guy is like a majestic gazelle. If you manage to catch a glimpse, it’s probably just best to not try and spook him. Enjoy his grace.
Oliver: 12:21 pm: Go to lunch with Jeremy Estorga, John Stark, and Jesse Paul. Jeremy Tells me a story about how at the Bataleon house. One of the euro riders that he is staying with has a legitimate olympic bid. In response to this fact everyone in the house blows weed in his face in an attempt to doom his ass on for the drug test.
Oliver: 12:30 pm: Stark accidentally sends “a raunchy text to the wrong person”. I find out that the raunchy text reads something along the lines of “cum on my hot new face, dark prince”
Oliver: 12:58 pm: find a beautifully awkward transition into a vertical wall with Jesse and Stark. We spend a while learning new hand plants. Stark stands near he feature farting in regular intervals.
Justin: 2:01 pm: I just got crop dusted by a dude in an arbor jacket.
2:30 pm: Acting as the ring leader, Pat Bridges barks orders to camera med around in a scary voice.
2:47 pm:Scott Stevens catches his edge on purpose, lands on his back and does a backflip off a cat track. what. the. fuck.
3:00 OK, is anyone else notching how many people have their hair bleached? Will the real slim shady please stand up.
3:17 pm: Two converging storms loom over the Boreal section live cast.
4-6 pm: I play more Muff. it is steadily becoming the thing I look forward to every day.
Darrah 9:50pm: I decide men to woman ratio is too good in Bend Oregon right now to not drink wine and make bad decisions.
10:55 pm: party at Nitro house, would keep writing, but, more important matters at hand.