Rejected Edits: Off the Deep EndBy Oliver Dixon • Jul 1st, 2013 • Category: Features, Latest, Rejected Edits, Videos
I’m back home in Michgan for a while on some real serious bad luck. I’ve got a broken heart and broken bones. I can’t skate this shit off so I’m venting on these poor snowboard enthusiasts. This batch of rejected edits get pretty off topic and weird. Also, I hate you, fuck you. Just kidding, marry me, you’re my Patty Mayonnaise.
SRD AR BEAR
This didn’t suck! It wasn’t really amazing either though. I liked it but I wouldn’t put a ring on it, ya dig? Also, if I’m at bear next year holler atcha boy. Not that I’m anything special or that anyone needs any kind of permission to say hi to me.. it’s just that I’m terribly lonely and shy and need to use the veil of the internet to make friends.
BUCK HILL 2013
Grade: F (yobeat) B+ (interactive media class)
I’m sure this was a pretty awesome video for a school project. Your classmates were stoked because presenting it took up a pretty good amount of class time and your teacher thought it was cute. As did I. However, it’s not really Yobeat material. Why are you making me watch skiing? I don’t get it. Like, if you were to go to Martha Stewart’s website you would probably expect to get some bomb-ass casserole recipes or some pictures of her flexin’ back in her prison days. Imagine if you went to her site expecting those things and got Brazilian fart porn instead? Not that there’s really anything wrong with Brazilian fart porn, as it is likely the finest genre of fart porn.. it’s just that there’s already a site for that and it’s not Martha Stewart’s. The same is true for Yobeat and skiing. This is neither the time nor the place. P.S. You don’t have to use EVERY single shot that you film. Just.. stick to your favorite clips.
MY SEASON 2012/13
You definitely rode more powder than me this year! I’m jealous. You’ve done a number of important things here, and for that, planet earth thanks you. However, you appear to have a dark alter ego that goes a little too aggro. Dial it back a bit. I mean, I’m not complaining about seeing someone try some real ignorant shit, but if you don’t land it, there is a very good chance that we aren’t going to post it. Even if you do land it, if you can’t do it with a certain degree of finesse, we still probably won’t post it.
NINJA SQUAD SEASON 3 EPISODE 9
I like to think that the little dude’s clothes actually fit him and that he just has a really big torso and tiny legs. Just so you know, we rejected your edit because you’re wearing too much monster stuff. We have a reputation to uphold here and we can’t let people think we don’t drink water. We <3 water and we <3 boardin'. We <3 waterboardin'.
OUT HERE AT CAMELBACK
It just.. wasn’t right. Why do all that crazy shit if you’re not going to get a crispy version of it? Land it right, and film it right. You might as well land it a few times and have it looking pretty as possible.. you know? That 450 at the end could have been filmed better, the backflip boardslide was impressive.. but why take the time to figure out that you can do something like that and then put a sloppy version of it on the internet? Get it right, get it tight. That’s called puttin’ in work.
NEW ENGLAND SNOWBOARDING: MASSMADNESS
Fuck. What am I doing with my life? About a minute into this edit the figures on the screen ceased to make any kind of sense to me. I thought I was having a stroke at first but then I remembered where I was. I’m in my mom’s basement watching an edit from someone who probably doesn’t even know what yobeat is and I am expected to give advice on how to make their edit better. You know what? No. Not this time. You didn’t even fucking try. If you want your edits to be better read and watch all the other rejected edits because you did everything wrong ever. Except for the shots of your solid nuggery. That shit was so dank I could smell it through the internet.
HOODEDIT SEASON 2
Did you even watch this? The audio is all fucked up and you fell on your ass in almost every shot. Oh, and thanks for making me rewind a bunch of times so I could try and freeze frame on your shitty quote.. “what did you do yesterday?” Well, let me tell you, I went to a small festival in my shitty hometown where some group of assholes decided that “Saliva” and “Drowning Pool” should headline at. It was free so I went out of curiosity and I came to a few new realizations. People make fun of juggalos all the time for being weird and thinking their style is wack.. but you know what? I like juggalos now because I’ve seen an even darker, more depressing version of them. Lower-middle class white people who AREN’T juggalos and DON’T realize that they have shitty tastes in everything. People who think that it’s perfectly okay to get all dressed up and pay $6 for bud light and stand around listening to drowning pool in a field made out of diarrhea. The band would not shut up about how there’s”no other place they’d rather be than Sterling Heights, Michigan” which is apparently the eyebrow piercing capital of the fucking world and my hometown all rolled into one. But I did get to see punk rock elvis, which no one out of the crowd of like 10,000 or so people seemed to notice other than me, my sister, and spaghetti man. That’s what I ACTUALLY did yesterday. What did YOU do yesterday?
A street riding edit?! You may be onto something here. You zeached a bit too much though and your spot selection seemed a bit lacking. Keep it up though.
EARLY APRIL BACKYARD SNOWBOARD SESH
This is awesome. Maybe I just think that because it reminds me of having backyard sessions with my friends back in the day. You’re clearly just having fun and I like that. I was really pulling for that trampolene slide to go down though, I think you could have gotten it! DLKJFS:LDKFJ:SGK as much as I like this, being a true yobeat-comment-dick at heart, I have to blurt out: “THIS SONG WAS IN GRENDYS PART, YOU CAN’T FUCK WITH A CLASSIC!” Oh, god I’m sorry, it’s like Tourette’s.
6 TRICKS AT TIMBERLINE
I think I’ve compared a rejected edit to my sexual abilities before this but here it goes again: The same can be said to both me after sex and this edit, “It was sloppy, weird, and in no way satisfying. However, it lasted less than thirty seconds and for that, I can be grateful”. Also, the Johnny Cash song you used sets a similar, depressing tone.