Tinder: Your Ski Town Sex SolutionBy admin • Aug 22nd, 2013 • Category: Features, Latest, Random
Words and Extensive Tinder research: Jenna Kuklinski
Ever spend some time in a lonely mountain town and wish there was an easier way to find some decent prospects for some one-to-two night companionship? The male-female ratio in these places usually hovers in the ranges of 9-1, meaning the dudes are desperate and the ladies are skeptical. Lucky for us modern kids, scientists have come up with a space-age tool to help us bridge the gap of these daunting odds, all from the convenience of our smart phones.
Tinder is the magical app that allows you to go from sad and alone to happy and hopeful in probably less than five minutes. As long as you have a facebook (cause I mean come on, how else can we know you’re a real person?), you can tinder. The only thing you need to know how to do is swipe left or right on your phone and, bam! Instant contact and perceived interaction with babes (of the male or female type).
Now we know what you’re thinking. I’m already bored with Tinder! But you probably weren’t thinking with your ski town brain. Luckily, we spent all summer in the field testing it, with many positive results. “Tinder’s great, I got at least five girls’ snapchats. One of them even asked me out for ice cream. Too bad I don’t have a car…” said Grant G. of his recent Tinder-capades. Obviously, Grant forgot about the feature on the app that allows you to narrow the radius of your searches down to one mile, eliminating that pesky problem of not owning a car. Next time, Grant!
However, with great power comes great responsibility. “I had Tinder for literally 10 minutes, but it still gave Hondo B. plenty of time to take a screenshot of my profile and ruin my life,” said poor Chelsea W. She recently fled the mountain town she was living in, most likely due to having her life ruined by Hondo (and not because her seasonal job ended). If you don’t think you’re ready for Tinder, don’t do it! It isn’t for everyone. Some side effects may include:
- Actually using bad pick-up lines in earnest
- Regrettable drunk tindering due to drinking and/or friends stealing your phone,
- Messages at 1:30 in the morning that say things such as, “Sweet mustache. Do you snowboard or is that fake too?”, or, “Hi! My name is Joey!”
- Feelings of awkwardness when you can’t tell if your friend you matched with is being funny or serious,
- Tinder notifications on your phone
All fair warnings aside, Tinder is out there to get used! Take these words of wisdom from Oliver D, “I like Tinder because I don’t have to be social or leave my house to meet babes anymore. I can just sit around on my phone like the shitbreeder that I am and if shit doesn’t work out I can just go prison gay with Castro.” So take advantage of the twenty-first century. The next time you find yourself in a tiny mountain town drinking alone, don’t forget Tinder.*
*Or if you’ve already maxed out all your matches there, try Let’s Date.