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Luke Haddock’s Fishy Hump Day

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Photo: Ben Kessler

Interview by JSnakes

Haddock’s a good dude. In High School, I remember watching his Peace Process part and being completely blown away. Flash forward three years and somehow, this motherfucker’s bunking in the nook behind my TV. Since then, I’ve gotten to know Luke pretty well. He bangs girls on the YMCA roof, he’s been stabbed and he’s fallen off a building strapped to his snowboard. Anyways, Luke’s really good at getting drunk for free, conserving breakfast sandwiches and snowboarding. However, at the end of the day, Luke’s a real motherfucker with a genuine passion for snowboarding.

Alright Luke, how many nicknames do you have and which ones are your least favorites?

They very from fish, flounder, Pukey Lukey, Bolton Ass Luke, Turtle, and really, any variations of Fish. Riley Nickerson called me Fishmin, it stuck, and then evolved to Fishmung. Luke Saddick probably fits into the least favorite category.

How did you lose your virginity?

It’s questionable, I’m pretty sure I was too drunk and tried, but it was like trying to ram a string cheese stick into its package, but it just kept folding. Whatever, I counted it. The whole thing took place in my homies’ parents’ bedroom.

Are you a high soprano?

Yes, it’s true, I was once a singer in the sixth grade and I was pretty damn good. I kinda toured around Vermont at one point going to various churches performing solos. I was young and didn’t know what to think about singing, sort of just went with what the rents wanted, but I was still pretty damn good

So, what went down at Hot Dogs and Handrails this year?

Damn, that’s a skeleton in the closet. Well, that story throws too many people under the bus and possibly, one individual to jail. I will say it involved the homie Kenny getting a hummer from a 40-year-old woman, a stolen car, getting kicked out of a house, and a bunch of other regrets.

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Photo: Drew Amato

What’s the deal with a gritty susan?

The gritty susan is a term created by my friend Sky Gale. It involves getting a handjob on the coast of Oregon while under the influence of mushrooms, and getting sand “all over the place”. Sky has also invented the term whaling where one takes a shit in some one else’s shower at a party or one’s own home for fun and then stomps it down the drain.

Tell me a good Bolton Valley story.

Well, back in the Bolton ass Luke days my friend Ralph Kucharek and I were a bunch of 17 year old hoodlums at Bolton. Anyways, we were kids bouncing up and down on the park lift one day and when we got to the top, Ralph decided to push me off when we were about two feet from the off ramp. Naturally, the lifty came out super pissed. He looked to be one of those dreaded, grateful dead, good vibe types, but he was not having the most bodacious of days. So, grateful lifty came out screaming that our passes were about to be pulled for life. Naturally, I was not having that and jammed outa there like a bat out of hell. On the other hand, Ralph was not so lucky. The two kept arguing and Ralph decided to dip out down the hill, but the lifty jumped onto him and bear hugged him along for the ride. While gripping onto him, the lifty began to punch Ralph. So, Ralph punched the dude in the face, he fell off of Ralph and onto the steepest part of the hill. During all of this, the lift was stopped for about 35 minutes.

We came back a couple days later thinking no one would remember the whole fiasco. Little did we know, we were the subject par of a man hunt. After a dodging ski patrol down the hill, we finally got caught. Ralph and I had the police called on us and we were not allowed to come back for the remainder of the season. However, I had a second pass made and pulled the sneaky sweep whenever I pleased.

How many couches have you slept on and which was your favorite?

I’ve slept on enough couches to accurately say that I haven’t had my own bed in the last four years. However, As Tahoe is my favorite place to crash, because that place is on point. Also, I had a bed behind a TV at a house dubbed the Pizza Cat that was the closest I have come to having my own bedroom.

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Photo: Drew Amato

How many times have you gotten laid strictly for snowboarding?

Never. How many times have you gotten laid for handing out kettamene to underage girls?

Chill, I’m the one doing the interview, she said she was 18 on Tinder…… Alright, how old are you and where are you located right now?

I’m 23 and chilling in Vermont right now, just trying to follow the snow. But, Tahoe is most definitely my second home.

You got pretty broke off last season, what happened with that?

I had just gotten the call to fly out to SLC the day after New Years to film with Dylan Thompson and Cole Taylor. The problem was that I was too hyped on having the opportunity to film with those guys. I ended up biting off more than I could chew. I ginny pigged a spot and sent it to flat off a two -story building. I fractured my pelvis and my collarbone in one slam. Luckily, I hopped back on the horse after 5 weeks and started filming again. Words of wisdom – don’t ever go into your season guns blazing. Also, always take your time when you’re in an uncomfortable scenario.

How did you get hooked up by Technine?

Well, my friend Durrand introduced me to Cole Taylor through emails while I was coaching at Windells. We met and I started getting some product from them the next summer. Then, when it was the Technine session I put a lot of work into filming for them. Eventually, I got a travel budget.

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Photo: Charlie Stemen

Do you think getting stabbed gave you street cred?

Ha, wouldn’t say so, maybe, but who knows. That was kind of a weird part of my life. I’m glad that I pushed through it; I’m blessed to be alive. Stoked all that drama is over now.

Hell yeah man, I couldn’t even imagine what that would be like. What’s the deal with you and (Ben) Kessler getting attacked by aliens?

Well, my buddy Ben and I were up in Northern Cali with a bunch of friends. We were up in the hills, but everyone else decided to go into town to get some groceries. While everyone was out, we blessed up for a bit. After a while, it got dark and we were too lazy to make a fire. Then, we started seeing these crazy blue and purple lights in the sky without any thunder following it. Being in the paranoid mental state I was already in, I grabbed my machete as well as my mini crossbow and Ben did the same. While, we ran around like schoolgirls thinking the world was ending we became more and more paranoid. All of a sudden, lights exploded over the hill, which really set us off. I ran and hid in the bushes, waiting to get abducted by aliens. While this was happening, we also heard weird noises coming from the light. In the end, it just turned out to be Yale, John Murphy, Ian Post and a bunch of other homies blasting Dubstep. Don’t smoke too much reefer kids.

Who are your other sponsors?

Technine, Celsius boots, Sidesurfers, Drop Gloves, 686, Sugarbush Parks, Talent Skatepark, Collective, and Ass Wax

Alright, any concluding shoutouts?

Go scope out @sidesurfers on the IG, it’s a dope sunglass accessory company by my friend John Murphy. Gotta shout out to my Mom, Dad, Yale, Murphy, Ralph and all the West Coast and East Coast buddies. Big ups to all my sponsors, thanks for supporting me.

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Comments (9)

  1. lol can’t spell ketamine, this guy probably only smokes moles and skateboards soft AF

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 18
  2. hahahaha “Never. How many times have you gotten laid for handing out kettamene to underage girls?” TRUUUUU

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1
  3. No credit for the first photo?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 4
  4. You told me you were pro!
    I wish I could take back that night of unprotected sex.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 38 Thumb down 1
  5. We both know you have more nicknames than that…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 1
  6. Welcome to the fam!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0
  7. Luke is a G.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0
  8. Reading about Luke Haddock warms my heart!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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