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please note: this post is satire.
satire[ sat-ahyuhr ]
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
According to mass speculation on blogs and reddit, Crystal Mountain, WA may become the 4th resort in the US to ban snowboarding entirely from its slopes. Inspired by the elitist attitudes and complete disregard for facts that Alta, UT has held for years, Crystal’s management has been moving closer to the decision each season.
Following the recent Internet drama caused by a blog written by Kim Kircher –ski patroller and wife of Crystal owner John Kircher — about the inefficiency of snowboarding, it appears that Crystal has started the process to slowly eradicate it’s snowboarding problem. In February 2014, Kircher even went so far as to have a local blogger from NWbroweather.com’s pass pulled at fellow Boyne resort Summit at Snoqualmie, because things he allegedly did and said hurt her feelings.
When asked for comment, a representative of Crystal Mountain explained, “Kim wrote a blog post discussing a recent study on the decline of snowboard participation. This seems to be some sort of a hot button. Other writers who’ve brought this up have experienced similar abuse. As you know, journalists and bloggers are entitled to their own opinion but not when someone steps over the line into bullying and slandering unrelated parties. This hatred and negativity needs to stop, it’s not what this industry is about.” Kircher was less sympathetic however, commenting on a blog post, “Crystal is a mountain more conducive to skiers because of the terrain–shallow cat tracks and depressions make it tough on snowboards. We didn’t make the terrain.”
Given more recent press about snowboarding’s decline, Crystal’s management can feel safe that this decision will have little effect on business and should look forward to operating safe, snowboard-free slopes from years to come. As of press time, Crystal is still open to all for one final weekend of spring skiing May 31-June 1. Tickets are $30.