As the internet buzz wears off from the stupid Burton drama, I can’t help but realize even further how unimportant action sports are. So I’ve decided in order to add meaning to my life as an extreme journalist, I am going to start recapping things in the world that actually mattered (or were at least interesting) every week. Here’s what made the cut this week.
1. Balloon boy! Is he in the balloon? Is he dead? Was it a hoax? Was the the parent’s fault? So many questions, so much wasted time. I too found myself transfixed, watching the live feed of young Falcon, allegedly careening over Colorado in a homemade weather balloon. Do I really care one way or the other about it? No, but it was definitely interesting to see how quickly it spread across the Internet and the media, and what a truly nothing event it turned out to be. Of course, rather than just moving on like we all should, this should be making headlines for at least another week.
2. Interracial couple denied marriage license. It sucks that this actually important story was over shadowed by Falcon’s flight, as a judge in Hammond, LA denied an interracial couple a marriage license on the grounds that “most interracial marriages do not last long” and out of concern for how any children then may have may be treated. But no one seems to be talking about the obvious rip in the space time continuum in Louisiana, as no human being actually living in 2009 could think like this, could they?
3. Monster has too much time on it’s hands. Apparently Hansen Inc is concerned that drunk people will confuse its Monster Energy drunk with Rock Art Brewery’s “Vermonster” beer and issued a cease and desist ordering the small brewery to stop using the name. Now this is ridiculous on so many levels (and seriously, as a person who is occasionally drunk, if I am at the store I am buying more beer, not an energy drink, so if anything this will sell more Monster) but the part that’s been the most amazing is watching the Youtube video’s views increase. When I first watched it, there were 300, and at last check, it was up to 43k. Will this viral attack on Monster get them to back down? If it does, corporate America has a serious problem on it’s hands. Oh and want to try the beer? You can’t buy it anywhere but New England. Good work Monster, good work.
4. The #THTH For the uninformed, Twitter guru Tony Hawk staged an impressive world-wide game of twitter hide-and-seek, flooding everyone’s twitter feeds with clues most of the them didn’t care about. Other than the occasional note that people should unfollow him if they were annoyed, the Birdman stayed positive and gave out a ton of free stuff. Now I know, this is sort of action sporty, but you have to be impressed with Tony’s creative uses of twitter, no matter what field you are in, and that’s not just because I am a former Tony Hawk Twitter giveaway winner. It’s cool to see someone actually doing something with social media instead of just talking about it.
5. The Dow hit 10,000! We’re all saved right? We can go back to irresponsibly spending money and living our glorious, gluttonous, American lives. Oh yeah, but it hit 10k mainly because of the bank, JP Morgan Chase’s earnings. The same banks that we bailed out with our money. Meanwhile, real business that produce things are still suffering and unemployment is at 9.8%. Yeah, we’re all screwed.
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