Admittedly, I should have known better than to go to a Kamp, spelled with a “K” and hosted by a ski company in the middle-of-nowhere Washington. When they used a halfass temptation like “DJ Mullet is gonna be there!” I should have avoided it at all costs. But no. I’m a serious journalist and I’d been put on the media list so I had to go.

I arrived at Crystal Mountain at 10 pm on Friday to find a drafty pop-up tent blasting bad alternative music and skiers playing beer pong like zombies. One terrifying lap and I was headed to get back in the car, but an enthusiastic K2 employee noticed me before I had the chance. I was stuck.

I was escorted to my room, which I’d be sharing with four skiers, and fellow media nerd Mary Walsh. I tossed my gear a top the firm top bunk, but it wasn’t time to go to sleep quite yet. I located the five other snowboarders, who hunkered down in a hotel room filled only with gross snacks and cans of Coors Light to avoid the mob of skiers. To pass the time, Nick Dirks was painting tattoo flash art at the table, while Pat Bridges, Harry Hagan and Mary were reading questions off Trivial Pursuit cards.

—-

The sound of ski boots clomping around and Van Halen blasting from the tent were the official wake up call. We had to hustle out of our cells rooms to breakfast in the Washington drizzle, as it ended in 30 minutes.  I filled my plate with bready flapjacks and dry scrabbled eggs but only managed to down a half a pankcake. It was here I was issued my tracking device – a lanyard with my ski pass and schedule.

Faced with the reality there was absolutely nothing else to do here and “shred” (on the rock it was called recreation time I think) was scheduled from 9-noon, Mary and I met up with two of the other snowboarders — Josh from EB and Justin from Ground Zero — and headed up the hill, despite the ominous rain cloud hanging over the gondola. The limited terrain was mostly moguls, with a few long flat stretches which the slush was too slow and we had to unstrap. Even though I was soaked through in an hour, the “shred” portion would definitely turn out to be the highlight of the experience.

—

At dinner time we headed to the mess hall, where we found skiers being forced to mingle over pitchers of Coors light and dry pizza. Enthusiastic K2 employees circulated, hob-knobbing and rubbing elbows with owners of ski shops and encouraging everyone to get “as wasted as possible.” Sure that my tracking device would inflict damage if I tried to leave, I sat through an hour or so of “industry talk” before finally making a break for it.

In the room I found a sick Jake Kuzyk (who’d just arrived), Dirks and Harry watching the new Gremlinz video on a lap top. It was the scheduled “chill” time and we were all happy to get a break. But almost as soon as the 40-Year-Old Virgin came on TV, the door was thrust open with the announcement that the K2 boss guys wanted everyone in the tent. We were lined up by a kid in a mullet wig and K2 shirt announcing, “I’m the K2 intern, it’s my job to make sure you’re all partying!”

We trudged obediently down to the tent, where skiers huddled together in the cold, and the kegs barely pumped out flat beer. We’d been pre-assigned teams for the big beer pong tournament and the MC called out names, “Team Slayblade! Nick Dirks, Brooke Geery, come on up!” I did my best to hide from the calls, but they grabbed Nick and shoved him at a table before he could refuse. In my corner, I found a belligerent skier with bottles of booze offering to make “anything you wanted.” As long as it was whiskey or Pepsi.

I thought about making a break for it right away, but my drinking had already commenced for the day — I couldn’t make it for a four hour drive. We managed to escape back to the room, and sat there stoically watching as Steve Carrell finally had sex. Around 11 pm we were still hiding out when, someone burst into the room. Terrified we were going to be forced to go back to the tent we shuddered, but it was just a random drunk skier. “Hey, is there any beer in here?! They ran out at the tent!” Beers in hand a fresh 24 pack on the counter we all turned in unison, “No!”

I don’t remember going to sleep that night, but before I knew it the ski boots were clomping again. I projected myself off the bunk, pinching my elbow in the process of grabbing my buzzing phone. It was Dirks and he needed to get back to Portland. This was it. My excuse. My big journalistic opportunity to get the fuck out of Crystal mountain. I didn’t care if my tracking device sounded. I was making a run for it. With all my stuff I turned my Subaru key for my triumphant return to freedom. Nothing. The battery was dead.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of Crystal Mountain.

Ted Borland gapped to this rail at least 1000 times, or whatever the Mexican equivalent of that is.

Mt. Bachelor provided the rail set up, consisting of four rails of varying sketchiness, while Krush Kulezsa and Jesse Burtner provided the on-mic entertainment, consisting of mostly Three Amigos jokes no one got. There was a Squirt Pit (actually just a hole in the snow filled with soda) and banana salsa at the top and bottom of the course to keep competitors hydrated and sustained for all their early outs, zeaches and even the occasional make. The media circus was mostly focused on the pros — Brandon Hammid, Ted Borland, Sam Hulbert, Max Warbington, Blake Paul and other totally sponsed dudes who rode side-by-side with the locals, before taking on the challenge of selecting a winner.

Last year’s victor Aaron Cardwell was among the “just having fun” sect, but since he’s pretty good at snowboarding, it was fun to watch as well.

Feel-good session or not, there were 8 riders that stood out at the end of the mayhem, and the judges underwent much deliberation to decide that first place belonged to Kevin “Kornbread” Cummings. A close second was Jeff Deforge who came all the way from the east coast for this shit, and Kenny (the contest was held on a first name basis) in third. They all got more free stuff than the dudes that “just had a good time” and seemed sufficiently stoked on the honor. But don’t worry, much like a second grade party, everyone left with some sort of free stuff, cause there are no losers here, right mom?

Don’t let Brandon Hammid’s bare chest fool you, it was actually kinda cold for a Mexican-themed celebration, but when you give as few fucks as he does, whatever.

Since the theme of this event is kinks, there were several to negotiate.

Normally, the beverage of choice at snowboard events is beer, but since this one was fairly wholesome, it was all about Squirt.

It seems like it would be scary to hit a rail with the likes of Brandon Hammid baring down on you, but Jeff de Forge seemed ok with it.

This Yobeat post would not be complete without a head shot of Max Warbington and Blake Paul.

Dude, did anyone get that?

Really not sure why I bothered continuing to take photos after snapping this one. Moment, captured.

Jesse Burtner attempting to decipher the official results.

And the winners, left to right: Kenny, Kornbread and Jeff.

With the snowboard industry in constant turmoil, there’s a good chance that at some point you’re going to lose that cushy industry job you lucked into. Not sure if you’ve talked to “the kids” lately, but they’re all gunning for you and will gladly work for well below the poverty line (instead of at the poverty line like you, you greedy, greedy bastard.) Anyway, whether you’ve been laid off, let go, or just plain shitcanned, your friends at Yobeat (who’ve invented their own industry jobs) are here to help, as usual.

The Bad News:

You have no money saved and since you probably were hired as a “contractor” the government won’t do shit for you. Except for Food Stamps, you can probably get those if you try hard enough. So this means you’ll need to find another job immediately, and as it turns out, the skills you’ve learned in the snowboard world are completely useless in the real world. No one at “insert name of big time marketing firm here” cares about the community of 5000 dedicated fans you managed. Sorry.

The Good News:

You’ve already made it into the snowboard industry, which means, you’re now qualified for ANY other job open in the snowboard industry. Oh, you packed boxes? Well apply for that open Marketing Manager job. That hands-on product experience you have is probably exactly what they’re looking for. Oh, you were a Team manager? Why not try outside sales? Shops are much easier to wrangle than team riders. You get the idea.

The important thing in this time of personal growth is to stay positive! Think of it as an opportunity rather than a set back and remember the best news of all. Worst case scenario, you can always go back to being a ski bum!

The final mogul run in VT. Photo: My Mom

The season is ending, and unless you’re stupid and don’t like snowboarding, you’re kinda annoyed about it. Sure, you can pretend to like skateboarding or talk about how much you like summer, but the truth is, it sucks when you can’t go snowboarding. Personally, I have a minor break down every year, and I actually live in a place you can snowboard year round. Anyway, this is my first column (I decided to give myself one) and I’m going to use it as a coping mechanism. Accordingly, I will make a list of everything that annoys me when I go snowboarding.

• People who can’t form groups of the number of people that fit on the chair.
• People that can’t merge in the lift lines.
• Lift lines.
• When the snow is too sticky to move.
• When rocks get into fields of powder.
• Snow snakes.
• When the chairlift drips on your outerwear (Northwest problem)
• The price of lodge food
• Skiers pole planting back and forth on a straight away.
• When they charge you to use a screw driver
• When the screw drivers outside are stripped and your binding is loose
• When you lose a strap and don’t realize it until you’re at the top of the mountain.
• When it’s flat light.
• When someone cuts you off and you were on the way to do something cool.
• Skiers that stand on landings.
• Parking far away.
• Skiers being cool now.
• Snowboarders that sit on landings.
• People side-slipping down powder.
• People going off a cliff or chute and taking all the snow with them/creating a bomb hole.
• When it’s so cold your skin hurts.
• When you drive all the way to the mountain and realize you forgot your boots.
• Skiers.

Actually, I could go on all day (I’m easily annoyed, ok) but you know what? I feel strangely better. Maybe a break from snowboarding will do me well. And like I said, Mt. Hood is open and just up the road. Phew. Thanks for listening guys.

The Hesh mob moves in perfect harmony.

Logic or meteorology might tell you that mid April is an odd time to plan a powder boarding competition, but this is Oregon. It’s a strange fantasy land where when Ricky snaps his fingers, a few inches of light, fresh snow fall on top of the groomed trail. Add a deceivingly short kicker, and you have the perfect recipe for the inaugural Yobeat Powder 8, an event inspired by the classic movie Aspen Extreme.

The dudes were all there!

On the slopes, teams of locals including the Nipple Draggers (Collin Whallen and Joey Carnera), Hesh Mob (Chris Classen and Cameron Dean) Righteous Disciples (Janessa Bork and Matty Guitierez), I’ll leave this up to you Brooke (Cale Meyer and Kharma Vella), Team Party Time (Nate Betteker, Scotty Keating and Dustin) Team Clam Slam, (Carson Schubert and Kyle Irvin), Team Pup n’ Suds (Cam Weeg and Alex Drinkard), Team OJC (Richard Sweet and Cooper Harringon), Cool Runnings (Curran Shaw and Ryan Irvin) — joined the Airblaster crew and other visiting teams from as far away as Tahoe, including Super Duper Snowboards (Erik Leon and Jay Hergert), Team Dopey John (Aaron Cardwell and John Olmsted, Master B8ters (Tim Eddy and Tucker Mandrews), The Crazy 8′s (Brandon Cocard and Ben Lynch), The Underbelly Toasers (Jackson Folwer and Taylor Carlton) and Bonerz Fully Loaded (Max Warbington and Jesse Gouviea.)

When the clock struck noon, DJ Ricky Hower chose a unique song for each run, and the teams were let loose on the snow one at a time. The rules were there were no rules, and the judges had the difficult task of deciding who used mother nature’s canvas the best based on team work, creativity and overall impression.

OJC goes for the gold!

Aside from the snow getting torn to shreds, the only real carnage was on the mini booter, when a few riders backflipped way past the landing, but since the contest was mostly based on turning, it didn’t really matter. After each pair took one glorious run each, the judges were torn between two teams. Super Duper Snowboards had mobbed down from top to bottom, doing pow butters mid 8 and synchronized methods including a mid-air collision on the kicker. Bonerz Fully loaded went for full synchronization in turning, and on the booter Jesse kicked up a spray while Max did a method through it. After much deliberation, it was decided everyone won, but Eric Leon and Jay Hergert won a little more and were officially named the best snowboarders in the universe taking home custom engraved trophies.

The secret is there is no secret. These dudes just know how to board powder.

The entire competition lasted less than an hour, and for the rest of the day, there were plenty more pow turns to be had around Timberline and everyone involved agreed it was the “best contest ever.” Special thanks to Ricky Hower and Brian Reed at Timberline for making this event possible and if you missed it, I’m sure we’ll get more pow next year! (ps. Timberline is open until the end of May, so if you are thinking about getting a spring pass, we would recommend it.)

Every since the Too Hard teaser included a girl tossing a bloody tampon, it seems even male snowboarders are aware that girls bleed once a month. It’s ok, it’s just nature and it’s what makes childbirth and the continuation of life possible. But that doesn’t mean it’s not icky for dudes to think about, a pain in the ass for girls to deal with, and most importantly, a bummer when you’re trying to get some snowboard action. Between dealing with cramps, being an even bigger bitch than normal, and trying to protect your long underwear from gross stains, it’s probably the most serious problem facing women’s snowboarding today. So as a fellow female and long time menstruator, I’ve decided to put together a handy guide for snowboarding with your monthly visitor.

Medical.

Pat Bridges is convinced that you are more likely to tear your ACL while menstruating. He’s told me and every other female snowboarder about it on multiple occasions, which makes it true, right? Actually, the truth according to science is changes in your estrogen levels make you more prone to knee injuries around the middle of your cycle, which means, when you’re bleeding, you’re in the clear! So go out there and twist your knees as violently as you want as long as there is blood coming out of your vagina.

Equipment.

Choosing the right feminine hygiene products can make all the difference. First off, maxi pads are out. What are you, 12? As for tampons, there are two schools of thought on this one — with applicator or without. The applicator free tampons are smaller and easier to store, but hell, you’ve got a waterproof jacket with pockets, so does it really matter. Best bet, go with something wrapped in plastic and with a plastic applicator, just in case your taped-seams fail. No one wants a fully soaked tampon expanding in their pocket while they ride.

Advantages.

So there are lots of things that suck about having your period, but like most things in life, there is a bright side. In the male-dominated world of snowboarding, this it is a gross and mysterious process that most dudes don’t want to talk about. So, when there’s an annoying dude hitting on you in the ski town bar? Start talking about it. Trust me, they’ll leave and you can go back to drinking away the pain of cramps.

So there you have it. No more excuses, and no more complaining. Boarding on the rag is still a day boarding, and there’s really nothing wrong with that.

Not since the glory days of Vegetate has Mt. Hood Meadows put on a snowboard event of note beyond the Northwest, but on March 30th, 2013, Snake and Hammers was just that. Half slopestyle, half banked slalom, the event is the brainchild of Bobby Meeks, who used his influence and budget at Nike to design the ultimate test of snowboarding skill. This course especially required the ability to actually ride a snowboard.

Don’t be a pussy, this was actually the easiest part of the course.

Out of the gate, competitors dropped and 8-foot cliff into the first set of turns. After gaining some speed in the slush, riders got the choice of three rail features, then went straight into a 30-foot jump. One more turn and it was onto the “X-Box” or “Thunderdome” or whatever the hell you wanna call the Nike feature they carted over from Forest Park. On each of these features riders were given a score from 0-6 from influential judges such as Logan Fuquay and Mike Estes, based on how sick they got — a higher score meant more seconds were deducted from your overall time. Finally, a step down led into the last three turns, which were fast and loose and caused a competitor or two to fly violently into the snow fence.

Ben Lynch was disqualified shortly after this for doing an inverted aerial. Rebellion at its finest. Photo: Jared Souney

The Oregon sun was out in force, and the unseasonably warm temperatures caused many of the weekend warriors to stay in the city, but some 80+ riders turned out to compete. Each got two runs, although by the second run the field had already been thinned down to the most hardcore — either people didn’t make it back up in time, licked their wounds, or chose to just ride slushy side hits for fun. Some 60 people took another run though, vying for the fastest time and a slot in the 15 man and 4 woman finals.

In the Northwest, even girls can ride their snowboards.

Once the field was whittled down to the best of the best, each rider got one more run to impress the judges with their freestyle stunting, but mostly to negotiate the course and the highly inconsistent snow the fastest. When the complicated math was said and done, it was local boy Jeremy Nylund, who’s like 12, beating out the old men to take the win. Johnnie Paxson was also on hand to judge the best hammer, which went to Randall Wheaton for his smooth backside 7 Japan.

Jeremy Nyland, victory!

Though Snake and Hammers involved no actual snakes, it was a damn good time, and there was free food. All in all, a successful spring day, I’d say.

Results

Men

1.Jeremy Nylund 49.52
2. Jeremy Page 49.62
3. Max Warbington 50.02

Women

1. Ronda Shanin 55.28

Most people just dropped out of the gate, sans any pop. This dude was going for style points though. Photo: Jared Souney

Ben Lynch, style master. Photo: Jared Souney

Wouldn’t be a contest in the Northwest without a few (hundred) methods. Photo: Jared Souney

The handsome men of Nike Snowboarding, Bobby Meeks and Jon Weaver, kept the crowd entertained all day with their witty rapport.

Again, this invert was against the rules. People die doing that stuff, ya know.

It’s hard to shoot photos of turning when there’s mandatory airtime on the course, but here’s one for good measure.

Max Warbington was in contention for the “hammer” award with this very 720. But he didn’t win.

No seriously, inverts were NOT ALLOWED. Taylor Carlton. Photo: Jared Souney

Apparently I’m just the right height to be an arm rest, but I let it slide because Johnnie was working so hard judging people.

Jeremy Nylund, hammering. photo: Jared Souney

Course maintenance!

Who gave Logan Fuquay any responsibility?

When Mike Yoshida, Max Warbington, Taylor Carlton, Cale Meyer, this girl who I’ve meet a bunch of times but can’t remember her name, Aidan Payson and Ben Lynch are there, you know it’s a good time!

Sorry about that Ryan,

Here are all your submissions from the past year or so, in the order we’ve received them, most recent first. Now, will you pretty please vote for me in the Mini Creative Use of Space Comp here?

Love, Brooke

Oh, PS. Never say never.

PPS Sorry, forgot one.

It’s easy to write off the Northeast with a simple “no one gives a fuck” but here’s what most people won’t tell you –The East Coast doesn’t give a fuck about you either. What those who call the East Coast home do give a fuck about is having the best time ever, and March 18th, 2013 at Loon, the stars aligned for the 13th annual Last Call. The sun was shining, and it was only sort of cold. The open container laws were unenforced, and the gondola line was a who’s who of snowboard semi-celebs. If you missed it, you missed out. End of story.

In the past 13 years, the dudes from Eastern Boarder have grown and shaped Last Call into the ultimate celebration of East Coast spring snowboarding. Now a well-oiled machine, it starts with a “big air” portion, moves to a rail conglomeration and then ends up on the classic wallride set up. The Loon Park crew is known for its creative set ups and this event is when everyone in New England gathers in one place to enjoy the fruits of their labor. And now, without the US Open, it’s also the biggest event of the season in the East, so that’s something.

This is a pretty solid nose press for a girl. Brian Skorupski.

It didn’t hurt the attendance record that the East Coast has bustling with activity this past weekend. The Lib Tech crew was still hanging around after the Near Canada Open. Forrest Burki was there with his cane and camping chair. A bunch of the O.G. Blue Lodge crew were in attendance reliving their college days and the current Plymouth State contingent, many of whom you know better as Keep the Change were going for it as well. STUMPED was in town from Mass,  and the Carinthia Crew showed up to represent for Vermont, and there were probably a bunch of other people that someone cares about I’m forgetting.

Ted Lavoie shoots the gap.

As for the snowboarding itself, the name you really need to note is Tyler L’Hereux. While I’m not sure if he was drunk or not, I am sure he rode the hardest in the top two sections and was awarded with some cash for each. When the party went down on the wallride feature — an hour or so it was a free-for-all with dudes and chicks coming from every which way — Shaun Murphy was given top honors. Another notable highlight of the day was Nick Julius’s back 10 double cork, which earned him the coveted Ass Award. For most people though, this event is about friends and day drinking, so you’ll have to excuse my cloudy memory of rest of the tricks.

The day concluded with the WUSR Sub Arctic Challenge, a snowboard triathlon that includes a snowboard race, foot race, and beer shotgunning portion. Top honors when to Andrew Mutty, who may not have been the fastest drinker, but he did make it down the hill first. While there was some concern over how much of the beer ended up on his shirt vs in his stomach, the rest of the drunks really didn’t put up much of a fight, and that is pretty much the most fitting end the event.

OVERALL RESULTS

Girls

1. Elin Tortorise
2. Mary Rand
3. Amy Gan

Guys

1. Tyler L’Heureux
2. Shaun Murphy
3. Travis Nuenhaus

And since our galleries are broken, here’s a bunch more photos, blog style! Warning: many of these captions were written under the influence of alcohol.

Cole St. Martin answers the call of the yeti.

There’s nothing funny about this photo, it’s just a good hand plant from Pat “the eYe” Bridges.

Dylan Ojo, or “Dojo” as he’s fondly referred to, seems to have taken a liking to Loon, and the good news is, Loon likes him too.

Geno from the Beano is concentrating really hard on this shit.

Most people didn’t see him, but Dly9 was there.

All jump shots look the same so we’re not putting many in here, but this kid was killing it all day.

Lost in Translation or Fear and Loathing in Loon. Whatever. Forrest Burki was ready for just about anything.

We thought this might be Kevin Court aka Gravedigger, but now we’re not so sure.

This one is definitely Gravedigger and considering he was bleeding at the previous event, looks like he’s doing pretty well.

This is either Merrick Joyce of Nick Julius. Same difference really.

Live free or grab nelon. Mike Rav ain’t scared.

This chimney tap is made extra impressive when you take into account that Nick Doucette is definitely drunk.

Two zeaches, one rail.

There are way too many offensive things to say about this photo of Tarik Blowers. Let’s move on.

Derrek Lever approves this backlip from Ted Borland.

Travis Neuenhaus mctwisting his way to the podium.

This is probably the heaviest Zak Wilmot will ever look.

This is probably the worst photo of Zak Hale ever published, but you guys, he was in New Hampshire!

Preston Strout handed out a golden claw to Merrick Joyce for snowboarding well, or something.

Some east coast OG legend shit — Preston Strout, Tom Johnson and Kevin Susienka.

And some new East Coast legend shit — the ‘Goons, Dr. Brendan, Dylan Gamache and Marcus Rand and Lemi, in one photo. The Internet can stop now.

As soon as Stratton got word Burton had chosen to move the US Open to Vail, they made a call to the only man who could help: Stevie Hayes. The old-school-Burton-pro-turned-Hayes-Brothers-Snowboards founder had been putting on the Washed Up Cup for the past few seasons, and US Open or no, Stratton wanted the event to continue.

Fast forward to March 14th-17th, 2013, when the first annual Vermont Open was set on Suntanner — the same trail that hosted the original race events, as well as the halfpipe before it was shunned to Sunbowl. I can honestly say that after a season of going to events of all shapes and sizes, this was one of a kind. The prize money was provided by local families and businesses — no energy drinks or corporations to be found (unless you count Stratton, who matched the 10k raised.) The field included everyone from the local Olympic gold medalist to kids barely old enough to walk. Unlike the event it replaced, it was a contest for the snowboarders in it, rather than the people watching on network TV.

A snurfer race hosted by Paul Graves? Yeah, that happened, and local legend Jerry Tucker was one those brave enough to partake.

For the old people in attendance, many now with children of their own, the VT Open was a true blast from the past, right down to a 12-foot half pipe and 40-foot “big air” jump. However, for those who were not old enough to remember a time before events with credentials and TV cameras, the nostalgia didn’t quite make up for the lack of organization, which caused things such as Saturday’s big air dragging on long after the lifts closed and the light went flat. Yes, things could have gone smoother, but for a first effort that involved just about every facet of snowboarding crammed into three short days, we have to give Steve and Stratton an A for effort.

The Washed Up Cup happened went down Sunday, and no, there weren’t any bag checks.

With the inaugural Carinthia Open, Near Canada Open and this event now in the books, it’s pretty clear that the US Open moving to Vail may just be the best thing to happen to the East Coast snowboard scene in 30 years or so. And if you don’t agree, you don’t have to come here.

For Full Results CLICK HERE.

Watching rail jockeys attempting to ride an icy pipe was quite entertaining. Zack Wilmot figured it out.

No triple corks allowed. Luke Bonang tweaks out a straight air instead.

Mary Rand and Shaun Murphy pretending to like each other.

Ross and the youngest powers. His eldest daughter Victoria won her division in the halfpipe comp.

The East’s best coaches: Andrew Mutty and Aaron Diamond.

Fuck yeah Southern Vermont.

Speaking of Southern Vermont, the dudes from Mt. Snow made the trek north.


Attending the 1st VT Open was basically like inventing a time machine and the traveling back to a simpler time.

The Snurfer race got serious. (Note: the 3rd from the right was taken off the wall at the Green Door, literally.)

This is NOT as easy as it looks.

The boards are at least 4 times older than their riders.

1977 watch out.

Scott Johnson for the win!

Big air contests need more backside 180 methods.

The best part of this contest was no complex math was needed to understand the tricks being thrown.

Mellow tail grab over Bromley.

If you entered one event, you entered them all. Turns out, Ross Powers can do methods off jumps too!

The Washed Up Cup marked the 400th banked slalom of 2013. This was about one quarter of the course, which was about as gnar as things get at Stratton.

That gate never saw it coming.

The gauntlet was in effect, but it was actually just Zack Wilmot and Timmy Sullivan, and they got bored after wasting a couple beers.

This crash may have been due to the glare ice, or the fact he was being showered by beer. The world may never know.

Sean Genovese would be proud.

Mt Snow hype machine.

It was St. Patrick’s Day and don’t worry, Timmy Sullivan was letting ‘em know. Zack, on the other hand, is not at all Irish.

It wasn’t that icy. Look at all that loose snow spray!

This guy didn’t get the memo that there’s no air in slaloms.

And in conclusion, beers, friends, and good times. Let’s keep it that way for at least the next 15 years or so.

It’s the third weekend of March, 2013 and you know what that means. Yep. Everyone’s completely over the fact the US Open moved to Vail. In fact, the resilient and resourceful members of the East Coast snowboard community have been busy so planning their own events, they clearly forgot to talk to each other about it, and and the result is more god damn events than one weekend can handle — none of which feature bag checks.

People keep saying “no one cares about the East Coast,” but hot damn almost 90 people showed up for this nonsense.

The festivities kicked off at Ragged Mountain in New Hampshire with the 1st Annual Mike Baker Banked Slalom, where the dirtiest of New Hampshire dirts congregated to give each other a ton of shit and race down the hill. It’s been established at this point that Banked Slaloms are the new rail jam — the go-to event if you wanna get people together and have a good time, and with a name like Mike Baker leading the charge, this was a no brainer.

Jared got all sort of artsy on the photos, and if I wasn’t a jerk, I would probably know who this is.

As with any good ol’ New Hampsha event, the gauntlet was where the real fun went down. On the most technical turn of the course, a right hand berm that shot you up hill to a tight left one, competitors gathered one by one after finishing their final run to heckle, pelt the passing riders with ice chunks and beer cans, and generally cause a scene. Only one person seemed upset (and rightly so, the newly placed ice boulders did cause him to crash dramatically into the fence) but the unsympathetic NHD’s just shrugged it off. “That’s why you take your runs early, guy.”

Beware the gauntlet. the NHD’s (and Josh who is actually from VT) give no fucks.

Even though the final results seemed the least of most people’s concern, there were goods up for grabs. $500 for first place overall, a Gucci bag from Concepts for the ladies, and free pig roast for the top 20 fastest times. There was also free PBR in the bar upstairs for everyone, so that’s cool.

This is Chris Carr. He definitely went the fastest (that’s not just camera tricks) and even scored some cash money for his efforts.

Due to some kinks in the timing system, the run times ended up being combined, instead of the best of format that was promised. After some feigned outrage, everyone pretty much realized it didn’t matter and in the end, Chris Carr won the Open Division, Aaron Diamond topped 30+ and Taylor Owen won for chicks. Most importantly, Michael Mazzella got dead last, which means he gets a NHD tattoo. It’s possible he will have to give it to himself.

For FULL RESULTS Clickety click

Ian’s last name is “Feliney” which is so cat-like I sort of want to marry him just so that is my last name. But I won’t. LOVE YOU JARED.

If you grew up on the East Coast in the 90s, the name Sky Emmons Shaw would mean something to you. If you didn’t, he’s just another dude doing a turn. Whatever.


Preston Strout took his jacket off because he saw Terje do it at the Dirksen Derby. Then he realized Terje got 12th at the Dirksen Derby, and fell both runs anyway.

Brandon Reis prefers entry from the rear.

Mike Baker put on his game face and came in second to Aaron Diamond in the 30+. In other words, he should have tried harder.

Mike Rav turned 24! Happy birthday, guy.

The gauntlet was not for the wussy, but it didn’t matter cause everyone had to go through it anyway.

There were only two major gauntlet related incidents — this dude who crashed and another who got hit in the face with an ice ball. What are you gonna do, guy?

Jared went all Rembrant with the beer cans. Don’t worry, they were cleaned up and returned for 5 cents each, which is actually how Mike Baker is paying to get home.

Apparently there are open container laws at Ragged Mountain, so please do not try to replicate this photo.

If you think this photo is cool, you should see Aaron Diamond’s ass bruise.

Bred in the wilds of BC, a dominant force in the slopestyle scene, and pretty handy in the kitchen, Spencer O’Brien is pretty much any snowboarder’s dream girl. Most recently, she won the US Open Slopestyle without even having to compete in finals, and took home a cool 45k in real American dollars. But just because you “don’t care about contests” don’t stop reading! Spencer is not just another contest jock. She, like you and I, is a snowboarder. She’s just making a lot more money and getting a lot more TV time out of it than the rest of us. And if you’re mad at her for that well, sucks to be you.

Are Canadians taking over snowboarding? You and Mark McMorris just won the Open, and it seems like Canadians are kinda ruling right now.

(laughs) Yeah, the Canadians are kinda killing it in Slopestyle this year. Mark and I have been having a good year. Mark especially has been pushing men’s slope to another level. I’m so proud of that kid and so stoked on his riding. Also Brooke Voigt and Darcy Sharpe, who are young Canadians, took the rookie award [at the Open] and Brooke got third. It’s really cool to see the resurgence of the Canadians. We’re not so sick in half pipe but at least we have slopestlye!

And backcountry…

Yeah in backcountry we have Leanne and Marie and Annie and the list goes on.

All modesty aside, Spencer rips in the backcountry too. Photo: Cyril Mueller

Why do you think Canadians are so good at snowboarding?

I think winter sports are just kinda Canada’s culture. It’s cold up there, it’s winter and it’s kinda one of the only things to do that time of the year. It’s just second nature to us, that’s what you do during the winter with your family — you go ski or you go snowboard. Throughout snowboard history it’s kinda bred really good snowboarders.

As a Canadian, how to you feel about Avril Lavigne marrying the Nickleback guy?

That was honestly the weirdest thing ever. I thought it was a joke. Actually, I was shocked, she definitely didn’t get her skater boy, which is a shame.

You just won the US Open, which is amazing, but are you bummed it was by default?

Yeah, I’m kinda bummed it was by default, it’s never how you want to win a contest. All the girls have been riding so well this year and I knew it was gonna be a really hard final. I had a run planned that I would have been really stoked to have gotten to try, but we do a winter sport and sometimes that’s just the way it goes. It was really cool that the event took our safety into consideration and made that call, because I think it was the right call, given the circumstances.

This is basically what the course at the US Open looked like for finals. Photo: Cyril Mueller

With the Olympics coming up, you’re trying to go right? Anyone you’ve got your eye on to beat?

I’m excited for Sochi. I think it’s gonna be cool. It’s kinda weird to work towards something for such a long time and plan that far ahead. I’m definitely looking at what all the girls are doing right now. Jamie [Anderson] and Enni [Rukajärvi] are definitely the two best female slope style riders we’ve ever seen. Definitely looking at those girls, and there’s some up and coming girls too. Silje Norendal is riding really well this year, Aimee Fuller with a double back flip, Miyabi Onitsuka is 14 and just destroying it and almost making finals. There’s a lot of young girls coming up right now and I’m kinda getting scared. I’m getting old (laughs) Me and Jamie were talking about it that we’re like veterans now and it’s so weird because we’ve been doing it for so long together and it’s funny to see all the young girls now.

What’s the dynamic between you and Jamie like? Are you guys friends or is it super competitive?

Me and Jamie are super good friends, she’s one of my favorite girls on tour. We’ve known each other since we were 16 and 15. It’s been a long journey with her and I love competeting against her. She’s such a good rider and so talented and consistent. I think without her I wouldn’t be the rider that I am right now. I love that we can be at the top of the course and be friends. It’s not super gnarly and there’s no rivalry, I don’t think.

Until she falls…

(laughs) Until I win by default!

Winner!

So you’re a big proponent of women not hitting smaller jumps in competition. I read your blog, but since we can assume most Yobeaters didn’t, why don’t you think women should have smaller jumps to hit?

When I first started competition professionally, every event did have a ladies side. Smaller jumps, basically for the chicks, it was called the ladies tee. Girls didn’t have to hit it, but a few women did. A few girls would always hit the big jumps and I made that choice early on that I wanted to hit those bigger jumps and that’s where I wanted to take my snowboarding. When the events kinda of eliminated that, I saw such a huge change in the way girls rode and to see where it’s come since that elimination to where it is now, I’m so proud to be riding slopsestyle with those girls. I just think putting small sides back in would be a step backwards and that’s not what I want to see happen to slopestyle.

Do you care about the people who say things like “competition isn’t snowboarding?”

Yeah, it bums me out when people day that contest snowboarders aren’t real snowboarders or that’s not what snowboarding’s about. I mean, we’re here at the US Open, it’s the 31st year. This event is a part of the soul of snowboarding, just like Baker Banked Slalom is. I started snowboarding because I love it, and it’s the same reason I do it today. It’s not for money and it’s not to win a contest, it’s because I like to do it. I think as long as that’s why people are doing it, you’re still a snowboarder. Screw anyone who says that I’m not a real snowboarder because I ride contests!

Real snowboarding? Photo: Cyril Mueller

I think we’re really lucky. I think contest snowboarding has it’s place. It gets our sport out there so more people can make money filming or doing their own thing. I think that part of snowboarding is so strong. It keeps our sport so unique. You need both ends of the spectrum to keep it how it is.

Let’s talk about something I and the masses really care about. I heard you were on the Food Network?

Yeah, it was 2008, I was on Dinner: Impossible, which is a show on the Food Network. I’m a huge Food Network fan so when I got that opportunity I was more excited about that than anything else in my entire life.

Were you a judge or what?

I actually got to cook with Chef Robert Irvine. They put me and Jamie to work. It was pretty funny. Gretchen hosted it because she’s from Aspen and his challenge was to make an extreme meal for the athletes in the riders tent at X Games. We had a shitty kitchen in the snow, everything was melting, the ovens wouldn’t get hot. It was all about challenges, but it was really funny. I had to BBQ chicken for two hours. But it was super fun and a really cool experience.

I’m so jealous, every time I see someone from action sports on Iron Chef I just wanna know how they go on there!

I want to be a judge on Iron Chef more than anything in the world. That’s a life goal, for sure.

Would you… hit this jump? Photo: Jeff Potto/Burton US Open

A lot of people peg you as a contest rider because that’s where they see you, but you ride backcountry and stuff too, right?

I love riding backcountry. I haven’t gotten to do it as much as I’d like in the last few years. I kinda took a step back to concentrate on contests, but it’s something I wanna do more of. I want to film a video part and I want to get back there. I see Leanne and Annie and Robin and all those girls out there and it makes me so stoked what they’re doing out there and I want to be part of it. I just kinda wanna finish my goals in competition first and then move into that chapter.

What’s your ultimate goal in competition?

I guess it would be pretty cool to win the Olympics. I wanna go to the Olympics at least. I think that’s gonna be a really cool experience. I still haven’t won the X Games either, so that’s a big one on the list. There’s some tricks I really wanna learn and some runs I want to do. If I can have a part in progressing women’s slope style, that’s really cool.

People love to talk about women’s snowboarding vs men’s snowboarding and that women are so far behind. What’s your take, will women ever “catch up,” or does it even matter?

I don’t think at current time women’s snowboarding will ever be on the same level as the men’s. If you look at men’s snowboarding from 6 or 7 years ago though, we’re really close. We’re behind, but we’re always progressing and always catching up. It’s such a hard thing. I feel like we’re always being compared, but in other sports that comparison isn’t really made. I just see where women’s snowboarding is going right now and it makes me really stoked. To see what Kelly is doing in the pipe and to see her going 15 feet out and doing front tens. I didn’t really think I’d ever see a girl do that. There’s a lot of exciting things and it kinda sucks to compare the two. Men’s snowboarding is insanely exciting right now. I just try to see the positives in where women’s snowboarding is going and keep the progression going.

Sorry new board sponsor. photo: Cyril Mueller

You have an energy drink sponsor, right? What do you think is gonna happen when energy drinks can’t market to youth anymore and aren’t dumping money into snowboarding?

I think we’re gonna see a lot of people making a lot less money (laughs). A lot of paychecks are gonna get a lot smaller. I’m interested to see where that goes. I’m stoked to have the support, it’s great. Maybe it’s just a matter of some ingredients getting changed, we’ll see. But it’s still snowboarding, party like a rockstar! Oh my god, I can’t believe I just said that. (Laughs)

Ha! Seems like a good time to ask who pays your bills?

Nike, Rockstar Energy, APO snowboards, Whistler/Blackcomb, Clast Neckwear and Nixon.

These days a pipe contest is a pipe contest — double corks, excessive spinning and the sad realization that if Shaun White wants to win, he will. The most notable thing in Saturday’s pipe final was 14-year-old Ayumu Hirano landing in second; then again, young Japanese kids destroying shit is kinda US Open Tradition too. So enough about that, if you missed the webcast or live TV broadcast or are just itching for more pipe jocking, read this or go watch replays.

Now, getting down to business, here are a bunch more pictures I took with my Nokia Lumia 820.

Prior to the event, Upstate Mike proved just how much he loves getting extreme.

Vail is beautiful, and since I was going .0002 MPH on a cat track at this point, I had plenty of time to get out my phone and take a photo.


Yep, there’s the halfpipe.

After working on my goggle tan-cancer for awhile, I realized there was a TV with couches inside at the top of the pipe. Boy did I feel silly!

And my two favorite little people we’re in there too!

After Shaun White won, it was time for lunch. This kid was there and he ruled.

I was looking for important people to take photos of, but Hondo with his “finals competitor” credential was the best I could come up with.

Then he stole my phone and took pictures of chicks.

Including the always lovely Amanda Wormann.

Hondo and John Poulin, Vail Represent.

Thanks again to Nokia for tricking Burton and Vail into letting me come to Open this year.

“Brooke. Get to Silverton ASAP…. over 50” since last saturday. Mark Landvick and Pat Moore were here today just checking stuff out. Blew their minds.”

This season I have made it a goal to snowboard as much as possible, which for a questionably-employed person such as me is easier said than done. I’m shooting for 100 days (no bragging), which may be unrealistic while simultaneously running the Internet, but whatever, I’m going for it. So when this email arrived as I was boarding a plane for Denver, I couldn’t resist. My response was simply an itinerary for a flight to Durango with the cautionary note, “be careful what you wish for.”

Just in case you don’t know anything about Silverton, this video featuring Shaun White should explain it.

Phew, that saved me a lot of words. And it was pretty much like that, except it felt less staged and people were drinking more beer than Red Bull — for the record even 3.2 Coors Light is strong at 11,000 feet. Life in the Colorado wilderness (and it is remote as fuck) is far from easy, but that’s just the way the locals like it. It keeps out the riff raff, which in hindsight, is amazing they invited me in the first place!

The real deal at Silverton Mountain is this: don’t be an idiot. It’s not a cushy “resort,” and the town itself is more of a summer attraction. In the winter it’s just a few die hards, some ice climbers and the staff of Silverton Mountain. If you have a sled there’s no shortage of gnarly backcountry terrain, but the avalanche danger is high and the hero factor even higher.

This is the chairlift. The only one.

The first night, Kyle had me convinced I would probably die. He didn’t say it in so many words, but tales of an avalanche that day (by some people skiing away from the resort), a mention that the house was 100 years old and only heated by a wood stove, and stories about the dangers of his job had me convinced I’d made a mistake coming here.

When I woke up for my one and only day riding at Silverton Mountain, the house was still warm and Kyle’s two huskies hadn’t chewed up my camera gear. We were off to a good start. In the base-tent I met some east coasters who knew about Yobeat and talked me into springing for the heli drop. It wasn’t hard — I can think of a lot worse things to spend the money on. And I was doing it.

If you like to hike and stuff, Silverton is your jam!

They also meticulously patrol the inbounds backcountry of the resort, and give you a guide who actually knows a thing or two. For an inherently dangerous activity, and backcountry boarding, it’s pretty much as safe as you can get being super extreme. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T DIE.

Unfortunately I wasn’t the only one to hear the news of 55 inches, and it was day 4 after the storm, so there were definitely some tracks. It wasn’t the blower pow my pal Shaun White showed me and the light was kind of flat. Don’t read that as a complaint, it’s not. And on the last run of the day, our guide Jess took us down “Delores,” a gully that sees no sun and hadn’t been open until just then. Insert face shots here.

This is what happens when you go for the heli ride (with A-man voice over for dramatic effect.)

Silverton is only open Thursday-Sunday (unless you wanna rent out the whole place) so on Monday I offered to take Kyle to check out Durango Mountain, otherwise known as Purgatory. On the first lift up we rode with a guy who managed to tell us his whole life story in 5 minutes, and also offered to show us his favorite run “if we could keep up.” During his story he used the expression “no bragging” a few times, which soon entered by lexicon on a regular basis. You may have even read it above.

Basically the best trick that either Kyle or I can do. Whatever.

Purgatory was a groomed paradise, with the exception of the endless traverses, but Kyle was so excited to not be working and riding sans beacon or any hiking, he was even willing to hit the somewhat-scary park jumps. He’s good like that. At the end of the day I was still alive, which means all those premonitions of certain death in Southern Colorado were probably just the weed.

That said, if you want to scare yourself, prove something, or otherwise have a different snowboard experience, go to Southern Colorado. You don’t even have to stay with ski bums, they have hotels and stuff.

Thanks to Silverton Mountain, Purgatory, KC Kyle and his roomies, and the Internet for making this story possible. Sorry I only took one snowboard photo, but not really.

Stephanie Sue Feld and Emily Blewitt took a couple days off from the kitchen to head to Colorado, and do some boarding.

Now, society and you little shitheads may think Vera Janssen should be at home taking care of the children, but instead, she’s poised to become the first mom to have continue a successful pro career. Hell, she even just got on Nikita Snowboards.

And finally a couple entries from the Shooting Star Video contest. The deadline for entry is this Thursday, so if you’re slacking, stop it and send in some hot video action! Get more info and see all the entries so far here.

Melissa Riitano

Luci Imbach

Christy Prior

PS. While technically we can’t disallow dudes from entering this contest, you might not want to do it…

Shooting Star 2013: https://www.facebook.com/yobeatdotcom/app_515322148491016