I scrolled through the memory banks of my iPhone and picked out 5 video gems to share.  None are longer than 30 sec.  Most are much shorter.  NOTE: THIS WILL BE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME.

1.) Jack Mitrani’s Announcer-Man Voice

In this clip, Jack is doing his best impersonation of Brad J, a guy who I announce snowboard events with.  Brad’s an awesome dude with the most legit announcer voice ever.

2.) Avalanche Danger

I was amazingly lucky to both capture this on film, and to make it out unscathed.

3.) Peanut Tug

I have an yellow lab named Peanut and this video of us playing tug of war makes me laugh (but you probably won’t find it funny…).  It’s like when people show you pictures of their “cute pet” and you could give a damn.  Except these are moving pictures.

4.) Mercedes Nicol Catch Phrase

If you’ve ever played the game Catch Phrase, you know how awesome it is.  Well, playing it with Mercedes is twice as awesome.  She freaks out.  If she puts in half the energy to her runs at the Olympics as she does her turns at Catch Phrase… she should podium.

5.) Todd Richard’s Wiener Toss

This summer at Todd’s Signature Session at HCSC he held a contest to see who could throw a raw Cobra Dog the furthest using their opposite hand.

Welp.  Thanks for watching.

Last week, the downstairs bathroom in the base lodge at Snow Basin, UT became second nicest place I’ve ever taken a crap.  It’s typically never fun to stop and have the runs when your out taking them - but I’d argue that the gold-plated toilet bowl plumbing, solid floor-to-ceiling-cherry-wood bathroom stall doors and the decorative wall sconces made the experience a pleasure.

The marble acoustics of the stall made me feel like I was farting in my own little Carnegie Hall, and the impeccably clean seats made me feel guilty for even considering building a toilet paper sitting nest.  After I’d done my deed, I half expected to look down and find that I had laid a Cadbury egg (I hadn’t.)  All in all, it was just about the best shitty experience I’ve ever had.

Had I not water-pooped while snorkeling in Hawaii this fall, the Snow Basin bathroom would have been top of my list.

FYI, the mountain is pretty awesome as well.

I would have licked this sink.

My momentary throne.

Golden tickets.

It’s a good sign when the fountain on the way in is made of Gold

Yup. That’s a bathroom stall door.

Nothing says eleagnt like “Elegante”.

5 Geographic Limericks

Your normal 30’s Thursday programming has been temporarily* replaced with Preston’s Poems™.   I have decided to dabble in Action Sport’s Poetry!  An extreme (-ly lame), cutting edge form of snowboard journalism/entertainment.

The following are five limericks inspired by The Man From Nantucket.

Bear.

There once was this man from Big Bear.
He had a perfect deep tan and nice hair.
To impress all the foxes,
He’d nose press their boxes.
And they’d lip slide his rail to be fair.

Salt Lake.

There once was a man from Salt Lake.
Who liked powder and handrails and steak.
He cooked on a George Forman,
and was totally Mormon.
And when he talked about both he would shake.

Vermont.

If you ever meet a man from Vermont.
Know that a nice halfpipe is all that he’d want.
But, if he’s in need of a cheer up,
Give him pure maple syrup -
or a plane ticket to go on a jaunt.

Seattle.

There once was a man from Seattle.
The Banked Slalom was his ultimate battle.
If there’s one thing he feared,
it was not having a beard.
So his face looked like the backside of some cattle.

Midwest.

There once was kid from the Midwest,
and he knew that he could soon be the best.
So he rode tons of park,
on small hills in the dark.
Then he moved, and we all know the rest…

*until further notice.

Danny Davis. Photo courtesy Boardistan.

This article is a perfect example of the feast of d-grade crap that is served up to the Internet everyday.   Millions (if not billions) of people around the World Wide Web, force-feed the Internet with photos, videos and text, under the loose license of journalism leading to our epidemic state of cyber-obesity.

Welp, with no further ado, here’s my latest digital spoon feed, to help make the Internet an even bigger fatter, more bloated mess than it already is:  The Top 5 famous people who Danny Davis looks like these days and the striking similarities between their personas.

1. Barry Gibbs

Lead singer of the Bee Gees, Barry has his double platinums, Danny’s got his double corks, and they both have kick ass heads of hair.  While Barry spends his time prancing around singing like a woman, Danny spends his time prancing around riding like a man.

2. Davey Crocket

Davy Crocket was the “King of the Wild Frontier”, whereas Danny is the “King of the Frontier of Pipe Riding”.  The visual similarities are striking, except Danny looks like he has a coonskin cap on his face and Davey looks like he has a beard on his head.

3. Grizzly Adams

OK, maybe Danny looks nothing like Grizzly Adams, but as Lee Travino said in Adam Sandler’s Happy Gilmore, “Grizzly Adams did have a beard”, and well, so does Danny.

4. Rip Van Winkle

Both of these guys like to go get lost in the woods and have a laid back, easygoing style.  Sure there’s the obvious similarities with the big beard… but also consider the word “Rip” in Van Winkle’s name.  Danny has been known to “rip” himself.  Scary coincidence huh?

5. Jesus

Sure anyone with long hair and a beard often gets the Jesus label, but upon further look, the similarities between Danny and Jesus are uncanny: Danny can walk on water (albeit frozen water), he can fly (if but momentarily while snowboarding), and Danny was also once a baby.

OK, so regardless of how pointless this article is, I’d like to use my 30+ years of debatable wisdom to briefly point something out.  Danny Davis is one of the best hopes we have for maintaining snowboarding’s integrity as we get groomed-out by mainstream media and marketing.  His style, creativity and attitude hearken back to the mid 90’s hay day of our burgeoning sport, and we couldn’t pick a better face to represent men’s competitive snowboarding (with or without the giant beard.)

After note: During the long process of researching and writing this piece (of crap), I bought the following URL: www.peoplewholooklikejesus.com.  Wish me luck that it makes me rich somehow.

I went to Target yesterday to buy a trashcan. On my journey through the store I walked by the clothing section and there it was!  Shaun White 4 Target.

I had heard Shaun had his own line of T-Mart clothes a few years back, but I had never actually seen it with my own eyes…  There, in the epicenter of (non Walmart) American mainstream consumerism, 30-something year-old moms were holding up t-shirts with photos of Shaun snowboarding on them, tiny skate jeans and all over print hoodies.

I pass no judgment on this situation, for this situation self implies all judgment needed.

I’ll tell you what though: Shaun wasn’t the only (or the most popular) Action Sports Super Hero cashing in on the general population’s insatiable lust for extreme sports:

1) Tony Hawk: Skateboards (MOST POPULAR)

The Bird Man killed it!  Sold out. Sorry kids.

2) Ryan Sheckler: Ramp Warehouse

For only $34.99 you too can have a tiny pieces of plastic made in China.

3) Jesse Csinsak: The Iron Gym

You don’t win The Bachelorette without having rock hard lats.  Look for his line of musk to hit stores in time for Valentines Day. (ha ha, sorry Jesse, just f-ing with you - you did have one of these at camp this summer.)

I once heard life described through the “4 Stages of Santa Claus.”

Stage 1: You believe in Santa Claus.
Stage 2: You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
Stage 3: You Are Santa Claus.
Stage 4: You look like Santa Claus.

Now that I’m in my 30s I guess I should be in Stage 3 where I am Santa Claus, but I don’t have any kids yet, so I guess I’m not officially there…   Since I’m not technically in Stage 1 either, it might be post-mature for me too send a list of demands to Santa.
Nonetheless, this is the assignment I’ve been given, so here it goes:

Dear Santa,

Thank you for abbreviating the name of our holiday.  As an action board sports enthusiast, I find that celebrating “X-Mas” extreme-ly gratifying. I wish the following things for snowboarding this X-Mas:

Contests:
•    I wish the “Style Judges” scores will count ten times more than the compulsory double cork judges’ scores.
•    I wish you’d bring us a permanent replacement for the Rail Jam.

Fashion:
•    Give American Eskimo style it’s day in the sun.
•    Eradicate Energy Drink hats

Progression:
•    Will somebody please finally do a full 360 rewind?
•    See above.

Technology:
•    How about some more camber options? 84 different branded terms for reverse camber seem like a narrow offering…
•    Snowboard poles?

Snow:
•    Send some to the East Coast and Big Bear for craps sake.
•    Does it have to be so cold?

Personally:
•    I sure would hate to wait too long and be in Stage 4 and Stage 3 at the same time, so maybe help me get my wife pregnant - well, maybe not literally help me, but, well - you know what I mean.  Only if we decide we are ready.

PS: have you seen www.sketchysantas.com?  Priceless.

A few years back I rode the chairlift at Waterville Valley, NH with an old guy. He looked to be in his mid sixties, and I was impressed that he was still out there skiing.  On his jacket was a patch that subtly, yet proudly stated “85+”, something I thought nothing of it at first.  We exchanged the common chairlift pleasantries — “how’s your day going?”, “are you on vacation?”, and so on.  When the routine conversation reached the end of it’s lifecycle, I pointed to his patch and asked what “85+” was.   To my amazement, he told me that it referred to his age!  He was in the 85+ and still skiing club!

There I was a 28-year-old prone to complaining about sore knees or a bad back, when a man 3 times my age sat next to me on Waterville’s Quadzilla telling me about a race he had coming up that weekend.  My God.  I had to know what his secret was.  In fact I asked him just that, “My God” I said, “what’s your secret?”  A big grin came over his face, as he looked me dead in the eye and said, “I never stopped.”

“You never stopped what?” I said.  “I never stopped moving,” he said.  He told me of friends he had and friends he’d lost and how for one reason or another they all got old.   They sat for too long behind desks or at bars and they just turned into old men.  His theory is that once you stop being active it’s hard to ever get it back.  You stiffen up for good.

I think of this conversation with that old man on the mountain every year around this time.  It’s been three months since I left Mt. Hood, and I’ve been incubating in an office for too long.  Portland’s rainy season has super-sized my indoor living time and I can feel myself getting stiff.

I tell ya — winter couldn’t have come any sooner.  My early season dips into that frozen fountain of youth have felt good, and I look forward to a long cold season of “moving.”  Hell, I might even get a “30+” patch for my jacket and start my collection early.

If your passion for carving corduroy outweighs your craving for carving turkey, you’ll find the following Thanksgiving Menu right up your alley.  This list is a cornucopia of real snowboard grabs named after food you’ll just want to gobble up.  (Actually visualize, or act some of these out, as a few of them are mind-boggling.)

Caution: many of these grabs (which need to be brought back, btw) come from an era where flexibility reigned supreme.  A few weeks of “snoga” (snow yoga) should be considered a prerequisite.

Difficulty Levels Ranked 1 to 5
(1 = vacationing Texan, 5 = Tim Eddy after a hot yoga class)

APPETIZERS

Canadian Bacon ala Kale Stephens. P. Max Jenke/Methodmag.

Canadian Bacon (3)
Back hand reaches around the back leg to grab the toe edge between the bindings (poke out the back leg).

Swiss Cheese (4)
Back hand reaches between the legs and grabs the heel edge in front of the front foot (poke out the back leg).

Melon (1)
Front hand grabs the heel edge between the bindings (poke out the front leg).

SIDES

Pat Bridges, avid Eggplant lover. P. Geery

Eggplant (4+)
Front hand is planted on the lip of a pipe/QP wall and rotate a backside 180 (so you come back in regular).

Mashed Potato (5+)
Alley-oop, backside pipe wall, front hand grabs mute and the back hand grabs the heel edge in front of the front foot from behind the back!  Good f%#@ing luck.

Spaghetti (5)
Front hand reaches behind the front leg then between the legs, to grab the toe edge in front of the front foot (poke out the back leg). Good f%#@ing luck.

MAIN COURSE

Grabbin stalefish for dinner. p. Chris Garrison

Stalefish (1)
Back hand grabs the heel edge behind the between the bindings (poke out the rear leg).

Fresh Fish (1+)
Stale Fish on the backside wall of the pipe.

Chicken Salad (2)
Back hand reaches between the legs and grabs the heel edge between the bindings, wrist rotated so the thumb is pointing towards the tail (poke out the front leg).

Roast Beef (1)
Back hand reaches between the legs and grabs the heel edge between the bindings (poke out the rear leg).

DESSERT

Pop Tart (2)
Air from fakie to forward in the pipe.  No rotation.

So take a break from snacking on pretzels and bagels on the rails this Thanksgiving and grab your self a heaping helping of food flavored grabs. And please! Somebody go out and invent a Turkey Roll today.  The fact that chicken salad is the only poultry dish represented in the snowboard food grab bag is a disgrace to this amazing holiday.

This isn’t even an article.  It’s a scheme to get more Twitter followers for High Cascade Snowboard Camp.  But read on – because I’ll buy you a cheese pizza.

Here’s the deal:

– Follow High Cascade Snowboard Camp on Twitter. Click Here.
(if you’re on Twitter already it’ll take 10 sec.  If you’re not, it’ll take 1 minute.)

– At some point before next week  I’m going to Tweet the “Secret Word.”

– The first person to post this “Secret Word” in the comments of this article, wins a pizza!  (I’ll call up the pizza place of your choice and pay for it by credit card, so you must post with your REAL email address.)

It’s literally the easiest way you can get a free large cheese pizza.  Plus it’s a great test of your skills on the comment boards.  Everyone loves claiming “first” – but can you be fastest when it really counts?  When a pizza is on the line?

I have no f*#%ing idea why we need more Twitter followers…  Apparently businesses are supposed to have a lot of Twitter followers now, and since I’m the Camp Director and Marketing Director for HCSC – I guess I’m just doing business.  Right?

Currently we have 452 followers.

Ashton Kutcher has 3,994,559.

We need to step up our game.

PS. Check out the brand new High Cascade site. Now.

Shaun White will make the double-cork a TV household name this winter on NBC, ESPN and beyond.  Make no mistake that his command over these tricks and determination to bring them into the competitive arena is truly impressive.  If this were NASCAR, Shaun basically just built a car that’s twice as fast, and the rest of the contest world is being forced to upgrade or get lapped.

In these changing times, I’d like to tip my cap to a list of riders who paved the way for our aunts, uncles, grand parents, dentists, barbers and teachers to hear about double-corks while channel surfing this up coming winter:

Damien Sanders –His double back’s in Fall Line Film’s Snowboarder’s in Exile back in 1991 were the pinnacle of “extreme”.  The fact that he did them in hard-boots, make them the pinnacle of inconceivable. (Steve Graham had some sick ones in this film too).

Jim Rippey – From snowboards to snowmobiles Rippey could back flip anything.   You could put that guy on a horse and he’d be ready for the equestrian X Games in a week’s time.

Mike Michalechuck – A full decade ahead of his time, Michaelchuck’s double flips in the 1998 US OPEN Half Pipe will forever be one of the single most progressive moments in our “sport”.  Had he avoided an injury and a car crash incident, the world would have seen double-corks before Y2K.

Jesse Fulton – Around that same time, Fulton’s double flips in the pipe were similar to Michaelchucks, yet with a better beer belly.

Mikey LeBlanc – Mikey’s comedic triple back flip in an old Kingpin movie foreshadow the triple-cork that we all know is looming on the horizon (and has apparently been landed by another rider on this list).

Kim Christensen – The Norwegian pipe rider whose ridiculous crippler to switch mctwist type trick was briefly dubbed “The Viking Roll” before being abandon from his repertoire for safety concerns.

JP Walker – The first legit straight jump double-cork that changed the way jumping was to progress forever (and reminded the world that referring to him as a “jibber” is a description that falls about a mile short).

Eero Ettala – Eero’s double backside rodeo off a park jump in MDP’s From _____ With Love proved that the double-cork thing could be spun both ways.

Travis Rice – Aside from owning a mean double back in the pipe, Travis picked up where JP left off, bringing every possible combination of this trick to the backcountry (and stadium) in a little known cult classic film called That’s It, That’s All (which I still think is mainly CGI).

Danny Davis – 2 seasons ago his double cork attempts in the Park City pipe during a “shred for fun day,” reopened the world’s eyes to the possibilities of this trick being done in the pipe.

Scotty Lago – Who has been flirting with double cork front 10’s in the pipe for 2 seasons.  Although not as “flippy” as some people do them, Scotty’s double corks are truly a thing of beauty.

Luke Mitrani –  Anyone who can do switch double backs in the pipe and ride away laughing, has more tricks up his sleeves than Harry Potter’s closet.  Mark my words; Luke Mitrani will blow people’s minds this winter.

Prediction: This isn’t even close to the number of times you’ll hear these word this season:

Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.
Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.  Double Cork. Double Cork. Double Cork.