An Interview with a Biker Nerd

John Bethers

Over the past few weeks, due to the MTV Sports and Music Festival, and some other major events, I have become increasingly aware of the sickness of BMXing. Recently, while attending a tradeshow in Albany, New York, I was privlidged enough to witness the "Airwalk Stunt Show", which was two BMXers going off, and rollerdorker, going. I found myself watching opened mouthed as two kids on little bikes practically hit the ceiling after going off this ramp that I wouldnt have even made it up. I find that I have more respect for these "extreme" athletes then I do for some others, namely snowboarders. Maybe becasue I know just how easy snowboarding is. Maybe just because watching them is rad. This is an interview with one such athlete, who definalty earned his autograph signing rights, and he's a damn fine announcer too.
YB: What's your name?
JB: John Bethers.
YB: Age?
JB: 22.
YB:Home?
JB: Provo, Utah.
YB: How long have you been riding? It is called riding, right?
JB: Yeah its called riding, let's see I was 14 when I started, so 9 years.
YB: Who throws down the goods?
JB: Airwalk, of course, thats the main one, and Eastern Bikes and Useless Clothing.
YB: So, why do you kick so much ass?
JB: More like I get my ass kicked!
YB: How come you get to be the announcer?
JB: Actually, I didn't want to announce, I just wanted to be a grommit in the show, but my boss was really busy, he had a kid, so he had to hire someone to handle it. The guy was a real asshole and didn't have a clue what he was doing, so I had to do it.
YB: If you were in the Miss America Pagent- One piece or two?
JB: Two for sure. And a bikini, a two piece bikini.
YB: Do you have a girlfriend?
JB: No.
YB: Care to elaborate?
JB: Nobody's willing to put up with my shit, leaving all the time. I'm a nice guy and everything, it's just I travel a lot.
YB: Would you ever consider a career in porn if this BMX bit doesn't work out?
JB: I thought about it, I'm just waiting for a good name.
YB: Would you not go to a snowboard shop because there was a strip club next door?
JB: Hell no, I'm there. I think they should be one in the same. I don't know what the big deal is, except maybe for little kids. As an adult, it doesnt bother me. That girl who's with us, the rollerblader, went to Hooters with us last night, and she was all offended, but I just accept it as a part of life.
YB: What else do you do with yourself?
JB: Computer graphics, video editing. I don't know, what do I do with myself?
YB: Any sports?
JB: Yeah, I've been snowboarding for 9 years too. Pretty much goes with Utah.
YB: Okay, Why does Airwalk sponsor rollerdorkers?
JB: It's just for this show. My boss always had rollerbladers for this show, and they sponsor the show, not the inliners. They give her product and stuff, but she's not on the airwalk team.
YB: What do you listen too?
JB: face to face, Beastie Boys, Fugazi.
YB: Name some BMX tricks for the kids.
JB: Well there's one I just made up, it's called an assisted suicide. Its when you take your hands off the handlebars, grab the seat and back peg and drop the bike down. You kind of have to see it. Some other names are a hitchhiker, stick-bitch, thats a good one, rope-a-roni, that's kinda stupid, funky chicken, and spastic freak squeak.
YB: How do you remember all these names?
JB: It's just like snowboarding, how do you remember a backside rodeo flip?
YB: I don't, I just make them up as I go along, sandwich names are always good.
JB: Yeah, I was announcing a skate competion and I kept calling ollies bunny hops and saying they were doing bar-spins, it doesn't really matter.
YB: Are you really down with the XXX, or is that just for the kids?
JB: No drugs, No alcohol, but I'll take all the XXX parafinalia you got.
YB: Do you forsee a future for BMXing in the olympics?
JB: I hope not! That would change the whole nature of the sport.
YB: Do you ever wish you got into an easy sport like snowboarding?
JB: I do snowboard. But, no, I like what I got, and I got what I deserve.
That's right folks, you heard it here first. You should be hearing a lot more about this young man, as well as many more, as the sport of BMXing grows, which it will. You can catch the Airwalk stunt team at an elementary school or skate park near you. And remember, don't do drugs, and wear your helmet.