The Olympic Rant
Four years ago, everyone got to complain about the exploitation of snowboarding when it debuted as an Olympic sport. Now, it seems that the industry has pretty much accepted drug tests, corporate sponsorships and the IOC as a way of life. So what’s to rant about? Well, the Freestyle team was selected last weekend, and some keen observations can certainly be made.
First, J.J. Thomas is on the team. Man, it seems like only yesterday he was trying to get people to refer to him as Jarret and winning such honors as the hottest boy in snowboarding. Then Burton dropped him this summer, a company that has always had its eye on Olympic gold. Jake and his boys are probably pretty stoked on the extent of their cuts right about now.
J.J. Thomas winning the Breckenridge Grand Prix. He's dreamy. Photo: Jen Sherowski/TWsnow.com. |
Of course, they can always fall back on the Southern Vermont contingency, Ross Powers and Kelly Clarke, that is, if they don’t get too caught up in drinking games (JOKE!). Ross took the slow but steady approach to making the team. Place consistently high and do every damn contest. He even stayed away from muscle relaxers, which caused him to test positive for drugs in the past and miss a Grand Prix or two in the past. Kelly, on the other hand, is like 12 (or 17). Two years ago, the X Games were all about the young hometown girl story at Mt. Snow, so it’s not surprise she’s have the skills to qualify. ESPN always picks winners.
As for the rest of the women’s team, Tricia Byrnes must have really wanted it this year; she added a new trick to her run. Of course, this was definitely a necessity, since going about the lip on straight airs no longer wins a girls’ contest. Shannon Dunn made the team even after a Mark Sullivan U.S. Open sticker read “Shannon’s Done.” Another wonderful foresight. Of course, having a larger trick repertoire in the pipe than most other girls may have been her ticket, even if it is out of spite.
The rest of the men’s team was no surprise. Tommy Chezchin and Danny Kass earned their spots. Chezchin is somewhat boring, and there’s not much to say about him. Danny Kass, on the other hand, is probably the nation’s best defense against terrorism, or at least boredom. Should Danny win, however, he may be disappointed to receive flowers instead of alcohol. He better also hope that the IOC hasn’t made any rules against marijuana. Not that he’s smoked any, but there’s not much to do at Mammoth and Ross Rebagliati taught us all about the evils of second hand smoke, right?
The racing team you’ll certainly be able to learn all about by watching their runs on NBC’s comprehensive coverage. Something tells me that if you want to watch freestyle snowboarding though, you’ll be staying up very late. Who know, maybe the Olympics will have wised up to what’s cool this year. Or maybe they’ll just show figure skating.
-BG
The Olympic Rant: Hey, we had one four years ago.
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