Best Week EverThis is 2007
Best Week Ever: December 7th "You should just move in with Diplo's mom!" -I have a lovely one bedroom apartment for rent ASAP in South Philadelphia. Sarah@cinespace.info for more info. -I hate the reference "Blah blah blah is the new blah blah blah. (ie. Gwyneth is the new black) Fortunately/unfortunately my week can only be summed up by, "New York is the new LA and Facebook is the new Myspace." -I am hanging out with Nicky and he is complaining incessantly. He is over Philly. As he continues his rant he appears to be over pretty much everything else, as well. He then announces, "Let's move somewhere crazy and have babies!" I shrug and agree to it. He adds, "Like Croatia!" I look at him confused and go, "I was hoping it was going to be somewhere like Brooklyn." -I love Crystal, I do. Crystal writes me on AIM one day asking if I want to write for some blog she is starting. I tell her I will, only if it pays. It does not. She adds, "It's a good opportunity to get noticed and out there." I simply respond, "Oh, I was out there and they noticed me way too much. That's why I left LA." -Greg has moved to LA. I know Greg from my formative days in Boston. I have probably seen Greg once since 2003. He has not just moved to LA, he has moved in with Gina and Lax. I am on the phone with Kelly one night, when she informs me he is sitting next to everyones new best friend, Greg. I relay this one story, "I was moving out of one of my apartments in Boston. Greg agreed to come over and help move the furniture out. All he did was throw my couch off the back porch." -Leah asks when she can come visit me in Philly. I tell her she can come whenever she likes. I add, "You just have to tell me when you are coming. So I can get furniture and clean." She adds, "Knowing that maybe I will just show up. I add, "Great with a camera crew from TLC?" She adds, "With Ty." -Wes has some weird thing on his leg. I show up at his studio/crackden to bring him antibiotics, one afternoon. I hand him the medicine. I go, "Take two now, like when you were little and the doctor would say that." He looks at me like I am insane and goes, "What doctor was that, Dr. Kevorkian?" -We are all on our way out the door to leave Wes to his "music." I am not sure why the exit stopped and turned to Wes discussing how he went to a better college than the rest of us. But it does, and we all stop to watch him Google. As the page is loading he announces, "I went to one of the best film schools in the country." The page appears and his school is not on it. He sort of starts to scroll around on the page, getting upset. We all stand there sort of awkwardly with our coats on waiting. I finally go, "I'm sure it got like an honorable mention." I then grab Naeem and Ian and whisper, "Let's go." -I get mugged and sort of groped (I'm fine and it could have been worse. You guys get the brief and PG version) The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way and became my sort of reason to leave Philadelphia. Keith seemed sort of concern and inquired where I planned to go next. I told him I hoped to move to New York, a little sooner than planned. He then suggested, "You should just move in with Diplo's mom!" -After the mugging bit, I went to my parents' house in Boston for the week. Me, my mom, and my sister went to the mall one afternoon. We walk into Abercrombie and Fitch. The teenage employees are sitting on the couches. The horrible music is so loud that you are unable to speak to one another or walk around without holding your hands over your ears. I run out of the store after ten seconds of this and scream, "This is like the worst party ever!" -My mom offers to buy me a bra at Victoria's Secret. I am wandering around, completely afraid. I finally ask a salesgirl if they make a bra without padding. She directs me to one. She holds it up for me to look at. I grab it out of her hands and deem it "perfect." I begin to head to the register. She stops me to ask if I would like to try it on. I shake my head, "I don't even own a bra. So whatever this is, I'm sure it will be fine!" -I don't like Iphones. I don't want one at all. Even my own mother seemed disappointed when I arrive to visit her with a Blackberry. She remarks, "I figured if anyone I knew would have an Iphone it would be my daughter." -The East Somerville Community School caught on fire the other night. It was some sort of electrical thing that spread throughout the building. This means little to you if you are not from Boston. I cried when I saw it on the news. I spent a lot of time in that school. I wrote to Leah about it saying how sad it made me. She goes, "I felt so bad watching those kids on TV. They were so bummed out and I don't even like kids." -I am sitting at the computer, at my parents' house. My mother and sister enter the room. My sister turns to my mom and goes, "You look really skinny." I turn around, point at my sister (who has lost at least 40 pounds since the summer) and go, "You look really skinny!" Then nether of them say anything. I start to awkwardly laugh. My sister then manages to announce, "I like you normal. When you are really skinny, it makes your face look weird." I looked at both of them and simply and nodded -I am leaving the airport and am getting into a shuttle to go home. There are two van drivers standing near the shuttle that is set to take me home. One of them starts laughing as I approach. The other one puts out his cigarette, smirks, ad goes, "How old are you, 13?" I roll my eyes, "No 12" and hand him my bag. -Dora takes me out of her "Top 8" and replaces me with Anna aka miss Uffie who I love to death. I think its sort of funny and write some sort of sarcastic comment on Anna's page deeming her cooler than me. Dora writes me some bitchy message telling me to get over it. I try to tell her I just thought it was funny. She responds, "It's not that funny and everyone knows I havent't talked to you in like five months." The last time I did talk to her was probably October. She hasn't returned any of my phone calls or texts lately. It was probably entirely so she could justify removing me from her "Top 8." My god somehow someone just said to me, "Everyone knows I haven't talked to you in five months!" -I know a lot of you girls were Myspace friends with Waffles + Falafels.Waffles+Falafels was a clothing brand I modeled for. They had dope t-shirts. It was more like this gang of girls around the world that you wanted to be your BFFs. There was some business breakdown this week. Waffles is gonna try to put something new together and keep us girls ganged up. So add this page so you don't miss out on what's next. Cause whatever is next; you can guarantee I AM IN! -I will be in NYC this week to support my "internet Boo Trevor" aka DJ Skeet Skeet and check out some Heatherette and Irregular Choice stuff. Mostly to hear what Trevors gotta show to NYC. See you Wednesday.
Best Week Ever: November 23rd "One time Russ came over and there was a bottle of" I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray on the floor next to my bed." -I am in the bathroom at Tattooed Moms. It is probably 10pm. Some girl is puking all over the place. I sort of laugh and her friend informs me it is said girl's birthday. She then leans in and sort of whispers, "She is 30." -Nicky and Matt are walking me to my car, one evening. Matt notices the missing passenger side mirror, which is actually inside on the floor of my vehicle, due to a mishap with my driveways fence a while back. He points at the missing mirror and asks, "So what do you see in this? I simply state, "The future." -Allegra and I somehow found ourselves dancing with some overweight bald dude at Making Time. We rolled with it. I end up downstairs later, without Allegra and encounter said dude alone. It is the end of the night and they are playing the Beach Boys. Dude pulls me over to dance with him. He seems harmless enough. His first move is to grab my left boob. Once I sort of call that move off, he simply grabs my vagina. With that, I will never feel bad for a penis again, no matter who it is attached to. -Making Time ends at 4. We then head to Sean's for some after party. It quickly becomes light out. I see people putting on their jackets and assume it is time to go home. I quickly learn we are all going to a bar that opens at 7am, instead. I put my coat on; shake my head, and go, "Only in Philadelphia." -I hate going to the movies, due to the fact I have horrible ADD and the whole process stresses me out. I really wanted to see Gone Baby Gone, last week. Nicky was unable to get his shit together. Nicky finally found himself "ready," this week.Unfortunately for him, the movie is no longer playing. He then has to coerce me into going to see "the Devil something depressing" starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. I arrive at the theater 5 minutes after it started. He looks annoyed and I don't really care. Trying not to laugh I go, "So Ben Affleck's in this, right?" He replies, "Yeah, and Marky Mark." We head into the theater. -Taryn lives upstairs from me. We frequent each others apartments when in need of gossip or toilet paper. She shows up at my door one night. She is leaning in my doorway. I assume she is tired. She informs me that she is drunk. At some point during the conversation, she pushes my door open and screams when she witnesses the state of my apartment. I push her back into the hallway and tell her to stop. She starts laughing and asks, "Did I just see a Pizza Hut box in a pile of clothing?" I roll my eyes and reply, "Hopefully you are SO drunk you won't remember this tomorrow." I then add, "One time Russ came over and there was a bottle of" I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray on the floor next to my bed." -My flight to Boston is delayed for three hours. By the time I arrive in Boston, I could have driven there. Actually, I could have driven there slowly. While fake sleeping at the Philadelphia airport, I hear some woman trying to get someone's attention by awkwardly saying "Excuse me" over and over again. I become sort of aware, afraid she is speaking to me. Luckily, I hear some lady recognize her request. She simply states, "Are we in Tampa?" The lady whose attention she had eventually received somehow managed to nonchalantly reply, "No, we are in Philadelphia." I started laughing uncontrollably. When they looked at me, I went back to "fake sleeping." -I spend Thanksgiving at my grandparents' retirement home in Worchester, Ma. My aunt turns run-of-the-mill dinner conversation into natural disaster conversation, logically. Due to my ties with Los Angeles, I am asked for my thoughts on the So Cal fires. I tell them I was worried. I add how I became especially concerned when I saw the television footage of San Diego, due to the fact that my friend Kelly's parents live there. I tell my Thanksgiving audience about my distressed call to Kelly, "She told me her parents had been evacuated. I asked her if they were at the stadium. She told me they had gone to a resort in Orange County." I then added, "I starting laughing and told Kelly that sounds like what my parents would do." My dad trying not to laugh, shook his head in agreement. -My sister wants to go to the local bar the night before Thanksgiving. I do not want to, due to the fact it will be a parade of everyone I do not want to ever see again from high school, but drunk. I somehow manage to get myself down there. I refuse to go in and am standing by a Chinese restaurant nearby. My sister comes out to check on my whereabouts. I see a bunch of overweight drunk girls in cheap shoes stumble by. I then hear someone scream their names. I go, "They are still fat, probably still angry, and I am going to sit in the car." I then ran past them, with my hood on, while my sister screamed me name. -I run into Mike's cousin outside of that bar in my town Thanksgiving eve. He tells me he heard I moved to Philadelphia. He starts talking shit about LA. He can not believe I lived there that long. I sort of shrug and announce, "I love LA. I am just on a one to two year long East Coast vacation." -Steve Aoki whined and bitched trying to get me to go up to New York the last time he was DJing there. I had other plans here in Philly. I see on the internet this week, not only was he in NYC, but he DJed my latest internet idol Kesh's birthday party. I avoided the topic of why he did not tell me he was in New York and went straight to the topic at hand. I wrote, "You DJed Kesh's birthday party?" He replied, "Yeah, she is awesome, Sarah!" I rolled my eyes and replied, "Tell her to adopt me." -I invited Nicky to go to Boston with me for Thanksgiving. Due to my late notice, he is unable to get off work. I text Nicky on Thanksgiving to wish him a happy holiday. He tells me to say hi to my mom for him. My mom says the same back. I admit to everyone that it is my own fault Nicky could not come. After the discussion ends about my inability to understand people who have schedules, I text Nicky back, "Perhaps, I am unable to comprehend that people have lives. Apparently, the world does not revolve around me." I then add, "I am not sure that I believe the second part." -I had what I thought was a zit that turned into some sort of crazy death looking abrasion on my thigh. I went to the ER where they determined it was a spider bite that got infected. Wes writes me this morning inquiring about that "bug bite I had on my butt" and informs me he has one now "too." I tell him I have the rest of the medicine that I didn't take. I tell him that he can have it. He then asks me to bring it to him. I simply reply, "No." Best Week Ever: November 16th "Wait, you drink rubbing alcohol?" -I have been told by half the world (i.e. three of my friends and one interview I read of Chloe Sevigny's) that I need to purchase a pair of Cheap Monday jeans. Luckily, Urban Outfitters sells them. I take the size I should wear and one bigger (just in case) into the dressing room. I can not even sort of get into either pair. I am about to hand my unwanted items to the girl in the fitting room on my way out. I pause and ask, "Do these run small?" She grabs the clothes from me and tells me she has heard they do. I add, "Ok, that helps a little. You can have these and I will grab another size that I refuse to disclose on my way to the register." She starts laughing, points at me, and announces, "I like her." -Urban Outfitters has given me a gift card in exchange for some of my services. I am looking at the website and find this cute romper I want. I text my roommate/upstairs neighbor, who works at Urban to see what size she thinks I should purchase. She suggests an 8. They biggest size the thing comes in is a 10. In New York, I see the romper in the Soho store. I try it on. I purchase a 0. Inside, I feel that I won a little. -I am sitting on the bus next to some boy who is making conversation with me. He hears me on the phone talking about getting a job with Nylon and asks if I am a writer. I admit to "sort of being" one. I ask him what he does. He works at a bank or something; I was not really paying attention. He then adds, "It just pays the bills. I am really an artist." So I inquire about the art. He is not sure what kind of artist he is. He says he likes photography and has read two books about it. He then asks me to suggest ways to get into photography. I try to tell him to take a class. He sort of shrugs that off. He sort of just wants to know how he can become a photographer with few skills by morning. I suggest he go to nightclubs with his crappy digital camera, take some photos, and post them on his blogspot. I add, "You will be a party photographer by the end of the week!" -I am buying a bunch of dumb stuff at Wawa (Philly's 711) late one evening. The sober checkout boy somehow charges me double for everything, plus a carton of Marlboro lights vs. the pack I had asked for. He returns it all. But, none of that will clear for a week or so, as anyone with a bank account knows. At this point, there are 80 people in line behind me yelling. Now, I just want the pack of cigarettes and to leave the store. When he goes to charge my card, it won't accept the charge for the cigarettes, due to the fact I had probably 50 dollars in my account and he has charged 4 times that already. I get mad and tell him he screwed up and it's not fair I can't have cigarettes. He stops for a second and then yells to the line, "Someone buy the cute girl her cigarettes?" The douchebags in line start yelling obscenities. I scream back with more obscenities and tell them how I feel. The checkout boy hands me the cigarettes, winks, and says, "They are on me." I give the idiotic boys in line the finger as I walk out. -Spinderella is DJing here one night in Philly. We are at Tattooed Mom's before heading over to see her. I text Sean Agnew the king of Philly's social scene, asking him what he is doing and if he wants to come hang out. He responds with something about not coming out. I inquire, "Are you hanging out with Spinderella?" He replies, "You are like the third person to ask me that." -I get in a cab to go to Kelly's. Upon entering the cab, my driver asks me if my name is Natalie. I shrug and tell him "Maybe." He informs me that his mother has psychic powers or something. When he was in elementary school she told him he would marry a girl named Natalie. The story is actually much longer than this. Like, it is still going on as we approach Kelly's house. I hand him the money and tell him my name is Sarah. I add, "I hope the next girl you pick up is Natalie." I somehow exit the cab with his number anyways. -Nicky and me get in a huge fight after I find out he is becoming a DJ. Our "relationship" has been strained since. I was sort of mean. I did announce during the argument, "I will never become a DJ, but if I did my DJ name would be DJ Haras." He didn't get it. So I had to add, "That's Sarah backwards." -Wes doesn't pick up his phone or respond to my "Happy Birthday" text messages, late Friday evening. I ask Sean if he knows where Wes is. He tells me Wes decided not to go out. I ask, "Why, it's his birthday?" Sean obviouslly has no knowledge of this. He asks, "How do you know it's Wes' birthday?" I simply state, "His mom told me." -We are the Mad Pussy party Saturday evening. It is Wes' birthday so since he wants to leave we all have to oblige. Allegra had just gotten to the party. She is talking to both me and Kelly, but I am sort of just standing there staring at both of them. She finally turns to me and goes, "What is wrong with you? I have never seen you this quiet?" I start laughing and go, "We ate weed cookies." -Jason Musson appears at some house party we are at Saturday night. It is approximately 3am and he asks me if I just woke up. I tell him about the Weed cookies. He becomes alarmed. He goes, "That's what Kelly just gave me?" I shrug, "Probably." He goes on about how he just ate one and she had failed to mention the weed part. I simply ask, "You just thought she just had cookies in her purse at some house party at 3am?" -I am Buffalo Exchange selling more of my clothing. The boy doing the buying stares for five minutes at my Stitch's jeans. He then announces "26.50." Alarmed, I go, "Those are this season's. They retail for like 210 dollars." He looks at them again and asks me "where they sell them." I sort of roll my eyes and go, "Um everywhere. I bought them at Fred Segal." He gets all snippy and goes, "Well, why are buying 210 dollar jeans at Fred Segal and wearing them twice?" I reply, "That's really none of your business." I get 50 dollars for them. -I spend Tuesday afternoon at the Spankrock "Bangers and Cash-Loose" video shoot. Naeem texted me asking me to come and be in the video. I arrive and they are shooting. So, I am stuck behind a curtain in the kitchen with some girl waiting for the shot to end, so I can head in. I am unable to see what's going on. But, I am able to hear things like "Now, you make out with her," "Grab her boobs, and "Lift your ass higher." I turn to the girl holding me hostage in the kitchen and go, "I am going to kill Naeem." -Once let into the Spankrock and Benny video shoot, I witness what would be classified as soft core porn. Luckily, the participants are Suicide Girls or Burning Angels or something. I will be able to keep me clothes on. Naeem sees me standing there staring at the video screen. He comes over to hug me and asks, "How was your day so far?" I tell him I was at home writing and drinking coffee. Sort of overwhelmed I go, "Wow, I wish every Tuesday afternoon was like this." -During some break in shooting, we are corralled into the kitchen for some sort of Vodka demonstration. What occurs next is crappy 6.99 Vodka is filtered through some device where it the ends up tasting like Grey Goose or some comparable pricier Vodka. I clap my hands in the middle of the whole thing and announce, "This is like Science1" -The demonstration involves us trying both the crappy Vodka and in the end the filtered classier Vodka. As the crappy Vodka is passed around, some dude announces disgusted, "This tastes like rubbing alcohol." Immediately I announce, "I am so tired of drinking rubbing alcohol." Some other boy apparently hears me, sort of shakes his head in confusion and asks, "Wait, you drink rubbing alcohol?" -Amanda shows up at some point at the video shoot. She looks at the screen half laughing and half in shock, and announces, "My mom in going to kill me." I add, "Once this video comes out, I am going to pretend I don't know any of you." -There is a commercial for these Macaroni and Cheese bites at Sonic. I have never seen anything I have wanted to eat more. I went to the website and discovered the closest Sonic is 40 something miles away in New Jersey. Email them to me. -I work things out with my mom this week. We are on the phone making small talk when the doorbell rings. I tell her to hold on a second, as I go to answer the door. It is some dude in a suit. I quickly ask him, "What are you selling?" He starts his rant about the Latter Day Saints. I shake my head, tell him no thanks, and head back inside. My mom is still on the phone and inquires, "What was he selling?" I go, "He was just selling religion." - The kind and charitable team at waffles + falafels have agreed to donate a portion of t-shirt profits to the Sarah Morrison charity fund. Up until recently they have not been for sale, and you girls have been asking about them. So this is your chance. Go get a shirt and become a Waffles girl just like us! Oh, and my charity drive ends Monday. So buy them now, bitches!
Best Week Ever: November 9th "I don't know bags or shoes. I am like Cobrasnake fashionable." -Kelly points at my blog, one afternoon. She shows me several instances where the name "Kelly" is mentioned. I tell her that she is not the only Kelly in my life, and that in fact I have a good friend in LA named Kelly. She then informs me that to her (and perhaps the other Kelly) it seems like I may be making up parts of my blog. I stare blankly at her and eventually agree to identify them accordingly. I doubt anyone else is convinced I am making things up, but whatever. So I will now differentiate them as we go. -Kellyturso.com and I are at an art show of sorts. It is less than exciting. We end up downstairs and talking to the underage bartender. She is cute. Her name is Ayana. She is in school and is detailing the roommate drama that we remember oh too well from our college days. We promise to go out with her the following week to some college party. Half way through the week, Kelly texts me and asks, "Wait, are we really going to a college party on Thursday night?" I simply reply, "Duh." -Kellyturso.com comes back from NYC. She suggests we move there. I agree. She then details her stay in Brooklyn, with fear in her eyes. She starts detailing the overwhelming hipster epidemic that Brooklyn has been plagued with. She adds, "You are the closet thing I know to a hipster." I roll my eyes. She corrects herself, "Sarah, you are not a hipster. You are like a hipster hybrid."
-I am buying some dumb shirt Wes wants and then later does not want from Urban Outfitters. One person after other rolls up with returns. The checkout girl keeps apologizing and informing them she can't do returns yet. I go to high five her and say, "Stay that way!" -Urban Outfitters now employees me. So I go down to their store to purchase the free clothes they gave me. I am in line. Some girl behind me holds up this gray and red striped t-shirt to her male friend. She goes, "I could totally wear it with a pair of black jeans. Should I get it.?" I turn around, look at the shirt and simply go, "No." -I am walking out of Urban Outfitters and the alarm goes off. I stop due to the fact I am not stealing anything. Two employees grab my stuff and receipts and take off with them. I am on my Blackberry waiting to leave. Then manager dude rolls in and asks to check my bag. Perhaps somehow I look homeless or like a criminal, I don't know. He seems sort of embarrassed when I explain I freelance for them. They eventually let me go. Upon leaving I was like, "This would never even sort of happen to me in LA." -I have been selling my clothes at Buffalo Exchange here in Philly. I sort of want to volunteer there. They are looking at my LaRok dresses and Yanuk tops and press 10 in the calculator because they don't get it. I don't need the stuff. So I figure 20 dollars is better than taking up space on the floor of my apartment. So, if you are looking for Sarah Morrison's last season's everything that didn't sell at my LA yard sales, you will find it at the Philly Buffalo Exchange. -I am on my way back from a meeting in NYC, one afternoon. Its pouring rain and I am hustled on to some Chinatown bus allegedly bound for Philly. I sit down and inquire if we are actually going to Philly. No one knows for sure. Then some dude comes on the bus to collect our tickets. He yells something about going to Philadelphia and DC. At least three people stand up, go over to him, and ask if we are going to DC or Philly first. I laugh and say to the dude next to me, "Oh, I hope to god we are going to DC first." -I am at a meeting at a magazine in New York one afternoon. They enlist me to write for the magazine's boy version. I am thrilled. The gentleman meeting with me lays out what he wants me to do for the magazine. He then adds, "Maybe down the road you could write for the girl mag as well." I shrug and say, "I don't know. I don't know bags or shoes. I am like Cobrasnake fashionable." He laughs and agrees. -Nikki and I are both brilliant in our separate ways. We opt to have a business meeting one afternoon in NYC. It ends up just being shopping. At some point outside of Uniqlo in the rain we start talking business. She gets a phone call. She goes, "I should just tell them I am in a meeting." I add, "Let me call you back. I am in a business meeting outside of Uniqlo in the rain." I pause for a second, and then add, "If this is really a business meeting, Lets move inside to Uniqlo's elevator!" -Nikki and I enter Soho's Forever 21. I instantly became very overwhelmed and remark, "Oh my god. This place is like H&M on fire!" -Me, Nikki, and Adam all head out of the rain and into some Starbucks in Soho one evening. I look like it's my first time at Disney upon entering the establishment, as I observe people at tables in conversations with laptops. I remark, "I have only seen this on TV!" Nikki inquires, "What do Starbucks in LA look like?" I add, "They just have lines!" -Adam asks me what my email is. I go, "Oh it is sarah@theinternet.com." Nikki starts laughing. He looks up and announces, "I had just typed 3/4 of that into my Blackberry." -While at Nylon this week, I was handed the new Nylon. I was at Kelly's (kellyturso.com) showing it to her. I the held up Steve's interview (oh and that photo resulted) Kelly goes, "Oh my god is that Dan Oh?" I sadly informed her, "Just Steve Aoki." -Love me now, judge me later kids. I have been freelancing for several fashion establishments and magazines and am waiting for invoices. Due to a few glitches in a few peoples "systems" I am not receiving payments until mid December. I owe my landlord 1200 on December 1st. I do not have it. So donate here if you care. If not look for my blogs on "homelessness." HELP ME PAY MY RENT AND November 2nd "Sarah, you have a serious attitude problem right now. I will talk to you when it's over." -We are in a cab one night. Jac and Crystal pass me some water bottle of Vodka with a splash of orange juice. I take a sip of it, start to gag, and then announce, "It tastes like Cinespace and Steve Aoki!" -It is Halloween afternoon and I finally come to decide that I am going to either be "pregnant" or "Steve Aoki." Leah votes Steve Aoki. She suggests I carry around a 12 pack of Pepsi as part of the costume. Texas Mike suggests I be "pregnant Steve Aoki." When I inform Leah of this, she logically comes up with, "You can give birth to the 12 pack of Pepsi!" -I receive a text message from Crystal that reads, "You remind me of Edie Sedgwick minus the drug overdose and catastrophes." It was 3:15 am. -I sleep at Kurt's for reasons unknown the night of Halloween. Amanda was away so I could stay in her room. I am not good at sleeping at other people's houses. I sort of just lie there for a little while, talk to Gina, and then call Kelly to come get me. Kelly and I may or may not still be drunk at 9 am when she and I decide to stop at some Asian market by my house. I am not sure why we are there or what we are purchasing. Kelly is trying to tell me how cool Asian food is. I keep insisting I want hash browns. A nice Asian lady rings us up. She hands Kelly her change. Kelly picks up the bag, waves, and goes "Gracias!" -Allegra calls me the day after Halloween. She has a real job so this throws me off. I pause and ask her, "Wait, is today a holiday?" -Allegra informs me she called into work and that it was not in fact a holiday. She then said, "I was like let me call someone who doesn't do anything….Sarah Morrison!" -Trevor inquires about my boy situations. I detail them and my frustration with each individually. I tell him I am done with all parties involved. I add, "I am going to focus on my career." -Now that I am "focusing on my career," I am trying to remember what exactly my plan was before I became a Los Angeles nightlife princess. As I reevaluate, I come to the conclusion that I want my own Top Shop line. -I do not really understand how people dress here. I do understand that it is very different from how I dress. I am shopping the other day on Walnut St. I am waiting for the light to change. Some dudes in a car yell, "Hey hottie where do you dance?" I roll my eyes, point to the curb I am standing on, grab my boobs, and answer, "Right here." -When American Apparel and I parted ways, a portion of the divorce settlement read that I would be able to keep my employee discount. I have been using it since. I go into an American Apparel here in Philadelphia. I am all set to be rung up. I inform the aspiring "Dora" at the register that I am an employee. She asks me which store I work at. I pause for a second and say the store I used to work at. I then watch her pick up a phone. She tells me they just have to call and verify that I work there. I start laughing, leave my purchases on the counter, and run out of the store. -I call Kelly from across the street. I tell her the story, which she enjoyed. She doesn't understand the part where I run out of the store, but nor do I really. (Kelly is aware that during this shopping venture I was supposed to purchase a shirt for a DJ gentleman friend of mine) She goes, "Did you get him the shirt?" Outraged I announce, "I bought his shirt at Urban. I did not like the way I was treated at American Apparel today. They just lost one customer!" Kelly laughing then informs me she walked into a wall. -Crystal calls trying to get me to join her in New York one night. I decline. She then informs me they are driving to New York (from Atlanta.) She sounds drunk. So I begin asking a few more questions. I get no coherent answers. I suggest, "You might want to stop drinking if you guys are going to drive 15 hours to New York right now. You are going to have to pee." She replies, "Ashley knows how to pee in a bottle." I nod. -Both Kelly and Bettie are away for the weekend. Allegra suggests I go out with her and her friends. Something happens and I get homesick. She calls and I am sort of crying. I announce, "I am not going to go out. I miss LA. I miss my friends and I keep crying." She tries to act normal. I add, "I'm probably getting my period. But if you want to continue being my friend you should know, I am always like this." -I have two separate conversations with Trevor this week on BMM that made no sense whatsoever. The first conversation, I felt like I was communicating really well, but he had no idea what I was saying. At some point he suggests, "Maybe I am not getting all of your messages. The second conversation he is trying to ask me something about booking Amanda Blank. I get lost somewhere when he brings up twelve other people that are completely unrelated to the situation. I keep asking questions for clarification. He clearly thinks he is making sense. I just give up and go, "Maybe I am not getting all of your messages." -I spend one afternoon watching some sort of marathon of that show Made on MTV. I don't really want to be "Made" into anything, but I really like that show. If you want to be "Made" into anything I could help with, let me know. I will be your Made coach! -Marky Mark (Mark Wahlberg-my soul mate) is here in Philly filming some movie. We are out the other night and some conversation about New Kids on the Block ensues. I logically bring up the Marky Mark thing. Homegirl gets excited. She adds, "I hope I run into him somewhere." I then add, "Run into him? I have the website where they list the locations for filming each day for the extras." I figured she would be impressed. She just found me creepy. -Myspace now allows you to have unlimited pictures. It also lets you upload hundreds at a time. I decide to take them up on this offer. I uploaded hundreds of not so great photos of me and my friends like Myspace asked. While uploading them, I paid little attention to what I was offering the internet. When it came time to label them, it got good. I forgot how funny my life actually is until I had to determine what was going on in half these pictures. My personal favorite is my current "default." This is the Brittany Moore wasted yelling "I made out with Mark the Cobrasnake night." Matt Colon involves me in this due to the fact she is muttering "Steve Aoki" from the floor of the LAX girls' bathroom. Somehow Mark and I end up in charge of keeping her alive. If you look at the photo, there is a tent where some homeless woman is living. She proceeds to spray Mark with Lysol to keep him away. I could type a story like this for every single one of these photos, but I won't. But, Will claims to have a video of this night. Write him and make him put it up. -Nicky has agreed to drive my brother's car back from Colorado with me. He is looking for details on the trip. I get sort of bitchy and tell him he doesn't have to come. He responds, "Sarah, you have a serious attitude problem right now. I will talk to you when it's over." It's not over yet.
Best Week Ever: October 26th "When you talk it's like listening to Six from Blossom on Speed." -I stay at some loft in NYC with Crystal and her crew. I wake up one of the last days there and walk into the livingroom. I begin to discus my period, or something similar. .Crystal just throws her hands up in the air and announces, "Everytime Sarah Morrison walks in a room, I feel like I am on a reality show." -We are checking Myspace. Gina has a new picture up of her and Anna (known to most as Uffie). I stare at the photo for a second. I show it to Jac then go, "Look at this pretty picture of Gina and Anna! They never look this pretty!" -I am standing outside the bus station in Philly, waiting for Kelly. I meet the homeless crew of the block. Some gentleman is talking to me. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I tell him that I do. He inquires if said "boyfriend" is going to give me a massage when I return home. I shrug and inform new homeless friend that homeboy, "better." He goes, "If he doesn't, come back down here. I will get some baby oil and rub your feet down." I add, "Oh my god, I might come back." -I get back from CMJ, exhausted. Nicky writes me a text asking me where I am. I inform him that I am "hiding." He asks me from what. I inform him "New York." He goes, "Like the whole city?" I affirm, "Yes." -Naeem calls and asks if I will do his latest Spankrock video. I agree. Then I add, "I am going to ask that if all possible, I would like to roll around on the hood of a car in a metallic American Apparel bikini." He laughed, but then he said he would "try." -A while back, I decided I TOO wanted to be a white rapper. I was going to break into the "industry" with my "rap" cover of "Hey there Delilah" by the Plain White Ts. Donavon informs me that the little brother of one of the Gym Class Heroes already did this. I get pissed. I then announce, "Yeah, he probably reads my blogs." -Kelly calls me to go somewhere and do something. I attempt to decline, due to the fact it is raining. I then add that I bailed on Naeem the night before, so maybe I should I go out. She goes, "I was driving today. Naeem was walking in the rain. I pulled over and offered him a ride, but he said no." I start laughing and ask, "Were you like little boy would you like some candy?" Kelly responds, "Well yeah, who doesn't like candy!?!" -I post blogs on Trevor's site EatSkeet.com. After a wonderful post I wrote about some LA kid's crappy blog, our readers decided to "hate me out" over there. I say to Trevor the other night, "Uffie is to the Hollertronix board as Sarah Morrison is to EatSkeet.com " -I leave Gina a message telling her a wonderful story, I KNEW she would enjoy. She calls back past my bedtime and leaves this voicemail message, "When you talk it's like listening to Six from Blossom on Speed." Best Week Ever: October 19th "I thought Frankie Chan was my least favorite DJ of the day. I changed my mind it is Blake Miller!" -I write Best Week Ever last week. The first comment I receive is from DJ Mom. It reads, "So, that's why he calls me about the thingy on his chest! Both of you need to stop being paranoid. You forgot to mention that his Mom requested you to be her friend. Ha! LOL DJMom1 PS Next week may be even better since you lived!!!" It is really my best week ever because Diplo Wes' mom is my friend on Myspace AND she is reading my blog. -We have some sort of intense social gathering of Philadelphia's finest, Sunday night. The celebration which involved a full bar and really had no other purpose than entertaining ourselves on a random Sunday night before we all had to go to New York for CMJ. Naeem aka Spankrock and I spent a good deal of the evening sitting on the couch talking shit about people. Every time Naeem says anything to me from "I will call you back" to some actually scandalous story, he is convinced it will end up in my blog. This evening Naeem is fascinated by my outlook on throwing parties, useless people, and my new search for an east coast intern. He announces, "Can I be your intern?" He continues, "I think I will learn a lot. Several boys start shaking their heads in confusion, "Wait, Naeem is going to be Sarah's new intern?" I shrug, "He is going to learn a lot." -I am telling Kurt about the mouse that is still living in my apartment. He suggests I get a cat. I express that getting a cat with the sole purpose of having it kill a mouse is probably not the most favorable pet adoption tactic. (If you live in Philadelphia you know the city is full of feral cats that just wander around everywhere. If you don't live here, you now know this.) Kurt adds, "Just leave the door open and let those feral cats come in and eat the mouse." I nod my head in acknowledgement of his latest brilliant plan. -I am entertaining everyone with the story about the art school girl taking photos of me with my shorts half down coming out of the bathroom at the Khyber one night. The only other girl present begins to discuss the Philadelphia-Cobrasnake-esque dude. She has us acknowledge how often we see him out. She then reveals, "He lives in Delaware. He drives up here every night." I pause for a second, "That's another state, right? -Kurt and I are having a lovely conversation until I decide I want to discuss being 28 instead. I ask him if he has found any grey hairs yet. He admits to finding two or something. He then makes me answer the question. I go, "I found a colorless one once. It was more blonde than gray. Kurt starts laughing, and then tries to nod, "Yeah, I'm sure it was blonde. Most girls with black hair just get blonde ones sometimes." I roll my eyes. -One of the boys that had not yet met me was enjoying my presence. He goes, "Woah you don't wear bras. How come you don't wear bras?" I shrug, "It is sort of my thing." -I am supposed to be on my way to New York, but am not yet. I ask Nikki if I should take a bus or a train. She tells me a bus would probably be cheaper. I tell her, "That's makes sense. I was going to fly." -Nikki is asking me questions about my plans for CMJ. Her complicated line of questioning goes from what are you doing to where are you staying. I tell her, "I am just going to throw clothes in a bag and see what happens. I hate organization." -I am at some Vice party. Mark Hunter texts me asking me where I am. I am in the middle of writing back telling him, when I run into Ana. She is typing on her blackberry and goes, "I don't know where Mark is." I show her my phone. Then some girl I do not know at all wanders over holding up her BBM conversation with "The Cobrasnake" to show Ana. I start laughing. As we all begin to realize the ridiculousness of the situation, Mark comes up behind me. We all hold up our Blackberrys to him. Mark leans over to hug me. I say, "This probably actually happens to you more than I realize." -We head to Rebel to set up for our party sometime when it is still light out. They have me making gift bags. I am incessantly complaining. I suggest, "Why don't we just leave all these boxes out and just have people make their own gift bags? Crystal pretending to humor me goes, "Like a gift bag buffet?" I get excited, "Exactly." She walks away. -I continue complaining about the dumb tasks I am doing. I inquire if anyone has an intern that can do this stuff. I then suggest, "I will go post a Myspace bulletin. I guarantee I will have ten girls down here that will want to hang out with us and do this stuff for us." -No one lets me post my Myspace bulletin so I continue making gift bags and whining. I inquire if there is beer anywhere. No one helps me. I then announce, "I have never had a job I couldn't drink at." -I am on the phone with Nikki trying to explain why it is light out and I am at the club where our party is at 10:00pm. I tell her I have been making gift bags and hanging things up. I go, "I have never done anything like this." I explain how there was an amount of time set aside to make a dj line-up. I add, "I usually just have them all fight over it." I explain how I have been at the club since 3pm. I then add, "Seriously, it is a good night if Sarah Morrison shows up at the party she is throwing before 11pm." -I start panicking then I realize the party is 21 plus. Crystal is sort of ignoring me as I ask questions about sneaking in my underage girls. Nikki is with me when I have to go try to get Lauren Foust and her gang in. I go, "This is my first 21 plus party. I'm going to have to spend the evening trying to figure out how to get all my friends in." -Blue Jemz James and his lady friend Lax roll into our party Thursday night. Us ladies are in the bathroom chatting. She goes, "Did you hear who I am moving in with? Gina!" I try to be excited, but for some reason just start crying. As I cry and laugh at the same time and try to explain how I miss LA, I just scare everyone in the bathroom. Gina enjoys the story. (In my defense, I get my period the next morning.) - LastNightsParty's front man Bronques and I FINALLY meet each other one night this week. He took some pretty photos of me. We sat and chatted for a while apparently "on the record." He asked me questions like, "Not everyone loves Sarah Morrison huh?" and "Doesn't Trevor look like the guy from the Truth commercials?" It will probably appear on the internet shortly. -That girl Anne Lee rolls into my party with Ellei. I hug Ellei, then go to hug homegirl. She just turns her head pretending not to see me. The problem is, she is standing less than a foot away from me. Ellei tries to defend the girl as drunk or something. I try to call her a bitch, but she is too busy pretending to be invisible 8 inches away from me to notice. I shrug, "I will just call her out in my blog later." -The video interviews don't go as planned due to the fact the DJs were all very intoxicated. I am sure they will be entertaining for you guys to watch. They should be up on MixRevolution.com soon. I actually tried to watch some of the footage. The interview with Blake (Moving Units, Weird Science, drinking problem) hits a 15 minute mark and I still haven't asked him a single question. At some point I do announce into the microphone, "I thought Frankie Chan was my least favorite DJ of the day. I changed my mind it is Blake Miller!" -Star comes down to Philly for a photoshoot a couple weeks ago. I wanted to see her, but I had been so sick that I didn't meet up with her. I tell her how bad I feel and promise to hang out when i am feeling better up in NYC. She opts to text me, "I don't like the way you treat me." She then removes me from her top 8 on Myspace. For the finale, she does not return my phone calls when I am up in New York. So I replaced her in my top 8 with Tom. -The DJ interviews Thursday night were exhausting. Naeem/Spankrock agrees to do one before his show Friday night at the Fillmore. They won't let cameras in. It is raining. I have my period. I am tired. Then the door guys starts hassling me about my press pass. I just start crying and call him asshole and proceed to go sit on the sidewalk outside. As I storm off, I do begin to remember that 90 percent of the crowd of djs and indie press outside knows me. At the time, I really did not care. I get it back together and go in to the show. Donavon points to Ryan and goes, "He heard like three different people talking about how Sarah Morrison was crying outside." I start to laugh, "Only three? That's not that bad." -One of Crystal's roommates from Atlanta comes up to hang out. She is on the phone with one of her friends, yesterday afternoon. She goes, "I am in New York for some DJ fest." I start laughing, "Oh my god, I like that hanging out with us makes CMJ seems like a DJ fest!"
Best Week Ever: October 12th "I am officially "Dallas." I just dyed my hair blonde and just tried cheese." -We are driving around Philly. There is some Irish festival gong on. I turn to Bettie, "I've always wished I was Irish." She spits out her coffee on the dashboard. I continue, "No seriously, growing up in Boston and not being Irish Catholic sucks." She nods her head in understanding, "So you wish you had skin cancer and a drinking problem?" I shrug, "Whatever." -We are all out to eat one afternoon. I like eating. We all order our individual meals. I sort of encourage everyone to order and consume several appetizers and chocolate cake for dessert. Gina is splitting the bill up fairly evenly. I announce, "I should pay more." She doesn't understand why. I shrug, "They didn't want cake. I should pay more for the peer pressure." -Dora takes me off her Myspace top 8 within days of me leaving LA. We are on the phone the other night, and I bring it up. She tells me she has just been having a hard time lately. I go, "I seriously thought everyone in LA took me off the day I left. They were like "Yes Sarah's gone, free spot in my top 8 for my new best friend." -I am out in Philly one night. Some girl comes up to me at the bar and asks, "Are you who I think you are?" I simply shake my head, "No, I am not Posh spice." -Mallory writes me this week. She details her morning ritual of standing at the bus stop at 7am n Glendale, Starbucks in hand. She says she turns towards the bus stop and almost spills her coffee when she notices the entire bus stop in plastered with photos of me. I assume it's some horrible drunk disastrous picture and get nervous. She says, "No it was that cute one of you from Nylon." I am as confused as she is. -Reagan leaves LA around the same time I do. I move to Philadelphia. She moves to Dallas. We share our stories of LA girls trying to fit into normal places with one another on a fairly regular basis. This week she texts me, "I am officially "Dallas." I dyed my hair blonde and just tried cheese." -I have what I assume is a giant zit on the back of my leg. I am showing it to my friends to gross them out. The next day, I am bending over to get something, when Wes screams and grabs my leg. I look at it and my "zit" has a giant black circle around it. He is yelling that I am going to die. I shake my head, "Ok, then take me home. I would rather die there." -I go to the free clinic Friday for my spider/bug bite death thing on my leg. The free clinic is closed for meetings. A nurse comes out to talk to all of us waiting outside. She says they will be open Monday. She then asks us what is wrong. I show her and (everyone else standing outside) the thing on my leg. She starts waving her hands in the air, insisting I go to the ER. Then three other ladies standing outside are grabbing at me, looking at my leg, and talking to one another. One of the ladies goes, "Girl, you are going to die by Monday." Another chimes in, "You sure are." I stop, back away from the crowd, and announce, "Ok, I am gong to the Emergency Room. Just stop saying I am going to die." -I am waiting to be seen by a doctor at the Emergency Room. There is a girl next to me who had come in a few minutes before me. A boy our age rolls in 20 minutes after me. He is crazy sick, and looks miserable. Old person after old person comes in. They have wheel chairs or walkers. They have issues like their "eye hurts" or their elbow "looks weird." One old person after another keeps complaining to the attendant at the window. They are issued past us. After the third one or so, the miserable boy next to me starts laughing. I go, "We are going to die here for being young." (It is an infected spider bite and I survive.) -My mother calls me last night inquiring if I still want "a car." I affirm that I do. She tells me that if I buy a plane ticket and fly out to Denver, I can take my brother's 2004 Honda Accord from him and drive it back here. I become ecstatic, and start looking at flights. Today, I call my brother to inform him of the plan. Of course, he knows nothing of this. He proceeds to flip out. I start laughing hysterically and he hangs up. I continue to look at flights. -I have a dream last night that Nicky and I are getting married. I miss some of the details, but for some reason he leaves me at the alter. I text him today, to tell him. He replies, "I wouldn't do that. I would leave you after we had a couple of kids and a mortgage. I go, "Oh good, hopefully that will be my dream tonight." He adds, "You would look hot stressed out in a nightie with mad kids running around." -I will be in NYC all week for CMJ. I am doing video interviews with DJs and dance music-esque artists for Mixrevolution.com. Mixrevolution is a networking site for DJs and the like. So go sign up for a profile and check it out. If you are a DJ and want to be interviewed hit me up. I am asking all my DJ friends who are going to be around to do interviews with me. On the phone with Steve Aoki one night, he starts whining and tells me he hates interviews. I roll my eyes, "God Steve, I'm not going to ask you questions about your remixes." He waits for me to continue. I add, "It's going to be more like why are there dinosaurs on all of your sweatshirts." -This Thursday night October 18th at Rebel NYC is our Heist party. We have Deerhunter, LeCastlevania, Klever, Roxy, Lauren Flax, Frankie Chan, and a bunch of others. It is hosted by me and Crystal. It is going to be epic. Rsvp at myopenbar.com/deerhunter. See you bitches there. Best Week Ever: September 28th "I may not be a DJ, but I own a gun." -I am talking to Naima, who is in NYC. We are discussing how much we miss LA. I tell her I want a burrito. She goes on about how there is no Mexican food on the east coast. She adds, "They have LIKE Chipotle." I pause for a second, "Wait, that's that place in Glendale, right?" Naima replies, "Exactly." -There is a mouse in my apartment. I have no idea what to do. I enlist the help of a boy I know. His only solution is to sleep at his house. I decline. I inform him, "I am putting cheese outside my door and sleeping with my apartment door open. He replies, "Yeah that seems logical. The mouse leaves and someone comes in and kills you." -I was at a certain fashion brand for a business meeting, this week. They toured me around the building introducing me to everyone. The gentleman doing my introductions announces, "This s Sarah Morrison. She has Myspace and a Blog." -My tour guide at said meeting was showing me a bunch of photos "my friend Mark (thecobrasnake.com) Hunter" had done for them. I was looking over the board, when the gentleman turned to me and said, "Mark told you about the project he did with us right?" I tried to think. My brain was saying Mark probably did inform you about *said* project. So I simply stated, "Sometimes, I only half listen when people talk." -All awesomeness/hell breaks lose on the "internet" aka eatskeet.com, this week. After I say some scene kid's blog sucks. It quickly goes from a "who's who is the Hollywood club scene" to my "alleged sex-capades" and Gina's ability to DJ being injected into her via Dan's penis. It is a good read. We had to disable comments, due to the fact I was losing sleep because they were blowing up my blackberry. In case you missed it "the worst blog i have ever read." -We still need a headliner for our CMJ party Thursday October 16th. I decide to just ask everyone I know to do it and see what happens. I target Wes, early. He tells me he only wants to DJ things when there is something to promote. I go, "There is something to promote!" He looks at me waiting for more. I think for a second and remark, "We are promoting FUN!" He rolls his eyes. -There is a girl here in Philly named Allegra. She is a teacher, but doesn't seem to have a problem drinking 40s and talking shit. We are shaking our asses to some Spankrock at the Diplo show the other night. I lean over and tell her I want to ask her a question. She looks at me, waiting. I go, "Did it bum you out when that allergy medicine ruined your name?" She told me it "did." -After the "Diplo rave" Wednesday night, I end up somewhere in New Jersey at a lake with Wes and Sean Agnew. We go cliff jumping, swimming, and fall asleep on a raft. Wes says I almost die at one point, by falling off a cliff. Luckily the Vodka I consume prevents me from remembering that part. All is good and fun until we wake up on the raft in the middle of the lake, with no "land" in sight. I am freezing and may have the worst headache of my life. The boys start paddling so we can get to "shore." -For unknown some reason, we wake up in the car next to Wes' apartment that morning. He has a doctor's appointment. I go inside to sleep. He returns home. I try to wake up by continuing to lie there making business calls. I hear him on the phone as well, but am not really paying attention. He starts throwing t-shirts at me. He goes, "There are dudes coming over. You have to put something on. After they leave, you can go back to lying here, on the phone, in your underwear." -Some dude comes over to have some business meeting with Wes. Dude is hung-over and goes to the bathroom to puke for at least five minutes, during said meeting. I find the whole thing informal enough to decide me lying on the ground is appropriate. They discuss remixes, emails, and the like. I am not really paying attention until I am hit in the stomach with a pile of napkins and a pen. I quickly sit up. Wes goes, "Sarah, take notes." -My roommate from college gets married Saturday. My date "bails" last minute for some NYC Switch thing. I start to panic. Then I realize I can probably get Nicky to go with me. I call and tell him my date has a conflict and I NEED him to go with me. Like I assumed he would, he began a rant about how he doesn't want to be my second choice/back-up plan for everything. I am rolling my eyes and half listening to him when he announces, "I may not be a DJ, but I own a gun." -Lauren and Jason's wedding is at 4:30 in the Pocono's. It is supposed to be a little less than two hours away. I leave Philly at 2:30pm. I hit traffic to the point where I am still in Philadelphia and it is 3:45pm. I text Lauren to tell her, but will safely assume that my traffic issues are the least concern of a bride on her wedding day. I drive at least 90 mph the entire way. I impressively pull into the parking lot a little past 5pm. I run from the car towards the banquet hall with only my keys and Blackberry, in hand. I stop as I see some formally dressed people heading my way. I ask them if it is ok to go in, due to the fact I just arrived. They shrugged and informed me the wedding was over. So I run and find myself the last person in line to greet the bride and groom. The couple in front of me enjoyed my arrival. The wife told me, "We missed a wedding once. We were driving from Ohio to DC and hit traffic. It was my college roommates wedding and I still can't forgive myself." I simply nod, point towards Lauren, and announce, "And, that's my college roommate." -I spot Chris Ryan at the wedding, and get excited. Chris and I have known each other for a long time. We only run into one another every few years at weddings and chance meetings in random cities. I am glad to have him as my surrogate wedding date. Everyone is up and dancing to "Celebrate" and "Sweet Caroline." The two of us are sitting at an empty table picking at cake and gossiping. I turn to him and go, "I have never understood why people choose to stand, when they could just sit?" Chris Ryan looks around, nods, and goes, "Look at all these chairs." -My friend Bettie works at the airport. We are sitting around one night talking about nothing important. She had learned that day that Jane magazine had been given the ax. She seems sort of unnerved that this information came to her 2 months later. I change the subject and begin talking about CMJ. I am talking about my plans to go out and flyer the few days before the party. I go, "I haven't been in New York in a long time. Now that Misshapes is done, I don't know where the kids go." Bettie quickly shakes her head, waves her a hands a little, and goes, "Wait Jane magazine AND Misshapes are done? Where have I been?" I shrug, "The airport?" Best Week Ever: September 21st "This is like my version of that Tom Hanks's movie Castaway. Me without my Blackberry is pretty much me, on an island, with a volleyball." -Melissa informs me she has a really good idea for a reality show. She details, "So you put the Hogans and Dog the Bounty Hunter's family all in a big white trash house and see what happens." -I get a locksmith to come out and make a key for my car (due to it being lost amongst all the rest of my shit at my birthday party) The "locksmith" ends up being a 40 something Russian couple. He details his love of tantric sex in broken English to me as he removes pieces of my car door. He continues on about their open relationship and stripper pole in their living room. Together, they then encourage me to attend some swinger party they are having at their apartment on New Years Eve. I end up with their phone number, address, and me promising to come by on New years. -I lock myself out of my apartment one afternoon. I initially leave to walk to the market on the corner, for a second. I do not take anything but what I presume are my keys. Once I arrive home, I realize I have Bettie's keys and not mine. I do not have my Blackberry. The only three numbers I know by heart are Melissa's, my parent's, and Cinespace's. I realize I am sort of screwed. My only option is just to sit on the steps hoping one of the girls from upstairs comes home eventually. They do not. Luckily I am on the east coast, where people sit unemployed on their stoops drinking 40s all day. I meet the neighbors. The 84 year old woman across the street had some good stories that the gentleman of the neighborhood seemed to have heard a hundred times before. The teenage boys wanted to know about LA. Their burning question was "Who is hotter in real life Lohan or Hilary Duff." At some point, some gentleman I had yet to meet comes from around the corner and hands me a copy of Cosmo Girl. I look at him blankly and inquire where it came from. He shrugs, "I stole it out of the Beauty Shop's mailbox for you." I smiled, "I love Philly, already." -It gets dark and no one has returned to my building. Realizing I have Bettie's keys, I decide to walk over to her house. She is hungover from the night previous and staring at the television blankly. I arrive all agitated, begging for tools to break into my apartment with. She tells me to just relax and watch TV or "eat something." I try for a little while then announce, "This is like my version of that Tom Hanks's movie Castaway. Me without my Blackberry is pretty much me, on an island, with a volleyball." -I am sort of half asleep at 1pm one afternoon when the doorbell rings. I quickly get up realizing I made an appointment for the gas company to come and turn my gas on. I stumble out of bed and onto the street where I encounter a van and a gentleman with tools eyeing me in my tank top and bootie shorts. We realize that the basement is locked. So I begin furiously making phone calls, with no avail. He decides to wait ten minutes with me, to see if anyone calls back. Around minute three of him asking me about LA and the boyfriend I have made up so I do not have to give him my number, I tell him just to go. Upon leaving he asks, "Are you sure you are not single?" I go, "Just because I am waking up mid afternoon still wearing my makeup from last night, doesn't mean there's not some boy that loves me for it!" I wave bye, shut the door, and go back to sleep. -Nicky and I are in the car one day. He is trying to get me excited about my new residence. He goes, "Name the only city with a higher murder rate than Philadelphia?" I go, "Baltimore?" He shakes his head, "Wrong, Fallujah." -Taryn is sitting on the floor of my apartment one afternoon. She looks around, "I never noticed how many outlets there are in here." I look around realizing she is right. She adds, "There must have been some sort of phone sex ring in here before you moved in." I add, "I am going to use it for rows and rows of interns!" -I stumble upon an absolutely horrible blog, one afternoon this week. Actually, it is not remarkably horrible, just run of the mill LA scene kid horrible. It is written by a kid I know and see out. It uses the ever so popular Cory Kennedy "name drop name drop I ate a burrito name drop" format, she made famous. But, his name dropping and burrito eating seems unnecessary due to the fact he is just "some kid I see out." So I write a post on Trevor's site deeming it the worst blog of the year and link it. Then it gets good. The comments start rolling in. It's like a Los Angeles D-list blogroll. Some photographer kid I have asked 80 times to not take photos at my parties because he is not "the Cobrasnake," gets all nasty. Then Brittney Moore who I made infamous after her drunken scene with me and Mark Hunter chimes in. Lil Brit informs me my life of talking shit on the internet and going to parties with underage kids is lame. She thinks I should be "starting a family." Without much thought, I logically type, "They pay me to do all that. There isn't much money in baby making." -Naima calls today. I inform her I may be yelling because I can not hear out of one of my ears. I tell her I got sick and have been throwing up for the past 24 hours straight. I then tell her I have also had this cold for at least a week. I go, "I miss LA. I think I am suffering from culture shock." Best Week Ever: September 7th "You don't get Hepatitis from not washing your hands. You get Hepatitis from Tommy Lee." -I get my period in Canada. Therefore I purchase Canadian tampons. They were sort of extra large looking, but I went with it. We get back to Portland and I feel sort of sick. I get fevery and naceous. Brooke seems concerned. I sort of shrug, "I think I have Canadian Toxic Shock Syndrome." -I do not really go over so well in Portland Oregon. Brooke tries to explain that when I talk about my life I sort of overwhelm people. She tells me that some wakeboard boy we hung out with had remarked how he did not understand why I thought DJs and LA parties were so cool. I disagree entirely with my intervention. I tell her that everyone has their thing. I go, "I didn't bitch when he talked about wakeboarding. I don't complain when Bettie talks about the airport. People need to get over themselves." -We stop in Montana to stay the night with Ben, on our journey to the East Coast. We go out to dinner. Ben takes the lettuce off his hamburger. He holds it toward me and goes, "If you pour ranch on it, then it will be like eating salad." I oblige. -We are walking down the street in Missoula Montana. A cop car suddenly turns on its lights and siren. It then speeds past us. I point at the speeding car, "Superbad changed my whole view of that." Ben adds, "If they weren't just running lights because they could before, I am sure they saw that movie and were like, "Shit we can do that!" -We sleep in some dorm room sized apartment in Missoula, directly above a bar. It is so loud. I can not sleep. I try to wait it out, hoping once two rolls around the commotion will end. It does not end until 3:30am or so. We are packing up early, the following morning. I am bitching to Brooke about how I slept for two hours. I go, "You did not hear them looking for Meth?" She looks at me like I am kidding. I shake my head, "From 2am to 3:30am all I heard was "Who has Meth?" "Who wants to buy Meth?" "Want to go in on Meth with me?" Brooke is a very sound sleeper and legitimately admits to hearing none of this. I go, "There was a point where I almost yelled, "I will buy all of you Meth if you shut the fuck up!" -Brooke and I are discussing marriage and my basic fear of said institution in the car, somewhere in the middle of the country. She begins discussing the changing of the last name. I shake my head and wave my hands in the air. I go, "Even if I ever get married, there is no way I will ever change my last name." I pause for a second then announce, "Unless it is something really cool like McLovin." -I am driving and talking about a boy. Brooke looks over and announces, "I know you are getting all googly eyed taking about a (this is where I leave his name out), but we are about to run out of gas." I add, "If we had run out of gas, this would have made for a really good video blog." -I am freaking out as we drive across the country, due so some pending Wednesday night party in Philadelphia and an unorganized booked deal Friday evening in LA. I decide to cancel the Wednesday East Coast celebration, due to my level of panic. I go to Brooke, "I am not Paris fucking Hilton. I can't have a party Wednesday in Philly then fly to LA Thursday for another party." Brooke goes, "The only difference between you and Paris is that you fly standby on Southwest." I go, "She doesn't?" -I receive one of those "We are DJing at *said* LA party tonight at *said* hip LA location TEXT MESSAGES. One of my pet peeves is text messages that should be Myspace bulletins. I am reading the latest one out loud, in annoyance. I go, "I am just going to start writing back "Unsubscribe." -I see that Frankie Chan had called me one day, while I am driving somewhere in the middle of the country. I go to call him back. As it begins to ring, I turn to Brooke and go, "this is going to be good." I learn that Frankie is trying to throw some party the same night as my birthday in LA. He is having trouble doing so, due to the fact I have booked every DJ in the country not at fashion week for the event. He then tries to intimidate me with some sort of "special guest" he will not reveal the identity of. I roll my eyes then ask, "It's not Posh and Becks, right?" Frankie asks, "Who's that? -I am wandering around Zumiez at the Mall of America. Some confused teenage employee stops in front of me startled. He looks blankly at me then manages to mutter, "Your earrings are huge." I look left, then right sort of confused. I look back at him, smile, and go, "Thank you." -I have decided lately I am bored with my life and want to pursue other options/careers. I have decided I want to become a rapper. My first single is going to be a cover of "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's. -I am in Chicago. I am discussing my love for FXs Rescue Me over brunch. Jason does not like the show and I am not convincing him to change his mind. I get pissed and stop taking. Brooke tries to resolve the conflict. She says, "Sarah, tell Jason about how you learned how to get rid of your truck from this weeks Rescue Me." I join the conversation again, excited. I add, "I am going to get my truck towed then offer an employee at the tow lot cash for it!" -I am peeing in the bathroom at some rest area. I hear some woman and Brooke discussing what sounds like Hepatitis outside the bathroom door. When I reach the car, I ask Brooke to clarify the conversation. Apparently the woman was all worked up about some girl who left the bathroom without washing her hands. She was informing Brooke that the root of the spread of Hepatitis is people who fail to wash their hands I roll my eyes, "You don't get Hepatitis from not washing your hands. You get Hepatitis from Tommy Lee." -I am staring at the Starbucks menu with no idea of what I want. It's 10 pm so I don't really want a triple espresso. Brooke goes, "Get something decaf." I turn to her and go, "Thanks like ordering a non-alcoholic beer. The girl behind the counter looks at me like I am a prophet and announces, "That is soooooo true!" -I go to the mall in New Jersey with Bettie. She is getting a suit or something for a job interview. The game is to find something that covers all her tattoos. She is trying on suit pants. I suggest she wears a skirt. She says, "I have to cover my ankle tattoo. I shrug, "Wear one of those Lohan alcohol monitoring ankle bracelets to cover it up!" -I am in the bathroom at the Khyber, I start to walk out of the stall with my shorts totally unbuttoned and bam some flash goes off. I yell some obsenities at the girl with the camera. She then tries to explain to me this is her dumb art school project. I think it's stupid and my facial expression is communicating that. I finally go, "Good luck Cobrasnaking people in the bathroom!" She has no idea what I am talking about. I pat her on the shoulder and walk out. -I am having trouble dressing myself outside of Los Angeles. People keep saying I can't wear bootie shorts. I have to wear a bra. The list goes on. I compromise on my birthday. I wear actual shorts. I wear a white tank top with no bra. I did all right n the bar. The boys said I looked cute. Then Wes took us for pizza after. I am at the counter and every boy working is staring at me. I turn to Wes and thank him for my pizza. Then the gentleman at the register goes, "We want to thank you." I go, "Oh, for my boob?" He nods awkwardly. I smile, "It's my birthday. It is my present to you." -We are outside eating our pizza. Wes goes inside to get something. He comes out and announces, "They all still talking about Sarah's boobs." -I am relaying a conversation I had with a party photographer regarding my birthday extravaganza to Gina one day, on the phone. Basically, he thought he was a big fucking deal and according to me he isn't. I am giving Gina the play by play of what I said to him. She seemed to think I was retelling the story in my own words. After I stop, she asks, "What did you really say to him?" I go, "That." She laughs sort of awkwardly scared. I go, "Oh my god I am turning into the female Steve Aoki." -I go over to Amanda Blank's to try and get my ass into one of her dresses. She inquires about why I left LA exactly. I tell her how I quit Cinespace. Then I was just doing random events here and there. I was sort of over it so I would show up really wasted or end up really wasted by the end of the evening. I would wake up hungover and read about it in a blog somewhere. I go, "I got a little too Amy Winehouse/Lily Allen." Amanda shakes her head, "Exhaustion." I nod, "Exactly." -My birthday party was fun. Thanks to everyone that came. Thanks to all the DJS that played. Thanks to Cinespace. Thanks to my mom for giving birth to me. Check out photos on kidpaprazzi.com and willteeyang.com. Ron didn't come so I am mad at thecobrasnake.com. So don't look at those photos ever again. -I am sure most have heard by now that my change purse thing I roll with, with my ID, credit cards, cash, and apartment and car keys got stolen Friday night at the party. This minor detail left me stranded in LA for the weekend. I go stay at Dan's. Gina wants me to go to LAX with her Sunday night. I tell her no one is going to be there because everyone's in Vegas at the Justice show. She rolls her eyes, "I have seen Justice a billion times." I remind her of the shows line-up. I then add, "But you have never seen Frankie Chan!" -Gina and I encounter a bunch of drama related to Neighborhood festival. This results in us returning to our arrangement of me being her manager to get the booking solidified. So, I really like this boy. He is not making a move and I don't know what to do. So I suggest to Gina that she be "my manager." I add, "You have to write to him trying to book him for a date to make out with me." She agrees. I give Gina his AIM screen name. -Get siked for for CMJ kiddos. Our party Thursday night is going to be off the hook. Stay tuned for more details on that. I hate saying "Off the hook." But, damn it's been a while since I've been in NYC. See you there. -You miss our road trip videos? They are up on Youtube! Go check them out! I heart the Mall of America.
Best Week Ever: August 24th "I do not think when my mom was pushing me out of her vagina she was like wait stop its New York fashion week!" -I love cheap grocery store check-out celebrity gossip magazines. I stock up on a bunch, one evening. I start flipping through "In Touch Weekly." I encounter a few photos of Rihanna having lunch somewhere in West Hollywood, in a Cobrasnake/Ed Banger shirt. My jaw drops and I just stare at the photos, baffled. I eventually am able to speak and beckon Brooke over to see. Even not from LA, Brooke is impressed. She goes, "Text Mark!"Somehow my first reaction goes, "No, he will never give any of "us" free shirts again!" -Brooke and I are discussing things the dollar store sells that you refuse to purchase; due to the fact they should cost more than a dollar. I inform her that the dollar store in LA sells both pregnancy tests and condoms. Brooke shrugs, "Dollar store condoms probably increase the sale of dollar store pregnancy tests." -I am trying to find my birthday party dress. I am not going to tell you exactly what it looks like because I don't want anyone else to show up to my party in anything similar. Ok so, I am not a big EBay user, but as most know my best friend Melissa is pretty much the queen of EBay. I begin trying to search for my dream dress, using the site. I find myself distracted by the harem of EBay people ripping off Melissa's Mama Stone Vintage empire. The dress finding task gets lost after a minute or so. I become fascinated by people selling vintage clothing in front of what looked like our garage. I lose it when I find dresses described using adjectives Melissa has made up while high. Melissa has mentioned this phenomenon to me, many times. I really never understood the scope of it until I saw someone else use the term "ruffle puff." I call Melissa to detail my experience. She goes, "I found this really sparkly dress. I stared at it and stared at it. I couldn't come up with an adjective to describe it. For some reason I just typed, "Glitterama." I then hear her typing. She tells me to check my email. I open it up and find the link to some other Melissa-esque EBay store. Homegirl is selling some cheap horrible looking sparkly dress. She describes it as "Glitterama." Unprepared, I projectile spit coffee on my Blackberry screen. -I am in Portland, Oregon. Oregon is a large state that smells sort of strange with freeway exits every 30 miles. Women still wear scrunchies and fluorescent nylon tracksuits. Once in Portland, you are very close to the Washington state border. Washington is not much different. You pass by pick up trucks with gun racks and early 1990s Civic Hatchbacks driven by toothless white dudes. The whole thing is sort of unnerving. I have lived in the crappiest neighborhoods of many of our US cities and never felt unsafe. Yet, I have driven through New Hampshire at 2am, wondering if I would live. I am admiring the scenery as Brooke and I cross into Washington State from Oregon, one afternoon. I turn to her and go, "Washington and Oregon are just giant versions of New Hampshire and Vermont." -I drive with Brooke to some lake in Washington State to watch a bunch of teenage boys wakeboard. The teenage boys are all looking at me like I am an alien. One of them turns to Brooke, "Your friend's outfit in interesting." She replies, "She is from LA." He shakes his head and goes, "Oh ok." -When people ask me where I am from, I always tell them I am from Boston. Now that I am not in LA, I have finally come to terms with the fact I am now from LA. It seems to be the only explanation that makes me make any sense to the world, outside of the 101. I am discussing this fact with Brooke in the car one afternoon. I go, "What do you think people on the east coast dress like?" Maybe I should start looking at Last Night's Party photos to find out." -I go sell the rest of my clothing at some resale place in Portland. I am having trouble as some girl asks me what season each Marc Jacobs item is from. I start whining and documenting where I wore each item of clothing to, as the girl prices things out. Brooke goes, "You know you do not have to sell every item of clothing you have been photographed in." I look at her confused. She adds, "There is no Cobrasnake in Philly." -I love Amanda Blank. Due to the fact her level of celebrity is equivalent to mine, I don't feel that weird writing her insisting she be my friend when I move to Philly. She seems siked on it. Then she never returns my last Myspace message. I worry she got creeped out about my blog entry entitled "I am a Stalker: Amanda Blank." Those that know me, know I am kidding. Maybe she didn't. Whatever, me and Amanda exchange a few lengthy Myspace messages. She alerts me to the fact that Heidi and Spencer from the Hills have a song where Heidi sings and Spencer raps. She then adds, "It makes me embarrassed to be white." -I inform the Waffles and Falafels brigade I am coming to Vancouver. Waffles asks me what I want to do and see. I remind him that I am "big in Canada." I then request, "Try to get me an autograph signing at the mall." -A boy I know reads my AIM away message alerting the internet I am in Canada. He inquires why exactly. I reply, "I want to learn how to fluently speak in Canadian." -My DJ friend Wes has another DJ friend in Vancouver. Wes suggests I go and hang out with him. His name is Paul and he seems to enjoy me, as well. He lets me pick 4 songs to play at the after party. I choose Rihanna's "Umbrella," the Outhere Brothers "Boom Boom Boom," Lil Mama and Avril's "Girlfriend Remix," and L'Trimm "Cars that go Boom." He seems excited as I list my choices, until I get to L'trimm. He looks at me disappointed. He then shakes his head, "No." He does give me another chance. I pick Spankrock instead. I dance around to "Bump," and then announce, "I want to be Amanda Blank when I grow up!" I then add, "Don't tell her I said that." -Waffles and I are rolling down the streets of Vancouver. We encounter a few members of the Waffles harem of underage Canadian girls. Brittany and Lovisa join our hungover party train. We seem to be attracting a lot of homeless people. Brittany claims she saw one of Vancouver's well known homeless dudes on a date with a well known homeless lady, one evening. The Vancouver gang gets into this juicy gossip. We then all somehow come up with the best reality show idea ever, to date. It is sort of like MTV's Next, but with homeless people. We are still working out the details when Brittany exclaims, "Let's call it "Who Wants to Date my Bum?" -My birthday party is rapidly approaching. Due to the fact, I have a vision of my dream dress and a goal to lose ten pounds I feel a tad overwhelmed with the two tasks at hand. I turn to Brittany and go, "I am going to have to drop everything and just focus on these two things. Brittany adds, "Drop everything…like eating!" -I have this image of what my birthday party dress is going to look like. It is very 1990s Supermodel. It is something Cindy Crawford modeled circa 1991. I am combing stores vintage and designer looking for it. Lovisa suggests I write Cindy a letter asking if I can borrow said dress from her. She has a feeling Cindy Crawford probably doesn't get a lot of fan mail, at this point and it might work out. Brittany rolls her eyes and goes, "Then write to Christy Turlington asking if you can borrow that sheet she wore in George Michael's Freedom video. -One of my favorite songs is the Outhere Brothers "Boom Boom Boom (Let me hear you say Way-ooh.) I am shopping, sort of hungover in Vancouver. Finding my friends in stores seems hard. Yet, sort of yelling/singing "Boom Boom Boom Let Me Hear You Say Way-ohh" is easy. Without direction or acknowledgment of this being an activity, I suddenly I hear Lovisa and Brittany from different places reply, "Way-ooh." Brittany then adds, "This is fun! It is almost like Marco Polo!" -We are sort of packing up, to return to America. My new friends Brittany and Lovisa are sitting on the couch. I look at them, then up at Keith and go, "I like underage Canadian girls so much better than underage American girls." Brittany quickly adds, "Yeah, because underage American girls are like 20. Underage Canadian girls are 17 and still in high school!" -We are getting ready to leave Vancouver. Similar to every time I am supposed to leave anywhere, I have decided I do not want to go. I am avoiding eye contact with Brooke. I am instead letting my teenage friends read magazine interviews I have done out loud to me, in lieu of packing. Lovisa is turning pages looking for my next quote. She gets distracted by some ad and says, "Is this girl a plus size model? I can't tell. Her thighs are huge." I am throwing my belongings in a trash bag and remark, "If I keep eating at this pace I am going to be a plus size model very soon." Keith sounds optimistic and remarks, "Plus size model! That could be the next Sarah Morrison career move." I roll my eyes and shake my head, "There is already some plus sized model in the UK named Sarah Morrison." I then add, "If I don't lose ten pounds, I am totally screwed." I then add, "I need to stop Googling my name." -I have horrible luck in general. Most are aware of this fact. Brooke seems very nervous as we approach the Canadian border. We make it through fine. I am really tired on the way back. As we approach the border, Brooke starts questioning me again. I tell her I am changing my story this round. Half asleep, I inform her to tell customs I am a figure skater. She and the boy in the front seat get their stories straight. Sort of asleep, I hear Brooke say something about the fact they have America's third greatest figure skater in the back seat. I mumble, "Yeah, Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding are better than me." -My West Coast birthday party aka "Sarah Morrison's 1st Annual Super Sweet 16" is going to be amazing. It is Friday September 7th at Cinespace, so save the date. I call Rony tonight to see if he can show up with the Rony's Photo Booth extravaganza. He informs me that he will be in NYC. He then goes, "That's New York Fashion Week. You are the worst party planner ever." I quickly reply, "It is my fucking birthday. I do not think when my mom was pushing me out of her vagina she was like wait stop its New York fashion week!" Best Week Ever: August 17th "Our sites are going to lose a lot of traffic without photos of Sarah Morrison. " -The last event I am enlisted to do in LA is Scarlet's night at Beauty Bar. I arrive remarkably close to on time. Scarlet seems impressed. She tells me she is exhausted. She offers me a drink. I get a Rockstar and Vodka. She debates getting one too. I shrug, "It's like cocaine in a glass." -I go to LAX, Sunday night under the pretense it is my last night out in LA before I depart. Everyone seems intent on having some sort of heart to heart with me, now that they know I am leaving. Girls who glared at me from afar for the past year or more hugged me and told me they loved my outfit. Boys I made out with long long ago and avoided me accordingly as my celebrity increased, kissed me on the cheek telling me LA wouldn't be the same without me. All this, got a bit much for a girl trying to leave this shit. I saw a booth that would seat 8 with one dude there. I asked him if he minded I sit. He shook his head, no. After a good deal of awkward silence, I threw a bunch of conversation starters towards the gentleman. I learned he doesn't go out until after the HBO line-up ends. He detailed the mediocrity of John from Cincinnati. We discussed HBO past and present for a length of time. Then, I brought up Rescue Me. We discussed that for beyond at length. He seemed strangely impressed by my interest in the series. He told me he had never met a girl that appreciated the show. Our conversation logically transitioned into a conversation involving transporting drugs on airplanes. We some how got into a discussion on how males transport drugs without vaginas. After the 12th text message and a realization it had become 1:35am, I told my new friend Jason I had to go. He gave me a hug. I said, "The first time you meet a girl do you usually discuss smuggling drugs and Rescue Me?" He laughed. He then shook his head, "Usually just smuggling drugs." -I am supposed to leave LA Tuesday, but I freak out. I opt to watch TV instead of packing. Brooke calls to inquire how the "move" is going. I start crying and tell her I have chosen not to leave. She tries not to laugh, while reminding me my choice is not really an option. I add, "I miss Whitey (my kitten who peed on all my clothes and ruined my life.)" She informs me I do not. I add, "I am going to get drunk one night and call that girl asking if I can have my cat back." -I am looking at TheCobrasnake.com, one night this week. I have never had any desire to own one of Mark's dumb t-shirts, until Mark's dumb t-shirts appeared in tank top form this week. I call him to inform him I need one. He tells me the Mediums are gone and he only has Larges left. Staring at the computer screen I feel defeated. I then look harder at the image in front of me and perk up, "Wait, what size is your Grandfather wearing in this picture?" Mark starts laughing. Rony yells, "Sarah Morrison just said that?" I shrug. I guess I was on speakerphone. -Mark agrees to send me a large tank top that would never fit me. I am still on speakerphone. He goes, "Both Rony and me are going to miss you. Our sites are going to lose a lot of traffic without photos of Sarah Morrison. I smile, "I know boys." -A certain well known DJ has developed an affinity for trying to have "cyber sex" and/or real sex with me by attempting to allure me via AIM. Said boy signs off one night and I feel relieved. Then this boy i know, signs on. Sometimes when drunk, this boy may say things sort of similar to DJ (listed above.) The two of us have plans to go to my college roommate's wedding, in September. He types, "What are you wearing?" I inform him that "said DJ" into cybersex just signed off. This boy types, "...to the wedding." Before i have time to respond, he quickly types, "Slut." -I end up leaving LA at like 9:30pm to drive to Portland. The drive was going fine until 7am or so, the following morning. I get really tired and decide to stop in some sort of Oregon town with roads and some sort of mini mall. I go to get gas at the local gas station, to bide time before their Target opens at 8am. I pull up to the pump and get out. I am instantly greeted by a gas station attendant. I sort of jump when I hear him behind me. I look at him and ask if there is self service. He replies, "You are from California, right?" I nod and ask him how he knew. He looks in the door of my car and points, "There are dollar bills all over the floor and you handed me a credit card." I nodded and shrugged. -My gas station attendant friend is pumping my gas. As I get out of my truck in a pair of bootie shorts, a Foxy Brown shirt, and a pair of bamboo hoops that read "Angel," something happens. He calls me "baby." Within milliseconds, he freaks out. I didn't notice. He apologizes uncontrollably and starts "over calling" me ma'am. I start to get uncomfortable with the whole Ma'am thing. The gas appears to be done. He starts to shake my hand wishing me the best on the rest of my trip. I smiled and said, "'I liked it better when you called me baby." -OMFG Sarah Morrison's Super Sweet Sixteen (2) is at Cinespace Friday September 7th. Confirmed DJs: Keith 2.0 Wilson (Moscow,) Dirty Dave (Blow Up LA,) Young Americans (Hush Hush), Royal Rumble (Hush Hush), Scarlett (Hang the DJs), Louisah (a bunch of shit), Gina Turner (unless she goes to Incubus), Stuart (gives me checks from Cinespace) AND MORE! Line-up will get crazier as we get closer. FREE with presents for Sarah! 5$ with out shit.
Best Week Ever: August 10th "What if I had been pregnant, given birth to a baby, and then just decided to post a Myspace bulletin to give it away?" -I run into Max the other night. I met Max a while back. He was cute and charming. We talked and kissed one night. He called me and wanted to hang out. I knew he didn't know about "the internet" yet. So, I waited and sort of avoided him, until he inevitably found out. Eventually, one of his friends directed him my way. As I assumed, that was sort of it. I saw him the other night and hadn't seen him in a while. He sat down next to me and said, "I liked you so much more before the internet." I nodded, "Me too." -I am moving to the east coast. In the best interest of my new kitten Whitey, I chose to find him a good home instead of forcing him to road trip across the country with Brooke, me, and a pick-up truck. The night before Jess came to adopt the kitten, Melissa had a talk with Whitey. She goes, "You are going to get adopted tomorrow. You are going to go live with your new mom Angelina, your new brother Maddox, and your new sister Suri Cruise." -I am moving. Moving involves packing and cleaning. I hate both of these things. Melissa is here this week. Due to my lack of motivation and approaching move out date, she decided to help. I am watching VH1 as I hear her yell, "I am taking the trash out and cleaning the bathroom." I tell her thanks. She comes into my room and informs me, "I am throwing the entire trash can away. You are not taking it with you. So now if you have trash put it in this trash bag. Or, just keep throwing it on the floor here next to your bed!" I smile and nod. -I am telling Stuart about giving away the kitten. I am trying to make him say I am not a bad person for giving away my cat. He is half listening and sort of patting me on the back, to comfort me. I finally go, "I just gave away a kitten." He is telling me it is not a big deal. I add, "What if I had been pregnant, given birth to a baby, and then just decided to post a Myspace bulletin to give it away?" He shakes his head and tries to tell me it is not the same. I add, "Myspace bulletin." -Melissa and I sell at the Rosebowl Flea Market in Pasadena, Sunday. We are up at 5am and out the door by 5:30am, Sunday morning. We stop at 7-11 on the way to the freeway. I am still half asleep and feel slightly nauseous as I wander around trying to buy junk food for the day ahead. I am staring at a row of chips and soda. I suddenly turn to Melissa and announce, "I don't think I am going to go out tonight." Melissa also still half asleep looks at me blankly for a second, trying to decide what to say. I add, "Oh my god. I just said that before 6am." She nods, "Well, we can order takeout then!" -David is selling with us at the Rosebowl. I learn quickly that he is apparently sober, now. He is not drinking, doing drugs, or smoking cigarettes. He apparently has been sober for almost 90 days. He is asking me about why I am moving out of LA. I try to explain, "I have to get out of here. I just need to do something else for a while. I love LA too much to not come back." David starts laughing, "Sounds like my sobriety plan!" -A girl comes by our spot at the Rosebowl. She buys a bunch of stuff. I am bagging it for her. She explains how she does not do Ebay. She is so glad we did the Rosebowl again. She then adds, "Thank you guys for existing." I look at Melissa, who is sitting in the car trying to prevent heat stroke. I look back at the girl and go, "Well, you are welcome!" -My Blackberry stops charging late week. I have to take it to some cell phone fixing place on Melrose. It ends up ready to be picked up Sunday, early evening. I am parking on Melrose and shutting the door to my car, when I am approached by a pack of what I assume are teenage boys. We make some conversation. They ask how old I am. They do not believe I am 27. They all announce their own ages being between 20 and 23, which I do not buy. They then try to give me their phone numbers. I explain that I do not have my Blackberry. I tell them that I am about to pick it up from being fixed, at this very moment. They don't believe my story. I throw my hands up in the air and announce, "Normally I would lie to you guys and tell you I don't have my phone. This is the first time I am telling the truth." I then turned around, and walked away. -Travis, a former busboy at Cinespace calls me the other day. He informs me is going to be on reality dating show on MTV. He sort of explains the premise as something about him going on a date with a girl. Then his friends and her friends interact in some sort of trailer I presume, deciding the verdict of said date. He then informs me that he has decided his friends are going to be Jason Stewart, Stuart, and myself. I ask him why us, exactly. He goes, "You guys would be funnier than my real friends." -I leave LA probably Wednesday, at this point. I am driving up to Portland. When Brooke and I feel road trip ready, we are off across the country in my truck with all of my clothes and some shoes. Stay tuned. This has to be good. -My birthday party is a little unorganized, like myself. It is September 6th. Its location is Los Angeles. Its exact location will be determined by the end of the week, promise. Thanks to all the 3 billion DJs enlisted to do it. It's going to be really fun. Make sure to save the date, kiddos. And, make sure to bring presents!
Best Week Ever: July 13th " I live in a first floor apartment. We never open the blinds." -My yard sale was fun. Thanks to everyone that came. I did have a family emergency early afternoon. If you came and I was inside and did not get a chance to talk to you, I am really sorry. I hope everyone got a lot of stuff. I think we are going to do one more sale. Stay tuned! Maybe I will get up a half hour earlier and hang things up! Maybe not, but we already have new stuff. Yay?!? -Dim Mak records coerced me to show up VERY last minute to some Hot Hot Heat video shoot. On the phone, it seemed an almost emergency that I get there. I arrive super late, but I arrive. I am sitting outside waiting for my role to be determined. I can not find Tick or Ana who forced me to do this. I end up lost and am sort of corralled into some dumb line, where I am supposed to pretend I am siked to get in to see the band. I keep trying to take off, some casting guy keeps telling me to stay. There is some Cory Kennedy-esque girl next to me. She is reading a book one minute, doing handstands the next, and then insisting she needs to get a hot dog. There is dumb dude near her that loves Hot Hot Heat and is a member of their Myspace fan club. He babbles on about his rough drive from San Diego. He asks "Cory Kennedy-esque girl" where she came from. She tells him "Topanga." He inquires, "Kansas?" Confused homegirl, shrugs. I shake my head and inform both of them, "Topanga is near Malibu." -My ten minutes of not being able to find Ana or Tick seem like 10 billion minutes. There are some girls behind us in this weird dumb line. I hear them meeting dumber boys. They ask one another what they do for a living. They ramble on about dumb retail shit in the valley, while I sit on the ground trying to figure out where the fuck Luke, Ana, or Tick are. I sort of hear the boys mention the dumb state schools they went to for a semester or two. The boys inquire if the cheaply dressed push-up bra girls went to school in the area. One looks at the other, the designated spokes-girl announces, "We don't believe in formal education." The other one giggles and nods. I pick up my bag, blackberry, and inform the dude who is making me "act like I am in line" that I am leaving. Tick and Ana find me a roll inside that involves me drinking. It is a much better match. -We are still at the Echo Plex doing this video shoot, when 1 AM rolls around. Luckily, I have acquired a roll with booze. I do ask Ana, "Doesn't Frankie Chan have a night here tonight?" She responds, "I thought so." -Gina calls me today inquiring if I will go to the Incubus show with her September 7th. I remind her than September 6th is my birthday. That means there will be a sort of gigantic super-sweet-sixteen-esque extravaganza, just without the fancy car and me calling my mom a "bitch." She is going on and on about her love for Incubus. I am nodding. Then I agree, "I will go if you to the Spice Girls reunion show in December." I thought my ultimatum beat hers by a billion, but she seemed bummed. I was so confused. I added, "Even Posh is going to be there!" She told me she had to go then added, "Think about Incubus." -I encounter Mark handing out flyers for his 12th yard sale of the month. Once he hands me one I ask, "What are you selling? The stuff no one bought the first time?" He turns to me and remarks, "My yard sale is going to be better than yours." I am still looking at him confused (as he passes out more flyers.) He then yells, "Cobrasnake Yard Sale tomorrow! Sarah Morrison t-shirts 50 cents!" I roll my eyes and start to walk away. Then he yells, "Sarah can you give me a ride home?" -I do acknowledge that I seemed into the idea of "4th of July," on the 3rd of July. I woke up sort of late, sort of tired, and sort of already over it. Chanelle texts me. It is 6pm or so. She tries to invite me to a Barbeque. I decline. I go, "I am sort of over the 4th of July. I like Christmas better." She replies, "Ok Sarah, I will make sure to invite you to my Christmas Barbeque instead." -I do make it out Tuesday, later than I planned. It is really hot inside. I EASILY coerce Kelly into going for a walk with me, to get cigarettes. We accidentally end up at Beauty Bar, and she seems ok with it. Beauty Bar it even hotter and full of weirder looking dudes, who seem a little more desperate. I suggest to Kelly that we walk back to Cinespace. On the way, I run into a model girl I know, 3 djs, a few door dudes, and one dude who yelled my name out of a car. I turn to Kelly, "I wish I was as popular on other streets as I am on Hollywood Blvd." -I have some sort of generic "Blackberry ringtone" and opt to trade up. I put 20 percent of my attention into finding a new ringtone via my phone's "browser." I scroll through uber hits of the moments, classic oldies, and similar. I get to a link called "Songs everyone knows." I click on it. There before me appears a list of songs that I would classify as "most people over the age of 25 SHOULD know." I scrolled through a list of songs that "no one knows" unless they like me, peaked in 1993. I selected En Vogue's totally missed classic "Free your Mind." I get excited every time my phone rings. Some pretend to recognize it. Others actually sit through me playing it, singing it out loud, doing a runway walk, and yelling "Funky Divas." They then admit, they have no idea what it is. -I corralled the "who's who of who Sarah knows" to head down to this Microsoft Zune BBQ today. I was late getting down there, like usual. I arrive and find Trevor and his new girlfriend. Donovan has been there since the start because he has a work ethic. Dan rolls in with his entourage. I attempt to try to introduce each circle to one another. I point, describe jobs, point, describe pastimes, point, and then just start laughing. Trevor decides to describe me. I listen, as he in more words than this says "Sarah write blogs and throw parties." Trevor goes, "I read Sarah Morrison's blog every week. Actually, before I read it I hit Control F "Trevor." If my name comes up, I don't read it." -Hush Hush is Friday…TOMORROW. It will be fun, like always. Since Cinespace booted us, are locations are getting creative. Tomorrow FRIDAY July 13th @ Senor Fish (422 East 1st St 90012) It is still 18+ and 5 dollars. So bring money. I do the door and bitching about paying 5 dollars pisses me off. -Things have been tough lately. This town is strange. I meet people. I think they are my friends then they sell my stories to Teen Vogue Messageboards. They make up there own versions of my reality and the attention is theirs. I can only blame myself for letting in people that will sell my secrets or create secrets that do not exist. I have never heard a single rumor about myself that was even sort of true. If you have a question about me or my personal life, please ask. I have nothing to hide. -I am off to Philly/Baltimore, Saturday. If you are there, let's hang out. I guess I am "city shopping." I am considering moving back to the east coast. I just don't know if NYC is for me. I live in a first floor apartment. We never open the blinds. I think I need to open my blinds. Hopefully, I will remember to do so before I leave the airport, Best Week Ever: June 29th " You don't need an instrument when you play the snowboard." -My box of t-shirts arrive at cinespace, just in time for my yard sale NEXT weekend. So, I go down to pick them up. I am going through the box seeing if any of the shirts are actually big enough to fit any of my former male coworkers. I find one that I deem the largest of the girls' mediums and hand it to Stuart. He starts shaking his head. I go, "You should wear it around cinespace to remember me." He looks at the shirt, at me smiling, then shakes his head, "No." -Stuart and I have not seen one another in a while. Our days of spending hours on end with one another in a bathroom sized office have become brief encounters once a week, if so. So we decide to catch up. He is telling me that he has figured out how to make it work with girls. He goes, "You don't ask questions." He then nods confidently. I, a little confused ask, "What kind of questions? Like what time is it?" He shakes his head, "More like do you want to hang out?" I am still confused. Then he started quoting T.I. and told me not to tell anyone. -Cory my former manager overhears me complaining that I weigh 140 pounds. He starts laughing and announces there is no way I weigh that much. I tell him my scale says I do. He adds, "Unless someone planted a giant metal rod in you, you do not weight 140 pounds." I suggest maybe aliens did so while I was sleeping. He goes, "What's the word for that?" I shrug, "An anal probe?" He nods his head, "Yeah, not exactly what I was thinking of." -I am late to everything. I end up really late to the Lady Sovereign thing, Friday night. Trevor Andrew a former pro snowboarder (footnote: He may still snowboard. I don't pay attention to snowboarding anymore.) is in a band and is set to open for her at the Avalon. I am so late I miss the whole Trevor thing, which was the reason I was attending entirely. I finally get there. I find Donovan. I begin to ask him 300 or so questions about the spectacle I had sadly missed. I ask, "Did he play an instrument?" Donovan shakes his head, "You don't need an instrument when you play the snowboard." -I go meet Gina and Kelly and whoever at some party in Silverlake, one night. I have to pee really badly, so I head straight to the bathroom. When I go to open the door to exit the bathroom, the handle just spins. I keep trying and realize I can not get out. Not sure who exactly is at the party, I am unclear what to do. I sort of give up and decide to sit on the bathroom flooor and wait. I hear people outside the door. I hear what I am 40 percent sure is Grace's voice. I yell her name, but that does not work. I opt to call her and hope I am right. I tell her I am locked in the bathroom at a party i think she may be at. This confuses her due to the fact she has not seen me all night. She bangs on the door, then yells, "I am coming in!" I get up off the bathroom floor and happily exit the restroom. We walk out in to the living room and Grace yells, "I just saved Sarah Morrison's life!" Zane is sitting on one of the couches and goes, "I didn't even know Sarah was here." Grace announces, "She is! She was just trapped in the bathroom." -Everyone is drunk at the party. I am not. We are sitting outside. Zane, a boy I know from Boston gets up to go inside. I yell, "I will give you a dollar if you can find me some sort of alcohol to drink." He yells back, "Three dollars." I roll my eyes and tell him to forget it. Frankie interjects, "You should do it. That's cheaper than at a bar." -My internet gets turned off. I call to see if Time Warner wants to turn it back on without me actually paying them. I tell my customer service representative, "I work from home. If you turn my wireless back on, I can make money. Then I can pay you!" He inquires when exactly I plan on paying them. I suggest next Friday. He tells me my wireless should be back on and working fine. He adds, "Usually people ask to pay 2 or 3 months down the road." Excited I go, "Oh can I do that?" He simply responds, "No." -Donovan calls today and asks how I am. I tell him I am fine and ask how he is. He responds, "Stupendous." I tell him he won. He adds, "I figured I would use a word that Sarah Morrison would use." I tell him, "That's more like a word Mary Poppins would use." -My summer wedding date positions are becoming complicated to fill; Lauren's wedding in the Pocono's, especially. I ask Wes first. He is the boy I met in from Philly a few weeks ago. Due to the fact he took longer than 24 hours to accept said invite, I had already moved on to Kurt (also from Philly who I met at SXSW) by the time he came around/checked his messages. I preface Kurt's invitation by informing him I had already asked Wes. Kurt unfazed, suggests, "Why don't all three of us go? It'll be like Big Love." -Gina asks me if I would like to go with her and Louisah to go look at Lesbian clubs in West Hollywood. She is all excited. I am all confused. I try to understand why we are going to Lesbian night clubs. She tells me she wants to do a Lesbian electro night somewhere. I ask why. She informs me, "Lesbians are hipsters too." -I am having a "Yard sale" next Sunday July 8th. The location is still to be determined. I will be selling an insane amount of (mostly vintage) clothing; dresses, jackets, skirts, and anything else you can think of. The clothing is taking up half a room in my apartment. I want the clothing to take up ZERO parts of any room in my apartment. Everything will be cheap and I want it all gone. I will also be selling my Sarah Morrison t-shirts, if you did not have the internet when I was selling them that way. There will be booze, djs, and me of course. So save the date! I will let you know the location once we figure it out. Best Week Ever: June 22nd " Imagine living life like you are always wearing a hood." -I run out of gas on Cahuenga and Franklin. Well, I start to run out of gas around Fountain and Cahuenga. I know there is a gas station at said intersection and I just need to make it there. My truck completely dies twelve feet or so before the gas station. Some gentlemen waiting for the bus help push it into the Shell parking lot. At this point, I am informed that while the gas station is open, they have no gas. I walk to a Chevron or something up the street, asking to borrow a gas can. They tell me I have to buy one. At this point, a teenage boy behind me in line offers to let me use his. So we fill up the gas can, and he drives me back to my truck. All is said and done. I thank him and inform him I am buying a gas can, so this does not happen again. He looks at the bed of my truck and remarks, "You should just fill the back up with gas, in case you run out again." I look down at the bed of my truck. I tell my new teenage friend it's probably not the safest idea, but I will consider it. -Dan texts me about something involving Myspace and moving a couch, during my gas debacle. I inform him I have more important things to deal with at the moment. He offers to help. I tell him I found a teenage boy to help me. I add, "All I had to do was buy him a blunt and give him my number!" -A girl I know is moving out of LA. She is trying to get rid of clothes she does not wear and other sort of bulky possessions, before she goes. Gina and I go rifle through piles of clothing on her apartment floor. I pick up some brightly colored sweater and remark that some boy would probably wear it. The girl points at it and goes, "I went to a party a few weeks back where everyone wore Cosby sweaters like Bill Cosby wore on that show. What was the show Bill Cosby was on?" I pause confused, Gina also confused sort of stops, and then some boy goes, "The Cosby show?" She nods, "The Cosby Show!" I put the sweater back and continue digging. -Gina and I are waiting for pedestrians to cross Hollywood Blvd, so our vehicle can turn onto it. All of a sudden we both point straight ahead. We watch a woman rolling a baby across the street. She has the child in one of those black rolling suitcases people take to airports in hopes of getting their luggage mixed up with someone else's. I am just staring at the whole thing, speechless. Gina is all flustered and trying to make sense of it. I start to talk about something else. Gina is not with me. She throws her hands in the air, "Sarah, we just saw a baby in a suitcase!" -Spencer runs into me at the Hollertronix party. I am wearing a bra. He then sees me this week out somewhere. I am wearing a bra again. He insists I have gotten a boob job. He brings Dan over for backup. I explain the situation. Dan looks at my boobs, at Spencer, then announces, "She is wearing a bra." I smile at Spencer who is still staring at my boobs, looking defeated. -Melissa is supposed to take photos of me one morning. She informs me she only has an hour. I can not be late and have to come completely prepared. She tells me to bring shorts, shoes, and "cranial accessories." I go, "Cranial accessories?" She shrugs, "Like earrings, sunglasses, and maybe a hair scarf?" -I have gained ten pounds maybe a little more, since last summer. I do not really care. But, I will admit I am irritated by the fact I can not get into some of my clothes. I am telling some girls I know about my weight gain. Trevor stops me confused, apparently not believing me. He starts to look me up and down trying to determine if he agrees. I assure him I am right. I then add, "Upside? Hopefully this will get my photos off all those stupid thinspiration sites!" -My former roommate found two kittens at my old house. He cleaned them up, took them in, and decided he did not want them. Melissa and I decided we did. The white one is technically mine and the gray one is Melissa's. I name my kitten Whitey Bulger and have named Melissa's Gray Whitey Bulger. Apparently, this is only funny if you are from Boston. -The power goes out one day, for a few hours. Melissa arrives at my house during this societal inconvenience. She complains she can not watch television. She complains she can not use her computer. She then announces, "I can not even charge my phone! Electricity is everywhere!" -The kittens run around my apartment destroying things all day and all night. They wrestle with plastic bags. They eat toilet paper rolls. They chew on my shoes. One evening, Melissa yells from the other room, "Is that you stuck in a plastic bag or one of the cats?" I yell back, "Just me." -My friend Lauren is getting married in September. Somewhere around the age of 19 we decide when she gets married, I will plan her bachelorette party. I am sort of excited due to the fact I actually have gotten into planning parties. I start throwing out ideas. Lauren stops me and goes, "Remember that both Vikki and Danielle are pregnant. So they can not really "party." I go, "They are still going to be pregnant in September?" Lauren reminds me, "They are still going to be pregnant in September. They are actually going to be pregnant for nine months." -Melissa walks into my room and picks up a Sex and the City DVD off the floor. She looks at it and goes, "Oh my god I thought this was me on the DVD! I told you I look like Sarah Jessica Parker." I look at her and ask, "You really thought that there was a picture of you on a Sex and the City DVD?" She nods. -Alumni sent me a bunch of shirts. If you do not know them they make all that Nacho Bear and "I am So NYC" stuff. I am sporting my "I am so NYC" tank top Friday night at Hush Hush. Mark hunter shows up, looks at me, and asks, "You shopping at Urban Outfitters now?" I roll my eyes, "No, I get free clothes from people on the internet." -I am voicing details on my latest self-induced depression to my friend Gina. I am ranting about my shitty apartment, the fact that I do not have a single friend over the age of 19, my recent weight gain, and my inability to wake up before 2pm. Gina suggests we start the club night we have been talking about doing forever. I sort of shrug. She then goes, "If you want to do a night with me you are going to have to do it now. I am about to blow up." I look at her in hopes she is kidding, realize she is not, and change the subject. -I attempt to write what one might refer to as a "blog." It details my week in paragraph form. It includes both the interesting and the uninteresting. I put it up on Myspace assuming the kids will enjoy it. They do not. I delete it. I run into Preston the other night. He proudly informs me he read the entry before I removed it. I tell him, "I deleted it after I received the 5th message saying it read like Cory Kennedy's Blog." I add, "I am going back to bullet points. Paragraphs are for teenagers." -Brooke informs me she has a new coworker who has no peripheral vision. She is telling me how weird it is. I go, "Imagine living life like you are always wearing a hood." -I am going to have a yard sale. I am going to be selling the remainder of the Mama Stone Vintage collection, now that we are no longer doing the Rosebowl. I will also be selling some of my t-shirts, if you forgot to buy one off the internet. It will be fun. There will be music, booze, and some serious bargains on vintage clothes. There is a lot of clothing. I am aiming for the weekend of July 7 and 8. Stay tuned to find out my exact plan. Also if you have an idea of where I could do this, let me know. -I have two weddings sort of coming up. One is in Denver at the end of July. The other is in the Poconos at the end of September. Apply within, if you would like to be my date to either function. You have to be local. I do not want to pay travel expenses. Best Week Ever: June 8th " I told you to move to Philly, not LA." -All planes are delayed when I arrive at the airport in Boston. I get on some delayed flight that gets me to Chicago, where I find my flight to LA is delayed as well. I am really tired and over it when I get on my connecting flight at 11:30pm. My pilot gets on the intercom and informs us his name is "Mario Lopez." I instantly felt better. -My in-flight movie ends and I am waiting for my complimentary episodes of the Office and 30 Rock. All of a sudden I realize I am watching an advertisement for employment in the government's coolest and hippest agency the CIA. It goes on to depict how fun the CIA is. I am sort of looking around to see if anyone else finds this as strange as I do. The lady next to me does. I turn to her and go, "Are you really weird and secretive? Join the CIA!" -A girl I know who designs clothes and I are discussing sewing. I tell her I don't even have my sewing machine out. I hate when people see it and decide they want me to sew half their wardrobe for them. She identifies. She remarks, "I am a clothing designer. I have my own label. I want to say "Do you ask Marc Jacobs to hem your pants?" -We are discussing new club night ideas. I mention my thoughts on Frankie Chan's night moving to Saturday. We all decide someone should do a Tuesday somewhere. I get excited and announce, "I would totally do it, but I would be afraid I would find Dim Mak interns hiding outside my house with eggs and squirt guns." -Melissa informs me there are kittens living at my old house. I get excited and want to go see them. She tells me that they are smaller than her cat named "Boobies." I add, "Probably, since she was full grown when you got her." Melissa adds, "She only weighed ten pounds." I remind her my cat Kiki weighed six pounds full grown. Melissa adds, "Kiki was all fur. Boobies is all muscle." -Melissa continues describing the kittens to me. She says, "One is gray and the other is white." She goes on, "I think the gray one is cuter, but Lily thinks the white on is magical." I ask why. She says, "Because it has blue eyes." -Brothers and Sisters are in town. They are a great band that you should go see play this month, while they are in LA. They are also known as "my best friend Melissa's boyfriend's Will's band." Greg is their drummer. I ask him what is going on in his life, since I have not seen him since SXSW. He shrugs, "I got my hair cut. What do you think?" I look at it, think for a moment, and say, "It will look better when it grows back." -We were watching some show on E! where they are discussing Paris Hilton's jail stint. Melissa asks, "Do you think people will intentionally commit crimes to be in jail with her?" I reply, "I certainly hope so." -We are walking back to the car after eating at Fred 62. I am walking down the middle of the road. Melissa remarks, "Look what I found! A sidewalk!" I shrug, "Streets are just giant sidewalks. I find them less restricting." -I run into an intoxicated Frankie Chan, Wednesday night. He says, "Did you here where I was and you were not, last night? Cinespace!" I nod, "Yeah, I fell asleep accidentally. I heard you were there." Frankie continues, "Yeah I was there. It's all over the blogs." I go, "Dan told me. Maybe he read it in the blogs." Frankie shakes his head, "No, he saw me there." -Things are shutting down, Wednesday night. As the Djs pack up, we all begin to discuss our Sopranos predictions. Every single one of us thinks something different is going to happen. I go, "I am going to go home and read all the blogs to see what people think is going to happen." Then I point at Frankie and announce, "Then I am going to go read all the blogs about you going to Cinespace!" -I get really dizzy in my kitchen, the other night. I end up blacking out. This is something that has never happened to me. It scared me a little bit. The next day I feel ok. I am just weirded out. I go over to look at the kittens at my old house. I only have a few minutes, before I have to leave for a meeting. I get in the car, and realize I do not have my keys, for the second time that day. Melissa hands them to me. I go, "I have lost my keys twice today. Maybe, I have brain damage." Melissa shakes her head and replies, "I doubt it. You always lose your keys." -I meet a boy Friday night. We decide within the first ten minutes we are soul mates. Within the first half hour, he is pushing away dudes trying to talk to me and going, "Get away from my girl." We are talking on AIM this weekend, when my phone dies. I find my charger and turn my phone back on. I type, "My Blackberry died. I missed everything you said in the past five minutes." He replies, "I asked you to marry me. I got weirded out when you didn't respond and asked someone else." -We stop by the Steve Aoki yard sale, Saturday afternoon. Mark has a video camera now. This is much more annoying than the regular camera. He is setting up fake scenarios and forcing us to pretend they are real. He has Steve Aoki sitting in a chair holding a Sharpie. He is making girls go over to him and asking him to sign things. Immediately after signing some girl's ass, he starts to grab my phone, and then announces, "Yes Sarah Morrison, I will sign your Blackberry." The camera pans to me and I wave my hands, "I am not doing this." -I get to LAX, Sunday night around 12:30. I go sit with Gina. The problem is that Gina is not sitting at all. She is dancing on a couch. She keeps reaching into her purse and grabbing receipts. She then proceeds to rip them up into little pieces and throw them in the air. I opt to go get a drink after five minutes of this. I see Dan on the way. I go, "Go look at your girlfriend." -Me and homeboy are standing next to my car. He complains about how he could not get backstage at the CSS show. I start to laugh and tell him I did. He grabs my wrist and goes, "How did you get a yellow wristband?" I keep laughing. He goes, "Even Steve Aoki couldn't get backstage." I nod, "I know. We saw." -I am at LAX Sunday night. I am tired and sort of just waiting for the weekend to end. I am sitting in Ronysphotobooth biding my time. Some dude on vacation comes in and says he wants a photo to remember his trip to LA. Rony goes, "Here take a photo with Sarah Morrison!" -Sunday evening at LAX finally ends. I wait for homeboy to get his stuff. I go, "You are my favorite DJ." He replies, "Aw you are my favorite non-DJ." -I move to LA three years ago for no other reason than I am supposed to move to Philly and the apartment I have lined up falls through. Instead of looking for another one, I just drive out here. I am on the phone with Bettie last night, telling her about my weekend and my latest soul mate from Philly. (Kurt and I fell in love at the Nylon party at SXSW and decided we were soul mates. He is also from Philly) Bettie simply states, "I told you to move to Philly, not LA." Best Week Ever: June 1st " Aw, I wish my mom was here to help me defrost butter!" -Trendmill talks to Sarah Morrison. Trendmill is a fashion networking site. In the words of Sarah Morrison "It's like a Myspace for clothes." Sign up to network with the hottest designers, fashionistas, and girls who love clothes just as much as you. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A TRENDMILL PROFILE....SIGN UP FOR ONE NOW! -I am on the shuttle, on the way to the airport. We stop to collect some weird dude in a wife beater speaking very loudly on his cell phone. He gets in the large empty van and opts to sit right next to me. From his loud conversation about "how hard his dick was" in front of the camera, the mention that he is "tired of fucking and wants to direct," and finally some story about how he "fucked 3 girls on camera when he was 16," I use my detective skills to determine he is some sort of porno dude. He ends the phone call 30 seconds before I arrive at my terminal, in order to make conversation with me. He is from somewhere in the south. He is asking me questions, but I really can not understand his sort of Three 6 Mafia meets Dolly Parton accent. I nod a bunch. I do decipher this question, "How do you meet dudes in this town, if they are all gay?" I shrug, "Offer anal." I grab my bags and wish him a safe flight. -censored (This is what i will now write every time i have to remove portions of my blog, after people yell at me.) -censored -When smoking at my parents' house, I put out cigarettes and then shove them down the cracks in their deck. I assume that if they ever tear out the deck, the years of cigarette butts will have grown into a garden of full-fledged cigarettes. I am sitting outside smoking, when my dad comes out informing me he has a present for me. He hands me a coffee can full of cat litter. I look at it, and back up at him confused. He rolls his eyes, "I made you an ashtray." -I run into my old boss from high school, one day downtown. I do not think I had seen him in at least five years. I enjoyed working for him at 16.I enjoy talking about our lives 11 years later on a street corner for 35 minutes, even more. We begin to part ways; I stop and say, "There is not a person I would have rather run into on Main Street." I then add, "Now you can go on with your day feeling good about yourself, knowing you were the best person Sarah Morrison could have run into on Main Street." -My brother always has weird shit going on. It is hard to predict what he is going to do next or why he will justify doing it. My mom is on the phone with him sort of shrieking. She announces, "That is great news! Congratulations!" I yell from across the room, "Is he pregnant?" -I am trying to bake cookies and talk to Brooke on the phone simultaneously. My mom is wandering in and out of the kitchen, worried about the cookies. Her microwave is very complicated. I am trying to defrost a stick of butter, when she asks if I need help. I announce, "I can't figure out how to defrost the butter." Brooke still on the phone sighs, "Aw, I wish my mom was here to help me defrost butter!" -Leah and I are on the phone discussing the recent celebrity DUI trend. I then add my brother to the list, somewhere in between Lohan and Paris. Leah at first is alarmed, due the fact she did not know my brother got a DUI. She then goes, "Actually, Sam getting a DUI does a service to the community and the country as a whole. All of America probably feels safer." -My dad is making fun of the fact I do not eat meat as he prepares a meal of hotdogs and sausages for the family to enjoy. I announce, "Let's not even say I don't eat meat. Let's just say I do not eat penis shaped food." -I am at Leah's apartment. There is a note taped to the wall from a boy I have known for a very long time, who also is one of Leah's old roommates. Written circa 2001, it reads, "Thanks for being my roommate and helping me last night. It was really outgoing of you.-Greg." I was moving out of my apartment one summer and asked Greg to come over and help me move the furniture out. He threw the couches off the back porch. -I end up hanging out with the Youth Service director from the town I grew up in, until 2:30 in the morning in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. We are talking about phones. He has a Treo which he hates. I let him play with my Blackberry hoping to convert him. He ends up going through my 1000 plus person phonebook. I label people in my phone with their first name and 1-3 adjectives that will jog my memory on how I met and/or know them. Bill is enjoying my labels, reading them out loud, and asking if these people know about "this." I am sort of shrugging and discussing those I can not identify adjectives and all.. He starts laughing hysterically, holds the phone up, and announces this one is my favorite, "Liz Vermont Weed." I reply, "Oh, I know who that is." -I am supposed to go out with Leah one night. Me and my dad are watching my DVDs of The Office: Season 2. I want to watch more Office. She is on Blackberry messenger trying to force me to come out, then later guilt tripping me. I am relaying the conversation to my dad. He tells me to promise I will go out the following night. Leah is still mad. My dad then goes, "Tell her you will go out tomorrow night and you will have two times the fun." I type this to her. He then adds, "Tell Leah, I am not only guaranteeing, but giving permission for two times the fun." -I skip New York, due to the fact I only have a window of 24 hours to go for. When I think about the amount of people I will have to see in said 24 hour period, I get tired and already need a nap. So, I coerce Bettie to fly up to Boston. Bettie is one of my best friends. We lived together during our formative years in crappy apartments in crappier Boston neighborhoods. She has not been back since. During said coercion I announce, "Come up here. We will go out in Boston. It won't be fun, but it will be funny!" -Bettie and her boyfriend have been dating for quite some time. I assume they will get married soon. She begs to differ. We are sort of drunk and discussing the "Bridesmaid situation" that we will all have to eventually face. I announce, "I think the Myspace "top eight" may have some direct correlation to Bridesmaid selection. I wonder if your number one has to be your Maid of Honor?" -We are out one night in Boston. I have had a few drinks. The night is looking to be sort of amazing. I announce, "I am going to get drunk tonight and be like I am moving back to Boston! I will wake up tomorrow with a hangover, wondering what happened. Leah adds, "You will find a bunch of papers in your purse and be like shit I signed a lease!" -We are gossiping about the whereabouts of those we grew up with. If they are not in Boston, they seem to be in Philly. Luckily, that is where Bettie resides so she has that territory covered. She is giving us the rundown on the Boston expatriates, now there. I ask about a boy we all know. Bettie says, "He is back in jail." Due to the fact it had not been that long since I talked to him, I am alarmed and ask why. She shrugs, "He started stabbing people again." -Bettie is inquiring about my current living situation. She asks me, "So do you have a roommate?" I nod, "Melissa." Confused, she reminds me Melissa lives in Texas. I tell her that Melissa rents a room in my apartment still and comes back every month. I add, "Ten years from now, I will probably be married, own a house, and Melissa will have her own bedroom in it." -We are supposed to meet a friend of a friend in Alston. None of us have ever met him. All we know is that he is going to be on a bike. The boy in question rolls up in front of us. I have no idea if this is him, or not. Leah just yells, "Are you on a bike?" -Mike is driving my dad's car around Boston. I am sitting in the front seat, due the fact I should at least be watching where we are going because the car is my responsibility. Some Billy Bragg song comes on. Spanky announces, "Some kid tried to tell me one night that Billy Bragg is a better songwriter than Morrissey. I roll my eyes, "That's retarded." Spanky nods, "Wicked." -Mike is driving me and twelve or so boys around in my dad's car. It is now light out. Mike is stopping at green lights and running red lights. He insists he knows where he is going, but keeps taking us in the complete wrong direction. Spanky keeps asking him if he is on acid. I keep trying to fix the directional issue suggesting where he should be going. Spanky tells us both to shut up and announces, "I am giving directions. He is on acid and she has not lived here in three years." -I get back to my parents house Sunday morning around 8am. My dad is up and drinking coffee in the kitchen. I laugh, "I just got home." He nods, "Yes Sarah, I was standing here 30 seconds ago when you walked in." I shrug, "Maybe I should go to bed." -Go Buy my "i wanna be sarah morrison when i grow up" t-shirts! Everyone loves tshirts. If you are a boy buy these ones. If you are a girl buy these ones. This is the LAST WEEK! Then there will be no more T-shirts. Seriously, now or never. -I have caught up on the Sopranos. I have to see the season finale, Sunday. I do not have HBO. If you do, know me, live in the LA area, and promise not to speak from 9-10pm, have me over! Best Week Ever: May 25th " I bet somewhere out there is a dude that may be lucky enough to get road head from Sarah Morrison." -Gina and I decide I should be her agent.The first gig we book is a bat mitzvah. It ends up being the coolest party either of us have ever attended, and probably will ever attend. I arrive a little late. I head to the pool and see Gina set up on the side at one table. The other table is two high school boys who appear to be in charge of the video end of the entertainment. I sit down next to Gina. She motions to the video boys to come over and meet me. One of them stands up, smiles widely braces and all, and yells, "Oh my god it's Sarah Morrison!" Dan shakes his head, "Of course, Sarah already knows them." -As the evening wears on, the parents get a little more intoxicated and begin to dance. One of the moms heads over to us and inquires if Gina can play some "Salsa, Meringue, or Rolling Stones." I tell her sure. Gina nods obligingly and remarks, "The next song." Then the next song comes on. I stop and listen for a moment. I am taking in the Foreigner song Gina has deemed appropriate, and is now bouncing up and down to. I then remark, "I like that Salsa and Meringue and the Rolling Stones somehow equaled obscure Foreigner." -We head to a party downtown after the bat mitzvah ends. I am discussing how amazing the party was, with a few of my friends. I announce that I will be ending all other business ventures, and will be exclusively throwing Bat and Bar mitzvahs. One of my friends sighs, "I remember Sarah when she was just a writer and worked for porn companies." -Star and I are discussing ideas for Saturdays night's party at the Echo, which we are hosting. We are talking matching outfits. She is talking selling t-shirts with our faces on them. She then remarks, "We should sell Sarah Morrison and Zina Star calendars. We would just need a couple more Cobrasnake pictures of us together." I go, "What do we have like four or five pictures so far? We could do it." Star adds, "I think there are only like two." I sigh, feeling sort of defeated. -I am outside the party Saturday night, talking to a boy I know. He is introducing me to one of his friends. He says, "This is Sarah Morrison. She is a big party promoter." Then Mark chimes in, "This is Sarah Morrison. She is famous on the internet." -I have hung out twice with this boy who is every thing I do not want in a boy, ever. He meets me at Star's. As I walk up to the car, he stares blankly at me. Then goes, "Are those want to be Ugs?" I look down at my yellow Jennifer Swii boots, and then up at him disgusted. I go, "No one wears Ugs. No one wears things that want to be Ugs." He shrugs, "Yeah, they do." Disgusted I remark, "No, one I know." -He then gets in my car and moves a bunch of paper and magazines on the seat. He finds photocopies of that article that ran a while back about me in Nylon. He is shocked. At first I think it is because I was in the magazine. Then he goes, "You look so cute here. Why don't you look this cute all the time?" I inform him I look exactly like that "all the time." He adds, "Not right now, you are wearing glasses." I turn up the radio. -Me and the boy go down to Dave's Blow Up LA party. I instantly lose boy and find Dave. I am telling him how horrible said boy is. I relay the information that he actually inquired if I would give him "road head" in the car on the way over. I then go on to tell Dave I had declined. Dave laughs, "I bet somewhere out there is a dude that may be lucky enough to get road head from Sarah Morrison." I announce, "No, I drive standard." -There is some adorable bartender girl at the party, who looks like Amy Winehouse. I freak out and tell her this. She looks at me disgusted and goes, "Ew, she is so ugly." Sort of startled and confused I reply, "I love her. Translation: I am giving you a compliment." She tried to smile, but it didn't really work. -My gas and cable get turned off. I do not have the money to turn both back on. So Melissa "my sort of roommate" volunteers the rest. She Pay Pals me 300 dollars. The email from Pay Pal reads: "Amount: $300.00 USD Subject: $ for shower and cable! Note: not for drugs or clothes!" -There is a new restaurant manager at cinespace who does not seem to enjoy me like the management of the past has. He takes me off the schedule last week. I go in to find out why. He talks in circles, and sort of awkwardly comes to the fact he has been brought in to make changes and create a better business. He informs me that if I have a better attitude and am willing to work with him on whatever his secret new plan is, I can get my hours back. Due to the fact I am not 12, this tactic did not work so well with me. I simply respond, "No thanks." He flips out and starts going on about how I expect him to make it through the week without me. He is ranting about dinner, events, and whatnot when I calmly stated, "You should have thought about that when you took me off the schedule." (FYI: I am seeking employment. You should hire me.) -I am going to Boston Sunday. My mom calls today inquiring "if I am still coming." I inform her, "As long as the plane still comes." If you are still in Boston, my number is still the same. -My t-shirt SALE is ALMOST over Go BUY shirts They are so cute. -Trendmill interviewed me. You should read it. Then you should sign up for a Trendmill profile. Best Week Ever: May 11 th " I learned that spitting at New York was probably not the best thing to do." -In review, I kissed a boy I liked a few times. He got back together with his considerably younger than myself exgirlfriend. No big deal. Exgirlfriend happens to have a large following of also younger than myself friends and disciples, who apparently have waged internet and social war with me. I have not seen all of what has been written, due to my inability to fit in two hours of Googling my name per day. I was forwarded one message board thread with photos of *said* girl at Coachella. The thread is 20 something photos with captions all praising her adorableness. The last photo is me at Coachella and the caption simply reads "whore." -I am perpetually "out" on Tuesday evenings. I receive messages from several internet girls that Carson Daly said something about me in his monologue, the Tuesday after Coachella. None of them seem to be sure what he said, exactly. They all do seem to know that he said "Sarah Morrison" and "Coachella" in the same sentence. That was good enough for me. If it had been Oprah, I might have inquired a little bit more. -I do not write Best Week Ever last week. I make an announcement informing it will not run, due to the drama that the week prior and its Coachella blogs ensued. I receive a message informing me that "This is like letting the terrorists win." I respond, "Or the drunk 17 year olds." -I am at the gas station. I fill up my tank. I get in my truck and start the engine. I am about to leave the parking lot, when someone knocks at my window. I roll the window down to see what this gentleman might want. He goes, "Do you need any help?" Confused, I sort of look around making sure nothing is on fire. I reply, "With what?" He says, "Filling up your gas tank." I shake my head and inform him I already did that. I add, "Did you want to pay for it?" He stumbles around trying to come up with something to say. I wave to him and begin to drive off. The lady pumping her gas next to me laughs. -Some guy rolls into cinespace while we are showing the De la Hoya fight. He sort of wanders around, buys a few drinks, and watches a portion of the fight. I am outside smoking a cigarette when he exits the building. He looks confused. I ask him if I can help him with anything. He goes, "I just really want some Heroin." I nod, disaffected. He continues, "You know when you just want Heroin and can't find it anywhere?" I nod, "Welcome to my life." He heads down Hollywood Blvd. -We are at Dora's, hanging out by the pool. She is discussing her fascination with the 1990s and obvious choice to pretend she lives in the 1990s. Since, I actually peaked in 1994; I have a good deal to offer Dora in terms of fashion, music, and miscellaneous pop culture from said decade. Dora all of a sudden has a revelation, "Let's call MTV! We can do that show Made. You can be my Made coach." I get excited then inquire, "What exactly are we making you into, me in high school?" Dora shrugs, "I want to be Made into a 1990s girl!" -Brooke writes me telling me she informed her gentleman friend that I acquired an intern. He allegedly responded, "Sarah Morrison has an intern? That's like Kramer having an intern." -I return home late one evening this week and sign on to AIM. A boy I know, who I had seen out that evening begins making conversation with me. His line of questioning goes from "What time did you get home from work?" to "Are you horny?" with less than 30 seconds in between inquiries. I think he is kidding and change the subject. He then asks me what I am wearing. I let him know I am wearing the same thing he saw me in an hour ago. I walk to the kitchen and return to find he typed me one last message and signed off. The message read, "Whatever I am jacking off and going to bed." -I receive a phone call from a boy today. He asks me if I throw parties. I inform him that I do. He tells me I gave him a flyer for one of my parties somewhere. (He now lists 15 options for where this may have occured.) He is not sure how he got my number, but pretends to know. As he keeps trying to explain it, I realize exactly who he is and where I met him. I let him continue to try and play it cool. Once he finishes, I tell him how he met me. He gets a little embarrassed, due to the fact he was quite intoxicated during the evening I am referring to. I tell him I handed him a flyer. He grabbed me and started trying to make out with me, in from of my intern. He asks a few more questions. I give a few more details. He goes, "I tried to kiss you in front of your intern?" I remind him he did. He then goes, "You have an intern?" -I am hanging out with a friend of mine who works for Myspace. He is informing me that companies pay them insane amounts of money to build their Myspace profiles. He goes, "You have more friends than most of these people that have spent a hundred grand on their profiles." I shrug, "I have more friends than Trishelle, from the Real World." -My friend Jason and I are discussing my lack of current employment. He is informing me I should get a "job." I tell him I am not going to. He tries to gauge what exactly I am going to do instead. I list a few options. He then offers to find me a job. I look annoyed, "I only work part-time. I don't do things for more than four hours in a row." -Jason is continuing to try to convince me that I should do one thing 40 hours a week somewhere, called a "job." I am lying on the bed. I have sort of stopped listening. I do hear him say, "You need a job. It's time to grow up." I sit up and announce, "I am grown up. That's how I know I don't want a job." -The internet appeared in an uproar, due to some content that appeared in my last few blogs. I am not a big fan of taking things back, but I will edit them. Pumpkin summed up my sentiments the best when she stated on Charm School, last week, "I learned that spitting at New York was probably not the best thing to do." Then she went on to tell the camera, that she meant nothing of the apology. She is just trying to play the game. You know, you would have probably spit at New York, too. -My t-shirts are on SALE for 20$ this week, and THIS WEEK ONLY. So go buy them. They are so cute. They will make you smile. Best Week Ever: April 27th " We don't like Sarah Morrison anymore." -I bring out a few of my "I wanna be Sarah Morrison when I grow up" tshirts to LAX Sunday night. I am putting them on people and taking photos to display their pure awesomeness. Mark suggests I go ask Lohan to wear one. I look at him, roll my eyes and announce, "I don't want Lindsay Lohan to be like me when she grows up." -Mark receives one of the few complimentary t-shirts, due to the fact, he took the photo of me that is on it. I hand it to him and announce, "You have to wear it." He replies, "I have a shirt on." I add, "I don't mean right now, just every day from here on out." -As most are aware, my exboyfriend Mike runs a Biodiesel venture that received a nomination for one of the coveted Myspace Impact awards. We are on the phone discussing it for the 80th time. I go, "You know you owe me for this. I want a cut of the money, if you win." He pauses, "Ok, I will give you ten bucks. I shrug, "Ok." -I receive a Myspace message this week. It is entitled "Snake fuckers." It reads, "I googled images of "snake fuckers" (why? isn't important) and the first picture was of you (i think) wearing a cobra snake t-shirt." -Thursday evening around 9pm, Dan and Gina and Dan's Lexus arrive to pick me up for Coachella. Once I open the car door, I discover the weekend will also include Jason Stewart and Chris (Cory Kennedy's twin and also 17 year old sister). I inform the carpool I need to go to the bank before we leave. Chris announces she has to pee already. Jason suggests she pee at the bank. I remind them the bank is not open, but suggest she pee outside in an alley by the bank. She goes, "The last time I did that, I ruined my Marc Jacobs shoes." Jason inquires, "The last time you peed at the bank?" -I can't sleep in the hotel room which all five of us are wholed up in. Around 7am, after a solid two hours of sleep I opt to just get up and go downstairs to do work. Somewhere around 11, Jason appears downstairs. He finds me reading Vogue at a table outside. I am on the phone with Brooke detailing my thoughts thus far on that which is Coachella. I go, "It is sort of like the poor man's SXSW." Jason goes, "It is not at all." He pauses for a second then announces, "Actually, that's exactly what it is like." -I am contacted by a New York newspaper. From what I understand, they are doing an article about DJs, maybe parties, or maybe both. I call the girl back. She begins asking me questions. She starts with my parties and the DJs I have worked with. She sort of all a sudden stops and asks me how I met Steve Aoki. Then a bunch of questions about Steve follow. I do my best to stay professional. I explain his role in the LA party scene. I am stumbling around thinking of positive things to say about him. She stops me and just goes, "Ok, seriously I heard you and Steve don't really get along. You guys have a love/hate relationship that's why I called you." I say only glowing things about Steve, but I do manage to remark, "Steve and I have a very different approach to business. I wouldn't ever want to work for him. I can safely say, Steve Aoki would never want to work for me." -I see Steve later in the day. I give him the girl's contact info that is writing the article. I go, "They called me because they heard we have a "love/hate relationship." I said only nice things about you. Now it is your turn." -Dirty Dave is fun by day, but amazing my night. He shows up to my Coachella poolside party extravaganza, Friday night. He is wasted. He is being amazing. Gina is standing by the DJ booth, waiting for the final decision on whether she will DJ again. Dave heads over to her and announces, "I saw you DJ once at Holly's. You are a better than MSTRKRFT." -Brynne texts Gina threatening to "kick Sarah Morrison's ass" if she ever talks shit about her again. This is obviously going to be good. Gina writes Brynne inquiring what exactly I had said. She tells Gina "my beating" will be the result of telling people (Jacob only) she was on Ecstasy, the day before. I go, "She was spinning in circles like she was at a Phish show and then jumped in the pool fully clothed. I have never done Ecstasy, but I would assume that is what doing Ecstasy looks like." -I made out with this boy a few times. He got back together with his (considerably younger than me) ex-girlfriend. I see her and her seventeen year old pseudo internet celebrity friends more. Things get more and more awkward. I am standing in line for the bathroom at some Coachella party, which I am not enjoying. One of her little friends rolls up in line. She is drunk and underdressed. I say hello to her. She stumbles around trying to explain how she didn't see me standing two feet away from her. She then turns to some boy and goes, "We don't like Sarah Morrison anymore." I laugh out loud and announce to no one but myself, "Oh, this is going to be fun for the next six months!" -I have stopped going to my job. I am discussing ideas of what I plan do next to bide my time. I have some ideas for new club nights. I have some meetings coming up a variety of companies. My friends sort of actually concerned, inquire what I am planning to do next. I go, "I heard Spinderella has been DJing lately. I want to start a night with her." Everyone sort of pauses, looks startled, and tries to think of something to say. I simply announce, "Best idea Ever!" -I hate Coachella. I remind everyone of this, probably every hour or so in the 2 and a half days we spend there. We finally just decide to go home last night. In the car I remark, "If I even sort to allude to want to go to this next year, remind me I don't." -Gina gets excited to find a survey in a some magazine. She seems to have acquired it during the weekend. Now, she is using it to entertain us on our ride home. The survey is entitled "What color are you?" She decides to read each question out loud, then force each of us to answer. The magazine ask us things like what we plan on being when we grow up, how we cheer ourselves up when "feeling down," and a bunch of other stuff I paid little attention to. She apparently is recording all of our answers, so she is able to tally up the results at the end. I do recall selecting "Pilot" as my desired occupation. When we finish, she reads off the "color" the magazine has individually deemed each of us, and its personality description. She gets to me and sorts confused reads, "Sarah is pink." She goes on to describe that I am always happy. I love everything I like rainbows and babies and small animals. I run through fields and laugh, or something comparable to this. Jason goes, "I have never heard anything even close to that wrong before." I point at him and announce, "I am going to be a pilot." -I have gained ten pounds. I am not thrilled with this, due to summer coming. I decide I am going to diet. I arrive at work tonight informing Sergio I am going to take Phen Phen. He nods, "That's a great idea. So when you drop dead the headline in the paper will read, "Internet celebrity dead. Phen phen and cigarettes were found in her purse." -I decide to stop at my local market on the way home. I am keeping my dieting in mind, while selecting my purchases. They ring up my coffee, 12 bananas, bag of Smart Food popcorn, and bottle of Vodka. I announce, "I am dieting." One of them laughs. I go, "If this works. I am writing a diet book about it." The other boy working goes, "I like any diet that involves Vodka." I point at them both and announce, "So will America!" Best Week Ever: April 20th " I think White Castle would beg to differ." -My t-shirts are here! They are awesome. We are taking photos of the kids wearing them THIS week. They should be up for sale on No Star clothing's site by next week. If my picture wasn't on them. I would totally want one.-Two older gentlemen are at my place of employment for a film screening. They seem to be enjoying my company. I tell them I am from Boston. One of them tells me he hates Boston. He says, "I was there one winter. I have never been that cold in my entire life." I inquire, "Have you ever been to Canada?" -I have my new intern pass out flyers for me at Tik Tok Saturday night. She finishes and inquires if she can do anything else. I tell her to hold on because I need to find Gina. All of a sudden she scurries off and returns with Gina. Gina entirely confused goes, "How did this just happen. I had never even met this girl." I nod, smile, and say, "Good job, intern!" -Gina, Dan, and I are walking to the car, Saturday night. Gina is still discussing how my intern found her without actually ever meeting her beforehand. Dan simply shakes his head and mumbles "Sarah Morrison has an intern. What is the world coming to?" -Cinespace has an appetizer on its menu called "Belly Bombers." "Belly Bombers" are six mini hamburgers on a plate. I overhear one of our cooks speaking to a client about all the dishes he invented at our establishment. I hear him announce that his most crowning achievement was his creation of the innovative "Belly Bombers." I yell across the room, "I think White Castle would beg to differ." He rolls his eyes and continues his rant. -I am sitting on the patio Tuesday, with some of my 19 year old friends. They all begin to perk up as Cobrasnake rolls by flashing his camera. Mark does not see me. I sort of yell his name. One of them stands up and screams, "Mark, Sarah wants you!" I start waving my hands in the air and announce, "I do not want him. This is how rumors get started." -I introduce my intern Jourdan to Dave, one of Cinespace's owners. He is sort of speechless as the introduction begins. He then pulls it together and tells her how nice it is to meet her. Once she leaves he goes, "Can you get me an intern, too?" -Tuesday evening, we are standing around at the Dim Mak office. Steve Aoki decides he wants to play poker. He tells us all to go outside and find people to participate in his 3am venture. People actually listen to him, and start filtering outside. I continue standing there, as his disciples scurry around. He points at me and instructs me to go find people to play. I roll my eyes, look right at him, and announce, "No." Mark Hunter starts laughing and announces, "I love Sarah." -Stuart is talking about Coachella. I turn to him and go, "When did you get Coachella tickets?" He sort of shrugs and nonchalantly tells me he got them a month ago. I ask him if he can get tickets for me and Star. He shakes his head. I then ask, "How about one ticket for Star and I to split?" -My favorite exboyfriend Mike runs a Biodiesel company called Grease not Gas. He is nominated for a Myspace Impact award. There are three nominees in his category of "Environmental Activism." The winner receives a 10 thousand dollar grant. He is up against some river clean-up something or rather. His real competition is Surfrider, a very well known non-profit for their involvement in cleaning up our beaches. (They are the real threat.) Mike and I are on the phone discussing the matter. He is not worried about the river people, but very concerned about Surfrider. I am as well, but try not to let on to it. Suddenly I announce, "Oh my god. I know a boy who works at Myspace. I can have their profile deleted!" He starts laughing uncontrollably. I then add, "I was half serious." Still laughing and replies, "I know." The contest ends THIS Wednesday April 25th at 12 noon PST. So VOTE VOTE for Grease not Gas until then! If you do not support his cause, vote for him simply because he is "Ok" with THIS. -Gina and I are discussing the early turnout, at the party Wednesday night. She goes, "Did you hear Steve Aoki telling people to come to your party, last night?" I look baffled and announce, "He must be drinking again." -At Wednesday night's party, there are approximately ten lists at the door that some dude from Camel is trying to manage. I head downstairs to check on things. He yells to me, "These people say they are on Sarah and Gina's list?" I wave my hands, encouraging him to let them in. He is inquiring as to where said list is. I announce, "I do not do lists. If they say they are on our list they are our friends, just let them in. Pieces of paper give me anxiety." -Julie, Dan, Rony, and whoever else are inquiring what exactly my intern's responsibilities entail. I shrug, "I am still trying to work that out." I go, "I had her hand out flyers one night." Chris Kennedy announces, "She also drove me home on Saturday." I nod, "She hands out flyers and drives people to Santa Monica!" -Leah one of my best friends from Boston leaves me a Myspace comment this week. It quotes a comment I left her a while back. It reads, "Sarah Morrison -"I am jealous that Leah has like 30 something comments on here and I have like 5." She adds, "OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!" -Stuart is showing us photos of some 500 dollar/night hotel he booked in New York. I tell him how ridiculous this is. I suggest a more affordable Comfort Inn or Best Western. He rolls his eyes and goes on about how no one stays in Best Westerns. I go, "My Friday party at Coachella is at the Best Western and you can't come." He is still looking at the hotel photos. He turns to me and says, "What?" -Coachella is this coming weekend. Saturday night's festivities are still under construction. But Friday night is going to be amazing.It is DJs Jason "Them Jeans" Stewart and Dylan "Le Castlevania." Its Dylan's birthday so there will be cake. The party is free, the booze is free, the fun is FREE. It is sponsored my Urb Magazine and Mixrevolution.com. It is hosted by yours truly. Come. It is at the Best Western, by the pool. Best Western is probably the fanciest hotel I have ever been to. -It seems that I and my place of employment are going to be parting ways. I am not sure what I plan to do next. I made a list of some ideas, but I can't find it. I have a couple meetings this week. If you have any business propositions for me, let me know. Let's wait to start anything until after Coachella.. Best Week Ever: April 13th " I can not think of anyone more appropriate to wear an "I Want to be Sarah Morrison, When I Grow Up" t-shirt, than Steve Aoki!" -Mark "TheCobraSnake.com" Hunter is selling new shirts. They compare the similarities and differences between the Home Depot, Jello, and party photography. Buy them. Then wear them places and feel pretty. -Friday night at Hush Hush was good. Thanks to all of you that came. Next Hush Hush is Friday May 4th, so start picking out your outfit. So, somewhere in a lull at the door, I go to check on the Rony's Photobooth extravaganza that is set up on the patio. I start to head over and hear Rony yelling. His girlfriend Julie simply says, "Sarah, welcome to "Rony's Drunken Photobooth." -I inform some boy he is not coming into Hush Hush Friday at cinespace, due to an altercation he had with Dora and I a few weeks back. He is unable to recall yelling at us and calling Dora a "drunk bitch" and me just a regular one. He finally apologizes and I let him into the party. When security finally cards him to get into my 18+ event, they inform me is 19. One of them goes, "Well, you won't have to worry about him ever being here on a Tuesday again!" -I go to sleep at 11pm Saturday evening and somehow do not wake up until 4pm Sunday evening. I wake up sort of confused as to how this happened. One of my friends is inquiring about how my Easter was, I inform them, "I missed Jesus and the Easter Bunny." -I run into Mark Hunter, Sunday night. He has been out of town as of late, I have not seen him in a while. He approaches me and goes, "Stop talking about me in your blog." I respond, "Stop taking photos of me." He does not hear me and asks me what I just said. I smile and reply, "I missed you." -Tuesday night, I am approached by several people surprised to find me. They inform me that when inquiring about my whereabouts to the new door boy, they are told "Steve Aoki fired Sarah because she was letting too many people in for free." When they inquired about my Friday parties, the big Wednesday party next week, my full-time job at cinespace, and where the hell I was, homeboy shrugged. He simply informed them I no longer work at cinespace, "Steve Aoki fired Sarah." -There are some girls here from Canada. They apparently came to vacation in LA. They sort of asked around as to what is cool and have been everywhere I am all week. Mark inquires if they have met me, yet. They nod. He adds, "Sarah Morrison is famous." They look at me lost. I add, "I am not famous here. I am famous on the internet." -My mom calls this week, asking how things are going. She asks about last weeks party and the Camel party coming up Wedneday. I say, you will enjoy this, "Gina agreed to DJ the party for a hundred dollars. She called me this week, trying to convince me to pay her 200 dollars, so she could pay me back the hundred she owes me. She then continued on about how it would be like I was paying her 100 dollars." My mom remarked, "Sounds like something you would say to dad." -My "I want to be Sarah Morrison when I Grow Up"t-shirts are done. Erik from No Star clothing is mailing me a few, so I can get some photos of someone wearing them for the site. They SHOULD be up for sale by the end of the week, early NEXT WEEK at the latest. After much and or little thought, I decide I am going to ask Steve Aoki to model them. I can not think of anyone more appropriate to wear an "I Want to be Sarah Morrison, When I Grow Up" t-shirt, than Steve Aoki!" -Some girl is asking me where the LF is, that my photo is hanging up at. She said she drove around looking for it, and could not find it. Sam (who works there) happens to be sitting behind me. He goes, "Your photo is not up anymore." I look at him confused. He shrugs, "It's a new season." I look at him disappointed, "I am so last season." -I need a roommate. My first underage friend is unable to move in because she is still trying to get her license. The second underage friend is apparently pregnant. It is a small place so I need someone I know well and like "weller." Apply within. It's sort of very cheap. -I am informing Glen that I got an intern. He nods and informs me he is glad. He adds, "I started to worry when I read that Myspace bulletin asking if anyone knew what parties you were hosting at Coachella." -Sergio asks me to split a pizza with him, this evening at work. I decline, due to my recent eating activity. I explain that I went to the grocery store, last night. I bought sushi, a sandwich, and a pizza, thinking I had food for the next few days. Out of boredom, I managed to consume all three last night while watching reality television. He goes, "You have an oral fixation." I reply, "And, I hate blow jobs." -THIS WEDNESDAY April 18th! DJs, FREE Cosmos, Me, Go-go Dancers! This is a party I would come to even if I was not throwing it. Wed April 18th at Cinespace! DJs SAMANTHA RONSON, Tina T, Gina Turner, DJ Taina, Maria Holland, and Louisah! Frees Cosmos to 11! ! Dancings, cupcakes, cookies, girls, boys, free cigarettes, boooze, free other stuff, and more cupcakes! AND ME! Best Week Ever: April 6th " I wish I dated Sarah Morrison in High School." -I am talking to Jason on AIM about Djing a party. Stuart is basically reading the conversation over my shoulder, making verbal comments. I tell Jason how much I would pay him. He replies, "Damn, girl." Stuart then says, "I want you to ask Jason how he feels about the fact he just said "Damn girl" to Sarah Morrison." -After work Friday, I head over to the Betsey Johnson party. I encounter the girl with the list and give her my name. She rifles through her clipboard, stops, and starts laughing. She says, "Just so you know it says Sarah Morrison + infinity. I look over at the sidewalk full of infinity. She goes, "Just go in." -I get my period Saturday. I am having trouble communicating with people due to my cramps and misery. My manager Cory is talking to me about some party I am throwing. I somehow have no idea what he is talking about at all. He looks at me and goes, "Are you retarded today?" Annoyed I reply, "I have my period." -My AIM away message all day Saturday reads "I have cramps." I go to check my messages sometime in the afternoon. I then see that Ron's away message reads "Sarah Morrison has cramps." -Gina owes me a hundred dollars. I am paying Gina 100 dollars to Dj a party coming up. She calls to suggest that I pay her 200 dollars. I inquire why exactly. She explains it is so she can pay me back. She adds, "Really, it is like you are only paying me a hundred dollars." I tell her I will think about it. -There is some Vodka promotion going on at work. I am at the front on the computer, when approached by some scantily clad girl with a tray of shots. She offers me one. I go, "I can't I'm drinking." She looks at me confused. I correct, "Working, not drinking." She wanders off, still convinced I am drunk. -Our accountant is asking Stuart the nature of several credit card charges listed in the system. Stuart is trying to uncode the abbreviations he associated with the charges, but is not succeeding. He opts to call the companies and to inquire what they do, to solve the dilemna at hand. He just starts calling places asking them "what they sell." They explain their products to him. He nods and looks at us, "I am going ask everyone in the office how many "of those" they want to buy. We will call you right back and place an order!" -The owners of my place of employment are opening a new restaurant. I have been put in charge of collecting all necessary forms and paperwork for its opening. I tell one of our owners today that I want him to take them off my laptop for fear my computer is going to crash. He nods understandably, "Let's get them off as soon as possible to make room for internet blogs and to ensure Myspace loads faster." I smile and nod. -Ryan "the bartender" borrows a CD from one of the bar backs at work. Ryan is informing him he attempted to bring it back that day, but realized he put the wrong CD in its case. The bar back asks Ryan, "What's in it, Celine Dion?" Ryan replies, "George Michael." -Mike is in LA this week. I bring him to Cinespace, Tuesday evening. Ron spots me and heads over to say hi. I introduce Mike. I go, "This is Mike. We dated in High school. Ron looks at Mike and says, "I wish I dated Sarah Morrison in High School." -I have been getting a lot of hate mail this week, from weird unattractive dudes on MYSPACE. Hate mail from weird unattractive dudes on the INTERNET means only one thing: someone is talking about me on a crappy message board, somewhere. The gentlemen and their messages call me ugly, then stupid logically. There are several tactics to use when responding to hate mail. You either do no respond, post it for everyone to enjoy, or come up with some clever mass response. I have chosen option 3. I now inquire to each, "I hope writing messages to attempt to *hurt* people over the internet is not just something you see as a "hobby," but gather a "mission from god." -One of the new busboys is very confused as to how I live without the consumption of meat. I am listing things I can eat. I get to pizza, when I confuse him. He informs me pizza has pepperoni on it. I try to explain that it does not have to. He asks, "Is it like salad pizza?" I nod and say, "It IS like salad pizza.." -I hear our waif-ish bartender bitching about her weight again. She shrieks, "I would die if I weighed 130 pounds." I inform her I weigh 130 pounds. She does not believe me. I try to explain that I am 5'9 and if I did not, it might be a little concerning. This still alarms her. -I get a few Myspace messages today informing me the Mama Stone Vintage website is not working. I call Melissa to tell her. She informs me she has not looked at the site in months. She then says, "Ok, I am writing a note to myself. It says website does not work." -Gina and I are sitting in Dan's room when Spencer starts knocking on the glass door that leads to the patio. Gina and I are talking and want Spencer to go away. Gina yells to him, "Hold on Sarah, Dan, and I are having a threesome." She is sitting at the computer and sort of monotone says, "Dan put it in my mouth." I am lying on the bed. I add in a similar tone of voice, "Dan, come on my face. Gina goes, "No, in my mouth." Spencer simply states, "You know I can see both of you." -Hush Hush is tomorrow night Friday April 6th at Cinespace. Djs Gina Turner, Dan Oh, Skeet Skeet, Royal Rumble, Nytel, Godollars, and Aaron Castle. Ronysphotobooth should make an appearance. Jacob and I will be there too. 2/1 drinks 10-10:30. There will be lots of dancing and lots of mayhem. It is 10$ if you are underage. See you tomorrow kids. -The "I want to be Sarah Morrison When i Grow Up" t-shirts are being printed this week. Get siked. They will be for sale on here and at the No Star website. My dad already reminded me hates tight shirts and to get him one in XXL. Best Week Ever: March 30th "Fred Savage still probably knows Topanga" -Our office at work is the size of a bathroom and looks sort of like a cross between a boiler room and a janitorial supply closet. Our chef comes in one day, while I am in the office. He looks around and remarks that we should try to get on some make over show where they redo our office. He goes, "You guys should be on America's Most Fucked up Office. You will totally win." -He then starts thinking about the contest at hand. He adds, "There is probably an office way more fucked up than this, with like someone in a freezer." -Steve Aoki tries to start another fight with me, Sunday night. He is trying to be an asshole and I am sort of tuning him out. He then goes, "I just want to know why you tell people I fired you. You do not work for me" I shrug and reiterate, "Because you tried to fire me and I do not work for you. He is still going on about how so many people ask him about "firing Sarah Morrison." I simply state, "It is in my blog." He then gets all worked up and asks me why it is in my blog. I look at him and reply, "Because it is funny." -I have some checking account overdraft incident this week, after I set up some automated payment with a credit card company that I forget about. I receive close to 200 dollars in overdraft fees. It is fun to watch each Starbucks charge for 5 dollars become 40. I call my bank to see if they can waive some of the fees. I inform the gentlemen on the phone that I never do things like this. He then pulls up my account history and informs me that my account has been over drafted three times. This means that they will not reimburse me, due to my poor standing with the bank. I inform him the overdrafts were probably back in the 1990s. I go, "I have had this bank account for 12 years. This is only thing I have had for twelve years and have not lost yet." He tells me to have a good day. -Stuart lends me ten dollars. I need 8 dollars for parking I may spend the other two as I please. I actually had never been to the Dollar Store. I got some sort of frozen pizza, a bag of chips, and a Kit Kat all for 2.25. -Sergio gets in trouble and is sent home from work. He tells me it inspired him to clean his room. His room is a disaster of dirty dishes and dirty clothes. He does the dishes and laundry. This impresses me. I suggest he come clean my room, next. I go, "My room is full of clothes and takeout boxes. You won't have to do dishes because I do not own any." -I have Stuart watch my video blog on exercise. He nods and informs me it was pretty good. I add, "I should have been on the debate team in high school. Stuart nods, "Yeah that would have worked out well. The other team would have no idea what you said because you talk so fast. They would just assume they won." -A boy I know informs me a bunch of his girl friends were shopping at Forever 21 in Orange County. A girl shopping nearby held up some dress to show her friend. Her friend remarked, "That's totally something Sarah Morrison would wear." -I announce, "Stuart, Star and I are going to do a cable access show. Aren't you excited?" He shakes his head, "Not really, but I am excited for your campaign video for those boys' high school election." -Fred Savage leaves a message looking to make reservations at my work. Sergio and I grab one of the bussers, pull him over to the phone, and force him to listen to the message. He goes, "Call him back and tell him to bring Topanga." Sergio tries to explain that Fred Savage's brother was on Boy Meets World. I stop him and go, "Fred Savage still probably knows Topanga." -I have the new Blackberry 8800 that almost no one has. Jacob looks at it confused and asks, "Where did you get that?" I tell him where. Still in awe, he adds, "Steve went down there to try and get one. They said they did not have them, yet." I smile and shrug, "I have something Steve Aoki doesn't have!" -I borrowed the Departed from Sergio this week. He asks me how I liked it. I tell him I cried through the entire thing. He looks at me confused. I go, "It was about Boston. It made me homesick." He nods, "The Departed made you homesick." I shrug. Best Week Ever: March 2nd " I see Jason Stewart at least twice a week. Each time I see him I tell him how much I miss him." -Melissa calls me last week to inquire why Britney Spears shaved her head. I am usually up on most gossip, so I am a logical choice for such a question. Unfortunately, I am busy at work and am unaware of the situation. I try to get more information out of Melissa, with no success. She tells me she has been watching all the celebrity news shows, but all they are tallking about is Anna Nicole. She adds, "If Anna Nicole had not died, we would know why Britney shaved her head." -I meet some gentleman at Lax. We get into a conversation about what each of us does for a living. In LA fashion, he tells me what he wishes he was doing. In my fashion, I tell him what I actually do. He has landed himself a gig in the mailroom at some talent agency, in hopes to working his way to the office floor. He then asks me what I wanted to be when I was seven years old. I tell him I wanted to be an illustrator for children's books. He abruptly informs me, "At seven, I knew I wanted to be a Hollywood agent." -Due to the fact I go to work at noon, usually work until ten-ish, and then end up at some nightclub until three am, I have lately found it a struggle to remember where I parked my vehicle when my day began. There have been nights where Dan or others have driven me around from lot to lot and up and down streets trying to jog my memory. Finding a vehicle you parked 13 hours prior is a very difficult task. I have lost my car at the mall at least 5 times, I can count. No one is ever at the mall longer than two hours. -I am forced to be out and about most nights of the week, at various clubs and parties. There was a day when Mark the Cobrasnake was the only party photographer around. You sort of knew where he would be and when. You dressed a little cuter and smiled a little more, and tried to look a little less intoxicated. These days, everyone is Cobrasnake. There is some sort of party photographer at every night I end up at. I have gotten to the point where I throw my hands up in the air or a purse in front of my face encouraging them to leave me alone. A girl i know is next to me last night as I do this once again. I explain the scenario to her and she sympathizes. I add, "I feel like I am like the indie-rock Britney Spears." She then encourages me not to shave my head. -There is some sort of management meeting at cinespace where they decide I should walk around collecting people's emails for our email list. I look less than thrilled and attempt to avoid the task by frequenting the bathroom and such. We have a new manager who does not know me very well. He informs me that he will give me an extra "shift drink." (I am given one per shift which I rarely partake in. So now I am being offered two) I remind him that I arrive at work at noon. At 11pm, I want to leave cinespace. I do not want to stay and drink. He sort of thinks for a moment and suggests free meals. At this point, I inform him that I am a vegetarian. I tell him I only work for cash. He wanders off to "think about it." -I tell Stuart how the new manager offered me drinks to collect emails, at night. I go, "He was talking to me like I was 5 years old or Sergio. (My hostess counterpart, with an affinity for men and drinking) Stuart recaps, "So he was talking to you like you were a little gay boy?" I nodded. -I encounter a presumably gay boy entering the girls at bathroom at cinespace. I direct him to the men's room, and he declines. He replies, "I am like half girl." Then I try to tell Stuart. Stuart does not want to handle the situation.. He suggests I interrupt my manager Cory out of a meeting to deal with it instead. I explain the scenario the to Cory in front of the room of people he is meeting with. He sort of roles his eyes. He inquires, "Stuart, told you to get me?" I shrug, "Stuart is like half girl too!" -Today is Megan's last day at work. I get all weird when leaving and tell her how much I am going to miss her. She sort of rolls her eyes, telling me she is still going to see me still. I acknowledge that. I add, "I see Jason Stewart at least twice a week. Each time I see him, I tell him how much I miss him." -Stuart is looking at a Myspace profile of a boy we both know. I opt to discuss the insanity that said boy has an eyebrow ring, in a decade that is not the 1990s. He is the only person I can think of that has one in this day in age. Stuart agrees. Then I start to think and realize, "Ian our security guard had one, so that's two!" Stuart sort of alarmed listens. I then shriek, "And, Fergie has one, that's three!" -My legs hurt and I opt to sit on a barstool, tonight at work. I discover one of our newest female bartenders talking to our Marketing Director. I hear shrieks of "head shot" and audition" repeatedly, without emotion on my part. After our marketing genius ventures on, I turn to her and inquire, "So you are an actress, too?" She asks me naively who else at our place of employment acts. I inform the girl, "Everyone, but me." -The new night in Hollywood is Trash and Diamonds@ the Social on Wednesdays, without a doubt. To make any night the "new night in Hollywood," you need me as your door girl. So, Wednesday evening was amazing. If you missed it, come next week! The door was a little chaotic, due to the Socials security team of giant Russian dudes. The security mafia became overwhelmed by the crowd of people looking to get in. They had no other tactic but screaming "Move" repeatedly, when it came to crowd control. This did not seem to work. They then huddled and convinced one another I (the door girl with the list) was the problem. Instead of moving people into line formations, they opted to send me inside for increments of 5-10 minutes. To the confused giant Russian dudes, I was some sort of human magnet. I guess I sort of am. Best Week Ever: February 23th " I made out with Mark "TheCobraSnake!" -Our accountant asks me Monday morning why I am wearing hospital bracelets. I inform him that I went to the emergency room Saturday. He then asks me why I am still wearing them. I reply, "For sympathy." He informs me it is not really working. -Some girl writes me a Myspace comment informing me that I come off as a huge overly conceited bitch, but she spelled conceited "conceded." -I realize that I am overbooked and really tired. So I prioritize my commitments this week, and eliminate some of the less favorable ones. I am informing one of the gentlemen I work with that I am going to try to get better at saying no to things He inquires what exactly I am talking about and goes, "What, like sex?" I explain the situation then finish with, "But, I am still saying yes to sex, drugs and alcohol." -I am accosted by Matt to deal with an intoxicated girl in the bathroom at LAX. I do inquire to Matt how exactly I was brought into the situation. Matt does inform me she was yelling "Steve Aoki," and I was the first person he encounters that knew Steve. I do my best to deal with the drunk girl, due to the fact I had met her once prior when she informed me she loved my blogs. I sit her up, get her sort of together, then my line of questioning ensues. I ask her who she came with, where her friends are, and where she lives. She does not speak for at least ten minutes as she throws up, she finally mutters, "I made out with Mark "TheCobraSnake!" With that, I call Mark Hunter and he spends the rest of his evening with me, an underage drunk girl, and the ladies bathroom at LAX. -Some sort of telemarketer type calls cinespace asking to speak to a waiter or waitress for some survey thing. I inform her we are only open for dinner, so there is no one that fits that description in the building the moment. She then asks me if tomorrow morning would be a good time to call back. I tell her it would be perfect. -One of the gentlemen I work with tells me he likes the dress I am wearing. I tell him that I had two dudes approach me wondering how much my services cost on the walk to work that morning. I add, "In Hollywood being asked if you are a hooker by more than one person is really the measure of a successful outfit." -I am on the phone with Dora. I tell her I have to go because I about to go clean out my truck out. I tell her this is due to the picture of its interior that appeared on Cobrasnake this week. -Spencer is drunk and arguing with some guy at Dan's birthday party. I opt to listen to the conversation when I hear Spencer yell, "You know what dude you might as well be hunting for berries with a pet hawk!" When I ask Spencer how the argument began, he informs me the guy doesn't have a Myspace account. -I find the Camel girl, Tuesday evening. I am waiting patiently for it to be my turn to get free cigarettes. A non-smoking boy I know approaches me and opts to remind me that smoking "causes Cancer then kills people." I reply to him, "It is better to stand in line and wait for free Cancer than to stand in line waiting to pay for Cancer!" -My mom goes to New York for the weekend to visit her best friend Tory. She calls me to tell me how much fun she had. She says that they went shopping in Soho. Each time they went in a store Tory would ask the girls working if they read Nylon magazine. When then said yes, she then would point at my mom and go, "Her daughter is on page 52." All those C and Ds in Biology and Algebra sounded forgiven. -Eric interned at Dim Mak records this summer. He had to go back to college in the fall. Florin interned next. He was here from early fall and just left in January. Due to college break and whatnot, Eric has been up and around Hollywood lately. I pull Jacob (the Dim Mak records bus boy, mascot, and Renaissance man) aside one night at LAX when he is hanging out with Eric and ask, "Come on Jacob, pick one: Florin or Eric?" Jacob looks at me alarmed and goes, "Sarah, that's like saying "Come on Jacob, pick one: mom or dad!" -I am on the phone with one of my friends at work. I am giving them the rundown of my day. I detail: "I am at cinespace all day, I work the screening tonight, I am going to see Stuart play guitar, then I am aiming to be at the Social by midnight." I then add, "I slept for three hours last night. I am like a Power Puff girl." -Miss Uffie is in from Paris, this week. Having her around has sort of made this week. Having her around, may be the reason I have not slept in days. Sometimes I forget I am not 19. She plays at cinespace Tuesday. Then has a second show Wednesday night. Stuart is asking me how the Uffie thing at the Social went.. I inform him that Rockstar Vodkas were 15 dollars. He then asks me how many I had. I tell him that I had two, but then some guy bought me one. He inquires about who "some guy" is. I shrug, "He was taking photos of me." Stuart starts laughing, then tries horriblely to imitate me and says, "I don't know. He is making the next Sarah Morrison doll!" -I am not one for advertising, but here we go. I am hosting this party at LAX(Hollywood and Las Palmas) this Sunday. Its those Madden boys from Good Charlotte, Lauren Flax (Nyc) and my friend Ms Gina Turner DJing. I am hosting this amazing and super fun dance party. COME! Go to the door dude say you are with me and no cost AND no line wait. SWEAR! Go right up to the door guy, ignore the line, say you friends with Sarah Morrison, then you should get RIGHT Best Week Ever: February 16th " Sarah, he reminds me of a Jewish grandfather, who is always on vacation in Tampa." -I am no longer doing the door on Tuesday at cinespace, due to some budget cuts. I am instead socializing upstairs. I am telling this to a boy I know early Tuesday evening. He remarks, "If I walk in and some new girl tries to make me pay I am going to go, "Be careful, you are doing the job of a legend." -Wednesday at work is sort of chaotic and I do not think I even sat down for more than five minutes, in the twelve hours I was there. As I run around putting finishing touches on the tables before dinner, Stuart stops me, put his hands on my shoulders and tells our owner Dave, "We really got our money's worth out of Sarah today." -On Valentines Day, Sergio and I spend the evening sitting happy romantic couples for dinner. He asks me where Stuart was going. I tell him that Stuart had made "reservations for 3" late this afternoon. He is taking out the girl he likes and one of her friends. Sergio shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Poor Stuart, it is like he is wearing a glove with too many fingers." I look at Sergio confused and ask him if he just made that up. He insists it is some sort of real saying. Then goes, "Ok, maybe Stuart has two hands and one glove?" I shrug. -Stuart is trying to decide on his DJ name. I think his idea is stupid. I tell him to run it by Megan, so she will agree with me. I instruct Megan to listen to Stuart and we will see if she laughs or smiles. Megan announces, "That's not fair I always laugh when I look at Stuart!" -Ryan informs me we should make one of those pacts where if we reach a certain age and are still not married, we marry each other. I agree to it. He then expresses concern for me taking his last name because of all my internet fans. I suggest, "I will hyphenate your last name or put it in parentheses and have it be silent!" -Another boy I know is complaining about the removal of me from cinespace's Tuesday night door. He says, "You are like the icon of Tuesday night!" I shake my head, "No I am like the mascot." -I complain that my eyes hurt and keep pointing out how one of them is really swollen to my coworkers Friday evening. People sort of ignore me. I wake up Saturday covered in hives with my right eye completely swollen shut. I tried to go to the doctors, but they send me to the ER. So I spend Saturday at the Emergency Room. I am not sure what is funny about this, but my friends will tell you that this is not the first time I have ended up in the ER because my eyes swelled shut. That, I guess is probably the sort of funny part. -I am talking to a DJ I know about another DJ I have been working with and I don't really enjoy. The likeable DJ is going on about how said DJ is nobody. He goes, "I am a real DJ. I go to other cities to DJ. Next week I am going to Phoenix!" -People ask me about "my type," in regards to dating. I am always sort on speechless. I like and have liked the strangest array of boys ever. I am telling Gina about the latest boy I like. I try to defend the situation and begin discussing his merits. She is still confused. She goes, "Sarah, he reminds me of a Jewish grandfather, who is always on vacation in Tampa." -I am hanging out with a sort of intoxicated boy I know, Thursday night. He is telling me how much he enjoys me. He adds, "You are Leigh from Misshapes, but hotter." I shake my head no, "That's like telling some "regular girl" she is prettier than Angelina Jolie!" -Dora comes to my work the other night. Megan is behind the bar and asks Dora if she wants anything. Dora inquires, "Do you have anything for cramps?" Megan hands her a beer. -I try to put together a party in 24 hours. It did not go as well as planned. I decide to shut down a little after eleven, though others thought we should give it more time. I storm into the office and tell Megan, "Maybe this isn't my calling. Maybe I should find a new career plan." Megan rolls her eyes, "Is this where I have to tell you that your parents' divorce was not your fault?" I add, "They are still married. Are you telling me they are going to split-up?" -Gina calls me to tell me she is walking to Kmart. The Kmart she is referring to is no where near her house. I sort of think she will realize this and turn back. Apparently, she gets there 4 miles later. She calls me to see if I can pick her up. I am on the phone with Brooke for a half or more, while in the car driving to get Gina. Brooke and I are about to end our conversation. I then add, "I do want to say that I am still driving and she somehow walked here." Best Week Ever: February 9th " Best Week Ever sucks this week because I am using my actual "memory."" -Mark Hunter receives an email from Canada that reads, "Sarah Morrison is the coolest girl ever and you are the coolest boy." I think this is like Canadian prom queen and king. -I hire Jacob to do my door Friday night. Steve Aoki drops him off and pulls me aside to inquire if I am paying Jacob. I roll my eyes at him and refuse to address the question. He then tries to tell me that he is like "Jacob's manager" I roll my eyes again, "No, you are like Jacob's dad" -We are having some sort of Madonna record release party at work. Sergio is thoroughly enjoying himself. One of the bussers asks me why Sergio likes Madonna so much. He does not seem to understand the Madonna phenomenon He inquires, "Is it because she has been around for so long? I shrug, "Maybe it is her music" Then another one of our bussers adds, "I asked him one time. He told me it was just because he is gay." -I go to LAX Sunday night after work and do not see Danny, but Jacob doing the door. I had only two evening prior given Jacob his first door gig. I go, "Jacob's second door gig! No one even called me for a reference." He replied, "They aren't paying me." -I tell Stuart that I am having a really good day Tuesday. I inform him that I got a new apartment, a raise, and then tell him to guess the third thing. He goes, "And you. Got a boyfriend?" I roll my eyes, "I could not do all of that in one day." -My great day Tuesday is ruined when I and everyone else is fired by a drunk nameless DJ. Supposedly some of arrangement is being worked out. But, I would bring your five dollars when you come Tuesday. -There is quite the "incident" last Tuesday night. A boy I know and one who is a little crazy get into this fight. The one in question goes a little nuts and takes off. I am on my way to work when I see the less than sane individual on the corner of Ivar looking like he rolled out of a gutter, in the clothes he wore the evening prior. I call Jacob to express my fear. Steve gets on the phone telling me to park somewhere else. He then tells me not to make eye contact with the individual in question because he may rape and kill me. I tell Brynne, "There's something about Steve Aoki informing you before noon that you may be may be raped and killed that really sets the tone for any Wednesday in Hollywood!" -Stuart and I opt to watch the cameras from Tuesday night for fun, Wednesday afternoon. Initially to watch an altercation occur between some boys we know. I start to just get into it. He leaves, goes to the bank and returns, "I point at the camera and announce, "I have been talking to Trevor and Rony outside for 25 minutes and am still talking." -My phone broke Thursday. It broke immediately after I began crying on the phone with Russ, left work, and attempted to call my new landlord to try and go sign the lease for my apartment. I am not one to reveal my secrets. Best Week Ever sucks this week because I am using my actual "memory." -One of the waitresses at work is also a singer. She is really good too. She tells me she is excited at the prospect of making a video about me and that I may put it up on my page. She tells me she is just going to sing one of her songs and for the intro state, "Sarah Morrison likes this, so you will too." -My new phone is very complicated. I try to find anyone who owns it or anyone who knows anyone who owns it to show me how to use it. The only person anyone seems to come up with is Mark Hunter, who is in Australia. I sort of give up and figure I will just answer it when it rings. Due to some sort of touch screen function, I am unable to do so. I have managed to figure out how to make phone calls to those who have just called informing them, "I have no idea how to answer my phone." Best Week Ever: February 2nd "I do not want to read about this on the internet tomorrow." -I am entering credit cards manually in the bar computer for hours on end, while Sergio and Stuart just stand there drinking. I get cold and ask Stuart to get me my sweatshirt. He returns with a scarf. I then ask Sergio to get me my sweatshirt. He brings me my phone. Finally, I am warm. -I receive a Myspace message from a girl informing me that her and a friend were talking about something when her friend remarked "I swear to god!" She informed her that God may not be in fact real, and that she should swear to something more tangible like "Sarah Morrison." -For those of you that call me, you are familiar with my voicemail message which details the fact that I am unable to come to the phone using internet acronyms like "BRB" and "TTYL" among ten other sort of questionable ones. I have been calling apartments lately, hoping to solve my homelessness dilemma. I receive a voicemail message from what I will presume is some older landlord lady which states, "I do not understand your language. We need local references." -Sergio is late again. This time he is really late and after we had discussed it at length. My manager decides that Sergio is not allowed to drink for two months. I see Jason later that evening and retell the story. He comments that this is not going to encourage Sergio to arrive on time. I agree. He goes, "They should give Sergio a drink every time he is on time." -I arrive at the Dim Mak office last night and Hoon reaches in his pocket and pulls out a Red Sox pen and asks me if it belongs to me. Confused, I tell him it does and inquires how he knew it was mine. He shrugs, "You are the only girl I know from Boston and the only girl I know that needs a pen at cinespace." -I have been having these dreams about this boy I know. I get to the point that they are reoccurring approximately twice a week. So, I opt to tell him due to the fact this is the only known way to make reoccurring dreams end. Then I end up kissing him last night. I came home, went to sleep and had another dream. I am out of ideas. -The boy in question is kissing me in the hallway at a party. I keep turning around to see if anyone is watching. He keeps telling me to stop and informs me no one is paying any attention. In my defense, I respond, "I do not want to read about this on the internet tomorrow." -The boy I kiss keeps telling me to slow down. After the third time he says it, I stop look at him, and announce, "I talk fast and I kiss fast. This is not new to me. Every boy I have kissed since the age of 15 has said the same thing. I am probably not going to change." -Stuart is debating about using my truck to move stuff this week. He looks in the bed of the truck and the trash that has accumulated. He inquires, "Why don't you clean this out?" I look at him blankly and respond, "Because it is dirty and I don't want to touch it." -I have been kicked out of my apartment. Due to the fact I have no time, I am unable to solve my dilemma. My mother calls me today at work to inquire about the apartment search. I inform her of the above. Like most who I have posed my dilemma to, she also has no solutions to offer me, my belongings, or the belongings that also need to be relocated that belong to Melissa, who now lives in Texas. I tell my mother, "I have begun to understand the cycle of homelessness. When you work all day and all night, you do not have time to look for apartments." -Megan comes in to work this afternoon and asks how last night went. I debate about revealing some of the dramatic stories of the evening and settle on, "Stuart and I got in a fight. Then we hugged and made up." -Friday night is our party Hush Hush at cinespace. DJs Young Americans, Royal Rumble, Dan-Oh, Trevor "Skeet Skeet", and me making sure everyone lives through the night. 2 for 1 drinks 10 to 10:30, so come early. Ronysphotobooth and Cobrasnake Ron will be capturing the fun. Oh, and be nice to Jacob. I am making him work the door. -According to most polls, Stuart is slightly adorable. I personally find that he ruins every single photo with me, or otherwise by throwing up "peace signs." If you are unfamiliar with this ridiculous phenomenon check it out on Stuart's page. I may have taken most down, due to how dumb he looks, unfortunately. He is convinced my annoyance has started a trend. Weird girls all over LA are doing it. I volunteered to go through cobrasnake photos to prove him right/ wrong He informed me, "It is everywhere, not just Cobrasnake." Best Week Ever: January 26th "I decided for my new resume, I am going to make stuff up. I am going to say I am the real writer of Sarah Morrison's Best Week Ever." -Kevin Peckham" -I receive a Myspace message this week from a gentleman informing me he enjoys my writing. He goes on to tell me I am beautiful. He then suggests I go into acting. He thinks I should pursue my career in a way similar to that of Tina Fey. He goes on to tell me how much he enjoys my friend Dana DeArmond's fetish videos. Then he recommends I do one with her. -I receive a message from a girl I went to high school with telling me she had seen my interview in this month's Nylon. She tells me that she showed the article to one of her coworkers. The coworker inquired if she had in fact "sat at my lunch table." The girl informs me that she was was unsure, but did remember me showing her my nipple ring in a bathroom at a party in Vermont once. In my defense, it was the 1990s. -I run up from the door Tuesday night to get drinks for Stuart and myself. One of the security guys tells me that some girl named Bethany was looking for me. She told him she knew me. I shrugged, "Everyone thinks they know me." He goes on, "I told her to go look for you in the back." I look at him confused and remark, "It's Tuesday. I am downstairs on Tuesdays." He adds, "That's why I told her to go look for you in the back." -Some girl comes in the door, Tuesday evening. When I inform her she is to pay me 5 dollars to get in, she rolls her eyes. She tells me she waited to get in for half an hour. She then goes on some rant about how she is never coming again. I simply respond, "Oh ok. Bye!" -Frank a friend of mine from Boston, sends me a message entitled "Your old apartment." In it is a link to a news story in the Boston Herald. Upon reading the story, I discover one of the apartments Bettie and I used to live in has been recently being used as a gay whore house. The Boston police staked the place out and discovered the entire apartment had been converted into a gay sexual Disneyland with swings and other contraptions. This was (and still is) the nicest cutest apartment I have ever lived in. I told my mom I might move home, due to the fact it is probably for rent. -I am on the phone with Brooke. She is in the Salt Lake airport waiting to get on a flight for Denver. I have to do some stuff at work and inform her I will call her in an hour or so when I am through. Not even an hour and a half later, I call Brooke back. She tells me she is in a rental car driving to Denver. Startled and confused I sort of yell, "What?" She sighs and calmly responds, "Of all people, I thought you would understand." -Our first party Hush Hush at cinespace is a huge success. The next one is this coming Friday February 2nd. I am in a meeting at work where we are discussing it. Dave, one of our owners, informs me that he has something to tell me. He goes on to tell me that Stuart is going to be DJing in the lounge during happy hour through when my promotion begins. He goes on to ask me if I will have a problem with this. I laugh, and inform him I do not. I tell him, "Stuart is my favorite DJ." -Gina and Dan, Hollwood's new "it" couple, have been DJing Thursday's at Holly's on Wilcox. The first week had maybe ten people. Two weeks ago the bar had roughly forty. They put me on last night as the host of the evening. We completely packed the place. I text Stuart to inform him of the turnout, since he had attended one of the less than thrilling evenings a few weeks back. I go, "I should have majored in bringing people from the internet to parties." -Dirty Dave points out a girl and her horrendous style to me last night, for us to pick apart. He goes, "I am over girls with mullets." I add, "It was cool in Boston in 1999. I don't know why it is still cool." I then realize what I just said. I sort of shake my head, get it together and remark, "Wait, it is still not cool." -Brooke asks me if I have read Yobeat, lately. For those who are not familiar with Yobeat.com, it is the website Best Week Ever started on and still runs on. It is the home to stories that make fun of extreme sports (mainly snowboarding) and make fun of life in general. She tells me that Kevin has written a piece where he talks about making fake resumes and with a variety of untrue job experience to make himself seem more exciting. "I decided for my new resume, I am going to make stuff up. I am going to say I am the real writer of Sarah Morrison's Best Week Ever." -Kevin Peckham -I do not have my MasterCard. This is due to the fact it was maxed out and I then let Ron use it to try to open a locked door at the Dim Mak office, one night. Since I do not have my credit card number, I am asked 300 questions each time I call. Usually, I list my Social Security number, address, date of birth, and phone number and am granted the ability to make a payment. This time I am asked the above, then my mother's maiden name, and then my pet's name. I sigh and go, "Her name was Kiki. She is dead." The customer service representative gets a little awkward and suggests I change it. "I respond, "I don't want to." -I am manually entering credit cards into the computer at work, this evening. I am using the bar computer. I have to sort of block out what is going on around me. I am doing well until Stuart and Sergio find it unable to continue speaking to one another and find they must speak to me. I ask them to stop approximately 40 times. Then Stuart begins throwing ice cubes at me. I turn around and tell them that I am working. I go on to remind them that they are drunk and need to let me work. Stuart shrugs and goes, "Well, I am not on the clock." I look at Sergio who is. He tries to think for a second then announces, "And, I am on a break!" I roll my eyes and go back to what I was doing. Best Week Ever: January 19th "I love Sarah Morrison after 2 am." -Sergio the other "hostess" at my place of employment has worked at cinespace for four years. He is trying to convince me to do bottle service for him one evening that I am not scheduled. I have plans and have no desire to help him out. He is begging me to cover his night. I tell him just to tell management he can not come in. He goes, "I can't. They are going to fire me." I look at him blankly and inquire why exactly. He informs me, "I have been late…for four years." -I go into work Monday on Martin Luther King Day and find the door locked. I am hitting the buzzer and realize Stuart is not there. I call Megan, one of the girls who works with me to inquire about Stuart's whereabouts. She does not know either. I go, "Does Stuart think he is black?" -Melissa and I are trying to figure out a way to get a copy of February's Nylon mag, due to the fact that it is mid January we are finding this task difficult. She tells me she just signed up for a subscription and it may have come to her house. She is about to call her boyfriend to ask him to check the mail when she pauses and inquires, "What day is it today? July or January?" -I used to love television, before I started working nights and found myself never home to watch the shows I love. My favorite show 24, had its season premiere Sunday night, while I was at work. By some chance, we were closed Monday and I end up home to watch the second installment of this event. I voice my concern to Melissa that I have missed all of last season and have no idea what is going on. She states, "All you really need to know is that Jack is sick and tired of helping America." -During 24, there is this crazy scene where Jack kills Curtis. It is a very Sophie's Choice moment. He has to kill someone. (dot dot dot) He starts freaking out after he shoots Curtis. I start freaking out after he shoots Curtis. Melissa looks up from her laptop and reassures me, "Curtis will be fine. I am sure he either has a movie to go do or his contract with Fox was up" -I am in February's Nylon. Check it out! I am one of five coolest nightlife girls ever. Mark "thecobrasnake" Hunter interviewed me a while back. I forgot about it until I started receiving Myspace comments from girls informing me they had seen me in Nylon. Due to the fact it was so long ago, I know longer remember what I had said .So I started a mad search to find a copy of the publication. I asked the Waffles and Falafels gang if they had a subscription. They told me they did, but had not yet received February's issue. Still brainstorming I go, "I bet Cory Kennedy has one. I am going to call her." They responded, "Cory Kennedy has everything. We are a couple of days behind here in Canada, which mean we are years behind her." -I am trying to tell Gina some secret stuff about a boy, at the Dim Mak office at 3 am Tuesday night. When I realize everyone in the room is listening to me, I start to talk really fast and in codes so no one but Gina understands me. At this point, Steve Aoki announces, "I love Sarah Morrison after 2 AM!" -Someone calls and inquires if we have his credit card. I look through the box and inform him we do not have it. Once I hang up the phone, Stuart asks me what the gentleman's name was. I tell him. He then grabs the credit card box and starts rifling through it. I look at him and simply go, "Fuck you." Stuart gets all worked up that I swore at him. I simply state, "I went to college I know how to read." -Gina and Dan have been trying to make this Thursday night at Holly's happen. It is a great venue and the DJs spinning are awesome. Gina tells the crowd at the Dim Mak office about the night. She then informs everyone that I would be hosting the night. Everyone sort of turns to be waiting for me to say something. Since, I had heard nothing of this until this very moment, I simply state, "I will be doing shout-outs." -I inform my roommate that I would like to move to Hollywood in the coming months. He decides that I should go next week. So I am being evicted or something. He only text messaged me this sentiment. Then he text messaged me some sort of total of what I owed him in bills. I did not respond. So Pat: If you are reading, I will post here next week what you owe me for my storage unit and hotel I am staying in."(If you want me to live with you, apply within." -Stuart informs me he has solved all my problems and found me somewhere to live. I tell him to go on. He then details some sort of 900 dollar guest house that is seventeen foot squared. I look at him blankly. He then goes, "Oh and it is in the valley." -Jacob, everyone's favorite Dim Mak records intern has his birthday a month or so ago. I am called my Russ and Luke seeing if I want to go in on buying him a fake ID. I contribute 30 dollars to the cause. Nothing seemed to transcribe. I than take it upon myself to find Jacob an ID. I deliver it to him the other night, He is more than excited. He calls Luke to tell him about it. He goes, "Sarah found me an ID, and it is awesome." He is still talking to Luke when I lean towards the phone and go, "Luke, I want my 30 dollars back!" -Jason "Them Jeans" Stewart shows up at cinespace the other afternoon. He asks me what I did the evening prior. I tell him I went to the Myspace BPM party. This issue of BPM featured people who were deemed Los Angeles area celebs on Myspace. I tell him who made the magazine. He pauses, "Wait why were you are I not it? I go, "We are too cool for BPM." He adds, "Who needs BPM when you are in Nylon!" -I go into American Apparel the other afternoon, to take Gina on her break. While there, I opt to make a few purchases. I am at the register when I realize I should buy some tights. Gina is ringing up my purchases and the small/medium tights I selected. She informs me that they run really small and I should purchase the medium/large ones. I sort of shrug and understand, due to the fact that I am taller than most girls. I quickly switch them out. I go to put them on last night. I begin to pull them up and reach my waist and realize the tights have more to give. I pull them over my boobs and discover if I cut arm holes I could keep going. We are getting dressed to go out last night at Gina's, I pull them over my boobs and put on a low cut top. Gina wants to leave. She looks at me waiting for me to change. I wear the "tights bodysuit" out to piss Gina off and to see if LA girls really pay that much attention to what I am wearing. If this catches on, Gina gets dollar. -I break the heel on my shoe at work tonight around 9 Pm. I have been at work since noon and am due to leave around ten anyways. I feel like there may be some sort of solution somewhere in the office. No one seems to be able to help me. Around 9:30, I recommend that my manger let me leave, due to the fact that I am limping because of said fashion mishap. He looks at my blankly, rolls his eyes, and then tells me I can't go home. I respond (referencing my hostess counterpart Sergio), "This is not fair4! He gets to leave when he is hungover. This is my hangover." Best Week Ever: January 12th "If you had a penis, I doubt you would be wearing a unitard." -Luke, Stuart and I are doing the door Tuesday night. That Ghost Town DJs song "My Boo" comes on. Stuart calls it a sex song. He then asks me to have sex with him. I decline. -Russ is telling Stuart how I misquoted him last week. Stuart is discussing the fact I allegedly misquote him on a regular basis. He then informs Russ that one time I said I would have sex with Luke if he was wearing a suit. I try to clear up the situation by explaining myself. Neither of them are listening. Russ simply states, "I wore a suit to court once. Is that hot?" I nod and inform him it is. -Russ then goes on to tell us he has been in jail. He adds, "That's hott right? Girls love that stuff. Does it make you want to have sex with me?" I assure him it does, when Stuart chimes in, "I actually just asked Sarah to have sex with me and she said no." -Russ is standing next to me by the DJ booth. He is holding a drink and making some sort of strange movement above the glass with his hand. I look at him confused. He states, "I need a straw." He then adds, "You work here. You should have straws on you." -I inform Stuart I am working in the office again, as of last week. I go, "We can watch John Mayer videos on Youtube together." He adds, "Or better yet, we can watch your videos together and you can make me tell you how funny you are!" -I am walking around the patio one evening after we are closed, picking up abandoned packs of cigarettes and shaking them. One of the bus boys stops and asks me, "Are you really doing that?" I simply state, "I found an almost full pack last week." -I am wearing a unitard underneath my clothes, out the other night. I have to pee really badly, but realize what an ordeal it will be to do so. I inform Gina that there is a whole in the crotch of it due to poor manufacturing. I add, "If I had a penis I could just pee right now." She then goes, "If you had a penis, I doubt you would be wearing a unitard." -I am walking up Ivar and notice the parking ticket Nazi giving every car in sight a ticket for one reason or another. He then begins to get in his car. He goes to start it and the engine won't turn over. I point, laugh, and walk away happy. -I am supposed to model for Mama Stone Vintage. I go out the night prior and am sort of disheveled looking the next morning. I ask Melissa if we can do it the following day instead. She agrees to reschedule. She adds, "Tyra would not vote you off this week. She would just talk to you about models and partying. Then she would give you one last chance, and vote off the short girl." -Sort of well aware of what I am doing, I bend the rules making some reservation at work due to the level of difficulty I was having with the customer. Sergio ends up all worked up by what I did. He goes, "You want to know what I told her? I told her you just started working here and are still unaware of our policies." I laughed and sort of shrugged. -Dan and Gina have sort of liked each other for a while. Lately they have been spending more time together. Dan apparently remarked to Gina, "We are next to each other in Sarah Morrison's Top Eight." -I am informing Sergio that my room is always freezing because the heater is in the hallway. I then reveal to him that I have been sleeping in winter jackets. He suggests I open the door to my room. I add, "I can't because then the dog comes in and licks the crotches of all my underwear and jeans that are on the floor." -My manager at work walks in to the office. Someone remarks that he looks tired and asks if he got enough sleep last night. He tells them he slept too much and that is the problem. He adds, "When I am not here all I do is sleep." I add, "Me too! Well, that and watch reruns of Roseanne and Full House on Nick-at-Nite. He shakes his head and looks at me confused. I add, "Next week Growing Pains joins the line-up." He points at me and states, "Now that is a good show." -I turned my diary into a "blog" of sorts. Check it out.. This week's round-up is coming! Best Week Ever: January 5th "Have you and Stuart done it yet?" -I am at work New Years Eve. One of the boys who works with me remarks how great it is that we have to work on new Years. I simply announce, "Another holiday with all the people I love." -I end up getting out of work around eleven on New Years Eve. So I heard out to parties. I am sitting at Mountain Bar talking to a boy I know. I keep sneezing. I inform him I have no idea why I keep sneezing. He tells me it is because I am drunk. I tell him that I am not drinking. I then add, "Wait why would drinking make me sneeze?" -Ron the other Cobrasnake starts to take a picture of me with a cigarette in my mouth. I try to stop him and remark, "Don't, I am trying to be a role model for the kids." -I run into a boy I know. We may have kissed a few times. He now has a girlfriend. I inform him I stopped drinking. He goes, "That's good for me." -I run into Maggie a little intoxicated one night. She says she has something to tell me. She leans in and whispers, "I am sorry I didn't join your fan club." I tell her i forgive her. -I am standing in front of the Dim Mak office on the phone, where they are attempting to not have a party. Mark moves me so I am not standing in visible sight. He goes, "If you are standing out here people are going to think it is a party." I reply, "No, they are just going to wonder if I am a hooker." -We are getting ready for the Friday night party at cinespace. Russ asks me if Jason is coming. I tell him I am not sure. I go, "I think Stuart is coming." Russ asks, "Have you and Stuart done it yet?" I shake my head. He adds, "I am not good with girls, but Stuart really isn't good with girls." -The party we throw Friday night is more than a success. It gets a little chaotic at times. I am walking out after all is said and done and encounter Jacob on the street. He asks me when we are doing it again. I tell him once a month. He stumbles off the curb and goes, "Once a month? More like four times a month!" -I got this pair of Michael Kors boots that sort of lace up. They are easy enough to get on, but a little difficult to remove. I have slept in them three nights this week. -I have decided I would like to live closer to work. I tell my roomate I want to get a place in Hollywood. We discuss that his girlfriend will move in when I move out. He then writes me a passive aggressive text message saying he decided she would move in February 1st, and that i should start looking for a place. Initially, I was making moves to figure out where I could possible live and what we could go with the massive amounts of Mama Stone Vintage chaos in the back, in two weeks. Now I have just decided to stay and see if he knocks on my door on the first asking me to leave. -I am turning my diary into a blog where I detail my days and nights for the masses. Stay tuned. It is in the works. Best Week Ever: December 29th "I feel like a Mermaid!" -Daphne the dog is eating trash off the floor. I opt to feed her. I go into the closet where Pat keeps the dog food. Half crying, I tell Melissa that there is still cat litter in the closet. She looks down at the dog, as I try not to cry and goes, "Nice job, Daphne!" -Melissa and I are standing at the checkout line in Jasmine Sola on Newbury St. She points to a display of stickers you put over your nipples if you are not the bra wearing type. The package reads "Low lights are for cars." Melissa goes, "Sarah those are for you!" -At the same checkout line, Melissa spots disposable underwear in small convenient packages. She remarks, "Underwear to keep in your purse? It is like oops I just had sex in my car again!"
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