Untitled

by Rachel Cotton

     Rattail sat at the table, drinking a glass of whole milk and picking at his meatloaf. The cups on the table were those gingham cups, the ones that are plastic and have a gingham pattern on them but you can still see through them. The meatloaf was dry. His family ate off sectional plates, filled by balanced food-groups: corn, greenbeans, biscuit, nestled into neat, monotonous partitions. Rattail often had the urge to just take out a marker and write the food-group labels: "vegetable," "meat," grain/starch" where they always went on the plate, night after night. So then there would be no question about it. He sometimes wondered why his mom didn't just buy food pyramid plates, so as to completely eliminate any element of culinary surprise. But he kept quiet about it and never asked her. He kept quiet about most stuff.
     Rattail's family ate dinner the same every night pretty much, in partitions and small talk. Like a family you see on TV sometimes. They would ask how everyone's day was and school was and work was and life was and be polite and, essentially, never really say anything. They ate balanced food-groups off their sectional plates, drank milk, and minded their P's and Q's. Like a plastic world sort of, except it was real.
     Rattail never really paid much attention to anything but getting his food eaten, so he could please be excused and go ride his bike.
    Rattail lived on his bike. For as long as he could remember, he had been riding his bike instead of doing anything else. It was like flying. If you could do it, you'd never stop. Every kid wants to fly, but after a certain age sets in or a jump off the roof goes awry, most kids just quit trying and move on to other things. Flying is left over for dreams. But you know what? A few kids actually figure it out and don't have to just dream about it. Rattail was one of them. His bike was wings: metal, sprocket, wings.
     When Rattail was riding, he never really noticed anything else going on in the world. He didn't have to. He could just go out and ride around, racing down hills with his arms spread out. Into the wind. And the world disappeared around him. He could fly, after all. What more was there?
     His thing was dirt jumps. It seemed like he lived in a world of dirt because he lived in one of those cul de sacs. But instead of being full of identical houses and picket fences, it was full of dirt. dirt roads. dirt sculptures. dirt houses. dirt everything. So he made jumps out of it. And rode them a lot.
     There were some kids in the neighborhood that rode the dirt jumps too, and they were older, with trucks. So they would set up their high beams facing the jumps and kill their batteries just so they could ride all night in what was supposed to be darkness but wasn't. Rattail liked that idea because he could ride forever, it felt like.
     Rattail liked doing x-ups best. If you ask me, he kinda had a natural talent for bikes and dirt jumping and stuff. a flair. You could tell just by watching the way he rode. Everyone, even the older kids with the trucks, watched him with respect because he was fearless and wicked smooth. He used to charge the sketchiest jumps that nobody else would even go near and fly off them, tilting his tricks a little off axis and keeping everything floaty.
     That's how it was till he was sixteen, at least. X-ups into the night and flying and nothing else mattered. Yeah he used to sometimes get crushes on girls and go to school and shit like that. But life was still pretty much crank shafts and 360's till the year he turned sixteen.
     Then things changed. He knew they would someday, but he never really thought about it much till he had no choice. Actually, he never really had to think about it because he rode his bike instead. You know finally what made him think, though? Love.   
     One day Rattail realized he was in love with this girl.
     Her name was Dandelion. She wasn't anything special really, even if you asked him. She had braces and freckles, wore flannel shirts and jeans with rips in the knees and sat in font of him in modern civ class.
     It started when he smelled her once by accident, one of those times when the wind pushes someone's scent toward you and you don't even smell them on purpose. Once he discovered that she smelled like a combination of pears, sweat and bubblegum, he realized that he found it sort of appealing in a weird way. And then he started smelling her on purpose. a lot.
     He used to take her to this field, and they would make out and shit and talk a little bit about stuff without really looking each other in the eye. Afterwards, he usually had that kind of pasty feeling in his mouth. When it got sorta late, he would walk her home hurriedly, holding her sweaty hand in his. Then he'd run to his house, go inside and drink some five alive, and then go ride his bike. And that's how it went for a few months.
     But after a while, he didn't just have that pasty feeling in his mouth. He had another feeling too a lot, like he was really nervous in his chest, but in a good way. And he would hold Dandelion's hand, not even out of obligation anymore. He would hold her hand because he wanted to and even not want to let go sometimes.
     And sometimes, after he dropped her off, he would go home and just lay on the ground in his back yard and stare at the sky, doing nothing instead of riding his bike. And the weird thing was that he didn't even care anymore about not riding his bike. He would lay there and try to find the constellations and connect them like connect the dots on Pee-Wee's Playhouse. looking for answers maybe. and then one day it hit him that he loved that nothing of a girl.
     But you know what? Love isn't what really changed things.
     What changed things was construction work. Almost everyone Rattail knew went into construction. Dirt construction, that is. Uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, friends, heroes, all dirt construction workers. It was the big profession in those parts, basically the only profession, besides a teacher or a doctor or civil service or some shit, that anyone got in that dirt town. So Rattail got it too.
          

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     The day he was seventeen, Rattail moved out of his parents' house. Soon after, he married Dandelion and started working dirt construction full time and drank beers and had bbqs on Memorial Day and only occasionally rode his bike. Forever.
     Twenty years later, he was a union guy with a beer belly who came home with dirt under his fingernails, which he washed off with that orange stuff that's on infomercials. He threw his kids over his shoulder and went out to the yard and wrestled and played catch with them with those little toys r us mitts with the Velcro. And also he bought them bikes, Schwinn bmx's, and made dirt jumps for them. They used to race on Thursday nights at the local track, and he would cheer them on. Until they got wives and husbands and construction jobs of their own.
     Then he had them over for dinner on special occasions like Kwanzaa and Easter. They would eat at four thirty sharp like old people do and talk about the latest in the news and things they saw on "that Barbara Walters."
     Sometimes he and Dandelion used to go for walks at night to keep healthy.
     Life went on like that for the next thirty years, and Rattail lived happily ever after till the day he died.
     Rattail was pretty much an ordinary guy, I bet you think. But you know what? Rattail wasn't a guy at all; he was an ant.