Shoppers Strike Back: Top 10 Ways to Infuriate a
Pretentious Record Clerk
We're sick of being frowned upon.
Condescended to. Forced to hide our love for Pop. Mostly we're just
insecure and angry at the world. Now its our chance to be mean for no
particular reason to someone who works a shitty minimum wage job. Let's do
this:
 
10. Go to the counter and ask for the newest album from that dude who
stabbed himself: "Elliot whatever his name is."
9. One at a time pick up every CD in the store and ask, "Did this band
appear on the O.C.?"
8. Hang out by the techno section… wearing ass-less chaps. Compliment the
outfit with a ghetto blaster that plays only Ted Nugent.
7. "Hey, I'm looking for this band, they have floppy hair, they wear
leather, they have bad guitar tone, they look like they do heroin, kind of
annoying, I think the name begins with "the" …
6. "Did you hear about Saddle Creek… just bought by Disney."
5. Bring a local Kindergarten class. Tell them it's a museum. Say,
"Stores like this used to exist before music was free on the internet."
4. Accidentally post messages all around town that Britney Spears will be
appearing at the store to sign autographs.
3. "Hey, you're that guy in that band! I work for Blank Records and we've
been trying to get in touch with you! What's your name? What band are you
in? Oh… sorry… wrong guy… Look, don't take this personally but your
band blows. I mean really, BLOWS."
2. Ask for their special collection of snuff CD's.
1. Ask for an employee application. List qualifications: "Smarter, more
attractive, cooler, than the clerk you have now." Leave the application
on the counter. -Kevin Peckham |
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