How to Speak Marketing
So you're stoked to go riding because you called the ski report and
they're reporting great skiing and riding on an unbelievable amount of trails, and best of
all, new snow! You drive all the way there, buy your ticket, only to find no new snow,
long lift lines, and only a few trails that offer anything you're interested in riding.
Sound familiar?
I recently started a marketing related job for a ski industry giant who shall remain
nameless, and I have quickly learned that it requires a completely separate vocabulary.
I've come up with new, positive expressions for terms such as slush, crowds, rain, ice and
all the other unpleasantries that come along with a typical ski season. To save you the
hassle and money of a wasted trip, I have deciphered some of the more commonly used
marketing terminology.
Packed Powder- Ice. If a report claims powder and pack powder
conditions, it means that between the patches of loose snow is ice.
Spring Like Conditions- Mush w/Dirt patched. When it's January and
it gets disgustingly warm, melting all the snow, "Spring like conditions" is the
nice way of saying you'll feel like your riding in June (mushy, dirty corn snow).
Partly Sunny- Cloudy. The sun might have peaked through once.
Not a cloud in the sky- A few clouds in the sky.
Breezy- Gusting winds, the kind of wind that closes lifts and
makes you fear getting in the air.
Corduroy- Completely groomed. This means not a mogul of roller in
sight. Corduroy is the east coasts solution to not getting new snow in weeks.
New Snow- Don't be fooled, man made snow counts as new snow too.
3"-3' base- All the of the mountain has a 3" covering,
except one spot where they piled up 3'. What also can happen is they will blow a ton of
snow on one trail, and then use that measurement for the high end of the scale, meanwhile,
you're hitting dirt on every other trail.
Holiday Weekend- Crowded. When ever the words holiday weekend are
used stay far, far away.
Great for Learning- Flat. All the trails open are for beginners.
In describing jumps: Small.
Well Maintained- Describing halfpipe: the mountain owns a dragon.
Describing trails: work in progress (usually snow making).
Round the Clock Snowmaking- This doesn't mean there will be a ton
of snow, it means there are snow guns on every open trail.
40 Trails- 10 trails, once you take out all the cross overs,
beginner trails and other stuff you wouldn't care to ride.
Mixed Precipitation- Rain, mixed with ice.
Blue Bird- If you squint long enough, the gray looks blue.
Low Visibility- Good luck finding the lodge. It is so foggy,
rainy, and nasty that you wont be able to see your feet when you're riding down the trail.
Powder- (east coast only)If you get there before 8:30 am, you
might see an inch of snow, in the trees.
Warm- The snow is melting so fast that you better get up there
right away if you want to see any of it.
Chilly- You'll spend your day in the lodge drinking hot chocolate.
Advanced Terrain Only- There will be beginners who
can't turn all over the trail, and you'll have to be an expert just to avoid them.
-Brooke Geery