Walking the Diamond Run: A Trip to the Mawl
What do those totally hip do on any given day in Rutland? Why they go to the mall, of
course. With ten whole stores, including an over priced record store and the Gap, where
else could you have so much fun in one place. As a self proclaimed local, I know all the
secrets of The Diamond Run Mall shopping.
I started my day with a look around the Gap, shopping alone, as I have no friends. When I
realized that shopping was going to require the actually spending of money, I decided I
would call for reinforcement.
Me: "Yo, What are you doing?"
My Mom: "Nothing."
Me: "Wanna go shopping?"
My Mom: "Where?"
Me: "The mawl." (Said with a full on Strong Island accent, so she'd understand.)
She said she would meet me in the food court in ten minutes, interesting, because we
live 20 minutes away, plus prep time for my nine year old sister, I assumed I'd see her in
a half hour. I started to wander around the fine establishment, when my first truly
exciting experience occurred. The absolute dirtiest, nastiest guy walks by.
Dirty Guy: "Hey Baby, what are you doing?"
Me: (Look the other way, walk faster.)
After my encounter with the huge Rutland stud, I ran to visit Monty at his place of
employment and tell him of my concurrence with the locals. He seemed utterly thrilled, and
as I could tell he was doing absolutely nothing, with none of the 20 or so customers in
the entire mall in the store, so I left to go watch for hunnies in the food court and wait
for the checkbook. On my way back, I was fortunate enough to pass my admirer again.
Dirty Guy: "You must be following me."
Me: (Look at the ground, pretend you are in a real mall.)
I took a seat at undoubtedly the only table to have been used in the food court, as with the 40 or so tables, only 2 or 3 are ever utilized, so I guess that the mall staff has decided against cleaning them. I glanced at the large selection of food, Sbarro or Oreintaste. Good thing I wasn't hungry. I sat next to a large woman at the next table, until in a show of what a true loser I am, she got up and left. I watched the main mall entrance for hunnies, only to be disappointed by wanna-be hippies, Goth kids and skaters.
I witnessed the most ghetto little kid ever, with his huge jeans, X-large t-shirt,
chain wallet, and backwards Nike hat, all surrounding his 10 year old body. He high-tailed
it directly to the little kiddie rides, and pumped quarters into each one, then walked
away. Soon after a girl from my school, one who I occasionally talked to, walked in with
her little brother. I almost summoned up the desire to talk to her, but instead decided on
hiding my face so she wouldn't see me.
Soon after my mom decided to show and we were on our way shopping. First stop was the
Gap to support child labor, and then to the hippie store, where I picked up the Wu Tang
poster I had been eyeing. Then my sister, obviously trying to show off how much more money
she had than me, went to the electronics store for a Playstation game. I found the illest
computer program, Cosmopolitan's Instant Make Over, but as it would have cost me money, so
I opted the purchase of this fine merchandise. I then went to JC Penny, where I was not
surprised by the complete lack of anything I wanted. Next I made my way down to the Sear's
lingerie section, as Victoria's Secret has far too much class for me. This is where the
true highlight of my trip occurred. The old lady, who obviously had made a career of the
lingerie section checkout, joked with my sister about underwear.
At this point, it became apparent that I was about to miss Degrassi, so I rushed to
pick on Monty one last time, and brag about getting my mom to buy me stuff, before exiting
through the door that said, "Emergency Exit: Alarm Will Sound." The alarm, of
course, did not sound, and so ends my exciting day at the mall.