US O 202002: Exclusive
By RACHEL COTTON
EVENT
HISTORY
20th annual US Open of snowboarding. Purists argue that the event is past its prime, lacking the essential on hill debauchery, nudity and boozing that made years past so memorable. Since I am a purist, I remain primarily in bars and hotel rooms throughout the duration of competitive events. Old world dirts, 50 year old dads in Boeri helmets, impressionable teenagers and curious Strattonites flock to the Sunbowl area in large numbers. They are hungry for action, sn0b0 giveaways and the latest in free X-treme supplements. Leaving objectionable beverages behind, the crowd hikes up to the (quarter)pipe, braving slush and bohemians on snowskates. On deck, helicopters swarm amidst banners and banners and corporate television cameras. All evidence indicates that snowboarding is huge. And that’s fine because somebody has to pay for this lifestyle.
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Dillon with an I. Photo: Coreycoto |
INCIDENT
On my way down Route 7, I hit a huge muffler, which became lodged in between the road and the bottom of my car. When I realized it wouldn’t come off no matter how quickly I drove, I pulled over and wrestled it away. I arrived in Stratton about an hour and a half later.
Since the ten miles closest to the mountain were dense with fog, I seriously questioned the quality of the quarterpipe competition, but headed over nonetheless. On the road, I picked up six young men wearing black sweatshirts and the smug know-all of underage drinkers thumbing a ride AT THE BIGGEST FUCKING SNOWBOARD EVENT OF THE YEAR. I parked, bid farewell to my new friends and chugged on*.
NIGHTFALL QUARTERPIPE. CHECK OUT THE SNOWBOARD SENTENCE IN THIS ONE.
I climbed through the mud and chaos to be patted down by security guards. I skipped the bag search because I wasn’t really in the mood to wait and headed up the hill. Hannah Teter was looking pretty good with f/s 720’s, as was last year’s switch exhibitionist James Beach. Also impressive were smooth style Dillon and Dylan (Butt). Kelly Clark ended up Mctwisting to a win and Rice took it for the men with solid Michalchuks, among other things. My favorite dude of the night was definitely Bryan Iguchi, still representing and looking quite stylish, landing inverted 5s (I think) and dressed in all white. Since I consider myself totally washed up and I last cared about who was good at snowboarding when SBTV was still on, Iguchi has always been someone whose style I admire. I was glad to see him out there. Pretty much anyone who was in TB5 is my favorite snowboarder, but since most of them don’t ride in contests, I live the glory through men like the Guch and
Juha Tenkku.
PROBLEM
I had a place to stay, but I couldn’t find the people whom I was staying with. Since I am a total moron, my plans to meet friends involved the use of a cellphone in rural, southern Vermont. Bad idea. I couldn’t get through to them and, surprisingly enough, failed to pick them out of the bundled up crowd of 87w6481650609213479-5613-6 million, non distinct snowboard spectators. I circled aggressively through the award ceremony for a few hours, scrutinizing everyone and looking pissed off. I also used the payphone about 12 times without connecting. My last attempt at finding my friend was to stand beside people with cellphones, politely wait until they finished their conversations and then demand to borrow the nokia or whatever. Most people got freaked out before I actually talked to them and walked away. When everyone left the contest and I realized I was not going to run into the guys with the room, I decided to drive into the village, wander around for a while and then sleep in the car.
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Burlington Sponsor pleased with young investment, Gold medalist, winner. |
POIGNANT COMMENTARY
Let me just stop here for a minute to talk about award ceremonies. I absolutely love how Kelly Clark has become the darling of snowboard immersion. At almost every contest, someone hands her a microphone and says “Kelly, say something to America!” Then she says something like “Thanks for coming out guys. I’m having a great time!” and everyone cheers. That’s what happened at this QP contest and that’s what happens all the time because Kelly wins a lot. She handles herself really well and sticks to a very traditional and upbeat shtick that works for her and for the idea that snowboarders are serious and dedicated athletes. On a similar note, Danny Kass has become the guy moms talk to their kids about when attempting to identify with an interest in board sports. In the wake of the Olympics, he has quickly evolved into a model of rebellious, savvy youth, the type of person who makes newscasters and old people alike dually poke fun at and admire the spirit of anti-establishment. Bringing “stoke on amplitude” to the masses, it’s total sound byte city for these two.
ESCALATION
Anyway, I had no place to stay, so I planned on getting drunk and figuring out what to do later. But before diving headfirst into a cardboard box of fun alone, I made one last attempt at using someone’s cellphone. It ended up being a good person who knew someone who knew someone I knew or whatever, and the night proceeded from that point on without a hitch. Rumor places my friend Eric driving around various parking lots at 2 am looking for me, but I was already long gone by then. I thank him for his kind gestures.
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Ever the gentleman, Giacomo Kratter is smooth on and off the hill. Photo: Coreycoto |
WHAT I DID/GREEN ROOM
This was a bar that I had to get into with someone else’s ID because I am 15 (read: month shy of 21) years old. Anyway, it’s where the action was going down, as far as I was concerned. There was no bucking bronco, and there was no fire, but there was arm wrestling, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. In a wonderful display of tasteless bravado, Giacomo Kratter emphasized the notion that PDAs are the secret to his halfpipe success. Rage on.
SATURDAY
This was the day of the halfpipe.
The weather sucked. I energized during the breakfast hour to such a degree that the party was going full swing by 1 PM. It was easy to lose track of time, so that’s exactly what happened. At around 4, I ended caravanning to the contest in a hotel vehicle, soon after realizing it was totally done, and not caring at all. Someone started grabbing people by the collar though the window and demanding to know who won the contest. Nobody knew, so we had to actually get out of the van.
TURN ME UP A LITTLE BIT
I wandered around in the snow for a while. The sound system was terrible, so I couldn’t hear who won or came in any place at all. I ended up running into my missing friend, and he was so happy to see me that he put me in a headlock. I watched some big faces on the jumbotron, met some great people on the bus, and rode in the back of a pickup truck at a crawl. Then I took a small nap and was totally rejuvenated by nightfall.
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Cloak and Dagger Andy Finch. |
MORE PARTY
Some band was playing. I think this was a Burton party. There were lots of people moving around, and I enjoyed watching them bump into each other. I ran into Eric (friend) again, and he gave me his skate video to convert to quicktime because I am a total loser and enjoy such pursuits. Butt plug or whatever the band was called did a Pantera cover and a Sabbath cover, so that was alright.
SUNDAY
I bid a fond farewell to the open around mid day. I had a good time and would definitely come back again, but I totally did not care about the slopestyle competition. I drove home on 7N, enjoying the shifting impressions of the sky and mountains, as well as everything Vermont that lined the road. Special Thanks to Negative B and friends for looking out for a sister during the weekend ordeal. To conclude the festivities, I watched Quicktimes of everything I missed from the comfort of my bedroom.
CYBER
From the .mov halfpipe files, highlights included back to back 1080s by Kass (1st), first ever cab 1440 in competition by the Fin with the Fin (Koski 2nd), and the usual big Keir shit for third on the men’s side. For the women, power and solid opening mctwists by Clark worked for first, T. Byrnes as T. Byrnes did second and high style by Kjersti Buass got fourth. In terms of the slopestyle, Rahm Klampert is from Pomfret or thereabouts, so he rules and won, Rice was good enough for second and Paris took third. They all slid rails and did grabs and spins, so that’s why they came out on top. Boulanger, Teter and Macleod did the same for the women, and it was all great to watch in compressed moviefile format, which I urge you to do at this website. Internet recap totally enhances life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Macleod, bridging the 50 foot gap, employing a method. |
CONCLUSION
I seriously cannot have a bad time at The Open. It’s totally played and COPPED OUT, but it’s also a unique annual gathering of the masses. While I urge the 10 year old mountain academy kids to lose the egos and stay in school, and I compel the entity of Stratton to cut the security and bring back the (beer) cage, I do recognize that there is something to be said for the constant evolution of this event. Snowboarding has changed a lot since its inception and will continue to do so. We may as well have a good time and enjoy the ride while it lasts.
Until next year in S. VT. –R Cotton
*from this point on, all products of the Budweiser variety will be referred to by a euphemism
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