Wrestlemania
by MC Post
Well, the day has passed. yes, that wonderful, marvelous day that I have been counting away the days since mid-November has passed me by. The biggest sporting event ever to come to Boston took place on Sunday March 29th, and I was one of the lucky fans to attend this conglomeration of athletic skill and first rate entertainment. Also attending were Presidential playmate Gennifer Flowers, baseball great and expert gambler Pete Rose, and of course the main attraction, "Iron" Mike Tyson. Dubbed the "granddaddy of sports events" by former wrestler/obnoxiously funny play by play commentator Jerry "The King" Lawler, it indeed lived up to its name.
The festivities began not at the scheduled 6:30 PM starting time, but days earlier at Faneuil Hall Marketplace. Here, a public workout was scheduled for the Degeneration X, a group of "badboy" wrestlers led by WWF champion Shawn Michaels, and of which Mike Tyson was a part. Although I was unfortunately away at Model UN, I received first rate accounts that the brawls that were certain to ensue did indeed, and set the scene for Sunday night.
With my two brothers in tow, we arrived at the Fleet Center an hour and a half early (you can never be too safe), and to my surprise the place was already out of control. Some of you may have heard the reports that Wrestlemania sold out in ninety seconds, and these reports were true. Then, you may ask, how did the author of this article get not just any tickets, but sixty-five dollar ones? Well, I was able to get my hands on an advance order form, reserved for only the most die-hard fans. I hope this helps clarify why I arrived an hour and half early. Anyway, back the night. After fighting the endless lines, and finally finding our seats, we beelined to first the concession stand (where the official souvenir cup was purchased), and then directly to the merchandise stand. Now, to give you an idea of what this looked like, imagine you are at a concert, and they are giving everything away for free. I am not joking. Old people, young people, scary people (don't get me started on them), all clamoring for t-shirts, belts, hats, whatever they had. I was lucky enough to slip in the side and pick myself up not only a SCU (Stone Cold University) t-shirt, not only a Stone Cold dog chain, but a Stone Cold bandana. So now that I was styling in my new garb I went to my seat and prepared for the festivities to begin.
I began to feel somewhat disappointed as I noticed that the 15 team rumble was delayed to wait for the opening of the pay-per-view broadcast. Why does everything have to be so commercial? The I thought for a second. WWF is commercial. It defines it, it shapes it, and I love it. I peacefully watched the M + M blimp orbit the Fleet Center and marveled at my luckiness to be a part of such an event. Now at this pint, I could take a page describing any and all background to every match taking place that evening, but I don't think I would be pleasing the masses. However, I will bless you with a few highlights of the evening that I am sure everyone will enjoy.
The first thing that made me go bonkers was during the Mero-Sable vs. Golddust-Luna mixed tag team. Now, one must realize that Luna is perhaps one of the scariest looking females on the face of this earth, while Sable is viewed as quite attractive, as noticed by the thousands of drooling fans. So obviously Sable was the clear cut favorite to win this match. Bitter from being smashed in the face the week before my be enraged Luna (with a plaque she won for swimsuit modeling no less), Sable came dressed to win, and win she did. Not only was the crowd treated to numerous slaps and hair pulls, Sable surprised the 19,000+ fans by applying the devastating power-bomb, and then finishing Luna off with the fateful TKO. This unprecedented display of power from a once thought untouchable beauty set the crowd into a frenzy.
Other highlights of the evening included high flying antics into a dumpster, an amazing entrance by the Undertaker, lead by 8 legions of death wielding torches, and perhaps the best of all Pete Rose. He stepped into the ring and immediately began to degrade the hometown folk, even daring to throw in a word about Bill Buckner. The crowd delivered Rose a few choice words, and then Kane, a 7-foot monster, decided that he should deliver the tombstone. The crowd went bananas as Rose was taken away in a stretcher, a perfect answer to the question why he was there anyway.
Finally the main event. The title match between WWF champion Shawn Michaels "The
Heartbreak Kid" and 'Stone Cold" Steve Austin, featuring guest enforcer
"Iron" Mike Tyson, "The Baddest Man on the Planet". This match is what
everyone had come to see. Could Steve Austin single handedly beat Shawn Michaels and his
band of degenerates? Well, the match got off to a quick start,as everyone save for Tyson
was ordered away from the ring. The match was intense, with Tyson conspicuously absent
from any wrestling. About 10 or so minutes into the match, Earl Hefner, referee
extraordinaire (he gets knocked out every big match), was knocked to the canvas. We then
saw the HBK continuously abuse Austin's bad knee, and things looked ominous with Austin
down and Michaels top-rope bound ready to deliver a huge elbow drop. He connected, and the
match seemed over as Michaels began to stomp his foot, calling for the "sweet chin
music", his final, finishing move. As Austin groggily came to his feet, Michaels ran
to connect foot to face, only to have Austin grab his foot. He slipped away off the ropes,
tried again, and was denied. Austin then delivered the customary kick to the stomach, and
applied the "Stone Cold Stunner", the move the crowd had come to see. The place
erupted as Michaels went down and Austin made the cover. But what of the ref? In enters
the "enforcer" Tyson to count Michaels out, thereby giving the title to Austin.
But the ultimate highlight was what ensued after the match. Although Tyson was officially
part of Michaels team, he began to wave around an Austin 3:16 t-shirt to the roars of the
crowd. Michaels rose to discover this, and became irate, and then he dared to push the
"Baddest man on the Planet". No one does that and gets away with it. Tyson
demolished Michaels with one punch and walked out with Austin, both arms raised to the
sky. The intensity was something I have never experienced before, at any concert or play.
Sure I encounter naysayers daily with their asinine questions "don't you know its
fake?", etc., but I think it is the highest quality sports entertainment anywhere
around. And that's the bottom line.
Left: The undertaker fucks shit up Right: The ever lovely Golddust.
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